Former DJ... now recovering to be a DJ again!

[Werman]

Hi everyone... I've been lurking around here for the last week or so and have been having a blast reading a lot of the articles and threads. Just thought I would share a bit of the story of what I've gone through over the last couple of years.

Well, I got married a few years back to a girl that I loved very much. I'd been playing the field and having a great time since college and decided to settle down with this one. She was very hot and loved sex. After we got married, she was giving me sex 6-8 times a week, and sometimes way more! Then, a curious thing happened... while serving in the military, I got deployed. When I came home a mere 4 weeks later, I had been shot through the shoulder and had been impaled with a fragment of metal through my pelvis. I had 3 corrective surgeries and started the hard road of recovery. Obviously, we weren't able to have sex like we used to. At first, she was ok with this, but she increasingly showed more and more anxiety. She started to get a bit abusive with little things like hitting me in the spots where I had had surgery, and wiggling needles around in me to give me big bruises when she would give me injections to prevent clotting. Now, I was usually really doped up on morphine, but when I was lucid enough, I would kick her ass out when she would do stuff like this.

Things kept getting worse. Before my injury, I was doing competitive weightlifting and training for an Iron Man. I didn't realize just how much relied on exercise to control my weight. I went from a muscular 205 to a VERY flabby 285 over the course of a year. Due mostly to my wife's refusal to cook and forcing me to rely more and more on fast food as a demanding military work schedule kept me out of the house. About a year after those injuries, I also suddenly became impotent. When I went to the doctor, they thought I had Peyronie's disease. When they did the surgery to remove the blockage, what they found wasn't a buildup of plaque, but a tumor that was found to be MALIGNANT!

After having that removed, I had to have radiation therapy. This had the side effect of killing testosterone production and making me hypoglycemic. At about this time, I caught my wife with another man, and tossed her out for good. At the same time, I was medically discharged from the military due to all of these ailments.

At first, I just sorta curled up in a ball and embraced self-loathing and bitterness. I had a horrible limp. The doctors told me I could never run or lift weights again. I was 80 pounds overweight. I was unemployed. I had a terrible hormone imbalance that was out of control... I stayed like this for several months.

Well, enough was enough. I felt like I was going to be dead soon, and I really didn't want that. I wanted to be my old self again. So, I hired a SMOKING hot personal trainer to help me out. She advised me on having a better diet and helped me learn how to exercise around my limitations. The weight started coming off. This encouraged me to do more. I went to a veteran's advocate and got put on a higher priority list at the VA hospital. I finally got the medication I needed to get my hormone imbalance under control. I started working more with a physical therapist to help me walk better. Then, I started to want to better myself in every way. I went back to school and finished degrees in English and Classics (I already have degrees in Computer Science and Aerospace engineering -- I just wanted to make some $$$ from the GI Bill and had no interest in graduate work!) I learned to read and write Old English and Latin and am working towards a graduate degree in Medieval studies. My overall health continued to improve. I even started dabbling in using the eliptical machine to do a "run-like" motion and using light free-weights. My strength and stamina slowly returned. With some newly found confidence, I started attending job fairs, and my life started to really turn around.

Now, I have landed an engineering job with a DoD contractor developing new weapons systems, I am down to a VERY muscular 225, I am bench pressing 325 and leg pressing 850, and I just ran 4.5 miles yesterday! I've been doing little things here and there to really expand myself. I go to a ballroom dancing class once per week and I'm doing a cooking class every other week. I've been doing odd jobs around the house fixing it up here and there and throwing some pretty great parties just about every weekend. Which brings me to the best part... the women! I've been running some serious game on most of the hot women I see. Getting rejected some and driving some others wild! I'm meeting a really cute girl for coffee tomorrow, and I'm meeting up with another hottie at a concert in a couple of weeks. Oh, and that smoking hot trainer? Goin' out with her this weekend

So there you have it. My little story of crashing and burning and then pulling myself up out of it. I'll be around... at least until my job bans this site!

 

[piranha45]

Very nice work, sir.

 

[Cableguy]

As a former Army Ranger, let me be the first to tell you how much I appreciate the sacrifices you have made for our country and it's people.

It sounds to me like you are well on your way to living your life on your terms. I wish you all the best in your endeavors. God knows you deserve it.

