Forgetting women names when meeting a group of them?

[DoubleA]

Forum,

What do I do when I meet meet a group of women and I forget names?

I was at a NBA game in a suite and asked the names of all four that showed up. I was booze free. The three I forgot were very stickable and in their twenties. I was watching the game hanging with a cat I knew from high school. So I wasn't really trying to socialize.

I didn't intentionally forget, because I am bad with names. I work in the food business so I hear TONS of names. After a while meeting one female is cool, I can focus. Meeting more than one and not focusing on one...I forget the names. Esp, while watching a NBA game LIVE. I wasn't trying to get put on.

One woman thought I was being arrogant by asking her name again.

Is it really that important to remember names in a small room of strangers? With women am I supposed to keep in mind that they are soo important that their names take priority ,after meeting them in a hour?

Is this wrong or am I being "aloof" to them?

Thanks.

- AA

 

[Jitterbug]

No it's not important and she's just giving you a little test (unless she really does think that highly about herself). As long as you don't take it seriously, you'll be fine. Give her a goofy nickname if you're in the mood.

 

[STR8UP]

This is something I find takes effort, but if you remember someone's name without asking again, it goes a long way.

Here is what I try to do...with each name you're told, give yourself a mental reminder. If her name is Sarah, picture Sara Lee pastries when you look at her. If her name is Judy, imagine Judy Jetson. Lois, think Superman. If it's Cheyenne, think of Wyoming, etc., etc.

Say their name when talking to them so you'll remember it. This also pays off because people love hearing their own name spoken to them. (This works in other areas besides seduction.)

Nailed it.

I used to be terrible with names. It was like they would go in one ear and out the other. Then I started bartending and realized that my livelihood depended on it.

I learned to do the association thing and it worked great. I have been slipping lately though and find myself cmoing up with crafty ways to try to get their names again after I realize that I wnna socialize more with them.

I need to brush up on my old techniques.

 

[Sinistar]

This may sound strange but I've noticed on a few occasions that having forgotten a woman's name was actually beneficial - sort of a neg hit (albeit strong). Follow it up with some C&F by purposely calling them an obvious wrong name. If they're not interested or they're a control freak/nutjob they'll try and take control of the situation (move on in this case). If they are interested they will get into it a bit, give you flak for not remembering, etc. In either case, if you don't get all insecure/wussy about it you are implicitly controlling the frame and broadcasting a level of indifference to her (something she's not used to).

 

[Warrior74]

I have the bad habit of doing a George Bush. I tend to give everyone nicknames and then I remember that. Met this hot blond saturday night and she kept joking about riding around the projects doing drive-by's, so we started to call her Shawtee Lo. Her name was Lori. It was the only way I could remember her name.

 

[Mr. Me]

Remember what Dale Carnegie wrote a long time ago that still holds very true today? He observed that the sweetest sound in the world to a person is the sound of their own name.

I used to have the impression that, if I forgot a name and asked for it again, that points would be scored because of my obvious follow through to make sure I got the name. But nooooo.....

A person's name is one of the most important pieces they have about themselves. It's extremely personal. It identifies them out of every one else in the world. It's the first bit of information given when meeting someone new. To let it go in one ear and out the other therefore is to send the message, whether intentional or not, that it is of no importance to you, and that's why you can lose or gain points by using it or not using it, regardless if it's in a social or business interaction.

At least you're aware that making sure you remember it from now on is a good thing to nail down. Nowadays I make it a point to remember names at the moment I'm introduced. If it's a group I'll be seeing again, I'll jot down their names somewhere so I can refresh my memory the next time I know I'm going to see them. When I go out, bartenders, wait staff, anyone and every one. I even note the name of a company rep whenever I call up a customer service department, just so I can use their name in talking with them and in thanking them. Makes things go better.

