Friend is a major sex addict - How can I get his confidence?

[Trenton]

I've been reading this site for a while because I wanted to get better with women, and I've concluded my friend is completely off the deep end. I went over to his apartment, and he showed me logs of the women he's slept with. I mean, he keeps it meticulous like a spread sheet. Their name, breast size, hair color, how many days it took to sleep with them, etc. He even calculated how many times a month he has sex. He goes to malls, bars, coffee shops, etc. He always goes by himself, never a wing.

Here's the thing I can't figure out... he doesn't really do what this site advocates. By that I mean he always compliments girls and tells them what they want to hear. He's a decent looking guy, but he really has the gift of gab and good people sense. My question is, should I act how my friend does, or do what people here say? I showed him this site and he just kinda laughed. I said "What?" And he said "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

 

[st_99]

well, if you want to learn something in life, then its logical and makes perfect sense to learn from someone who you know is succesful.

so if what you're saying is true, then yeah, you should try to pick up some tips from your friend. Of course as with many things
in life there are more than 1 correct path to success.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

I think this site has some good information when it comes to social-sexual dynamics. But I think this site is also made up of a vast majority of people who have been emotionally scarred by women.. Which explains the "Don't compliment her" type of mindset.

In reality, I don't think it really matters at all what you do/say with a woman. As long as you talk with confidence and you don't have funny posture. If you just have fun with them and show them a good time you're guaranteed a 2nd date and future lay.

The reason why most women get bored with the "nice guy" is cause they're incredibly predictable, not outgoing, and just plain average. But don't compliment a woman all the time like the nice guy does. Compliment her, tease her, be an assh0le to her, do favors for her, skip some favors etc.. You gotta mix it up and just do what you want to do.

I wouldn't really call myself a don juan, but I've had a ton of successful dates. Never had a chick turn me down after a first date.. Usually they text me right after and ask when they can see me again.

You just gotta take everything on this site with a grain of salt and realize some rules don't always apply to every situation.

 

[Zarky]

If you hit on enough women you can do everything wrong and still get plenty of lays.

 

[f283000]

Of course as with many things in life there are more than 1 correct path to success.

Correct. Just because complimenting a woman is overall a bad strategy that doesn't work for 95% of guys out there it doesn't mean it won't work for you...just like buying her flowers on a first date and telling her you are in love at first sight with her (which i and most people would never do).

rules like "complimenting" are just that rules that help you avoid common traps have have burned countless men in the past. Sure there are exceptions but do you really want to risk it or instead learn from other men and avoid trapfalls?

For every rule out there you will find guys refusing to follow them only to either fail themselves by ignoring history or succeeding. The rate of success is small as history shows so why risk it?

But anyway you need to ask your friend for advice. If he's a good friend he will help you out.

 

[corrector]

I've been reading this site for a while because I wanted to get better with women, and I've concluded my friend is completely off the deep end. I went over to his apartment, and he showed me logs of the women he's slept with. I mean, he keeps it meticulous like a spread sheet. Their name, breast size, hair color, how many days it took to sleep with them, etc. He even calculated how many times a month he has sex. He goes to malls, bars, coffee shops, etc. He always goes by himself, never a wing.

Wow. You should study how he socially calibrates himself.

But, I don't know. Think some guys just have this charisma that women are not an issue in their lives.

Here's the thing I can't figure out... he doesn't really do what this site advocates. By that I mean he always compliments girls and tells them what they want to hear. He's a decent looking guy, but he really has the gift of gab and good people sense. My question is, should I act how my friend does, or do what people here say?

But that is a no-brainer. You've seen no evidence of success from this site. Maybe you hear lay or field reports on here -- but anybody can write anything. Here you are seeing success with your own eyes. I'd definately go with what your friend is doing rather than any advise from this site.

Most stuff on here is mental masturbation anyway. People would pay money to learn seduction skills from a friend like that. Forget about this site.

I showed him this site and he just kinda laughed. I said "What?" And he said "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

If I were you I'd forget this site ever existed and just follow your friend. It's better to learn from a model rather than to learn from words of anonymous users who could even be trolling lay reports. I'm afraid to say, this site may be a distraction for you. It's not meant for everyone.

 

[Warrior74]

If you can find someone who can teach you, try it. If you read something here try it. The only way you learn anything at all is by trying it and seeing what works for you. A lot of PUA/DJ stuff is broken down into micro elements for nerds. Step 1. Step 2. Step 3. These things just happen in real life and real players just go with the flow. They've put in enough time trying that they have learned by trial and error and they get a good vibe (based on experience) of when things are going good. So roll with your buddy and practice, practice, practice.

