FR: So I got hit with 'It'

[Pair A Dice]

Went out tonight with a guy from work and we were having a good time. He met this older woman and I let him have her. She was cute, not really my type, but halfway through the night, he left and told me 'She is yours.'

So I calibrate my game the best I could to maybe ONS with her, and we hang out, play some bocce ball and bean bags at this bar, throughout it we are keeping an eye on each other and when she strays, I let her. No big deal.

We met up with these other guys we didn't know, both Indians, guys with money. So they were buying shots, and I decided to bounce them to another bar close that I knew the management.

We got there, I talk to my friends and they're gone. Two minutes later, I walk upstairs and they are hanging out and she is going wild dancing. Telling us she feels the music through her veins and sh*t and I'm just vibing along.

Other guys leave, so it is just me and her with 20 mins to go. Tell her I want to learn how to dance to country and she just goes off, dancing to her own beat, doing whatever. I'm just watching with no idea how to dance to said music.

Not too long after, she hits me with -- "How empathetic are you? You don't seem to feel what everyone else does. You know what? I think you're socially awkward."

That stuck with me because at times, I feel I can't so certain things in a crowded place and such but for her either to be a b*tch or tell the truth, I don't know.

Suppose I am socially awkward, but look really good. How can I conquer that and become the man I want to be? I'm 25 and feel as if my life is passing by by.

Any advice?

 

[Jitterbug]

It just means you can't dance.

And from what I've seen of women like her, they can't dance either, but they think they can.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

So, the opinion of an 'older woman' who's 'not really your type', who gets hammered and goes attention whøring by vibrating like a queen bee in heat hoping a random drone will inseminate her before her eggs drop is going to be the benchmark for your self-assessment of being a Man?


Hmmm,...

 

[Sue Madre]

You should have said "who cares what you think babe? It isn't true. I am very social, let's go to my place so I can show you how social I am"

What happened? I assume you didn't bang her.

 

[vatoloco]

LOL.

"Tag, you're it!"

 

[Mike32ct]

Do not involve other strange guys at the bar or club. These are the only males you should interact with:

1. Your wingman (if applicable)
2. Friends, family, coworkers, etc. that you know and trust
3. Staff e.g. bartender, doorman, bouncer, DJ, etc.

I'm sure the two guys you met were cool and meant well, but it distracts your game and the woman you are gaming. If she doesn't like them, you are done. If she DOES like them (too much), you are also done. Even if she is neutral regarding the other guys, you just interrupted the good attraction feelings she had and/or was developing for you. Even if the guys take off shortly after, it's difficult and many times impossible to get back to where you were with a chick. I've made this mistake before and lost some attractive women that way.

I'm not suggesting you be a d$ck to other strange men. Be polite, but cut the conversation short asap. I don't care what all the puas say about social proof. Rarely does anything good come from getting too chummy with strange guys at the bar or club.

If you are at something more personal like a party, then this doesn't apply most people there are friends of friends.

 

[Mike32ct]

The two guys didn't mean any harm, but wasting time talking to them and bouncing to another bar was a distraction to your "sarge."

The distraction caused her to lose attraction for you. She then blamed it on some "social skills" bs. While your social skills might need some tweaking, I don't think that was the real problem here. Had you avoided the other guys and "struck when the iron was hot" I think you would have had a better chance.

We've all done that or something similar. Don't sweat it. Live and learn.

 

[lifeislearning]

Been there bro. I can tend to be out of place at the club, but when I get out of my head and just have fun I am no longer awkward. Try drinking enough to where you can dance and not care what other people think, and then try to replicate that feeling again minus copious amounts of alcohol.

Fitting in on the dance floor, at the bar, or in a party is all about confidence. I'm no dance instructor, but because I put it all out there, no matter how stupid I look, people think I'm some great dancer.

 

[Pair A Dice]

So, the opinion of an 'older woman' who's 'not really your type', who gets hammered and goes attention whøring by vibrating like a queen bee in heat hoping a random drone will inseminate her before her eggs drop is going to be the benchmark for your self-assessment of being a Man?

Hmmm,...

Not so much that, but that I've heard it from a former roommate, but he said he thinks I have "social anxiety." Just weird to hear it from a random, albeit drunk, person. Could have been another guy or something for that matter that I spent some time talking with. It's still a shock to hear.

 

[Pair A Dice]

You should have said "who cares what you think babe? It isn't true. I am very social, let's go to my place so I can show you how social I am"

What happened? I assume you didn't bang her.

I hit her with a response along those lines and she took it to me being mad or whatever, but yeah, I didn't bang her. I thought about hitting her with an absurd line as we left the bar to walk back to our cars at the other bar, but I could give a fvck.

 

[Pair A Dice]

Do not involve other strange guys at the bar or club. These are the only males you should interact with:

1. Your wingman (if applicable)
2. Friends, family, coworkers, etc. that you know and trust
3. Staff e.g. bartender, doorman, bouncer, DJ, etc.

I'm sure the two guys you met were cool and meant well, but it distracts your game and the woman you are gaming. If she doesn't like them, you are done. If she DOES like them (too much), you are also done. Even if she is neutral regarding the other guys, you just interrupted the good attraction feelings she had and/or was developing for you. Even if the guys take off shortly after, it's difficult and many times impossible to get back to where you were with a chick. I've made this mistake before and lost some attractive women that way.

I'm not suggesting you be a d$ck to other strange men. Be polite, but cut the conversation short asap. I don't care what all the puas say about social proof. Rarely does anything good come from getting too chummy with strange guys at the bar or club.

If you are at something more personal like a party, then this doesn't apply most people there are friends of friends.

This makes sense. I fall into a trap where I feel social proof is a lot and in the town I live in, small town Texas, it does help. I'll take this into consideration.

Been there bro. I can tend to be out of place at the club, but when I get out of my head and just have fun I am no longer awkward. Try drinking enough to where you can dance and not care what other people think, and then try to replicate that feeling again minus copious amounts of alcohol.

Fitting in on the dance floor, at the bar, or in a party is all about confidence. I'm no dance instructor, but because I put it all out there, no matter how stupid I look, people think I'm some great dancer.

I understand what you're saying. For me, though, I can't dance to country and no one wants to truly teach me. Plus, there aren't too many locations for lessons around the area. In Texas, two-stepping is everything. Being from up north, it's difficult to try to blend in when you can't two-step.

 

[boomerick]

Dicey dude,

A tree fell on your head and your trying to figure out why by lookin at the bark rot......

Go back and re-read what Rollo wrote....its spot on....

Then read and follow the directions in my signature......

Its all explained.....

Your thinking is wrong ....and your "game" failing because of it...

Over and Out.