KingOfTheCastle
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- May 9, 2011
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OK. This site and forum.. AMAZING.
Let me start by saying I am a "former n1ce guy", transition still taking place but its well on its way. It took me until my late 20's, but "I get it" now. Please excuse the length of this post, tried to keep it short.
I am 6 months out of a 6+yr LTR. Basically got cheated on and dumped.. I hit bottom really fast, but bounced back with determination to kick a$$ in life. Realized I am now much better off and it's like a new chance at life. Started going out a ton, working out, improving everything possible. A 5+ year "DJ" took me under his wing (my dating skills were never sharp, but locked up with rust after a 6+yr LTR) and although not used to a wing man, helped me gain confidence and start heading in all the right directions. I can really drive em crazy now, get them to chase and stir them all up inside.. Its great, I was always the NG who got FZ'd before my whole life..
So here is where I need confirmation and a little personalized guidance when "round 3" comes and it's truly game on.
I knew her in HS 15 years ago. I had a bigger thing for her than anyone ever before or since then it was maddening. She was taken, and I became friends but respected and didn't make any moves. Well lets just say an accident happened, nobody got hurt, but she felt guilty towards me and couldn't face me really after that. I "handled" the accident and she never had to ever be bothered by it. I let go (PAINFUL) and we drifted apart and didn't see each other but in passing a few times after HS. Fast Forward 12 years. I run into her at a bar. She was with her BF, but we hit it off like it was 15 years ago, she was telling her BF all about me and I thought great, wow. whatever, she was the one that got away and she is saying all this?
Fast forward 2 months. her relationship ends. She was maybe 2 weeks outside of a 2yr. I track her number down from a friend because I decided, what the hay.. Started texting a bit, then I backed off.. Weeks later a little more and then set up a lets all go out with some mutual friends and "hang out" then get drinks etc.. Well anyway, We started hanging out more and more, 24, 36, 48+ straight hours, fewer and fewer group settings and more just the 2 of us.. It felt like FZ'd for a minute, but then was getting what I would call clear signs it wasn't other times. I wasn't stealth dating, making contact/keno, and was working on shifting the power over to me and all was seemingly going well. She is very pretty and gets stared at by guys like hungry dogs everywhere, hit on constantly. She says she loves the sweet/nice guys.. but I've always seen her go for the alpha's, unless they are mean to her directly. Anyway, We "clicked", she was talking about how compatible we were, romantic astrological signs etc. But I felt in no rush to run to the bed room, I never made a real "move". I started slipping back into a NG routine because I was seriously falling for her. Things were moving so fast, I felt I knew her more and connected better than my GF in my 6+yr LTR in just 6 weeks! I was keeping my cool, and letting her start calling me and texting me etc. But that's when I drove off the cliff.
My deeply buried "thing" for her from 14 years past (she still crossed my mind now and then over the years too) flared up, and with my heart and brain fighting over how to act mixed with an amazing weekend of drinking/partying.. I slipped. I didn't tell her "ILY" or anything, but I saw a pic on my phone her bestie took and I didn't even know happened.. It was me not paying attention and her leaning in for a ki$$ from my side, eyes closed and all. when I saw the picture, I blew a fuse, I tweaked, I lost my cool. I made it a little awkward for a second because I was like, what? when was this?.. But then I all of a sudden got all needy and sprung, my walls caved and later that night didn't outright say "ILY" but I let her know, in kind of a weak/needy way.. left her a little note, called her left 1 vm, then a text the next day saying I know we just spent a bunch of time, but I miss you..
Since then she instantly dropped all direct contact.
I know life is very turbulent for her right now, ex BF, family, job loss.. all within months. (I actually care, I know, I know..) (she didn't delete me on FB or anything like that) She was still responsive until I called asking to meet up, then texted I miss on those two consecutive days.. I really slipped up there.. Oneitus, she truly is my "the one that got away".. But I firmly believe I will have another chance. If in the end, it doesn't work out. That's life. Ef it. But that is not going to stop be from doing anything possible to not eff it up again if another opportunity arises.
