First date in a long time - Dangerous feelings, please HELP.

[robojack]

I just had my first date in a long time tonight. My first relationship didn't go very smoothly, and this time around I want to do it right. After the date, which mainly consisted of us casually chatting, and realizing that we have an insanely ALOT in common, I'm feeling all these gooey feelings for her. Of course, I didn't react on that, but it's driving me crazy right now. She had me locking eyes with her since the time we've met, and this continued throughout dinner, where we merely just said nothing for nearly 20 seconds, before one of us broke eye contact (usually her). She stroked her hair a lot, I don't know if that meant anything. I've read through much of the DJ Bible, but I don't know how to control these emotions. I know I'm not supposed to let them control me, but at this rate, I don't know what will happen. I feel myself sinking into a doom befitting an AFC .

Before this, we also talked for a while at a party (mainly school stuff at that time) and on MSN Messenger.

Some advice or preachings from the DJ Bible would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Also, any tips as to how to act on MSN (is it any different from DJ email etiquette?)?

 

[HuuBinh]

I think that one of the mistakes of DJism is controlling one's emotions.

Don't control your emotions, embrace it.

Allow yourself to fully appreciate the emotions you have for her, don't neglect it by controlling what is natural.

It seems that ya'll really like each other, a lot of eye contact, and open body language signify that she wants you to make an advance.

 

[robojack]

Thanks for the advice, HuuBinh.

I'd also like to hear from some other DJs on this forums. Your hard-earned wisdom would also be very helpful.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by robojack
Thanks for the advice, HuuBinh.

I'd also like to hear from some other DJs on this forums. Your hard-earned wisdom would also be very helpful.

Look kid, you are infactuated, relax!!!!!!!!!!! you only had a meal together!!!!

Don't become a woman and spill your emotions on her - MEN DON"T DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ask her out for a romantic date - meaning "don'"t ask her to study with you!!!!!!

You are the man and you must "DICTATE" the agenda!!!!!!

 

[robojack]

Thank you, PuertoRican_lover. I think I needed that stern reminder.

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

This is your first date in awhile and of course you are going to be excited.

There will be plenty more, trust me. And there will be plenty more times where you will feel the same way you feel now.

How old are you?

 

[xblitz44x]

"Of course, I didn't react on that, but it's driving me crazy right now."

What's driving you crazy right now? What is the problem anyway? I don't understand what you're asking. You had a great date, there was chemistry, and you like her so far. That's great. I think you're over analyzing.

There's nothing wrong with being excited about a date you just had. Just keep in mind that you've only seen her ONE TIME, so you don't even know her for who she is. All you're seeing is her exterior and havent' even begun to crack the surface towards finding out who she really is as a person. Everything that you've come up with about her (she's sweet, she's nice, she's funny) is nothing more than an illusion so far because all you really "know" about her is your own perception of her 'performance'.

Just relax and take it slow. Get to know for who she is. Take a genuine interest in her beyond the selfish reason of "she makes me feel gooey".

 

[DrDope]

As a rule of thumb, I'd stay away from that MSN messenger crap. It makes you too available and your meaning will often be misconstrued. You really want her to be in the position that she has to see you to communicate with you.

 

[Qmanchoo]

I want to define something for you Robojack.

Controlling _EMOTIONS_ primarily relates to
- Not getting angry or overly frustrated about anything rather using your head to making a situation, argument, discussion, progress in a good/positive direction.
- Not letting a social situation un-nerve you so that you show weakness and fidget or get nervous. Not looking nervous with ODD and QUIRKY body language.
- Not getting OVERLY mushy, sappy, lovey on her WAY TO SOON.

However you REALLY SHOULD express emotions, that's how you'll build a connection and girls love those.
Expressing emotions is perfectly fine to a girl that is attracted to you. In fact it's a plus _IF_ it is done in the right way.

Dont express emotions in a "When I go on dates I feel nervous from my lack of experience" kind of unattractive confession.

or the HORRIBLE

"I think I love you", "I have strong feelings for you" or anything else that sounds like you're a woman in mans clothing.

Expressing emotions is better done like this...

"A long time ago I had a relationship with a woman, we were so close because we did XXXX together and had XXX in common. She did XXXX for me and rubbed my back after work, it was amazing! We took an amazing vacation to XXXX once and had XXXXX amazing experiences together"

Or, touch her hand over the table while you eating - then draw it back, stroke the small of her back while you're walking then stop. See how she reacts, test the waters, if she likes the Kino and smiles you are 100% for a kiss.

