Friend hitting on my GF

[crashdietguy]

Me, my GF and a large group was out at a club last Saturday night. She told me yesterday that when I was leaving my jacket, she felt him reach around and hold her waist. When I talked to my brother and she and her sister were ordering drinks at the bar, he held her around the waist again. Lastly, while dancing she felt someone hug her from behind, and it was him again.
He even told me that night, half-jokingly, that "tonight I'm gonna steal your girlfriend". I thought he was joking, so I said "yeah, you go ahead and try bro" sarcastically. I'm used to guys hitting on my GF, so I've developed a thick skin in that sense. But this is a different thing...

I've known this guy for about 6 months and I was the one introducing him to my social circle; he's moved in from another country, where he claims to have a reputation with the ladies. I can't really see that when we're out, but he seems to have the balls to f*ck up friendships like this...

So what do you do when a friend hits on your girlfriend?

 

[ecko280]

I would talk to him one on one. Look at him straight in the eyes and tell him that you know what he is doing and to stop. If he continues, that mean he does not respect you, so drop him as a friend.

 

[terran2k]

he's not your friend and will only use you.

 

[EastWind]

There are two elements here:

a) Your friend. I had my best friend hit on my girl all the time and I thought nothing of it because I didn't want to be the jealous type, because I was convinced he wouldn't go too far and was just having fun. Turns out he was having fun, but not the good way. You're not safe from anyone backstabbing you, and your friends are closer to you than anyone, making it easier to backstab you.

The point is that if you have to tell him anything about this, something already went wrong.

If something bothers you, and you've given it enough thought to have considered many facets, and it still bothers you, lay down the law. This is one of the most important things I have learned. If something bothers you, let it be known. This is no license to whine. I think you get the difference.

b) Your girlfriend. If she's letting your friend know that this stuff won't fly, you're on the safe side. If she plays along, is having fun, you should be wary. There's a fine line between her being friendly with him and going to far. My girl went too far. I thought she wouldn't.


In my case, in the end, I told both of them to go to hell. And I felt much better for it. It's tough. But it makes you better in the long run.

 

[rocket87]

I think girls will participate in these activities as just another sh!t test. They are so used to sh!t testing you and every other guy they come across, that this seems like just another harmless undertaking. However, being that girls don't even realize when they sh!t test guys, and considering it's just bound into their personalities at this point, they don't understand / realize (dunno to blame their feminineness or whether or not they're just generally stupid) how seriously over-the-top and unacceptable it can be.

I've never really thought about it, but I wonder if there's a way to avoid these things from happening in the future; before they begin. I had a friend that did this to one of my ex's and it made me very uncomfortable. It was just disrespectful from the both of them. Needless to say I'm not with her anymore.

- Perhaps some topic along the lines of letting the girl know that one of your friends goes overboard physically with women. If anything this should show the girl that you value your exclusivity. If she takes it the wrong way and calls you out for being possessive/jealous, you can pin it on your friend having a shoddy past and it's just simple respect that you care for your girlfriend's safety and well-being.

Then again... We could just avoid these types of friends in the future? I suppose it's hard to know though before it actually happens.

Looking back at your post, that was kind of stupid of you to give him the challenge and say "yeah, you go ahead and try bro." I hope you learned from that mistake.

 

[Kenny Powers]

^^^^Rocket87 is absolutely right:

While everyone is correct that this guy should not be hitting on your gf and you need to talk to him about it if it continues, have you ever considered that your gf is just exaggerating to try and make you jealous.

Girls are notorious for this. Just this past weekend I was playfully making fun of this girl's shirt for a little bit. When I walked by her again her bf stops me and tells me his gf said I touched her ass (pretty sure all i actually did was kick her in the back of the leg to get her attention at the most - i was drunk) and that if i do it again he'll kick my ass. I've been in similar situations before and could tell unless i got aggressive or slapped the girl's ass right in front of him he wasn't going to fight me. So i messed with him a little and then tell him that I don't care and walk away.

Well 5 min later i'm talking to my friends and this guy puffing his chest out taps me on the shoulder and tells me literally the exact same thing as the last guy except he is friends with the girl's bf. I mess with him too and then tell him to enjoy their 3 way and walk away.

I never heard from them again and I don't blame the guys for standing up for the girl since they thought i had touched her ass and were clearly only trying to scare me. What did piss me off was that both times the girl was standing right there with a smug-satisfied look on her face! She clearly did it just to take me down a notch and make her bf jealous.

Girls are f-ed up and do shiit like this to show their bf's that they are still perceived as attractive to other guys. My friends gf told him once at a party that i guy just hit on. I was like ok good for you, but my friend wanted to see the guy and confront him. Turns out its this 5'5'' kid drunk off his ass and yet my friend was still pissed at him. Again when my friends gf told him this she had a similar smug-satisfied look on her face

Moral of the story don't trust hoes

Sorry for the long post and best of luck with your situation

 

[backbreaker]

If she liked it, she would not have told you. common sense.

she's telling you because she doesn't feel comfortable with it, meaning she does dig you.
I had to basically kick my own dad out my house for hitting on my GF. I didn't want to believe her at first and said well maybe it's a misunderstanding. Then he did it again and he had to go. We haven't talked since, and that was almost 6 years ago.

This guy is not your friend.

 

[comic_relief]

he's not your friend and will only use you.

drop him, I had something recently happen in my life which I am not saddened about but just drop him. Case closed

- comic_relief

 

[bigneil]

First, a a man should never touch a woman without her touching him first. Even extending your hand for a handshake is weak. So he's probably already dead in the water.

Second, this sort of event should never happen for two reasons: a) She shouldn't allow it, and 2) a real friend wouldn't do it.

