FR: Girl with boyfriend, Heavy resistance.

[Skyline]

Met this girl sometime back and got her number but never really did anything. Back then, I always flirted with her but she got a boyfriend so I went pretty much dead. She started liking and commenting on some of my Instagram stuff so I decided to message her about a week later.

After some quick exchanges, I learn that she's still with him but there is obviously something wrong with her relationship. I ask her out to a movie the following weekend, I genuinely wanted to see this movie to be honest, and she accepts. Good/bad sign depending on how you look at it.

I ask her for her address and she sends it without question. Good sign.

I wait the day of the date to message her, which was 3 days later, and make some playful banter. She didn't respond well to my flirting but she still responded and didn't cancel nonetheless. She then tells me that she 'cleared things up with her boyfriend' so I assumed she broke up with him.

Frame was important during that exchange. Good sign.

I go to her house and pick her up. Before she gets into my car, I grab her neck and attempt to kiss her cheek. Heavy resistance, but I made an excuse that I haven't seen her in a while so she "lets me." Good sign, frame was very important here.

She gets into my car and I tell her that I needed to tell her something. Her face got very serious at this point so I leaned in close and grabbed her neck. She backs away again and I told her that I was just going to tell her something. She leans back in and I sit there for a brief second before giving her the AUX cord and asking her to be my 'DJ.'

She laughs and agrees. We hit it off pretty well on the ride to the theatre.

We get our tickets and go back to my car since we had an hour and a half to spare. I tell her to play music again and we start talking and hitting off pretty well once again. I begin light kino and light flirting about 10 minutes in.

I started with simply holding her hand while she held up her phone whilst a music video played. I started to lean in close... And eventually I kiss the side of her head. She doesn't object. So I then kiss her shoulder. No objection.

Eventually I grab her stomach area and pull her closer for a kiss and she backs away once again. So I act like nothing happened in re escalate from kissing her hand, shoulder, neck, and even her cheek at one point. I probably re escalated 2-3 times but no kiss. She then calls me a 'player' at one point but I ignore it. She also brings up 'my other girls' but I said 'I only talk to the pretty ones and there's only one in front of me.'

We leave my car back to the theatre and find our cinema and seats. During the walk to the cinema, that hallway area, I try and push her up against the wall but she kind of rolls away. We still talked and hit it off, I end up holding her hand in the previews for a while whilst I occasionally kissed the side of her head. No objections.

The movie starts and I pull her in close and we cuddle for a good 5 or so minutes. I reach down for her hand and got the biggest blow to my frame. She removes my arm and tells me that 'You know that I have a boyfriend' and that honestly surprised me because I thought she broke up with him.

I say nothing and kind of just nod. She didn't move away from me after she said that, she still sat where our arms were touching.

For about an hour, I think about what to do. Well sort of, it was a horror movie and it was actually good, but in my head I had thought about not re escalating and abruptly leaving.

After a few suspenseful scenes, I put my arm back around her and pull her in close like before. No objections. After about 4-5 minutes I reach for her hand, like before, and no objections. We cuddle for the rest of the movie, I also kiss the side of her head a few times, so 20 minutes or so.

We go to the lobby and I use the bathroom and take the time for a 'breather.' My frame was definitely smashed when she dropped that boyfriend line and I honestly didn't know what to do. I was trying to think quick fast, based on SS advice, but didn't come up with anything so I just continued being me and what I was doing essentially.

I never really end a date after a movie, unless it goes bad, so I drive her to a park where we walked around for a bit. We talked and everything was fine. We get back to my car and I try and pull her in close again but met with heavy resistance. She then states that 'she isn't going to put her boyfriend through 'this'' and that I'm 'Playing with her.'

I then ask 'not right now?' And she replies with 'Not for a while' and I had no choice but to agree. She then says that 'she's glad we're on the same page' as I walk back to open my car. I was kind of down after she said this to be honest, I actually kind of liked this girl. I can use her last statement to my advantage in the future in case she tries to reach out to me again when she has/with her boyfriend though.

