Friends with them first?

[Legend]

Why dont we want to become friends with them first? It seems to me that becoming friends first is a sure way getting to know what a great catch you are as a person.

I just met this girl and she says she kinda has a bf that lives in south carolina....i instead of getting mad turn the whole thing around.

I said lets go out tomorrow after class and pick out a x-mas gift for him. During this time i will be working her and my skills. She will think we are friends and her bytch shield will be down. Sure my goal is to get in her pants but i actually think that this girl could be a cool friend instead of a gf.

Hell i may never try to get in her pants and just stay as friendly friends. She has a lot of girl roommates which i can use my new friend to introduce them to me.

It seems to me the more females friends i have the more females am i meeting. This is great.

I think i was LBJF when she said something about other guy....she said it was an open relationship and she can do want she wants. I dont really care though because its only been a couple of days with her anyway.

Being friends first does;nt seem like such a bad idea........

any commets?

-JOhn

 

[mateo_g]

There is nothing wrong with using female friends for social proof, it works great.

BUT

If you are interested in dating/fvcking/ whatever an attractive girl, DO NOT try to be her friend first. That is a massive mistake. Set yourself apart from the tons of AFC's that try to be 'friends first' and go for the kill, always.

 

[SDBmania]

Yes

I just wish I had realised this sooner!

 

[SDBmania]

Originally posted by mateo_g
There is nothing wrong with using female friends for social proof, it works great.

BUT

If you are interested in dating/fvcking/ whatever an attractive girl, DO NOT try to be her friend first. That is a massive mistake. Set yourself apart from the tons of AFC's that try to be 'friends first' and go for the kill, always.

Hmm, however, there are girls that won't "date" you till they get to know you better. Which means that you become some what close friends at that point.

 

[Big Pappy]

It's really all about attraction.

Be friends with as many girls as you like.

Here's why it's ill-advised by some.
This girl you met. She seems cool, right. Suppose you are just a "friend".

Admit it. The only reason you "made friends" with this girl is because she is physically appealing. So, that being said, when she turns out to be really fun, really cool to hang out with, what do you do with those feelings? Some men bottle them up and suffer in silence, hoping the girl will choose them. Every now and then, it happens. More often than not, the guy suffers from unrequited love, aching the whole time.


Some guys will only date girls that they've been friends with. They make friends with a bunch of girls, and hang out with them and figure out who's cool and who's fool.

Some times they can't quite turn the corner....

It's going to be a risk, either way. You can spend a year getting to know her as a friend and then try to romance her, or you can try to romance her from the top.

You'll definitely get more action and more drama by trying to date women first.

You'll likely have more rewarding relationships by becoming friends first. But, it all depends.

I would recommend having a girlfriend hotter than the chick you're friends with. It makes it much easier.

 

[becker]

Oh boy, another one of these posts. It's always a great debate here.

Basically, I'm not against this whole friends thing, but just remember to do it right if you're going to do it.

In general, most of the people on this board who disagree with your idea are ones that follow the Bible as though it was an instruction manual that comes with a TV set that you buy...step 1...step 2...step 3...get the girl!

Contrary to what most people think, being friends with a girl does NOT screw your chances with her provided that you're not some lovesick puppy that follows her around sniffing at her behind and doing whatever she says under the guise that you're just "being a good friend" to her.

To me, there's somewhat of a validation thing going on here, where most bitter chumps here who have been friends with girls and they don't want to proceed further with them chalk up their failure to this whole stupid theory that once you're the girl's friend, your chances are zero with her. At the same time, I'm referring to developing a relationship with a girl, whereas many guys here are giving tips on how to get a girl into bed with them. World of difference between the two, so be sure you know what you're looking for.

If you're trying to get laid, well, the "friend" thing will likely fail miserably, with exceptions. If you're a really good looking guy, she'll probably jump in the sack with you if the moment is right, even if your friendship would be jeopardized, especially since she would have the "moment" as an excuse, almost as if to say it was beyond her and your control. This would only work, however, if there was initial attraction to you before you two became friends and the whole "friends" thing was really an excuse for both of you to spend time together without calling those times spent together "dates".

