Friend zoned at work, worst part, she sits next to me.

[mengde]

Please help, I've just been friend zoned by a coworker, and the worst part is, I spend 6 days a week up to 8 hours sitting next to her. That's how I fell for her in the first place.

I've read the advice already in the main page, but there are several issues I don't know what to do about.

Mainly to girl's ex. She talks to him a lot, but it gets even crazier, they've had a 13 year relationship already, but this man is a total scumbag. Her best friend told me this guy is a drunk, cheated on her, and even threatened her before. She says she's over him, but how much of that is true is beyond me or her best friend. Her best friend says they don't keep secrets. So either she's not over him, or she just treats me like a friend.

If he is my obstacle, I'm thinking about getting rid of him. No, nothing illegal. It turns out this guy is actually an illegal immigrant and might have shady dealings. I know friends who are cops and even private investigators. So this might not be too bad of a plan. She is an intelligent and hard working woman. Her best friend always tells her she can do much better. I know love can be blind, but she seems to be trying to escape from him.

All's fair in love and war.

So the thing is, besides being so close to her already, do I need to watch out for other obstacles? She might be tired of seeing me too much even if we go on non-dates.

 

[thevilittletroll]

you are going way overboard in order to just get a girl. reeks of desperation, and i'm sure there are other parts of your personality that she sees as low value. even if you do get rid of the other guy, you still probably wont get the girl. you've been friend zoned. its the kiss of death. i think your wasting your time. you need to just let it go, it might be a little different if you didnt sit right next to each other.

 

[Purefilth]

Please help, I've just been friend zoned by a coworker, and the worst part is, I spend 6 days a week up to 8 hours sitting next to her. That's how I fell for her in the first place.

I've read the advice already in the main page, but there are several issues I don't know what to do about.

Mainly to girl's ex. She talks to him a lot, but it gets even crazier, they've had a 13 year relationship already,No Matter what, this guy is/has been a huuuuge part of her life, they'll talk but this man is a total scumbag. Her best friend told me this guy is a drunk, cheated on her, and even threatened her before.So maybe she likes it - the drama keeps her attracted to him She says she's over him, but how much of that is true is beyond me or her best friend. Judge her by her ACTIONS NOT HER WORDSHer best friend says they don't keep secrets. So either she's not over him, or she just treats me like a friend.

If he is my obstacle, I'm thinking about getting rid of him. No, nothing illegal. It turns out this guy is actually an illegal immigrant and might have shady dealings. I know friends who are cops and even private investigators. So this might not be too bad of a plan. She is an intelligent and hard working woman. Her best friend always tells her she can do much better. I know love can be blind, but she seems to be trying to escape from him.

All's fair in love and war.

So the thing is, besides being so close to her already, do I need to watch out for other obstacles? She might be tired of seeing me too much even if we go on non-dates.

Firstly workplace romances/ relationships are not a good idea IMO. Have you made a move? asked her out, gone in for a kiss and been rejected? Or is this just a feeling you have?

Or did you go the same way that I've been friendzoned before - and try to tell her your feelings?(eugh! the thoughts of some of the thing Ive done causes shame:crackup: )

Friendzone Is a difficult place to escape, and the best solution to you feelings is to "spin more plates". That means going out with other girls/ working on hobbies.

 

[mengde]

Is it really the kiss of death? The reason I ask is because I was drawn here by the guide posted on the site about getting out of friend zone.

I understand if you guys think I'm desperate, but for once in my life, I found something to fight for. I never expected to fall for her either. I know people say to look around, it's just that this woman has all the qualities I ever wanted, or never knew I wanted. I have no girl of my dreams kind of thing. I just fell for her after being together for so long.

And I understand I have my flaws, but I've never done anything illegal. Besides, if this guy does threaten her life, should I really stand on the sideline and watch a friend die no matter what our relationship is?

Also, I got friend zoned after asking her out.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Back In 6 Months.

 

[Alvafe]

yeah I did that too, you better just move on, find another woman, best you do now is ignore her, talk just about work, always look busy and if possible stay far from her.

things like to fight for, well its not a fight, unless you consider fighting windmills a fight. just move on

 

[NewAndImproved]

I understand if you guys think I'm desperate, but for once in my life, I found something to fight for.

How funny.

I've said the same thing about a girl, probably several actually, in the past.

At the time, I thought it reflected well on the girl. Wow, what a woman! She makes me want to get up in the morning, be a better person etc...