The reason why I say this is so I don't get used for attention/validation in the future when things go south with her boyfriend.

I catch her staring at me before I sit down in my car and I guess my look gave away that I was hurt or something. We get in my car and talk like nothing happened. Then I drive her back home. She even started flirting on how she would 'visit me at work' since she lives close. Which is completely counter productive based on what she said...

I go home and think about what happened. Her actions clearly state that she is interested in me. Without a doubt. The ratio between me and her boyfriend is 50:50 in my opinion. She definitely cheated on her boyfriend tonight even if we didn't actually kiss. Heavy kino with little resistance and one on one experience with another guy is definitely cheating.

I did think about just going straight to rubbing her pvssy but if she gave me that much resistance over a kiss then I doubt that would have ended well. Plus, her heavy resistance was demoralizing at times. Especially the first boyfriend line.

But the movie was good and overall I enjoyed myself. She's definitely getting pushed to the side but I am proud of how I handeled the situation and kept my frame up as much as possible. Maybe some other guy with better game than me can make somethig of it, but I could not. Despite her cheating, she just seemed really loyal to her boyfriend. Which doesn't make any sense.

She definitely went through a roller coaster of emotions that night, which is a very good sign.

 

[Julian]

she seems like shes not worth the effort. shes being a little sloot but justifies it by not putting out all the way. shes monkey branching

 

[Skyline]

she seems like shes not worth the effort. shes being a little sloot but justifies it by not putting out all the way. shes monkey branching

I completely agree. I won't say I'm going to get rid of her completely but I will move on.

 

[Juanto]

Not LTR material for sure, but I have to say you held your own very well, Skyline. If you keep it up (if you wish to do so) you might turn her into a plate, understanding that anything more than that is definately not desirable.

 

[EyeBRollin]

You've got this. Well done, everything.

All you have to do is ghost and when she reappears turn the "boyfriend line" back on her.

 

[Nicolito]

So she has no problem for heavy kino , kissing and teasing around but "she has a boyfriend".

LoL those girls.

 

[Serenity]

1. Your frame was gone from the beginning, she knew what you were trying and wasn't gonna go along with it.
2. "Clearing things up" means resolving an issue, not breaking up.
3. She was not cheating as she did not go to or beyond the point of kissing.
4. This didn't go nearly as well as you think it did.

It sounds like she was passive and all physical contact was your doing. Some things she could tolerate while others were definitely crossing boundaries (like kissing on the mouth). I wouldn't define her lack of even more resistance as cheating, what people define as cheating is variable. The ratio is more likely to be 80:20, the boyfriend being 80. If it was 50:50 she would have a much harder time turning down a real kiss.

The only good call you made was to not rub her pvssy, that would very likely have ruined it completely.

 

[Skyline]

I appreciate you taking the time to offer counter advice. It really does help me see situations in a new light which is one of the reasons why I enjoy this site!

1. Your frame was gone from the beginning, she knew what you were trying and wasn't gonna go along with it.

I disagree.

If my frame was gone from the beginning, she wouldn't have let me kiss her up, cuddle her, grab her, and even flirt with her. In fact, she probably wouldn't even have shown up or just turned around the second I tried kissing her cheek in front of her house.

And even if she was using me for a free movie pass, she didn't decline any escalation short of kissing on the lips. If my frame was gone, there would have be zero escalation and it would have been kind of boring in my opinion.

I trust my gut and it's telling me that this was not the case of a 'free movie pass.'

2. "Clearing things up" means resolving an issue, not breaking up.

This did actually occur to me but the only reason why I chose to ignore it, and side with 'that she broke up with him,' was to essentially just enjoy a movie with a girl and see how far I can go... Like others have said, I created a perfect opportunity for a future plate. I trusted my gut on the idea that she had broken up with him and to basically be my flirty self. I basically trusted my gut to be flirty and escalate as much as possible.