Got a great story about remembering names and the effect: I was on assignment covering a party for a NYC actress and a director a few years ago, one of the guests was Daniel Dae Kim, the actor (this was before he was on LOST). I recognized him, but couldn't recall his name. I had just seen him in an episode of Star Trek Voyager a few days before, so I called up my then wife, asked her to google for his name and got it. I went up to him and said something like, "Mr. Kim! My wife thinks you make a good looking astronaut!" His face lit up, and then he was extremely pleasant, gracious and cooperative in permitting me to cover my assignment. Compare that to another time when one night in NYC I found myself in an elevator with actor Burt Young, and I couldn't remember his name for the life of me, and like a moron I said, "Hey, you're... that guy..." He looked at me like I was stupid. Oh man! it didn't go over so well, LOL. Moral of the story: Do remember (and use) names.

 

[squirrels]

Use it or lose it.

Your mind is not a store-once-and-forget device. It works on stimulation and association.

Stimulation means that the more often the brain receives a stimulus, the more readily that stimulus is activated. For example, if you stare at an image long enough, you'll see that image when you close your eyes.

So USE her name when she gives it to you. "And you are? Jennifer? Nice to meet you Jennifer. <small talk> So Jennifer, tell me about..."

Not only do girls love it when you use their name, the repeated use makes it harder for you to forget.

The association thing is one step above that. It stimulates your brain in conjunction with another stimulus, generating a pattern. And if there's anything your brain LOVES to do more than anything else, it's form patterns.

You know how your brain remembers a person when you hear a song, for example? Same deal. The association game works on this principle.

If some off-the-wall image is too much, try just cracking a joke on the name. "What's your name? Stacey? So, Stacey...does your mom in fact 'got it going on'?" Now when you see her, you'll think of that song...and remember the name.

2 years of psych class and the only thing I got useful out of it was the patterning thing. My Cognitive Psych professor actually taught it to the class. He gave us a "shopping list" and told us to think about a trip we took every day, and associate a different part of that trip with a different item on the shopping list. That was what, nearly 10 years ago and I still remember at least half of that shopping list.

And if all else fails...do what I do. When it comes time to get her number, give her your phone and let HER punch in her name and number.

 

[Mr. Me]

He gave us a "shopping list" and told us to think about a trip we took every day, and associate a different part of that trip with a different item on the shopping list. That was what, nearly 10 years ago and I still remember at least half of that shopping list.

Here's the thing I could never understand, I just maybe don't get it. Whenever I see that memory technique of mnemonics (associating something else with the stuff you want to remember), I always wonder: if you're gonna remember all this other stuff (allegedly because it's easier to remember), why can't you just remember the stuff you're supposed to remember in the first place? Now you have to remember what you associated it with. "Uh, yeah...your name... it sounded like a famous song title... uhhhh"

Anyway, it goes to show you, that all the stuff you wanna remember is in your memory bank already there and waiting to be retrieved, it just needs help being retrieved.

That's why we can recognize faces but can't recall the names. We remember the faces and see them over and over again, but we don't get the names associated with those faces repeated over and over again every time. By repeating the names and consciously thinking about them ourselves, we forge the passageway to those memories in our synapsis. Sio the name becomes associated with a face.

Forging the synapsis is why people can remember events from long ago (they've repeated recalling the memory many times since) but can't recall what they had for lunch last Tuesday (the memory was never recalled).

This is why I think it would be better to have our faces on our business cards rather then our names.

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

I have made it a point in recent years to try to memorize peoples names as I meet them. My way is pretty simple in that when a person gives me their name I just verbally repeat the first letter and then their name whispered to myself when I am away from them about 10 times or more. So if it's Debby after I meet them and walk away I whisper to myself in a discreet way "D" for Debby 10 times or more and it sticks in my memory. Works for me anyway.

It's like when you get a phone number when you dial 411 and you want to remember it and you don't have a pen handy, typically you verbally mouth the numbers to remember it. There's something about verbally hearing information that makes you remember it.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Names are important and say em often and liberally. You should say the target's name in almost every sentence.

 

[xectxny19x]

at first, it's a conscious effort with improving your memory. after that, it's very easy. i can remember people's name (who I don't even care about, mentioned once) and remember what they said years later.

using their name often after first meeting them helps.

 

[picard]

it happens to me to in a party. I forget a woman name after talking to her 10min ago.