Flaked twice on the same day by the same girl

[Blues]

First of all, i aint kidding about the thread title.

Here's my story

I met this 28 year old girl through a colleague of mine a week ago. She does events, teaches ballet and DJs on the side. Found her rather attractive and interesting. We got along well and exchanged numbers.

Called her a few days later to set up a quick coffee for the following day. She said sure no problem.

On that day itself, she sent me a sms saying that she had to help out at some event later and could not make it with me. She was meeting my colleague for lunch later the next day and asked me to join. Told her i already had plans and to meet up some other time then.

Later that night, she text me again asking if wanted to do supper after her event. I asked her what time she would be done as i'm out with a friend. SO she said about 11pm but will have to update me. Also told me to go ahead first if i had any plans.

I was with my friend about 1130pm no call from her hence i just left first. She text me later about 1am, apologizing and said her event just ended.

I didnt reply her till the next day after settling all my errands.

Told her that she has to make it up to me the next time round. She said she definitely will.

Hate to admit it but i was feeling rather disappointed and upset about this whole issue.

First girl i asked out after coming out of a LTR and this happened.

I've decided that if she really wants to meet me again, she will ask. If not then i wont bother.

Would like to hear what you guys have to say about this.

 

[jophil28]

Technically she did not "flake" . She canceled once and countered with a lunch offer. Next time she made a loose arrangements with you to meet late at night after she finished taking care of business. That didn't happen till 1am.
You made the mistake of allowing the circumstances of her life to dictate your meetup terms.

After the coffee date cancelation I would have placed her in the "difficult" category and then I would ONLY agree to meet up with her when she was GUARANTEED to be free for an entire night. No interruptions, no obstacles.

Frankly. in your position I would have been a little disappointed that I missed a hottie, but getting pissed does seem excessively emotional given the flow of events.

 

[Boilermaker]

Frankly. in your position I would have been a little disappointed that I missed a hottie, but getting pissed does seem excessively emotional given the flow of events.

tell that to the guy who meets a hottie the first time he gets out of an LTR uncle... high expectations..

It's hard to be rational when your whole understanding is based on irrational presumptions.

DO MORE EXPECT LESS

I've got to make this my signature

 

[Blues]

Technically she did not "flake" . She canceled once and countered with a lunch offer. Next time she made a loose arrangements with you to meet late at night after she finished taking care of business. That didn't happen till 1am.
You made the mistake of allowing the circumstances of her life to dictate your meetup terms.

After the coffee date cancelation I would have placed her in the "difficult" category and then I would ONLY agree to meet up with her when she was GUARANTEED to be free for an entire night. No interruptions, no obstacles.

Frankly. in your position I would have been a little disappointed that I missed a hottie, but getting pissed does seem excessively emotional given the flow of events.

Thanks for the tip Jophil. Next time if she does give me uncertainty, i wont agree to a meet up.

Should i initiate another meet up or not?

 

[Blues]

tell that to the guy who meets a hottie the first time he gets out of an LTR uncle... high expectations..

It's hard to be rational when your whole understanding is based on irrational presumptions.

DO MORE EXPECT LESS

I've got to make this my signature

Yeah. Coming out of a 3 yr LTR, being back in the game seems extra hard. Its like starting back at square one.

Probably need some time to place less importance of such things

 

[jophil28]

Thanks for the tip Jophil. Next time if she does give me uncertainty, i wont agree to a meet up.

Should i initiate another meet up or not?

I understand that you are freshly out of an LTR and you haven't got your
"sea legs" yet, BUT you better take some time to create some rules of engagement for yourself to minimize being messed around by unreliable or unavailable women.
Never, ever agree to go on "maybe" dates..you are always at the mercy of their "whims" . I have tried enough of them to realize that a loose arrangement to "hang out" is really an invitation for her to change her mind, or to accept any other offer that floats across her cone of vision.

IF I were you I would let this woman contact you. IF she does not do so in three weeks, lose her #.

Start creating or joining a social circle or join an existing one in some way.
Next, join some recreation organisations or fun/hobby groups. Look for ones with lots of women -they have lots of girlfriends.

