FR: Lifeboat or anchor?

Engetsu

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Before I say anything, I want to wish everyone a very HAPPY EASTER, don't overdo it on the chocolate :)

Simple sex-related situation here. I've been with my girl, which I truly love, for a little over 2 months now, and we've talked about having sex quite often. We have been looking for the perfect place and time, and we've always neglected the car because it wasn't "special" enough.

Well, last night, we both REALLY wanted each other, and we were tired of waiting, so we decided to do it in the car. I got her hot and horny, got her to take her pants off, and proceeded to ask if she had something for me (referring to **** armor)... She said she didn't, and neither did I! %$&%&$!!! What a dumbass! Since sex was out of the question, I tried saving the night by suggesting that we do something else. For instance, I suggested she played Playstation and fooled around with my joystick, but I guess she didn't get the very subtle hint.

That's where it hit me. During the past weeks, I've always been the one doing the fingering, and I've even offered to go down on her twice but she didn't want to because we were at her house and her mom could have came down any minute... Still, I offered. In return, my gf never did anything to me. I never asked though, I just thought she would do it by herself because she's done everything before.

After the condom incident, I got turned off pretty badly, and didn't even want to look at her and drove her home. I didn't even kiss her good night. She called me a couple of minutes later, and we had a little talk. What I told her is that I was tired of always being the one doing the efforts and not getting anything in return. Because of that, I told her that I wouldn't be making any efforts and that I won't want any physical stuff for a while because I was very turned off.

She then asked me why I didn't ask for anything before, and I replied that I'm not supposed to ask her for things like that. In a relationship, a lot of the communication is non-verbal, or else we would be on the phone 40 hours a day. I told her that I wasn't going to spoon-feed her the conclusions: she has to draw them herself, and take some initiative on her own. It's not like she's never done these things with her ex-bfs, why should she be less open about it with me.

She then said that she wanted to, but wasn't given the opportunity. I told her to cut the BS, and not make promises that she won't keep. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to say that she will. I told her that I don't judge people but what they say, but by what they do.

She asked me for examples, and I said she was smart enough to figure it out herself. Needless to say, I dominated the conversation from alpha to omega.

She then said she was sorry, and if I ever felt turned on again she wouldn't hesitate to give me some pleasure. She felt like she was being very selfish and felt pretty bad last night.

Is this a problem? Personally, I don't like talking about things like these (hj or bj) before actually receiving it, or else I get pretty turned off, just like right now. I think I'm seriously going to wait for a while before I let her svck me off or anything like that.

Is this actually going to save my relationship? Was it a nice gesture?
 
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legolas

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Sorry to burst your bubble, but if you want something, you have to ask. There's probably a gazillion reasons why she wouldn't take the initiative. Number one is she doesn't want to look like a sl*t!!!

You're getting pissed off for no reason whatsoever. You may have to hint at things, so you don't come off as a perv, but you have to ask buudy!! None of this "she's supposed to know" schit.
 

Engetsu

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Well when it's been 3 times that I'm the one doing all the finger-work, she should take SOME initiative, considering the fact we've known each other for a while and are very comfortable with each other. Plus, I DID hint at something yesterday, and she didn't get the hint.

Still not a reason to get pissed?
 

Bunkins

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Here's my two cents on it, take it as you want it.....


Dont be so hard on her.. You want her to do those things when she's comfortable with it.... If she thinks she has to do it to keep you happy, it wont be near the experience it could be.. Even if she has done things with other guys she hasnt with you, it may just be that your not making her feel comfortable. To much pressure...

The first woman I was with for the first time, we did it like this.... We just did what came natural, what we felt comfortable with.... Even though our first time of doing the deed was a total wreck, we both got something out of it... The next time we tried we both did more because we wanted to make eachother happy..... It's not fun if your both not comforable with it, it is if it's a one night stand, you get what you want and be done with it...... But in a situation like your talking about, thats not the case..... Just dont push her so hard, do the things she feels comfortable letting you do, let her do what she's comfortable doing, and just go with the flow.... Have fun with it...... This is how myself and this other woman did things, and it just got better the more things happened. Each time we got more in touch with eachother, and knew what the other wanted. Nothing wrong with asking, but dont push the subject... Do what makes her happy, and she will return it when she's ready for it.... It's worth the wait, trust me...... If you want it to go somewhere take my advise, if you want it to go down in flames keep pressuring her, and watch her walk away....
 

Engetsu

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Thanks Bunkins... I feel ya on this man, the last thing I want to do is to pressure her...... But that doesn't hide the fact that I really feel that things weren't balanced out and let her know how I feel.

Did I take it too far with the "not giving her any" for a while?
 

Bunkins

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Thats good you let her know how you feel about it, but there isnt any sence in getting mad or irritated over it. Just watch how you say things, so that you dont end up putting more pressure on her.... Some people are different, and they do get mad over stuff like this..... But I never really have, those things have always been more about showing of emotions, rather than something your "supposed to do".... I worry about making her feel good, making her feel as comfortable as possible, and in time she will do the same.. Like I said, nothing wrong with telling her what you want, just dont force the subject....

As for the other, only you can deside if telling her that your not going to get physical with her anymore or not.... To me, that does seem like it's going to far.. Thats where I see alot of relationships fall apart, is when one of the two stops showing how they feel... If things are eatting on you that wont allow you to get physical with her, talk about it with her..... I've been there before too......
 
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Originally posted by Bunkins
Dont be so hard on her...
Is Engetsu supposed to take this comment literallly or figuratively, or both? :D
 
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