3. She was not cheating as she did not go to or beyond the point of kissing.

I completely disagree and I'm sure other members also disagree.

If this were your girlfriend... She goes out one on one with a guy without telling you, the guys starts escalating and kissing her in other places but her lips, she does nothing to ignore escalation besides ignoring lip kisses, oh and she gives that guy her address with no question... You don't think that would be cheating? You wouldn't break up with her or anything? That just sounds ridiculous to me dude.

I feel what you said was definitely her mindset. If this happened to me, I would walk away and not look back.

4. This didn't go nearly as well as you think it did.

I personally had a good time. In all honesty, I really did. The fact that I created a roller coaster tycoon of emotions for her, the horror movie was a great addition, definitely plants a punch in her head. But whether or not it actually went well or not, is really something I couldn't care about because I had a good time and had some decent company regardless of the bad stuff that had happened.

It sounds like she was passive and all physical contact was your doing. Some things she could tolerate while others were definitely crossing boundaries (like kissing on the mouth). I wouldn't define her lack of even more resistance as cheating, what people define as cheating is variable. The ratio is more likely to be 80:20, the boyfriend being 80. If it was 50:50 she would have a much harder time turning down a real kiss.

Well she is a very passive girl to begin with. She wouldn't have gone out with me had I not asked nor ignored my attempts at escalation had I not escalated in the first place. I personally view women who out right grab you as low quality, because that's just my experience, and women who are more passive a tad higher of quality. The women who make it "Too easy" for you, rather than "easy," are low quality is what I'm trying to say.

I agree with you stating that 'cheating is a variable' because I do very much disagree with you that she did not cheat during our date.

If the ratio was 80:20, she would have not showed up much less accept my escalation. I was actually afraid of this and actually anticipated her to flake, but she did not... If the ratio was 60:40, me being 60, she would have kissed me and then regretted it.

Had I not asked her out and escalated, whilst trying to maintain my frame, then it would not have been a date. Me trusting my gut was really the back bone of the date.

 

[Serenity]

@Skyline It's fine we disagree. If not your frame was gone, she at least was aware of it. She called it out a couple of times too with saying you're playing her.

Her frame was to not let it go beyond a certain point, a frame she kept perfectly. Some women will stretch it a bit sometimes, even for just a free movie pass. But they'll ultimately not give you what you're after, because for as long you want it and they don't go all the way giving it they stay in control. They'll give some hope, but never deliver fully.

If this was my girlfriend I would laugh about how you got played, knowing I wouldn't fall for it. Then I'd ask her to not take advantage of such weaknesses. I don't think what she did would be considered cheating, I wouldn't break up or anything over that.

What I consider cheating and what you consider cheating differs, this proves my point that what is considered cheating is variable. It's not a universally agreed upon boundary that applies to everyone. What she did may to her and her boyfriend not be considered cheating while it was by your definition.

You trusted your gut that she had broken up with her boyfriend, evidently your gut isn't very reliable.

You say you had a good time, yet there's strong swings in the negative direction. If anyone experienced an emotional roller coaster, I believe it's you rather than her. You felt things were going great, then felt a blow to your frame. It went great again, then another blow. You mention nothing that indicates she was on an emotional roller coaster, like how can you be sure?

You make the classic mistake of assuming that being too easy means low quality and being difficult means high quality. I won't deny there's correlations, but it's not a reliable way to judge correctly.

Based on what you tell me of her behavior around you, I don't think you're any real competition for her boyfriend. She's just playing you by getting your hopes up and letting you believe your game actually works, don't be fooled.

 

[Skyline]

@Skyline It's fine we disagree. If not your frame was gone, she at least was aware of it. She called it out a couple of times too with saying you're playing her.

