Friend zoned?

[Cannot Get Girls]

quick background first. i'm a wbafc, good-looking but zero confidence or self esteem. in fact i think i have self defeating personality disorder, but i can't afford a therapist. strong tendency to develop one-itis. fair amount of sexual experience, but i'm no wilt chamberlain but also no napoleon dynamite either (although he got a hotter chick to go to the dance with him that i can even make eye contact with). my inability to talk to women haunts me day in and day out. on to the question...


been watching this 9.0 that works at this ice cream store for like almost a year now. i made real strong eye contact and she made eye contact back my first few visits that i saw her, but never got the balls to talk to her. so i generally avoided her store for 9/10 months just because women that are that hot truly terrify me and make me miserable in general since i can't bring myself to talk to them (think holding back tears while i wait for my order because of my inner torment). well i ended up working at her store for a night because it's a chain (cold stone) and they needed someone to come in since they were shorthanded.

i was scared to death when i found out, because i was almost guaranteed to work with her. it was terrible the first few hours, but after the other employee left and it was just me and her i was forced to talk to her kinda and we became much more familiar. by the end of the night we were flirting and stuff. or at least she was flirting with me, but i have no game so i did my best to try to flirt back through body language and smiling and stuff. i stopped in the store a few days later to get some ice cream and we were even more familiar...talking for like 10 minutes. more flirting. she also complained to me that younger guys never hit on her, and only older guys do and stop in and see her every day cause she's gorgeous and asking her if she wants to see their awesome car and stuff like that.

i went back in a few days ago (maybe 4 or 5 days after the last meeting) and her and the guy that i was working with that night were working. so i was like "hey it's my closing buddies!" so the guy was like "hey what's up man!" but she like barely looked up and didn't say jack. she also let the dude charge me for my ice cream even though she told me a few days ago that i get it for free cause we're all employees or something like that. but she let him charge me this time. so i read my newspaper while i wait for my order, and she still doesn't say anything. well i got my order and i was just kind of like asking her if she had school the next day, and she kind of opened up but not really...like avoided eye contact. i went in there to ask her out, but after ignoring my "hi" and not talking to me i think it was pretty much a guaranteed shutdown. so i just said "see ya guys later, have a good close" and they both said bye, but she used my name which i think may be good.


so is this salvageable? did she friend zone me in this 2 day period or did she just have a bad day or what? it'd be a shame to give up after a week of trying since i've been watching her for like 10 months now but i don't know.

 

[12AJ12]

Keep on teasing.
And if it wasn't meant to be, turn that asset into a liability.
(refer to the "why avoid LJBF?" thread that I JUST put up.)

 

[Cannot Get Girls]

i could really use some help here. does nobody have any input on what i can do here? i get the feeling that my window of opportunity is rapidly closing if it hasn't already. please, any feedback would be gratefully accepted.

 

[ENIGMA16]

I'm of the opinion that if you haven't put it out there or haven't been LJBF'd then your window of opportunity hasn't closed. She was talking to you and flirting with you when you were working together because she's into you and because you didn't show any interest back (or at least not enough) she probably figured you weren't that into her and gave up on you.

This situation is NOT a LJBF situation because you two don't know each other really and aren't friends.

I think that if you give it some time and go back and come on stronger and more openly about your interest in her that you'd be able to at least get her number.

As for your general mental state, you either need help (via counselling) or you have to be really willing to commit to changing how you perceive yourself and others. The majority of the people at this site started in a similar position as you, as AFC's who thought they couldn't get a decent looking girl if they tried, and many have ended up at least moderately successful if not straight up DJ's.

A few months ago I was depressed, had very low self esteem, didn't think I was that good looking and didn't think I could get a girl if I didn't know her or have friends that know her. I went to counseling and right away int he first session my counselor was able to point out issues with the way I was thinking that I didn't even realize and she also gave me a way to start working through them. It's helped me immensely in changing my perception of everything and I'm a much happier person now. I would recommend counseling to everybody regardless of what your mental state is because it is about self-improvement and everyone has aspects of their lives that they can improve upon.

Now, as for oneitis and your conception of girls, you need to start just taking the plunge and talking to girls you don't know. You can either do it slowly and build up to it like DJ Bootcamp does (i.e. start with making eye contact with x amount of people, then say hi to x amount of people, etc...) or you can just go straight to talking to women you don't know. The further you step outside your comfort zone, the sooner you will change your life. Oneitis is a symptom of the inability to be comfortable with yourself; to cure it you have to learn to be happy about who you are and where you're at in life.

