first post - my situation pretty complicated!

[rich_uk]

i just found this site a couple of days ago and i thought i would try and explain my situation.

me and a friend both like the same girl, she knows he likes her but they dont seem to get on that well and she doesnt seem to like him. she doesnt know i like her but we get on really well and when i told him i liked her as well he said he was fine. but now he has been avoiding me for ages.

anyway, a load of us are going to play soccer and american football tomorrow and i want to show the other guy up. he cant throw and he cant kick so it shouldnt be hard. so the real question is how should i act around the girl?

dont worry im not really in the friends zone with her as i hardly know her and we always flirt around each other so should i just keep flirting or what? shes pretty shy but about a 9 on the scale so i think shes worth thinking about. any help is appreciated guys!

 

[Ronny_Neumonic II]

Bros before hoes. I say you let your friend try his luck with her or whatever. Even though he said he's fine with it he probably isn't. By saying that he was probably trying to be a good FRIEND. And of coarse now you want to pay him back for that by "showing him up"??? Good god...


The fact that you feel this way about the girl is also bad. You like a *girl* so much that you want to sacrifice a friendship? How do you know she even likes you?

 

[The Bishop]

Originally posted by Ronny_Neumonic II
Bros before hoes. I say you let your friend try his luck with her or whatever. Even though he said he's fine with it he probably isn't. By saying that he was probably trying to be a good FRIEND. And of coarse now you want to pay him back for that by "showing him up"??? Good god...


The fact that you feel this way about the girl is also bad. You like a *girl* so much that you want to sacrifice a friendship? How do you know she even likes you?

Bros b4 hoes- number 1 rule to dating, hands down.

 

[PiHiPlaya]

Originally posted by The Bishop
Bros b4 hoes- number 1 rule to dating, hands down.

Ronny And Bishop are right, never sacrifice a good friend for a woman. You only need 15 minutes to build rapport with a woman to get her number, and another 5 minutes to call her up for a date. Whereas in takes years and years to build a quality friendship with a guy... now would you wanna sacrifice years and years for 20 Minutes?

Also, you shouldn't act differently around a girl... i'm not telling you to be yourself, i'm telling you to do whatever you want within the Sosuave guidelines.

And BTW, start reading the bible. Top Right Hand Corner of the Screen, and start reading the golden age of grotesque bible. I highly reccomend secrets of the jerk, by pook.

 

[rich_uk]

ok let me add this:

when i told him that i liked her i said and i quote, "dont worry though, im not planning on doing anything because your my friend and bros come before hos, you're more important than her"he said he was fine if i wasnt going to act on it.

BUT afterwards he said to another friend of mine "what the f*ck is he talking about? i dont care if he goes for it or not cos he obviously doesnt have a chance"

he has been slaggin me off behind my back and avoiding me, then when i confronted him about it (on 2 occasions) he completely denied it all. then the next day started doing it all again.

SO am i justified in going for the girl?

 

[The Bishop]

Originally posted by rich_uk
ok let me add this:

when i told him that i liked her i said and i quote, "dont worry though, im not planning on doing anything because your my friend and bros come before hos, you're more important than her"he said he was fine if i wasnt going to act on it.

BUT afterwards he said to another friend of mine "what the f*ck is he talking about? i dont care if he goes for it or not cos he obviously doesnt have a chance"

he has been slaggin me off behind my back and avoiding me, then when i confronted him about it (on 2 occasions) he completely denied it all. then the next day started doing it all again.

SO am i justified in going for the girl?

no, you aren't justified. It should be pretty obvious to you that he ISNT okay with it, so just find another girl. NEVER, i repeat NEVER choose a girl over your friend, if there is any chance for friction at all. This might sound like bad advice to you now, but TRUST me on this one.

I almost lost a friend when i went out with his ex, and i certainly dont want something similar to happen to you.

 

[rich_uk]

so i should just back off completely?

i havent done anything as such yet because i wanted to wait and see what happened with them. if they dont get together should i wait a while and go for it? or just try and forget her?

 

[PiHiPlaya]

go tell you buddy that you don't want the girl anymore... and mean it, back of the woman completely.