 

[Blues]

I understand that you are freshly out of an LTR and you haven't got your
"sea legs" yet, BUT you better take some time to create some rules of engagement for yourself to minimize being messed around by unreliable or unavailable women.
Never, ever agree to go on "maybe" dates..you are always at the mercy of their "whims" . I have tried enough of them to realize that a loose arrangement to "hang out" is really an invitation for her to change her mind, or to accept any other offer that floats across her cone of vision.

IF I were you I would let this woman contact you. IF she does not do so in three weeks, lose her #.

Start creating or joining a social circle or join an existing one in some way.
Next, join some recreation organisations or fun/hobby groups. Look for ones with lots of women -they have lots of girlfriends.

Thanks again Jophil. Like you said, i really need some time to get my boundaries back together. NO more half-ass date arrangements

Any idea what are some good groups to join which are mostly women? I'm not big on dancing though.

 

[Boilermaker]

I understand that you are freshly out of an LTR and you haven't got your
"sea legs" yet, BUT you better take some time to create some rules of engagement for yourself to minimize being messed around by unreliable or unavailable women.
Never, ever agree to go on "maybe" dates..you are always at the mercy of their "whims" . I have tried enough of them to realize that a loose arrangement to "hang out" is really an invitation for her to change her mind, or to accept any other offer that floats across her cone of vision.

IF I were you I would let this woman contact you. IF she does not do so in three weeks, lose her #.

Start creating or joining a social circle or join an existing one in some way.
Next, join some recreation organisations or fun/hobby groups. Look for ones with lots of women -they have lots of girlfriends.

^^

I emailed this post to some of my buddies who are meekly waiting for the "instructions" ( that are subject to change anytime) on HOW to and WHERE to date by the feet of their slaveholders.

Men in general seem to be affected by a pervasive Stockholm syndrome: If women are NOT abusing them in the whole ordeal, they deserve to be ADULATED and LOVED..

 

[Sir-M]

Frankly. in your position I would have been a little disappointed that I missed a hottie, but getting pissed does seem excessively emotional given the flow of events.

Some excellent bits of advice i see, id like to quote more than one, but are unable to.

Breathe.. she promised to make it up to you... set up another date.. and observe how far she has to get out of her way to make sure the date comes through.. so nothing short of an act of God will be excusable... but also remember some women (many infact) still like to be chased, and like to make you sweat, and determine how your day should be run... You are a DJ... you have things your way.

 

[Blues]

Some excellent bits of advice i see, id like to quote more than one, but are unable to.

Breathe.. she promised to make it up to you... set up another date.. and observe how far she has to get out of her way to make sure the date comes through.. so nothing short of an act of God will be excusable... but also remember some women (many infact) still like to be chased, and like to make you sweat, and determine how your day should be run... You are a DJ... you have things your way.

As tempting as it might sound to contact her for another date. I have to go with Jophil with this one.

I dont think there's much of an interest level to begin with so i rather cut my losses and spend it on girls who deserve it.

If she calls that great, if not than too bad

 

[squirrels]

Technically she did not "flake" . She canceled once and countered with a lunch offer. Next time she made a loose arrangements with you to meet late at night after she finished taking care of business. That didn't happen till 1am.
You made the mistake of allowing the circumstances of her life to dictate your meetup terms.

I'd agree with this.

Dude, when she started talking about the dinner date at 11-11:30, you probably should not have expected much. You were right to just be out with a buddy and let it go when she didn't call.

The thing is she probably WANTS to see you...she's just socially inept. I've been out before with girls who don't consider the temporal dynamic of "dates". They are always busy with SOMETHING and they will allot so many hours in their schedule to a "date"...but it puts them in the mindset that the date is "just another appointment". They come in treating it like something on their calendar that they HAVE to do, instead of being relaxed and sociable.

This girl sounds like she's on-the-go...likely if she HAD met with you as scheduled, she would've seemed distant and hurried. Those dates, you have to either seize control of the frame instantly, or just eat your food and go home.