 

[Aenigma]

Congradualtions. Its men like you that make the world what it is. Your determination and persistence are an example for all of us.

 

[amoka]

Congratulations. I wish you well on your new life. By the way, how did you managed to have "0" post? hahaha

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

WERMAN, put an age on your profile, I want to keep this thread in the Mature section.

 

[Werman]

Thanks for the kind words everyone! I think I've got the post thing cleared up... my age should show up on my profile now

And an update... That cute girl I had coffee with - She acted sort of awkward and standoffish the whole time, and gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look every time I tried to steer the conversation to something more sexual. I took it that she wasn't interested, so I ended the date after about an hour and went home. She texted me the next day and told me she had a good time with me and wanted to see me again... which struck me as weird. I responded and told her that I would be busy training for a bench press competition on base over the next week and we could get together after that. When I went out that weekend, I ran into one of her friends who told me a bit more about her. Apparently, this girl I had coffee with (who is 30 btw) hasn't dated in TEN YEARS! She is painfully shy but really likes me, and wants to keep seeing me.

I very tactfully told her friend that I completely understand where she is coming from and sympathize. I like her very much and have no wish to hurt her, however, as long she remains in her shell, she isn't fit to be in any sort of relationship be it short term or long term. My needs are just as important as hers, and I won't enter into a relationship knowing that she is going to have a hard time meeting them. So, if she ever comes out of her self-imposed exile (doubtful, since she is 30 and hasn't done it yet!) I'm game to go out, but until then... NEXT.

This coming weekend is my date with my trainer... we'll see how that goes

 

[Demodulate]

so how long did it take you to go from a 285lb blob to a 225lb healthy man?

 

[Werman]

a 225lb healthy man?[/QUOTE]

I weighed in at 285 with 32% body fat on Feb 08. I was injured Nov 06. I gained weight so fast because before I deployed, I was running about 30 miles per week, weight training about 2 hours a day, doing about 60 laps in the pool per week, and a LOT of biking. I was consuming between 5000-6000 calories per day, just to fuel all of that. After the injury, it took me awhile for my apetite to realize that I had become sedentary and didn't need that much food. Throw in the fact that the food I was eating was junk, and you have a recipe for disaster.

When I saw that I weighed so much and realized that I had to do something, I started focusing on what I was physically able to do rather than laying in bed pouting about what I couldn't do anymore. My trainer was key in helping me learn to work around my injuries and introducing me to some really low impact aerobic activity that took the place of running. I was able to resume biking and swimming much sooner than I could running, so that helped as well. Getting my diet together was also key. I had to accept the fact that I wasn't the athlete that I once was, and I had to cope with hypoglycemia. Before, I could pretty much eat large quantities of whatever throughout the day and burn it off with all the activity I was doing. Now, I have researched the nutritional content of the foods I eat and have become a pretty good chef. I eat oatmeal or high fiber pancakes and eggs for breakfast, either chicken or turkey breast with brown rice and broccoli/green beans for lunch, a protein shake before I work out and a shake afterwards. Throughout the day, I snack on apples, bananas, oranges, and grapes. I also throw in fish a couple times a week. The weight obviously didn't come off right away, but slowly over the course of the last year. Right after the new year, my trainer weighed me at 225 with 12% body fat

So, I basically lost 60 lbs in 11 months. I'm sure there are plenty of crash diets out there that can take it off faster, but I really wanted to be healthy while I did it because I had plenty of other health issues as it was.

Oh, and a little update... For the last couple of weeks I've been trying to cut more weight to get into the 210 and under weight class for a bench press competition, so I've pulled out a bunch of old wrestler tricks... I weighed 212 earlier this morning... so I need to drop 2 more pounds by Friday

 

[Jitterbug]

Your story made my day. You're a very courageous man and a great inspiration. Cheers!!!

 

[Trader]

The bottom line is, you are the man.

Keep it up

 

[Werman]

I'm not surprised at all by how your woman reacted... women do this to men who have minor setbacks in their life. The fact that she stayed with you for that long is actually quite unusual in today's world. Humans are instinctively selfish (and so are women who don't get what they want).