 

[corrector]

If you can find someone who can teach you, try it. If you read something here try it. The only way you learn anything at all is by trying it and seeing what works for you. A lot of PUA/DJ stuff is broken down into micro elements for nerds. Step 1. Step 2. Step 3.

Trying too many things leads to confusion. Some stuff can not be broken down and you simply have to learn it by modeling or looking at other people perform. It's best get DVD's where there is live pick-ups in action in order to model. If this guy has a friend who can do this, even better.

How many people learned to drive a car by reading a book and then going straight to the driver examination without any practical hands on training?

 

[SharinganUser]

If you hit on enough women you can do everything wrong and still get plenty of lays.

THIS/\

Trying too many things leads to confusion. Some stuff can not be broken down and you simply have to learn it by modeling or looking at other people perform. It's best get DVD's where there is live pick-ups in action in order to model. If this guy has a friend who can do this, even better.

How many people learned to drive a car by reading a book and then going straight to the driver examination without any practical hands on training?

I wouldn't waste money on dvd's either. A lot of that stuff is just staged so they can make a buck off of you. I don't know anyone that has learned to drive by watching dvd's, never mind reading a book.

If you want to get better at speaking to women and people in general, you just need to go out, do it and learn from your mistakes. It also helps to have friends that can give you tips or get you motivated.

 

[zekko]

I constantly see guys busting on girls, throwing negs, and all this "DJ stuff". Pickup is becoming more mainstream than ever. If your friend can teach you his style, you've got a better chance of standing out and being different than following the stuff they tell you here and winding up a copycat PUA like everybody else.

"You catch more flies with honey than vinegar". That's a pretty good saying. If you can make people feel good about themselves and associate those good feelings with you, you're way ahead of the game.

 

[Aaron B]

learn the rules first, then break them

its a progression

 

[synergy1]

I have a friend like this as well. He breaks many of the "rules" set forth by this site but is effortless when it comes to women. While I believe the tenets of this site are healthy to follow for anyone, they aren't pre requisites to get women. They seem to help struggling guys on average attain better success...nothing more. People who know success don't necessarily need to play by the same rules.

My friend is a natural at the game. From what I have heard, this kid has been getting laid since high school on a regular basis and never has trouble meeting new women. His last 3 girlfriends have all overlapped for a brief while, although this most recent girlfriend he met the day he broke up with his last one. When I go out and am able to talk to a women, I am not very worried about any guys trying to steal my thunder. It happens, but not very often. When my friend comes out with us, he can steal my thunder in two seconds. He doesn't even know he's ****blocking. Even my last gf had something for the guy, you can just tell.

His style can be decomposed into these basic elements:

1- he is engaging in conversation. very animated. When he talks to guys or girls, its memorable Doesn't mumble, or shudder. makes eye contact, has naturally deep voice. can engage large groups, tell stories effectively. Talks to strangers.

2- overly optimistic and doesn't apply much thought to anything he does.

3- is attracted to almost any women

 

[st_99]

From what I have heard, this kid has been getting laid since high school on a regular basis and never has trouble meeting new women.

I had a friend like that growing up. This guy was never without a girlfriend for more than about a week! And no uglies. I'm not really sure what it was that did it for him. Can't really pin down any particular wonderful trait he had. I think he just had good
social skills.

 

[FairShake]

By that I mean he always compliments girls and tells them what they want to hear.

There really is more than one way to skin a cat.

He's a decent looking guy, but he really has the gift of gab and good people sense.

These may be just as important as his compliments.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I had a friend like that growing up. This guy was never without a girlfriend for more than about a week! And no uglies. I'm not really sure what it was that did it for him. Can't really pin down any particular wonderful trait he had. I think he just had good
social skills.

Confidence and social calibration.

Most guys come here because they are utterly clueless about dealing with women, and sites like this provide the training wheels necessary to get them off the launching pad, so to speak.

Once a degree of confidence and social calibration is attained, the training wheels can be raised up off the ground little by little until they can be removed completely as the man is more calibrated and can start working the environment in a natural way with less reliance on formulaic behavior. That's when the former rules can be broken with impunity.

My observation is that "naturals" either grew up in a fairly functional (as opposed to dysfunctional) family and had a decent relationship with their mothers, or else accidentally fell into being good with girls completely by chance (a couple of positive interactions that bolstered confidence, thereby creating a success loop).