 

[rich_uk]

Originally posted by PiHiPlaya
Ronny And Bishop are right, never sacrifice a good friend for a woman. You only need 15 minutes to build rapport with a woman to get her number, and another 5 minutes to call her up for a date. Whereas in takes years and years to build a quality friendship with a guy... now would you wanna sacrifice years and years for 20 Minutes?

im not THAT good friends with him, just started hanging around with him more through a mutual friend the last month or so.

 

[SnatchJP]

Wait a minute wait a minute

I know it usually goes bros before hoes, but what kinda freind is worth keeping when hes saying sh*t behind your back??? Is this guy really a friend?

Sure bros b4 hoes but I say hoes b4 backstabbers. Don't give up on this girl!

HOWEVER, there is a little thing we talk about this board called 'oneitis'. It means a guy is obsessed with one girl and one girl only. This is bad, because you start idolizing the girl and making her something she isn't. If it turns out badly it dashes out all your hopes. BUT, if you keep an eye out for other prospective girls, you have something to fall back on when this falls through. Plus, you won't be putting this girl on a pedestal since she's just one of your...ah... candidates.

Make sure this oneitis thing isn't whats happening to you. It doesn't totally sound like it, but it seems like it could happen.

So. What to do.... In your position, I would suggest 3 options.

1. get the message to your.. 'friend' that he should make his move. Wait for a while. if he makes his move and gets rejected, wait a bit and go for it yourself. If he never makes a move, go for it. (Never do this with real friends, just the fake ones like you seem to have here)

2. Find another girl. Don't forget this one, but concentrate on another girl.

3. Find another girl.... for your friend. This would be the hardest, but it has the best ending. Both of you get girls, you getting the one you wanted originally.


Good luck man!

 

[rich_uk]

yeah guys, i dont want you getting the wrong idea of me i would never go after the same girl as a close friend. my best friends ex g/f offered herself to me and everything and even though she was about an 8 i told her no, i couldnt do it to him.

so dont think im a B*stard!


as for "oneitis" no im not suffering from that, i almost pulled today but for lack of courage, i did the whole extended look thing and it worked and i could have gone over but i didnt have the b*lls. plus i was with the girl i likes friends and it would have gotten back to her!

my friend is sort of making a move but he wont ask her straight. and all evidence is pointing towards her not liking him.

 

[The Bishop]

Originally posted by rich_uk
yeah guys, i dont want you getting the wrong idea of me i would never go after the same girl as a close friend. my best friends ex g/f offered herself to me and everything and even though she was about an 8 i told her no, i couldnt do it to him.

so dont think im a B*stard!


as for "oneitis" no im not suffering from that, i almost pulled today but for lack of courage, i did the whole extended look thing and it worked and i could have gone over but i didnt have the b*lls. plus i was with the girl i likes friends and it would have gotten back to her!

my friend is sort of making a move but he wont ask her straight. and all evidence is pointing towards her not liking him.

IT.ISNT.WORTH.THE.TROUBLE. I thought my first 2 posts made things clear, but i guess not. You came here looking for advice, but now it seems like your trying to justify going after her.

You did the right thing by telling him you might go after her, but with all the signs hes giving you (ignoring you, saying that to his other friend) it should be obvious that he has a problem with it. Lay off. Try to imagine if your roles were switched. Would you stand up and say with passion, "NO, I LIKE HER SHES MINE SO DONT GET BETWEEN US!!!" hopefully, the answer is no. If your answer is in any way not no, you've got oneitis.

Dont do it. 99% of the people on this board will tell you that. If you think your situation is different, then well, It isn't.

There are plenty of girls out there that are probably just as cool and not half the trouble to hook up with.

The saying is broes before hoes, not "Close friends b4 hoes".

SnatchJP, Rich's friend is not talking sh*t behind his back. hes just pissed and is trying not to make a big deal out of it.

 

[Ronny_Neumonic II]

Originally posted by The Bishop
SnatchJP, Rich's friend is not talking sh*t behind his back. hes just pissed and is trying not to make a big deal out of it.

So true. Good post bishop. Rich realises that he came off as an ásshole in the first post and is just trying to justify his actions now.

 

[rich_uk]

how the hell did i come off an *******? and why would i try and justify my actions i was just giving you guys more information.

if you want to think im an ******* then fine, but i dont think you should make judgements on people you hardly know.