Nope, THIS STATEMENT IS ALL ABOUT YOU. And to put it bluntly, it's all about how you haven't grown up enough, learned to live for yourself and not for others, and haven't realized not to put too much stock in one woman-- resulting from a lack of current options and/or past experience.

That's all.

As for the nonsense -- again being blunt -- about "not wanting to stand by while she gets played by an illegal immigrant" you're giving yourself far too much credit. 1) That you can do something. 2) That it's your responsibility to do something. 3) That you're doing it out of "noble" means instead of just being as self-serving as the rest of us.

You just want her and if you were honest, maybe you could have better gone about not getting into the friend's zone in the first place.

Again, the issue here is not about the illegal dude, her and you, it's about you, you and you.

 

[Iceberg]

Mainly to girl's ex. She talks to him a lot, but it gets even crazier, they've had a 13 year relationship already, but this man is a total scumbag.

Well then she likes to date scumbags, and that's what she's attracted to. Regardless of what YOU think about him, she was f**king the guy for a decade.

If he is my obstacle, I'm thinking about getting rid of him.

He's not your obstacle. Her lack of attraction to you is the obstacle. Whether he's around or not, she's not attracted to you.

No, nothing illegal. It turns out this guy is actually an illegal immigrant and might have shady dealings. I know friends who are cops and even private investigators. So this might not be too bad of a plan. She is an intelligent and hard working woman. Her best friend always tells her she can do much better. I know love can be blind, but she seems to be trying to escape from him.

All's fair in love and war.

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Getting a man kicked out of a country because you have some high school crush. Grow some balls.

Yes, it's a harsh thing to say, but I don't care. I mean, "All's fair in love and war"?? Sounds like something a teenage girl tells herself.

So the thing is, besides being so close to her already, do I need to watch out for other obstacles? She might be tired of seeing me too much even if we go on non-dates.

Watch out for other obstacles? She doesn't want you. You are your own obstacle. Let go of this silly dream, get out in the world, and find some other women. You do realize that there are more women on this planet, right?

We're men. We don't have the luxury of living in the fantasy world that women create in their heads. We see things realistically and logically. And if you're trying to convince yourself that this ex boyfriend is the only obstacle between you and this girl, then you're living in a fantasy.

If a woman is attracted to you, then an ex, a boyfriend, a husband will not stop her from pursuing her attraction. That's reality. What you have is a fantasy. Look in the mirror and re-evaluate.

 

[JohnChops]

You can't get out of.the friend zone, get it through your thick skull. Its a waste of time that you could be using to be productive and getting other women. She will never think of you in a sexual way, your friends. Move on please

 

[marmel75]

Only hope is to get some girls that look better than her to "drop by" at work and see you.
when she asks tell them they are "just friends". She likely wont believe you and will get her mind spinning as to what you got they are attracted to...or maybe not.

At this point its the best you can hope for...and for Gods sakes, stop acting like an AFC about the situation.

 

[Solomon]

OP is a lost cause, trying to get rid of a guy "mafia" style? are you serious?
The girl does not want you OP, you can get rid of the guy it will just make her want him more

my advice? get a new haircut, a new shirt, do some push ups and go out and meet some new girls

co-workers never work get it never work

:crackup:

 

[thevilittletroll]

as far as the friend zone being the kiss of death, well its not impossible, but very difficult and very time consuming. the best way to get out of the friend zone is to not end up there in the first place. it only takes about 10 mins to attract a new girl, way easier.

 

[mengde]

Alright guys, I get what you're saying. I see many of you know exactly the feeling I got.

Can I at least tell you my sob story and vent about it for what it's worth? I really feeling like crying or talking about it.

Btw, the coworker never work thing is not true. One of the married couples in our work place are coworkers. The girl I have the hots for, her parents were coworkers. He'll my own parents were coworkers.

And as for getting rid of the ex, I guess it is a little extreme, but all the info I hear about him came from her best friend who met the guy first hand.

Maybe a time machine to just go back a few days ago and do it better.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Waste of time trying to sabotage her ex. If she wanted you her ex would be a non-issue. Believe me, she'll ghost all her ex's for a new guy she's interested in.

 

[Iceberg]

Can I at least tell you my sob story and vent about it for what it's worth?

I'm guessing that the sob story is the same as all friend zone coworker sob stories.

You saw her. You thought she was pretty. You thought she was giving you IOIs. You talked to her. Then she started talking to you a lot. She'd even come to your desk to talk to you. Then she started texting you. Then you assumed that this meant she wanted you. And here we are.