 

[Soprano]

could have just been a bad day for her, could have been anything, doesnt matter, just keep doing what you're doing and teasing and flirting.... also let me refer you to this thread: http://www.sosuave.net
Reminder: don't over-analyze...it can drive you insane

 

[Cannot Get Girls]

okay thanks alot for the advice guys. i've sort of recovered from this setback. i have a plan this time that I think may work if she's interested, it's just a matter of getting the confidence up to actually say it. i may try to have a few drinks first just to loosen myself up. i also read that phenobarbital is good for calming your nerves..i might try that too.

 

[Cannot Get Girls]

Just a quick update. She shut me down because she said she had a boyfriend. But at least I tried or whatever.

 

[Galactus]

She said she had a boyfriend because she wanted to see if you had the balls to go after her anyway. You have to show her that doesn't matter to you.

Dude, first, you need to change your screen name. What if Bill Gates had called himself "Cannot Make Money?" Pick a name that is empowering. You know who Galactus is? He's the biggest, baddest villain in the Marvel Comics universe. Spider-Man, Hulk, the Fantastic Four, none of those guys can mess with him. He eats planets!

You really need to work on your mindset. Fake it till you make it. Act confident, even if you're not, smile when you feel lousy, believe in yourself when you really don't believe. Eventually it won't be fake.

It won't be fake because you will be building your new mindset the whole time. Start looking at your successes, no matter how small, and use the failures as learning experiences. I say this over and over: The only difference between a winner and a loser is that a loser doesn't lose often enough. This is because he screws up once and decides he can't do it, so why try any more? A winner keeps trying, and when he screws up, he figures out what he did wrong and tries again. And again and again until he's so good at it, it's no longer a problem anymore. Do this with every challenge in your life.

Do not focus on one girl. There are billions. If it doesn't happen with one, move on to the next. Don't overanalyze. Let yourself screw up. Don't be so hard on yourself. As long as you don't look like the Elephant Man, then you don't have to worry about if you're handsome enough. Really ugly guys can and do get hot women.

Just do the work. If you build it, they will come.

 

[Tyson420]

Really... When she says she has a boyfriend its not the end of the world. Keep at it until she gives the LJBF speech.

 

[Cannot Get Girls]

Ok, thanks for the advice guys. I mean the expression on her face when she told me she had a boyfriend still haunts me, it was just a really embarrassing moment and I felt like a schmuck for even trying. There's no way I can bring myself to keep trying with this chick after she told me that she wasn't interested.

Although on the bright side at least I'll stop obsessing about whether she would date me or not, and I can move to this other cute chick that works at a different shop. I also think the next time I get rejected, it won't be as bad.

 

[Warrior74]

change your wussy ass screenname. everything you do is a reflection of you. change it to it's opposite.

 

[Cannot Get Girls]

Well I had planned to change it once I felt that I earned the right. Right now I'm so much of a wussy-boy that I figure it's an appropriate fit. Like I don't do isolation moves in the gym because I haven't earned the right to do it since I'm not even big.

Ideally I'd like to get to the point where I can actually start to kind of pull some girls and then maybe I can change my name. I've done the boot camp already but over an extended period of time, so maybe I need to do another go around and be more disciplined about it.

 

[Warrior74]

Well I had planned to change it once I felt that I earned the right. Right now I'm so much of a wussy-boy that I figure it's an appropriate fit. Like I don't do isolation moves in the gym because I haven't earned the right to do it since I'm not even big.

Ideally I'd like to get to the point where I can actually start to kind of pull some girls and then maybe I can change my name. I've done the boot camp already but over an extended period of time, so maybe I need to do another go around and be more disciplined about it.

Change it now. as of this moment you are no longer a wuss. you deserve better and your new name reflects the fact that you know this. You name yourself the person you want to be and are becoming, not the person you used to be and are leaving behind. Your name is an affirmation of what you deeply believe you should be. Change it. Now. This is step one, you have to change the way you view yourself. Start with this.

Ain't no native americans getting respect with a name like, Can'tHuntDeer. Change it.

 

[Just a Shot Away]

Haha, ok point taken. Done.