Her frame was to not let it go beyond a certain point, a frame she kept perfectly. Some women will stretch it a bit sometimes, even for just a free movie pass. But they'll ultimately not give you what you're after, because for as long you want it and they don't go all the way giving it they stay in control. They'll give some hope, but never deliver fully.

If this was my girlfriend I would laugh about how you got played, knowing I wouldn't fall for it. Then I'd ask her to not take advantage of such weaknesses. I don't think what she did would be considered cheating, I wouldn't break up or anything over that.

What I consider cheating and what you consider cheating differs, this proves my point that what is considered cheating is variable. It's not a universally agreed upon boundary that applies to everyone. What she did may to her and her boyfriend not be considered cheating while it was by your definition.

You trusted your gut that she had broken up with her boyfriend, evidently your gut isn't very reliable.

You say you had a good time, yet there's strong swings in the negative direction. If anyone experienced an emotional roller coaster, I believe it's you rather than her. You felt things were going great, then felt a blow to your frame. It went great again, then another blow. You mention nothing that indicates she was on an emotional roller coaster, like how can you be sure?

You make the classic mistake of assuming that being too easy means low quality and being difficult means high quality. I won't deny there's correlations, but it's not a reliable way to judge correctly.

Based on what you tell me of her behavior around you, I don't think you're any real competition for her boyfriend. She's just playing you by getting your hopes up and letting you believe your game actually works, don't be fooled.

You brought up some really valid points. Obviously we don't agree with the cheating thing so I'm not going to go into that since we have different ideas of cheating.

The only time my frame was crushed was the boyfriend line. But I really did have a good time, being completely honest here. I could very much be reflecting the roller coaster of emotions but women do feel emotions a lot more than men do.

It's hard to explain when someone feels something, but it was in her tone and facial expressions. I do agree with her keeping her frame up so it is best to move on- which is what I planned on doing anyway.

Like I said, someone with better game than me will probably get her to crack. But this is an axe for me. I don't have a lot of experience with cracking girls with boyfriends so this is very new to me, which is why I posted this report as well.

I think I'm better off going after single girls, this whole stealing thing doesn't seem like me. Looking back at it, her resistance was more than any I've experienced.

What do you suggest I should have done?

 

[Serenity]

@Skyline I don't think there's more you could have done. Actually you could probably have done a bit less after that kind of resistance. I would have ended the date after the movie and saved my time.

Not all girls can be cracked, regardless of previous experience, success and game. Some really are rock solid on their principles and will not crack no matter what you throw at them.

Also if you think about it, escalating physically will not impress a girl who has a boyfriend. She already has a guy who probably touches her frequently, she's used to physical touch and what's common isn't as valuable. You're not giving her anything new with kinoing and kissing.

If you want to steal girlfriends you gotta be able to figure out and provide what she wants that her boyfriend doesn't offer. Some still can't be taken though, because they feel they have all they need from their boyfriend. You will never be able to steal a happy girl, so you gotta target weaker relationships, find what's lacking and provide it.

Note that what's lacking is often something other than things of material value like money, it could in some cases be fun and excitement that's lacking. It could be lack of the experience of being understood by a man. It could be lack of physical connection even, in which case escalating physically would be super effective. Figure out what a girl lacks and give it to her, she will be yours for sure because you give her what she needs that others don't provide.

 

[Bingo-Player]

She definitely went through a roller coaster of emotions that night, which is a very good sign.

hmmmm

wonder who got the most benefit out of said roller coaster !?!

 

[Skyline]

@Skyline I don't think there's more you could have done. Actually you could probably have done a bit less after that kind of resistance. I would have ended the date after the movie and saved my time.

Not all girls can be cracked, regardless of previous experience, success and game. Some really are rock solid on their principles and will not crack no matter what you throw at them.

Also if you think about it, escalating physically will not impress a girl who has a boyfriend. She already has a guy who probably touches her frequently, she's used to physical touch and what's common isn't as valuable. You're not giving her anything new with kinoing and kissing.