We had a tentative plan to all do something with a big groups of friends, I am essentially orchestrating it. So I did send 1 text after almost 3 weeks. It was indifferent, basically such and such awesome thing is still hapnin next weekend, let me know if your still down to go with everyone. Anyway that was a few days ago, no returned contact still.
So, my plan is I have a life to live. People to meet and places to go and a ton of fun to have. I have a career in an industry that everyone wants to be a part of with an industry giant.. anyway.. I am going to continue to be indifferent, and not contact her, even anything target towards her on social networking etc. She has something of mine, that ultimately means nothing to me next to her, but has monetary and sentimental value and she knows it. I am sure, if I keep loving and living life and excelling, I will hear back from her with some explanation or something at some point in the future. There are more tentative "group" plans 6-12 months out with large groups of mutual friends.
Objective: I want to start doing the family thing in my 30's, would want to give myself any advantage I can for it to end up being with her... If not her, give myself the best chance I could have with whomever is lucky enough to land me.
Questions:
1. Does "moving on" and not chasing at all, and literally moving on (not just pretending) and improving my life in any way possible and have all the fun I can stand/afford give me the best chance at getting her attention, possibly attraction and for her to chase or try to contact?
(OMG I know it has with my ex from my LTR, SHE IS CALLING ME AND EMAILING ME NON-STOP and has a new BF, but tells me she dreams about me etc etc etc.. and she did this to us, and crying etc... The more I am over that, the more she is chasing me.. WOW that was an unintended consiqunce, but EXACTLY like the DJ's in this forum say it could work.)
2. (if and) When she does contact me, continue the indifference but be polite and make myself not easily available?
3. There is a strong chance we may truly accidentally bump into each other in person. Should I do like number 2 and stay aloof, indifferent.. Or should I start with that and feel out some way of leaving her wanting more.
Any additional advice / info.
If you read this whole thing, you are awesome and maybe one day I can buy you a beer!
Let me start by saying I am a "former n1ce guy", transition still taking place but its well on its way. It took me until my late 20's, but "I get it" now. Please excuse the length of this post, tried to keep it short.
I am 6 months out of a 6+yr LTR. Basically got cheated on and dumped.. I hit bottom really fast, but bounced back with determination to kick a$$ in life. Realized I am now much better off and it's like a new chance at life. Started going out a ton, working out, improving everything possible. A 5+ year "DJ" took me under his wing (my dating skills were never sharp, but locked up with rust after a 6+yr LTR) and although not used to a wing man, helped me gain confidence and start heading in all the right directions. I can really drive em crazy now, get them to chase and stir them all up inside.. Its great, I was always the NG who got FZ'd before my whole life..
So here is where I need confirmation and a little personalized guidance when "round 3" comes and it's truly game on.
I knew her in HS 15 years ago. I had a bigger thing for her than anyone ever before or since then it was maddening. She was taken, and I became friends but respected and didn't make any moves. Well lets just say an accident happened, nobody got hurt, but she felt guilty towards me and couldn't face me really after that. I "handled" the accident and she never had to ever be bothered by it. I let go (PAINFUL) and we drifted apart and didn't see each other but in passing a few times after HS. Fast Forward 12 years. I run into her at a bar. She was with her BF, but we hit it off like it was 15 years ago, she was telling her BF all about me and I thought great, wow. whatever, she was the one that got away and she is saying all this?
