First date as a priming date

[Matt Rogers]

I've had a bad run of first dates lately. So I was thinking of an alternative approach using a first date as a priming date: just coffee and conversation for up to an hour.

I like the idea in theory. In general I pick up girls during the day in cafes, galleries, etc. or meet them online-so im practically a stranger to the girl when we meet. So my attempts to seduce her on the first date usually fall flat unless the girl is either incredibly attracted to me or loose. If the girl isn't warming to my advances it ends up turning to hours of banal conversation (lets face it there are few girls who are interesting to talk to, and some girls just have no idea how to flirt or banter).

Ive also found that on the first date there is this awkward tension I feel inside myself as Im worried about falling into the friends zone if I do not escalate soon enough, but also worry that if I escalate too soon I come across as sleazy which will put off a quality girl.

I've also seen that girls are often very nervous and inhibited on first dates which means they aren't much fun. Generally on second dates girls relax more and everything flows much better.

So I was thinking that a coffee date would let me build up a bit of comfort so that the next date I can take her to a bar late at night where the setting is more appropriate to seduction, by which time she would be more conducive to this given I am less of a stranger and I've shown im a nice guy for an hour or so.

Has anyone tried anything like this and what are your comments?

Any further advice on making the first date work for me would be helpful. Once I get past the first date I usually do great, but it seems to be a stumbling block at the moment.

 

[squirrels]

So instead of being "sleazy" on the first date, you want to be "sleazy" on the second date? That way you can both get trapped in the friend-zone AND be seen as a sleazeball??

You need to learn to be comfortable with your sexuality and how to escalate with women without freaking them out.

You sound like you're a naturally awkward person...that's what you need to work on.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

You seem to have some good ideas here. Most girls aren't going to friendzone you for not trying to bed them on the first night, it's safe to wait at least until the second encounter (unless it was already kind of understood you guys were bangin' in advance, but that's obviously not the case here).

I suggest coming up with something unique for the first date to differentiate you from other guys or just something very casual (or some combination). Keep things short and sweet, make sure to have it be clear that you have something to get to after your meeting. At the end if you're not trying to kiss close, just give her a good hug and be on your way. When I say good hug I mean a real one, not that quick impersonal crap you do when you see acquaintances on the street. Don't even set something up for next time, let her wonder if you're even going to talk to her again.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Sales, marketing, dating, coprywriting, all the same. Unless your are like Johnny Depp in the first ten minutes of DonJuanDemarco, the first date is always to qualify her, and make her want a second date. Time limit, be excellent, then split. Have a read of Anti-Dump's machine, somewhere in the archives. Make her want you. If you go in trying to close the deal on the first day, you'll come across as over anxious, and that will scare her off. Once you have two or three "first dates" a week on a consistent basis, you'll be hitting it regularly, and all your first dates will be wondering why your not desperate to get into her pants like every other clown, which will increase her attraction.

Think of an insurance salesman's pipeline. first dates are the prospecting phase. Most sales aren't made in the first meeting, you need to visit with the client a few times.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Buck Rogers,
Yes absolutely the way to go,and as you say no more than an hour for lunch,for an evening Soiree I generally have an agenda if things go super well,if this is a Bird you have chatted up on the Internet,quite feasible,but just the one (You never ask you always say you are doing it anyway and they can tag along),elsewise you will seem eager,don't force the pace,but if you are interested walk her to her Car or Door,give her a peck on the cheek,close to the lips so she has the option to twist and give you a lip Kiss......Seems as though I take things very slowly,but having said that,if after date number Four she does not come across,then next her.

 

[chuchu]

Coffee and talking for one hour, isn't my type of date. It tells her that you are a boring guy who likes to talk a lot.

Your escalate measurement should depends on the type of girl she is.

Fun or not its not up to them to decides, its you. First dates are mostly enjoyable for me, whether she likes it or not. Make it short and active, usually my dates are raquettball game, out door photo shooting, basketball..ect.. Things that I like to do.

And sometimes we will end up in the lounge date and then my bed.

 

[Matt Rogers]

squirrels I take your point about becoming more comfortable with my sexuality. Im still trying to strike the right balance.

When I was younger I used to take a girl to a bar first date talk for hours by which time the conversation would get boring and we'd run out of things to say to each other. Im not really a natural conversationalist so these sort of dates do not work to me.

Then I swang the other direction and tried to escalate as much as I could on the first date. But the problem there was that if I didn't manage to close the deal that night, even if the girl was attracted to me on the night afterwards she'd feel dirty and not want to see me again.

So TheBucketOfTruth gets my idea here. Its unlikely after an hour that I will make the cardinal sin of waiting too long to make my move and appearing like a wuss. Friendly conversation, maybe a bit of flirting, eye contact and a hug to finish would seem to lay the groundwork for a second encounter where I can get more physical, at a lounge say or a club.

But yeah coffee is a bit boring. Any other good ideas of something short and sweet? The action dates sound great but not always feasible as i live in a big city and usually i only have free time during the evenings.

Also where I live a lot of things cost money and Im not going to invest a lot of money in a first date.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

There's a local place here that does $1 ribs from 2-5pm on select days. They're big ribs and pretty good, so I could see that as a fun first date if you like the idea of going out to eat. The thing with that is that there are kino opportunities like wiping sauce off the corner of the girl's mouth (stuff like that). It also weeds out the girls who are too afraid to get their hands dirty and eat some meat.