That's the kinda of emotional expression you want to hit in my experience. Convey your emotion hidden within a story, through light touching, or something similar and it will come across to her in a really sexual/connection way.

Keep in mind you want to be including all your other DJ skills into the mix. This is just one aspect.

And...that the best way to judge where you are at is how she is acting and how she is reacting to you. If a girl is smiling, laughing, touching, staring deep into your eyes...you're golden...

If she's cold, bratty, standoffish...call her on it to bring her back to neutral territory and start building again. Usually if they are expressing a negative attitude you can snap them out of it by pointing it out.

 

[Qmanchoo]

I used AIM and MSN as training wheels oh so long ago to go from meeting, to phone, to date. However contrary to what DrDope said you can use it to your advantage in other ways since 1. being witty / funny over AIM and MSN is easier since you have time to think about what you're going to say 2. There is Zero social pressure 3. You can end the conversation anytime you want, especially at a high note.

DrDope does have a good point though, don't be on it all the time and make yourself too available to her. It can be used as a positive tool if you want, but can also be used incorrectly.

 

[Bonhomme]

Qmanchoo got it

... Stole the words right out of my typing finger.

The vibe to convey is that you're enjoying what's going on and turned on by it. Fun, not too heavy.

Enjoy!

And, for the time being, at least, keep going for other gals.

 

[robojack]

UPDATE

Well, here's an update of what's happened so far.

I called her up several days later, and linvited her to an outdoor play date, where we would fly kites and toss frisbees, and such. She accepted, and I arranged this for Sunday evening. There was little wind, so kite flying took a lot of effort and running, and we were soon out of breath. We ended up just plopping down on the grass, and talking a lot. I found out a lot about her, her a little about me. It eventually started getting a little cold, and I was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. She laughed at how I forgot to bring a jacket, so I got really close to her and using her as a heat source. I put my arm on her shoulders, then her waist, and held and gently caressed her hands to warm her hands up. I even kissed her hands once, which I believed she really liked. An hour passed.

We then went for a walk, afterwards, and when it got dark and colder, we sat in my car, watching ppl shoot fireworks in the park (it was the night before Victoria Day). We once again played our little eye-contact game, and she kept giggling at my jokes, and my C+F routine. Personally, I thought the night was a little disappointing (cold weather and lack of wind), but she really got a kick out of watching people shoot fireworks at each other. She mentioned a few times how funny I was, and that she had never seen people shooting fireworks in such a way. I held her hands a few more times, always gently caressing, and we watched fireworks for over an hour. Finally, she had to go home, and when I reached her house, she just sat there, and offered her cheek to me. I gave her a small kiss on the cheek, then she left. She said she'll 'see me again sometime', and that she had fun. Before she entered her house, she turned around and waved at me, smiling.

Keep in mind that she's Chinese, and I've been told by many people that Chinese women are much more conservative, and don't normally mouth kiss on the second date. Still, I don't know what to make of this...whether or not it was a successful date. I'd like hear your opinions of this.

 

[Cloudtopsun2100]

I think your date went pretty well but dont get hit by the cheek again. As a whole Chinese girls may be thought of as more conservative but there are some real freaks out there. I would have just kissed her on the mouth- screw the cheek. Next time go for a kiss during the date and make sure to keep up with the kino.

 

[frivolousz21]

next time make sure your tounge touches her tounge!~

but good date....how old are you?

 

[robojack]

I'm 22. I will definitely try for a real kiss next time, but I certainly won't push past a certain point.

 

[robojack]

Thanks for your responses.

If anyone else has anything to add, feel free to do so.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Seems as though she likes you - so just take it slow - the only way you may turn her off is by being too aggressive and offending her. Get her to feel comfortable with you and to trust you but continue to go for the kiss to show her that you see her in a romantic way and not as a friend.

 

[robojack]

Ok, that's the feeling I was getting. I read so many articles, and they're all like 'go for the kiss, go for the kiss!!', and I always thought I'd be rushing things by doing that.

 

[robojack]

Ok, so for the next date, where should I take her? Another outdoor date, an amusement park date, a dinner date, or should I let her pick something she'd lilke to do?