I remember having quite a few of these "friends" in college, and one of the primary reasons we hung out with each other was because we each obviously thought the other was attractive, and we'd do some things that would constitute a "date" if it were two non-friends doing it, but as friends, it sort of created a "justification" to do it without the tension that sometimes accompanies labeling something a "date". It also gives the girl and "excuse" to call you up and ask you out to do something, since it is probably more acceptable in her mind to call a "friend" to go out than to ask you out otherwise, which would constitute her asking YOU on a "date". Girls generally are uncomfortable making the first move. This softens the blow, sort of like the "we got drunk, had sex, and it 'just happened'" bit.

Anyways, bottom line is not to get too caught up with the rules here. Do whatever the hell you want, as long as you're your own person. As long as you're not a pathetic loser who has no self-confidence, you'll be fine doing anything around a girl. If they don't agree with what you're doing, that's their problem.

 

[Legend]

I'm not sure if i'm a good looking guy. I have been giving and rating of 8.5......whatever that means. The whole thing with me is i'm not around enough girls to actually get them.

I look like Howie Long from those sprint commericals...just a lil bit thinner not as thick.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

I hate having girls who I like as "friends". Problem is it wastes my time. Either date, or nothing. See, lets say you spend 4 hours a week hanging out with your so-called "friend", thats 4 hours a week wasted!

Think of it in terms of reality. 4 hours is enough to talk to 40 girls....maths!

 

[Reto]

I think if it's your intention to be friends, then more, it won't work.

But if it just happens...

When I met my Ex, we were both involved. We were out of work so we hung at the pool every day. After a couple of months, we became friends. I got rid of my girl and my ex became single shortly after. She pretty much pursued it. We were together about a year...

 

[drixsa]

Legend this is the way to think.

female friends are the best investment that you havent made yet.

 

[E-Z Rider]

It's not impossible at all to get with your gal friends.

What the main problem is, is that chumps tend to use it as a TACTIC to get girls. They could give a fvck (really and honestly) about being her friend, they think that if they could prove to the girl they were nice guys first, that it will make it easier to make a move.

They basically make friends with her beacause in their minds it will lessen their chance of rejection.

This isn't very DJ, and used as a tactic it's not very successful.

But...you do notice that a lot of people who get together were friends on some level before they became involved. It's very common, probably more common than people getting together from cold pick-ups.

The main thing is, it just has to happen. Don't intentionally go out there and try to make friends that you plan to later turn into gf's.

Just socialize with chicks, hang out with them. You'll be friends with them, without being their tampon. I wouldn't think you'd want to be that guy who is her "best guy friend", the one she talks about EVERYTHING with. It's possible, but what I'm saying is you can be friends with her without being real close, to where you only hang out to have a good time.

If you follow the general steps of having an interesting life, a good social network, and lots of dating options, then this "friend to gf" thing will probably just happen on its own. And it's a really cool feeling when a girl you've only really viewed as an attractive friend starts to connect with you and you feel that tension. I dunno, that's just me. It's a really nice feeling.

Well...hope this helps answer your Q. -E-Z

 

[Ice Cold]

When I do cold approaches, I am extremely platonic. Once I have rapport, which takes 10-15 mins I go more personal.

 

[ShortyBrown]

OK What about this:


you like the girl, the platonic chemistry's there, but you don't wanna sleep with her. next?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

ShortyBrown,

Wrong, you do want to sleep with her. The guy might say he doesn't want to sleep with her to rationalize his wussass behaviour and risk not getting anytime with the object of his desires. So he becomes a girly-man.

Even the guy that says he doesn't want to sleep with her, would if she were to come on to him. Let's be real here, and not get into female fantasies that don't happen in the real world. Girls like that, you know, the guy who will give 'em the attention, be the emotional tampon, give her "other guy" advice, go shopping, BUT NO SEX!

Any guy who deep inside wants to bag the girl, but settles just to be around her, eventually gets labeled as that type of friend. That is why women love having close gay friends.

This only applies if you do have a sexual interest in the girl. Guys, don't kid yourselves. If you absolutely wouldn't sleep with her, and don't want to, and have the time to play that role in a woman's life, go ahead and be a girly-man.

And Becker, I agree, it can work, but only when you know what's up;when you are more skilled and have the right mind set; this will not work for an approval seeking, ass kissing AFC who is just doing it in hopes of changing her mind. Only when you get your inner game intact, can you do anything you want, and get the results you want. Let's face it, most guys, newbies, are not there, and won't be anytime soon; so giving them advice that works for more intermediate/advanced DJ's is futile.

