For those still in denial...

[GreyedOut]

I rarely post but am an avid reader. I came across this post on another forum and my jaw dropped. I think it encompasses everything discussed here perfectly.

I was in a relationship for over 3 years. He was my first everything and I truly loved him at first site. Nobody thought he was good enough for me (not even his mother), but I didn't care. I moved to another state for him and made sacrifices as far as my finances, education, and friendships. We lived together for a year and a half. When my mother fell ill about a year ago he stopped coming home many nights. Eventually, he didn't come home at all on weekends and came home at around 3am on weeknights. He became very secretive and I caught him in tons of lies. It was such a shocking change from only a month prior when he had asked me to marry him. I was very isolated and dependent so I tried to make things work. I was terribly worried about my mother, had left all of my friends and family, was working full time, and enrolled in college full time. Our relationship had become very abusive over time and I hadn't even realized it. I became resentful and bitter.

In early February we broke up. I went home to be with my ill mother and before I left he asked for me back. We decided we would work on things when I returned a month later. When I returned I started dating someone else, but quickly ended things as my ex and I started dating again (we were still living together). As soon as I left the other guy my ex changed his tune and stopped coming home again. I returned to my ill mother for another month and when I returned my ex stood me up at the airport. I returned to our apartment to find another woman's earring under our bed and the sheets in the dryer (he never does the laundry). He had explanations for everything.

Things went back and forth for a while. I eventually packed up and went to spend the summer with my family. My mother had life threatening surgery over the summer and suffered some complications. The doctors thought she would likely not survive surgery. The week before my mom underwent surgery my ex came to visit. He told me he loved me and wanted to make things right. He told me he was certain I was who he wanted to spend his life with. We got back together and had an amazing 10 days together. He even donated blood to my mother. Things felt right again. As my mom came out of surgery (still with tubes down her throat and fighting for her life) I received a text from my friend to check my facebook. My ex had changed his status to "in a relationship" with another woman! He ignored my phone calls and I haven't seen him since. Within about a month his new girlfriend had moved into "our apartment" and he gave her my diamond earrings.

I found out about his lies and cheating. I feel like 3.5 years of my life were an illusion. My heart is just broken. I'm smart and attractive. Since our breakup I have had several marriage proposals (mostly from his friends who had patiently waited for us to breakup). I just can't seem to recover. I don't understand how someone could be so cruel. Unfortunately, I am stuck at the same university as him (I only attended because of him). I dread going to class because I don't want to run into him on campus. My finances are a mess thanks to him. He's totally ruined me and I just don't know when the pain will stop.

I'm dating a wonderful guy, but it just doesn't feel right. He's introduced me to his parents and I think he is seriously planning on a future with me. I find myself annoyed by everything he says and does. My ex is 26 and still supported by his father, 2+ years from graduating, no career goals, a criminal record, and currently attending mandated alcohol classes (he's an alcoholic). My current bf is the same age, but has a degree, a good job, and owns a house. I don't know why I just can't get over my ex. Physical intimacy with anyone else makes me feel absolutely sick.

Do you think it's likely I'll every feel the way I felt about my ex again? I'm sorry for the long post.

 

[penkitten]

she hasn't had time to recover from her last relationship and needs time to mend before being so serious with the new boyfriend who wants a future with her. if she continues to see him and get serious, it will end with his heart shattering because she won't be able to commit fully yet.

if she were being honest with herself, she would know that this is true.
perhaps she could relocate and finish school back home. go back to mom's and not look at the ex everyday. change would do her soul good right now.

 

[synergy1]

Since our breakup I have had several marriage proposals (mostly from his friends who had patiently waited for us to breakup).

here are the satellites waiting for the bf to drop out of the picture only to get shut down.

This post is a great 'show not tell' example of what women really want. Insanity is defined loosely as trying the same thing expecting different results, and she keeps going back to this dude expecting different results - that corollary means women are insane ( just joking, but really). While this doesn't represent a majority, I am sure it is representative on a significant level.

One example within my own group is a chick who my friend was dating for a year, but stopped seeing. my friend is akin to hank moody and can wheel as good as any of them. Basically he flat out stops seeing this chick, and starts dating others. At one point, he is banging another chick while she is downstairs completely wrecked over it. What happens a month later? She asks him to go to a wedding with her. All the chicks in this group say how much they hate how he acts, but all of them would (and do) line up to get with this guy.

 

[Falcon25]

Please see http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=178754

 

[cordoncordon]

she hasn't had time to recover from her last relationship and needs time to mend before being so serious with the new boyfriend who wants a future with her. if she continues to see him and get serious, it will end with his heart shattering because she won't be able to commit fully yet.

if she were being honest with herself, she would know that this is true.
perhaps she could relocate and finish school back home. go back to mom's and not look at the ex everyday. change would do her soul good right now.

I agree 100%. She'll be fine as soon as she moves away from there.

 

[Warrior74]

she hasn't had time to recover from her last relationship and needs time to mend before being so serious with the new boyfriend who wants a future with her. if she continues to see him and get serious, it will end with his heart shattering because she won't be able to commit fully yet.

if she were being honest with herself, she would know that this is true.
perhaps she could relocate and finish school back home. go back to mom's and not look at the ex everyday. change would do her soul good right now.

LOL whatever. Badboys just make the gina tingle, beta nice guys do not.

 

[DJ2010]

I found out about his lies and cheating. I feel like 3.5 years of my life were an illusion. My heart is just broken. I'm smart and attractive. Since our breakup I have had several marriage proposals (mostly from his friends who had patiently waited for us to breakup). I just can't seem to recover. I don't understand how someone could be so cruel. Unfortunately, I am stuck at the same university as him (I only attended because of him). I dread going to class because I don't want to run into him on campus. My finances are a mess thanks to him. He's totally ruined me and I just don't know when the pain will stop.

O RLY?

 

[loveshogun]

So women can be AFCs too. Not surprising. I know many girls just like this. The kind that don't just kick a dude to the curb when she's clearly not happy with him.

Let's break it down:

Male is to Female as...
... the AFC is to the Hopeless Romantic (this chick)...
... the Bad Boy is to the Hyper B*tch...
... the Elusive DJ is to the Elusive Good Woman...

Men and women are both similar and different in many ways that we don't even think about.

Keep those eyes open.