Aside from being sick, It actually did shock me that she was actually acting this way. We had been together 9 years, married for 6 of them, and I just assumed that she would stand by me while I went through this, especially in light of the fact that I paid for her nursing degree and put with a metric assload of **** from her schizo mother. But hey, let's face it, as guys we will put up with loads of bs if we are getting some crazy kinky sex whenever we want. Anyway, after she split, it suddenly hit me... the only women that were "standing by their men" through long hard illnesses were people that were much older and had been married for decades. My girl was 26 when this happened, still very hot, and could easily do better than an impotent, cancer-ridden, wounded combat vet who was 80 lbs overweight. It's really no surprise that she jumped ship.

I would be a liar if I said that it hadn't crossed my mind while I was recovering to get back to where I was pre-injury when she couldn't keep her hands off of me and show her what she is missing out on. After seeing her a month ago for the divorce proceedings, it was obvious that I had this exact effect on her She texts me from time to time... last week she sent me one that said "I've been thinking of you!" I responded with one that said "Yeah, I saw a hooker on a streetcorner... it made me think of you!"

Ahhh... revenge is sweet...

 

[KontrollerX]

One of the best and most inspirational stories posted on the forum in some time.

Hopefully you stick around bro or find a way to do so on another computer should your job ban this site and become a regular contributor here.

Your recovery was absolutely epic.

I was reminded of the Tony Robbins program "Awaken the Giant Within" when I read your account as in that program the narrator reads a quote of the famous warrior Hannibal thats says "We will find a way or make one" and thats basically what you did in order to acheive your recovery.

Sure you got bitter at first but then you tried a different approach made your new way and are back to 100%.

Outstanding work.

 

[Mr. Me]

Sorry that the ex turned out to be a creep, but at least she got flushed out soon enough rather then years down the road and your story of your comeback is inspirational. Congratulations on it all.

I weighed in at 285 with 32% body fat on Feb 08.

Right after the new year, my trainer weighed me at 225 with 12% body fat

So, I basically lost 60 lbs in 11 months

Actually better: you lost 64 pounds of pure fat and gained 5 pounds of muscle. As you probably know, most people, when dieting, lose fat and muscle. And as you also probably know, it's difficult to put on muscle when you're on a cutting diet, so to maintain the lean tissue you had and even come out with 5 pounds more, and losing that much fat in the process, that's damn good.

gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look every time I tried to steer the conversation to something more sexual.

Not that I think guys ought to talk overtly sexually to a woman they've just met, but her deer-in-the-headlight look in her eyes may have been what some guys call the "doggy bowl" look, how a dog looks when it yearns for food in its bowl, like they're in a trance state, transfixed by you, which signals her high interest in you.

 

[Jitterbug]

Anyway, after she split, it suddenly hit me... the only women that were "standing by their men" through long hard illnesses were people that were much older and had been married for decades. My girl was 26 when this happened, still very hot, and could easily do better than an impotent, cancer-ridden, wounded combat vet who was 80 lbs overweight. It's really no surprise that she jumped ship.

"For better, for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health..."*

You don't have to justify her action for her.

I know women who stood by their men through LIFELONG illnesses that are even worse, and they were young when that happened too. They're from the older generations though.

* maybe these days that should be changed to "for better, for richer and in health..." Might as well cut out all the boring negative stuff.

 

[Werman]

Not that I think guys ought to talk overtly sexually to a woman they've just met, but her deer-in-the-headlight look in her eyes may have been what some guys call the "doggy bowl" look, how a dog looks when it yearns for food in its bowl, like they're in a trance state, transfixed by you, which signals her high interest in you.

Well, "sexual" may have been too strong of a word. Playful innuendo may be more apt. I don't recall everything I said specifically, but one example was her telling me about her power going out in her apartment a few nights back, and my response of "Y'know, that can actually be kinda fun if you're not alone" accompanied with an appropriately sly grin. She didn't bite, and just looked at me like I was strange. Also, her body language didn't communicate anything. When I leaned a bit towards her, she would lean away. When I tried touching her a bit, she pulled away. She was just giving off a very uninterested vibe. This may be due to lack of interest, or as our mutual friend told me, shyness. I don't know. I'll be happy to give her another shot if she wants it, but she is going to have to come after me. As you guys say on here, I have more plates to spin

"For better, for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health..."*

You don't have to justify her action for her.