The young newbie sees this type of advice going around these boards, and says "Im gonna be her friend to get in on the action." He doesn't realize that the approach will only work when you are not that attached to the outcome; when you have other women, things, going on in your life; you are not reeking desperation.

 

[SDBmania]

So if your a virgin that's bad? And that makes you automaticly an AFC? I think not.

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by SDBmania
So if your a virgin that's bad? And that makes you automaticly an AFC? I think not.

It's hard to say that you're a DJ if you didn't lay anything

 

[SDBmania]

Originally posted by Ice Cold
It's hard to say that you're a DJ if you didn't lay anything

Really? Crap. Well, then there should be something else to call those old school guys like me. I mean I won't be a RAFC forever, but my goal will always be a LTR, a fullfilling one. And, well I like being a virgin too much. I'm not saying that I'm waiting till marriage, but just because you don't want to shag every woman you date shouldn't mean you still can't be a DJ.

 

[dietzcoi]

Diplomatic Lies has it right. Why waste your time with female "friends"? Got no male friends??? Want to hear all the female BS they throw? Want to be an emotional tampon?

Why?

Dietzcoi

 

[D4H]

Im not gonna even waste my time reading through the responses to this thread, because after reading the first post i wanted to slap someone. How is this guy considered a "master don juan" and he thinks being friends with a female works to get in their pants? The reason i found this board in the first place was because i was stuck in the friend zone with too many girls. DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT THE FRIEND ZONE = YOU'RE JUST HER GIRLFRIEND WITH A PENIS? SHE DOESNT LOOK AT YOU IN THAT WAY AND THE MOMENT YOU TRY TO CROSS THAT BOUNDARY YOU WILL GET PUT BACK IN YOUR PLACE FASTER THAN SPRITE CANCELED THEIR CONTRACT WITH KOBE BRYANT BECAUSE OF HIS RAPE CASE!!

 

[The Package]

You guys are approaching this wrong.

Alright, lets be honest, not many of us are TRUE DJ's, that's why we are here, I am a self professed RAFC. However this was not always true. 6 years ago I was in the Navy, and I have to tell you I was "friends" with EVERYONE. Didn't matter if I liked them or not, it got to the point when I walked in the bar I had 15 minutes of hugs/handshakes. fully 75% of my GF's AND basic one nighters were what I call "referal" sex.
This is one of the fundamental issues I take with this board. SS is fine, this is a slower secondary route that will produce more fruit than you can imagine with almost zero effort. I think the NEXT is passed around far too quickly. Female friends should be an imparitive (sp?), think about it, REALLY think about it. You have a rather unguarded test platform for your skills. As long as you know what the word subtle you should be fine.
Remember the more female friends you have, the more you can get into their head, the more you understand how THEY percieve things, and consequently, the better you get.

Consider this:

- We know what really works, who they really go for, what a women really needs to maintain a high interest level

- We know what we want

- None of us truly "understand" women

If you are still unconvinced think on a more strategic level: For as long as there has been recorded history their has also been spies, moles, sleepers, whatever. WHY IS THIS?
Answer: To truly know your target you must learn to understand your target. Don't get puppy-dog, don't forget the readings or the bible, use them to adapt yourself to the environment.
Get a girl comfortable, be ****y, be vague, be however you choose but do not discount this tactic as weak. Towards the end of what I call my "Glory Days" most all of the girls I hooked up with were introduced to me by other girls, they were all convinced they knew a girl who would change me, or one I would really like. Several of my better friends were truly ugly girls, one was about 250 lbs. I ended up dating her HB9 sister for several months.

The more women friends you have, the more interesting you are to women. I admittedly have been out of the game for several years, and am trying to become much like I was, but the one thing I remember is the absolute importance of having more female friends than male.

So, in closing, take her out, be her friend, flirt with other girls in front of her, flirt with her. IF you determine you want her, find out what she wants/needs and SLOWLY begin to incorporate that into your game. Depending on how good or comfortable you are let her in on a couple small DJ secrets, but not too many. She will go apesh1t for that. Always remember though that is this is a slow game, and is secondary to your others. Discuss dates with her and why you NEXT'd a girl, they see this as opening up emotionally and, just do it.

Call me a tool if you like but one of the most important things you can do is build up confidence, how better to do it then having test girls everywhere you turn? You want to be a true DJ? Learn your target, learn how they think, and learn their individual weaknesses and exploit them. This, my friends, is the art of war.

But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.