 

[zekko]

3- is attracted to almost any women

That's a big factor too.
If you can genuinely feel attracted to a lot of women, and convey that emotion to them, without looking desperate, that's killer attraction right there.

More than one way to skin a cat, absolutely.

 

[st_99]

Confidence and social calibration.

I should ad he was good at making friends in general and not with
any particular group or click.

He was like a cameleon, he would fit in with with whoever he was hanging with, whethter it be nerds, rocker types, clubbing jersey shore types or whatever.

You know, now that I think about it, this mirroring or whatever you want to call it, seems to be a strategy that socially succesful people are good at. I suppose this could translate well with girls since they get comfortable really quick perhaps, just a guess.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I should ad he was good at making friends in general and not with
any particular group or click.

He was like a cameleon, he would fit in with with whoever he was hanging with, whethter it be nerds, rocker types, clubbing jersey shore types or whatever.

You know, now that I think about it, this mirroring or whatever you want to call it, seems to be a strategy that socially succesful people are good at. I suppose this could translate well with girls since they get comfortable really quick perhaps, just a guess.

Good observation. I have found that very thing to be true. I think Robert Green's book talks about that.

I wouldn't exactly call it "mirroring", which in the classical sense is more like copying body movements and positions. You have a good term there, being a chameleon.

I also think that naturals genuinely like women, which is not the case for most of us here. Most of us here are very analytical (there is some real brain-power in this forum, far more intelligence than on most forums I'm on). As an aside, being clueless with women, or even clueless socially in general, is not a reflection on intelligence.

But as I was saying, since most of us are analytical, we are aware, and in many cases that is our downfall. The natural tends to love women and overlook (or is unaware of) the fact that women do not value integrity and principle in their own characters (only in men's). We analytic-types are deep-down appalled at this lack of integrity, as we see it, and it makes it very difficult for us to really "like" them, in the sense that a natural likes them. A natural likes them with reckless abandon, and women sense that. Therefore a natural can break most of the rules and still be attractive. He is bypassing the things that we can observe and penetrating right through to her by the use of rapport, which is a very ethereal dynamic.

Most of us (with some exceptions) value integrity, and we see that utterly lacking in women, so we are in a position of not being able to respect them as people of integrity. It is a catch-22. We cannot make ourselves unaware, we can only devise ways to overcome this catch-22. Hence the use of our training wheels.

 

[BPH]

I've been reading this site for a while because I wanted to get better with women, and I've concluded my friend is completely off the deep end. I went over to his apartment, and he showed me logs of the women he's slept with. I mean, he keeps it meticulous like a spread sheet. Their name, breast size, hair color, how many days it took to sleep with them, etc. He even calculated how many times a month he has sex. He goes to malls, bars, coffee shops, etc. He always goes by himself, never a wing.

Here's the thing I can't figure out... he doesn't really do what this site advocates. By that I mean he always compliments girls and tells them what they want to hear. He's a decent looking guy, but he really has the gift of gab and good people sense. My question is, should I act how my friend does, or do what people here say? I showed him this site and he just kinda laughed. I said "What?" And he said "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

Wish I knew friends like that...or lived near some decent looking girls.

 

[synergy1]

I had a friend like that growing up. This guy was never without a girlfriend for more than about a week! And no uglies. I'm not really sure what it was that did it for him. Can't really pin down any particular wonderful trait he had. I think he just had good
social skills.

A few others touches on some points I missed out on.

1- Reckless abandon is a great way to describe my friend. He approaches things optimistically even after repeatedly bad results. This works with women, but has really hurt other areas of his life.

2- He genuinely likes women, and doesn't know he's hitting on them. He will hit on your chick right in front of you. One instance he was out dancing with some guys girlfriend, only later to get punched in the head. To this day he has no idea why he got hit - we have to remind him he was going after some guys girl...something he doesn't even know that he did.

I know another kid who has a rotation of girls in the city. He's another 'natural'. A few traits:


1- He's just 'good enough' at things to be interesting. For example, he DJs, but just well enough so it looks like he knows what he's doing but really doesn't.

2- Skinny, dresses well, probably close to 6'

3- Always has an optimistic outlook.

4- Likes playing the game where he shoots women down for sex. They approach him but he actually enjoys denying them this. He had a situation once where he went home with two girls and supposedly fell asleep before getting any.