It sounds like she is being honest with you but it should also be a moot point because it's her decision. The woman ultimately chooses who she will be with. I think she should handle it by embarrassing him. But he is no friend - that's for sure. You might want to embarrass him yourself.

 

[rocket87]

First, a a man should never touch a woman without her touching him first.

Whaaaaaaaaaatt? Touching a woman straight off the bat is a huge factor in displaying your potential physical and emotional future with her. Women are practically begging you to touch them and to be physical. It's all subliminal. Respectfully disagree with you there. You're missing out!

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=kino+escalation


I feel like I'm always disagreeing with you, but deep down I <3 you.

 

[HolyG]

First, a a man should never touch a woman without her touching him first.

dude stfu

 

[cablecow15]

confront this douche , ive seen guys leech ontop their friends gfs n steal them away , or worse fu@k them with out the guy knowing you dont need to do anythign drastic , just say she dosent like you touching her like that maybe his country is weird touchy or something

 

[cablecow15]

dude stfu

LMFAO wow i read that sentence from his post and skipped on

 

[Trump]

Me, my GF and a large group was out at a club last Saturday night. She told me yesterday that when I was leaving my jacket, she felt him reach around and hold her waist. When I talked to my brother and she and her sister were ordering drinks at the bar, he held her around the waist again. Lastly, while dancing she felt someone hug her from behind, and it was him again.
He even told me that night, half-jokingly, that "tonight I'm gonna steal your girlfriend". I thought he was joking, so I said "yeah, you go ahead and try bro" sarcastically. I'm used to guys hitting on my GF, so I've developed a thick skin in that sense. But this is a different thing...

I've known this guy for about 6 months and I was the one introducing him to my social circle; he's moved in from another country, where he claims to have a reputation with the ladies. I can't really see that when we're out, but he seems to have the balls to f*ck up friendships like this...

So what do you do when a friend hits on your girlfriend?

Your friend doesn't respect you and knows he can get away it with it, otherwise he wouldn't pull this crap. You have to work on your demeanor and body language, man up, and show people you won't be taken for a fool. Otherwise he'll continue to do it and she may eventually give in.

 

[bigneil]

#1) It is common etiquette that a man should never extend his hand to a woman for a handshake. This dates back centuries to the days when a woman would extend her hand for a man to kiss it. Do you want to act like a woman?

#2) Body Language 101: if a woman touches a man for ANY reason, she is interested. Why blow this opportunity? Give her a chance to touch you or extend her hand to you.

#3) (For the 20-22 year olds) According to Carlos Xuma’s “Secrets of the Alpha Man” program. He stresses that men should not touch a woman or try to sleep with her too soon, as this conveys neediness and impatience. In fact he states that a woman will usually get close and let the man know when she’s ready to physically escalate (whether that be touching or having sex).

 

[Chickfight]

First, a a man should never touch a woman without her touching him first.

Worst piece of advice I've read here.


As for your friend. She's obviously not enjoying his advances, so you don't have much to worry about. Be assertive, take him to the side and tell him you think he's a good guy, but it's not cool for him to be touching your girlfriend that way. It makes her feel uncomfortable and it makes you feel uncomfortable.

This is enough 99% of the time, but if he still pulls things like that after talking to him man to man, it's pure disrespect. Cut him out of your life.

 

[Blusher]

Cut toxic people out of your life. period.

Whenever you start spinning plates or you have a girlfriend, you'll notice some very opportunistic behaviours from your friend. The same guys that would never dare to cold-approach don't think twice about hitting on your plates/gf. It just seems easier to them this way, I mean they meet so few women that their little scarcity mentality kicks in.

So be prepared to get rid of the losers when you start being succesful with girls. At this point in my life, my friends are either in great relationships, they're players or they're gay. The average straight guy that gets poon once in a blue moon is going to be a burden 9 times out of 10.

 

[bigneil]

Many of you haven't done your homework regarding touching.

According to Doc Love on Ask Men:

"Men mistakenly think that if they initiate touching that it will somehow "prime the pump" and it will make the woman want to touch them. The opposite is true. The more you put your hands on her the more it inhibits her. The wise man holds back and lets the woman do all the touching."“

(more from Doc Love):

Top five signs a woman is attracted to you :

One) She touches you. This is one of the most telling signs. In many instances you will find that the woman that you're out on a first date with will not touch you at all. Why not? Because she's not attracted to you. But when you're out on a date with a woman who likes you, you will notice that in most cases, she will find an excuse to physically touch you in some way during the date."

 

[Chickfight]

Many of you haven't done your homework regarding touching.

According to Doc Love on Ask Men:

"Men mistakenly think that if they initiate touching that it will somehow "prime the pump" and it will make the woman want to touch them. The opposite is true. The more you put your hands on her the more it inhibits her. The wise man holds back and lets the woman do all the touching."“

(more from Doc Love):

Top five signs a woman is attracted to you :

One) She touches you. This is one of the most telling signs. In many instances you will find that the woman that you're out on a first date with will not touch you at all. Why not? Because she's not attracted to you. But when you're out on a date with a woman who likes you, you will notice that in most cases, she will find an excuse to physically touch you in some way during the date."

Nobody is saying you should start groping her or be overly touchy, but the first short touch to the shoulder is the first step to her seeing you as a potential romantic interest and further escalation. It's an attraction TOOL. Not touching her is great for a one way ticket to the friendzone and nobody here gives sh!t what mother fvckin Doc Love or Carlos Xuma has to say about it. Take it elsewhere.

 

[vatoloco]

LOL. Cut the guy some slack. Maybe he meant "a man should never touch a [friend's] woman [out of respect]."