If you want to steal girlfriends you gotta be able to figure out and provide what she wants that her boyfriend doesn't offer. Some still can't be taken though, because they feel they have all they need from their boyfriend. You will never be able to steal a happy girl, so you gotta target weaker relationships, find what's lacking and provide it.

Note that what's lacking is often something other than things of material value like money, it could in some cases be fun and excitement that's lacking. It could be lack of the experience of being understood by a man. It could be lack of physical connection even, in which case escalating physically would be super effective. Figure out what a girl lacks and give it to her, she will be yours for sure because you give her what she needs that others don't provide.

Way back when I first met her she thought I was a player... It would have made more sense for me to not escalate at all especially the player bombs as well.

I don't think she trusted him because she went through his phone. So I would have had to get her to trust me. The player view she had on me actually worked against me.

I think I'm better off starting over from scratch and just avoiding women with boyfriends. I definitely should have asked if she was still with him to save time. But like I keep saying, I did enjoy myself and I felt it was worth the $18 even if I walked away empty handed.

I'm pretty honest on this forum... She hasn't messaged me yet so it does back up your argument. I went ahead and blocked her on all platforms. I never had her number and I doubt she has mine. Knowing me, I probably would reach out to her if I get lonely one night so I'm just thinking ahead.

I'm also setting a new rule for myself, it really just doesn't sound right to steal a girl away let alone worth it. So let's just also consider the blocking punishment for myself.

If she wants to reach out to me then she'll pull some strings, I'm sure. But I'm going to make sure I move on.

Thanks for the advice buddy.

 

[Skyline]

hmmmm

wonder who got the most benefit out of said roller coaster !?!

Probably me, I mean I did have a good time after all. We both got we wanted, in a sort of twisted view point I guess.

I think I need to rethink my hobbies if my life is that boring however...

I should work on my book...

 

[Igetit!]

I gotta admit.....I was a bit confused after reading some of your (the OP) replies.....specially what you said in the last two.

In your last post,you said this.....

We both got we wanted, in a sort of twisted view point I guess.

You said you both got what you wanted...in a twisted point of view. You said that YOU got what you wanted.

But 6 minutes earlier in another post,you said this.......

But like I keep saying, I did enjoy myself and I felt it was worth the $18 even if I walked away empty handed.

So you got what you wanted.......AND walked away empty handed....at the same time. Ummm......ok. (wtf?) Think I'm just gonna leave that one alone,lol. I just have a question about something from your original post.

Despite everything that went down,I DO THINK she had attraction for you,though. She was just in a tug-of-war between wanting to be loyal to her boyfriend and wanting to explore more of the attraction she felt for you.

Anyway,on to my question....

Met this girl sometime back and got her number but never really did anything. Back then, I always flirted with her but she got a boyfriend so I went pretty much dead. She started liking and commenting on some of my Instagram stuff so I decided to message her about a week later.

After some quick exchanges, I learn that she's still with him but there is obviously something wrong with her relationship. I ask her out to a movie the following weekend, I genuinely wanted to see this movie to be honest, and she accepts. Good/bad sign depending on how you look at it.

I ask her for her address and she sends it without question. Good sign.

I wait the day of the date to message her, which was 3 days later, and make some playful banter. She didn't respond well to my flirting but she still responded and didn't cancel nonetheless. She then tells me that she 'cleared things up with her boyfriend' so I assumed she broke up with him.

Frame was important during that exchange. Good sign.

I go to her house and pick her up.

The only thing I'd like to know is if this was the FIRST date you took her out on here.

Also like to know how long you two been communicating and had known each other before you took her out.

 

[pyros]

In my opinion you wasted your time, and did many things wrong (like going to the cinema. WTF?).

You should go for SINGLE WOMEN, or...for taken women that display high interest. Besides, with this kind of women you should not go on 'dates'; if they agree to meet up with you you should go for the lay. They dont want another boyfriend. If they are willing to cheat, they want to have sex. If they are not willing to cheat, you're wasting your time like you did.