Fast forward 2 months. her relationship ends. She was maybe 2 weeks outside of a 2yr. I track her number down from a friend because I decided, what the hay.. Started texting a bit, then I backed off.. Weeks later a little more and then set up a lets all go out with some mutual friends and "hang out" then get drinks etc.. Well anyway, We started hanging out more and more, 24, 36, 48+ straight hours, fewer and fewer group settings and more just the 2 of us.. It felt like FZ'd for a minute, but then was getting what I would call clear signs it wasn't other times. I wasn't stealth dating, making contact/keno, and was working on shifting the power over to me and all was seemingly going well. She is very pretty and gets stared at by guys like hungry dogs everywhere, hit on constantly. She says she loves the sweet/nice guys.. but I've always seen her go for the alpha's, unless they are mean to her directly. Anyway, We "clicked", she was talking about how compatible we were, romantic astrological signs etc. But I felt in no rush to run to the bed room, I never made a real "move". I started slipping back into a NG routine because I was seriously falling for her. Things were moving so fast, I felt I knew her more and connected better than my GF in my 6+yr LTR in just 6 weeks! I was keeping my cool, and letting her start calling me and texting me etc. But that's when I drove off the cliff.
My deeply buried "thing" for her from 14 years past (she still crossed my mind now and then over the years too) flared up, and with my heart and brain fighting over how to act mixed with an amazing weekend of drinking/partying.. I slipped. I didn't tell her "ILY" or anything, but I saw a pic on my phone her bestie took and I didn't even know happened.. It was me not paying attention and her leaning in for a ki$$ from my side, eyes closed and all. when I saw the picture, I blew a fuse, I tweaked, I lost my cool. I made it a little awkward for a second because I was like, what? when was this?.. But then I all of a sudden got all needy and sprung, my walls caved and later that night didn't outright say "ILY" but I let her know, in kind of a weak/needy way.. left her a little note, called her left 1 vm, then a text the next day saying I know we just spent a bunch of time, but I miss you..
Since then she instantly dropped all direct contact.
I know life is very turbulent for her right now, ex BF, family, job loss.. all within months. (I actually care, I know, I know..) (she didn't delete me on FB or anything like that) She was still responsive until I called asking to meet up, then texted I miss on those two consecutive days.. I really slipped up there.. Oneitus, she truly is my "the one that got away".. But I firmly believe I will have another chance. If in the end, it doesn't work out. That's life. Ef it. But that is not going to stop be from doing anything possible to not eff it up again if another opportunity arises.
We had a tentative plan to all do something with a big groups of friends, I am essentially orchestrating it. So I did send 1 text after almost 3 weeks. It was indifferent, basically such and such awesome thing is still hapnin next weekend, let me know if your still down to go with everyone. Anyway that was a few days ago, no returned contact still.
So, my plan is I have a life to live. People to meet and places to go and a ton of fun to have. I have a career in an industry that everyone wants to be a part of with an industry giant.. anyway.. I am going to continue to be indifferent, and not contact her, even anything target towards her on social networking etc. She has something of mine, that ultimately means nothing to me next to her, but has monetary and sentimental value and she knows it. I am sure, if I keep loving and living life and excelling, I will hear back from her with some explanation or something at some point in the future. There are more tentative "group" plans 6-12 months out with large groups of mutual friends.
Objective: I want to start doing the family thing in my 30's, would want to give myself any advantage I can for it to end up being with her... If not her, give myself the best chance I could have with whomever is lucky enough to land me.
Questions:
1. Does "moving on" and not chasing at all, and literally moving on (not just pretending) and improving my life in any way possible and have all the fun I can stand/afford give me the best chance at getting her attention, possibly attraction and for her to chase or try to contact?
(OMG I know it has with my ex from my LTR, SHE IS CALLING ME AND EMAILING ME NON-STOP and has a new BF, but tells me she dreams about me etc etc etc.. and she did this to us, and crying etc... The more I am over that, the more she is chasing me.. WOW that was an unintended consiqunce, but EXACTLY like the DJ's in this forum say it could work.)
2. (if and) When she does contact me, continue the indifference but be polite and make myself not easily available?
3. There is a strong chance we may truly accidentally bump into each other in person. Should I do like number 2 and stay aloof, indifferent.. Or should I start with that and feel out some way of leaving her wanting more.
Any additional advice / info.
If you read this whole thing, you are awesome and maybe one day I can buy you a beer!