I know women who stood by their men through LIFELONG illnesses that are even worse, and they were young when that happened too. They're from the older generations though.

* maybe these days that should be changed to "for better, for richer and in health..." Might as well cut out all the boring negative stuff.

Oh believe me, I hammered her with our vows. I pretty much threw everything in her face and made her realize that she was a w*hore. Further, I had become very close with her brothers, and I let them know what she did. Because of this, her family did not let her come home for the holidays and has pretty much severed all contact with her.

And, I'm not really trying to justify her actions, just understand them. Had I killed my wife when I caught her in adultery, people would have understood, but it wouldn't have been right.

I like your observation about older generations being the ones that stood by each other through lifelong illnesses. My ex is a prime example of the current generation's sense of entitlement. She truly felt like her "prime" was being taken from her. All of her friends were still acting like sluts on girls gone wild and she was trapped at home with an invalid husband. Not only did she want a piece of that action, she felt it was somehow owed to her. It's also interesting that when I relay this story to a woman 40+, they immediately say that she is a spoiled little brat, and when I relay it a woman in her mid 20s, they say it's an "unfortunate situation."

I guess they just don't make 'em like they used to.

 

[Mr. Me]

When I leaned a bit towards her, she would lean away. When I tried touching her a bit, she pulled away

When first meeting, I lean myself back in order to create a void to see if they'll lean in and to not signal my interest to them via my body language.

And I also don't touch them until they've touched me first (even then I don't touch them and that makes them amazingly more aggressive). Touching without being touched first can come off as creepy. Consider their touching you as the invitation for light touching back. Without an invite, you're considered crashing.

This may be due to lack of interest, or as our mutual friend told me, shyness. I don't know.

Shy girls will still make their interest known. There's another thread going on currently where the guy, IMO, is rationalizing the girl's disinterest as her being "shy", but as you evidenced in your sitch, they do make their interest known, alleged shyness or not, like when your "shy" chick contacted you directly to ask to see you again.

I'd say don't be concerned about her seeming like she's in a shell. Check her out and see what happens. She may be totally different when she's out with you. She may be a freak in the sheets too.

Oh believe me, I hammered her with our vows.

Problem is, when you're dealing with someone who's lost respect for you, lost love for you, has betrayed you, that the vows certainly don't mean crap to them at that point. They don't f@cking care. In fact, since the relationship with you is what they're trying to escape, the way they see it is as you're the Prison Guard trying to hammer them back into the prison.

 

[Werman]

Shy girls will still make their interest known. There's another thread going on currently where the guy, IMO, is rationalizing the girl's disinterest as her being "shy", but as you evidenced in your sitch, they do make their interest known, alleged shyness or not, like when your "shy" chick contacted you directly to ask to see you again.

I'd say don't be concerned about her seeming like she's in a shell. Check her out and see what happens. She may be totally different when she's out with you. She may be a freak in the sheets too.

Yeah, maybe you're right. I might pencil her in on a night I have free

Here's some more info on her that might aid your analysis:

+ I've known her for about 6 years as a friend of a friend.
+ She's been over at my house for parties both before and after my divorce.
+ She contacted me on Facebook around Thanksgiving of last year. And we began sending each other IM's when we happened to be online at the same time for the last few months.
+ She wasn't able to come to my last cookout, and apologized profusely online (much more than was necessary!) and at her birthday party that I "crashed" reiterated that she really wanted to come down to my house the next time I had a party.
+ Since Thanksgiving, she always greets and says goodbye with a hug. She doesn't hug anyone else. Further, when I had a cookout in January, she spent most of the night hanging with me and finding reasons to touch me. She would touch my hand when she would sit next to me, she would lightly grasp my arm when she would stand next to me, and she even started rubbing my shoulders after I was done grilling.

After her birthday party I finally decided to ask her out. The only reason I've not responded to her obvious signs of interest is because I'm really only just now getting fully recovered from everything. What it kind of feels like is me asking her out and starting to show the same levels of interest that she has been showing has taken her completely off-guard, which strikes me as kind of weird. It's almost like she has been teasing me all of this time for reasons unbeknownst to me.