 

[CMNILS87]

In my opinion you wasted your time, and did many things wrong (like going to the cinema. WTF?).

You should go for SINGLE WOMEN, or...for taken women that display high interest. Besides, with this kind of women you should not go on 'dates'; if they agree to meet up with you you should go for the lay. They dont want another boyfriend. If they are willing to cheat, they want to have sex. If they are not willing to cheat, you're wasting your time like you did.

Agreed.... @Skyline. What was the whole point of this? We're trying to game her away from her BF for validation? Are you even interested in her as a person? 2 steps forward and 1 back has its limits and you went way past it. Practice a little empathy, put yourself in her shoes. So you're still sorts seeing someone/BF and it's on the rocks, your emotions are out of whack and you now have this fcuker coming at you escalating, escalating, escalating to push buttons and **** with you? What do you do? I'd shut down. Then you're so methodical. This play didn't work, so I need a breather to rethink my strategy in the bathroom and play strategy B. If B doesn't work and she does this, I'll try Plan C and rebuttal with this if she pulls her hand away.

1. She's still committed
2. You tried way too hard
3. She's resistant
4. You didn't have fun
5. The whole date was all about the lay. Deep down you know that, and so do all of us.
6. Exact opposite of DJ status.
7. None of this seemed natural for you.

The other end of the spectrum. Last night I was at a new gals place and we were drinking. I escalated and backed off. She gave more resistance and we kept drinking. She got super trashed and I saw her in a "bad light". She was ready to boink after a bit, I rejected her at the end and left when she passed out. Why, you'll probably ask?

1. She was drunk
2. Her being drunk showed me her bad side
And the most important
"The sex isn't worth the chase/effort and all the bad **** and emotions that come after".


You're post kinda made me angry over how much you tried to break down her resistance. Too.much.damn.work.

 

[Skyline]

I gotta admit.....I was a bit confused after reading some of your (the OP) replies.....specially what you said in the last two.

In your last post,you said this.....



You said you both got what you wanted...in a twisted point of view. You said that YOU got what you wanted.

But 6 minutes earlier in another post,you said this.......



So you got what you wanted.......AND walked away empty handed....at the same time. Ummm......ok. (wtf?) Think I'm just gonna leave that one alone,lol. I just have a question about something from your original post.

Despite everything that went down,I DO THINK she had attraction for you,though. She was just in a tug-of-war between wanting to be loyal to her boyfriend and wanting to explore more of the attraction she felt for you.

Anyway,on to my question....




The only thing I'd like to know is if this was the FIRST date you took her out on here.

Also like to know how long you two been communicating and had known each other before you took her out.

In the sense there was no sex, empty handed, and in the roller coaster of emotions, twisted way. I didn't feel bad after the date but it was also a good movie.

First date yes, and we knew each other before hand because she was in my social circle. She gets a boyfriend, Circle breaks apart for other reasons , and then 6-7 months later this happens.

@pyros I did wrong by going after a girl with a boyfriend. I actually enjoy movies and the one I saw with her was actually good. The whole movie vice thing is ridiculous in my opinion.

@CMNILS87 I agree, If I had simply asked if she was still with boyfriend then this wouldn't have happened. But really guys, I did enjoy myself. I think I'm more upset that I tried so hard with a girl that had a boyfriend more than anything right now.

 

[pyros]

Sorry but you just go to the movies after you've had several dates with the girl AND AFTER YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH HER.
Doing this before is a waste of valuable time, and it leads nowhere (unless you're 15).

Who the heck cares if you actually liked the movie?? you should have gone with a friend, not with a girl you're trying to bang.

 

[Skyline]

I am in bold. Take the advice for what you paid for it.

Thanks for your advice Mauser,

I learned from this experience and I am moving on.