No offense, but all of these stories are essentially the same. I've been through it. So have lots of us.

What it ends up as is, a LOT of investment on your part and ZERO investment on her part.

And as for getting rid of the ex, I guess it is a little extreme, but all the info I hear about him came from her best friend who met the guy first hand.

So you're hearing it first hand from her, which means you're hearing it second hand. Certainly not enough of a reason to be so obsessed with the guy that you get him booted out of the country.

That's more than a little extreme.

 

[The Gambler]

Btw, the coworker never work thing is not true. One of the married couples in our work place are coworkers. The girl I have the hots for, her parents were coworkers. He'll my own parents were coworkers.

Usually, when someone mentions the co-worker thing, it is the biggest potential pitfall someone has in a new relationship. In your case, dear friend, the co-worker thing isn't even on the radar.... It's all the other stuff you said that has people here shouting at their computer monitors. Co-worker, sister's best friend, third cousin, Miss USA 2011... none of that matters if she's attracted to men like her "ex" boyfriend -- and it sounds to me like he's still in full control of that weak, low self-esteem mind of hers.

There's something seriously wrong with this gal. Sure, maybe she can function just fine at work and pay her bills, etc. But on a personal relationship level, she is and will always be a high-maintenance disaster.

The good news is you can stick around here for a while and read a few DJ Bible links found below. You'll start to change yourself instead of trying to change others.

Glad you're here! Welcome!

The Gambler

 

[nismo-4]

Being a captain save a ho will not do any good that is for you. Change yourself for the better, and don't mess with workplace romances. Not good. Now move on, spin more plates, and accept that your princess will never be in your castle.

Case closed. Exit stage left.

 

[mengde]

I'm guessing that the sob story is the same as all friend zone coworker sob stories.

You saw her. You thought she was pretty. You thought she was giving you IOIs. You talked to her. Then she started talking to you a lot. She'd even come to your desk to talk to you. Then she started texting you. Then you assumed that this meant she wanted you. And here we are.

No offense, but all of these stories are essentially the same. I've been through it. So have lots of us.

Yes and no. I know she's a lost cause, but may I tell my story and maybe you guys can help me better understand her? I can't escape her since she's next to me. Finding a new job is out of the question in this economy. I'll go ahead an accept friend zone, but at least you guys might have other advice or wisdom to share on how to deal with and get over her.

I was stuck with her from day one. She sat next to me and while I never found her ugly, I didn't pay much attention to her looks. Now that I am invested in her, of course I think she's beautiful, flaws and all.

When I first started, I thought she was a nasty ***** that I shouldn't get involved with. She's very rude to customers on the phone and complains quite a bit. Still, we started to talk and warmed up to her quickly. She warmed up to me as well. She has a nice and funny side to her co-workers. The more we talk, the more we found each other to have a lot in common. We worked well together. Eventually I slowly started to fall for her without realizing it. I asked her out and was friend zoned today.

Throughout the months, I've had experiences like being invited to stand next to her during a commercial shoot in the office. A film crew was shooting there and we had to leave our desks. Instead of joining the other female friends, she waved at me to go stand with her and we started cracking jokes at the filming process.

When we talk now, we slide our chairs really close to each other to whisper.

One day, she went so far as to reach out and touch the fabric on my shirt sleeve commenting on my cloths.

When I invited her out to lunch with another coworker for their birthday, I saw a huge smile on her face before she said yes. That was when I figured I had a chance with her.

When she friend zoned me, she did say that it would be tricky because we were coworkers.

Today, all I could do was put on a brave face and faced her at work as if nothing had happened. Did my best to maintain normal conversations.

 

[flashpoint]

in the grand scheme of things her being nice to you doesnt mean sh!t. she is not attracted to you. so much seems obvious, otherwise she wouldnt have had objections to a date.

there is something going on with you that is quite common. i guess you are lonely and you are also feeling that way. you want some chick in your life to make it more complete. you want to feel something. and you jump on the first occasion where it seems you can get that. she is not that pretty right? she is not that nice right? she digs abusive jerks right? what is it again that makes her so attractive? ah right she is nice to you, touches you and gives you the idea that she likes you. maybe she does but not that way. and that is the only way that counts.

prolly not your fault. although you seem a bit desperate and maybe she can smell that. so show some self respect and forget about her.

 

[foreverAFC]

she likes scumbags bro, she sees you as a harmless friend at work, the type of guys that turn her on are slime, you arent cut from the same cloth(take it as a compliment)