Any girl who doesn't at least spend SOME time getting SLIGHTLY dolled up for a first date probably isn't worth wasting a lot of time on. F**k her if you can...if not, enjoy the company and then let her go.

I've made this mistake a couple of times in the last couple months...run into girls who are very busy...I didn't push too hard for the "close", but I think that's exactly what they were looking for. Girls on the move don't find time to f**k...but they have needs too. If you can get 'em out, try to get frisky on date #1.

 

[MatureDJ]

I think squirrels has the right idea. Women - even the intelligent ones - are very bad at managing time frames (interestingly, prostitutes are very good at managing the clock :crackup:.) She seems to have a certain level of interest - just not a high one at this point (and since she is such a busy body, she probably has never had high interest in any man, at least at first.) I would just tell her to call when she has some free time - but only if that free time is guaranteed. If her interest level is high enough, she will call.

 

[Blues]

I think squirrels has the right idea. Women - even the intelligent ones - are very bad at managing time frames (interestingly, prostitutes are very good at managing the clock :crackup:.) She seems to have a certain level of interest - just not a high one at this point (and since she is such a busy body, she probably has never had high interest in any man, at least at first.) I would just tell her to call when she has some free time - but only if that free time is guaranteed. If her interest level is high enough, she will call.

Well she did call me today on the phone to ask me about some stuff. No mention of asking me out. And i didnt bring it up as well. Ended the call after 5mins and tht was it.

Was quite surprised she actually called though.

So do i still wait for her to initiate the next meet up?

 

[Die Hard]

So tell us what happened further, it's been more than two weeks. I'm really curious!

 

[window]

technically this chick did flake but as a test I think as she is floating between wanting to bone you and low interest...and you made many mistakes. The first was the sms downgrade to a friend date i.e more than two people. You should have called her out and said no thanks period...this would immediately tell her you are for real and want to sex her. All men do but she needs to work out how big your gonads are. Your answer was ok though and enough to get her to check once more. So she texts you at 11pm for supper ? wtf you should've answered the phone but given you did you should have just said you've had dinner and are heading home and if she likes she can come over so you can enjoy her this would have been like a thunderbolt and perfectly acceptable given the time of night she was texting. By saying ok to supper and then saying ok to whatever time she was finished is very weak, way to available and just plain too easy for her. She was never going to call you.

She was flaking as she tried to downgrade the initial date to a friend date. She only text back later that night as most guys would have said yes to the downgrade. So you passed with a B as you said no but lets make plans for another time which is a way of saying her bs change of plans is ok. A guy in high demand with many options would have just blown her off as soon as she tried to make other plans via text.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Technically I don't think anyone flaked, I think plans just haven't meshed yet, you say here: "Told her i already had plans and to meet up some other time then."

Then her thing ran late. Don't get upset over it. Does sound like she wants to meet, give a bit more time, if she blows you off after some concrete plans were setup then getting upset is a little justifiable [but even then in life that happens too, as long as she keeps making efforts to try and meetup give it a bit of flex].

 

[Blues]

Technically I don't think anyone flaked, I think plans just haven't meshed yet, you say here: "Told her i already had plans and to meet up some other time then."

Then her thing ran late. Don't get upset over it. Does sound like she wants to meet, give a bit more time, if she blows you off after some concrete plans were setup then getting upset is a little justifiable [but even then in life that happens too, as long as she keeps making efforts to try and meetup give it a bit of flex].

You're right about it Buddha. Just an update for you guys. I met up with her once after that episode for a quick drink. We arranged to meet again the following week but she had to cancel due to work. She's a freelance dance teacher so her schedule can be rather unpredictable.

At that point in time, i told myself i don't really want to waste time with such inconvenience. So i just stopped contacting her.

She called me after Xmas to chat abit. Text me a few days after when she found out i was sick from a mutual friend asking if i was ok.

She called me on NYE to ask me out but i already had plans. She then sms me yesterday asking me out next week to make up for the last cancelled date.

So we will be meeting again, i'm not expecting much and who knows, i might get cancelled on again

But that's fine, i'm currently dating 2 other girls who are showing high interest.

Life is good