Fire Discussion: Will You Ever Stop?

[TheException]

Wanted to start a new series of threads. Unlike my RLE(Real Life Experience) series, this one will have a lot less "philosophy" and be more about a couple of men sitting around and talking and exchanging ideas. Think like sitting around a campfire, drinking a few beers....

Topic: WILL YOU EVER STOP SPINNING PLATES?

Not so much as to avoid pedestalizing a woman whether it be a girlfriend or wife. More so like having ONS left and right and avoiding committing to any one woman. Ill go first....

Seeing as I currently have a girlfriend and one day wish to settle down and have a family, I can say I will stop with that scene. I spent a good amount of time doing the whole partying, bar, hooking up, ONS scene. It seems the entire time you are in that headspace....all you want is ONE HIGH QUALITY GIRL that you would love to be able just to hang out with and have awesome sex. I have come to the conclusion and acceptance that men will never be 100% TRULY happy with either lifestyle.

When you are single.....you want to find a high quality woman to "wife up"

When you have a high quality girlfriend....you cant help but notice all the other hot women on this planet and think how it used to be where you would approach them and sleep with them.

What about you guys? Ever plan on splitting from the plate spinning and ONS culture and eventually get married and settle down....or do wish to be a playboy bachelor the rest of your life and sleep with many women, never fully committing to one?

I will respond to as many as I can in this thread.

 

[Adz--]

Personally all the **** I've been though with women in my AFC and nice guy days I don't think I will stop spinning plates.

I would like to stop spinning plates and settle down one day hopefully but with all iv gone through I don't think I will.
But I don't want to come across like I hate women and I want to rip all there hearts out and break them, far from that.

Personally I'd rather focus on making myself better and making a better life for myself with all the things I want to achieve and get.

Adz--

 

[VladPatton]

I'm not greedy, I just want one, I don't care for plate spinning. A Honda that runs well is better than 10 broke down Ferraris.

 

[JoeMarron]

The eternal debate. You're right about men never being truly happy with either lifestyle. We're ALWAYS going to want to fvck other women, that's simply biology. Contrary to what some men may think men also crave female affection, the kind that usually only comes in a relationship. As far as I'm concerned there's only three paths for men to chose. You listed the obvious two but going the MLTR/OLTR (multiple long term relationships/open long term relationships) route is another solution. Of course few men have the desire or skill to pull it off and there are few women who would accept it but I think this is the best solution in the long run. You have your one true love who you can hang out with, have sex on the regular, and start a family and you're both able to fufill your carnal desires with other people with no guilt or shame involved. I personally wouldn't take this route, I don't find the idea of sharing my girl with other c0cks appealing, but I can respect the men who are capable of getting over that.

The ABSOLUTE best solution is wife-ing this chick up https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/...5kTm2wjRPvsiEsS0q7ce-ylOW3_ixASvNZvNfqTqdRyFd. Instant and unlimited variety every night :yes:

 

[Willard]

Yes, I just want one, I don't really like spinning plates, I end up feeling bad sometimes when I lie to them and also I end up repeating myself to them because I forget what I say to who.

I put a lot of effort into my game so I can have one good girl, and also so I can easily find another if it doesn't work out.

 

[Yo'Mama]

JoeMarron nailed it.

We have kind of been discussing this in 'The Hunger' in the Mature Man forum. But I guess this question is something that comes up again and again.

My personal feeling is it's impossible to be happy with either monogamy or endless plate spinning. A stable relationship with the odd random encounter on the side is ideal. How to achieve this is problematic. Very few women will agree to put up with sleeping with other women, if you are explicit about it (no pun intended). So, most people end up cheating, which isn't ideal and involves dishonesty. For me, the dishonesty, rather than the act of sleeping with other women, is the wrongdoing.

Blackdragon has an interesting blog, which is pretty much dedicated to the topic of non-monogamy.

I am trying to work this out in my own mind at the moment. I have never been happy in long term relationships, even where the girl was hot (I can't say I've ever been with a true 9, but I don't think it would make a difference). Then again plate spinning is lonely and can be empty sometimes (although a lot of the time it's great).

Men require sexual contentment and I simply don't understand how you can still lust after a 45 year old woman that you have been with for 15 or 20 years. Good for the guys that do, but for me it's absolutely impossible to even imagine. I get bored with 25 year old women after a while!

We have one life, I don't believe (unless you're religious and believe in heaven) that it should be all about sacrifice. And this site constantly drones on about bettering yourself, acquiring money, etc. But let's face it, women are a hugely important part of our lives. My job pays good cash and it's ok but I can't say I love it. I like staying fit and pursuing hobbies. But without women there's a void. I wish there weren't.

 

[TheException]

I would like to stop spinning plates and settle down one day hopefully but with all iv gone through I don't think I will.
But I don't want to come across like I hate women and I want to rip all there hearts out and break them, far from that.

Personally I'd rather focus on making myself better and making a better life for myself with all the things I want to achieve and get.

Bad experiences really have a way of shaping a "false reality". A man can date 3 consecutive low quality women....and next thing you know he equates all women with this type of low quality behavior.

Big props on your self improvement attitude. Life mission and goals come above women.

Yes, I just want one, I don't really like spinning plates, I end up feeling bad sometimes when I lie to them and also I end up repeating myself to them because I forget what I say to who.

I put a lot of effort into my game so I can have one good girl, and also so I can easily find another if it doesn't work out.

The guilt you describe is something you should attempt to overcome. There is nothing inherently wrong with dating multiple women at the same time "non-exclusively". Society has placed artificial pressures on men to feel bad about this sort of thing. As long as you dont lie, there is nothing wrong with it. However this doesnt mean you spill your guts about everything and tell each women exactly how many women you are seeing.

 

[TheException]

I'm not greedy, I just want one, I don't care for plate spinning. A Honda that runs well is better than 10 broke down Ferraris.

A very fair point of view....one I share.

The eternal debate. You're right about men never being truly happy with either lifestyle. We're ALWAYS going to want to fvck other women, that's simply biology. Contrary to what some men may think men also crave female affection, the kind that usually only comes in a relationship. As far as I'm concerned there's only three paths for men to chose. You listed the obvious two but going the MLTR/OLTR (multiple long term relationships/open long term relationships) route is another solution. Of course few men have the desire or skill to pull it off and there are few women who would accept it but I think this is the best solution in the long run. You have your one true love who you can hang out with, have sex on the regular, and start a family and you're both able to fufill your carnal desires with other people with no guilt or shame involved. I personally wouldn't take this route, I don't find the idea of sharing my girl with other c0cks appealing, but I can respect the men who are capable of getting over that.

The ABSOLUTE best solution is wife-ing this chick up https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...vNZvNfqTqdRyFd. Instant and unlimited variety every night

Absolutely right about open relationships. They would be the absolute best case scenario. Its 100% possible for a man to have sex with other women...BUT still love his girlfriend. Obviously the best open relationship would be one where your girlfriend would remain faithful. Women cant have sex with other men but still be in love with their boyfriend like men can. They work on a different system and are primarily emotional and provision seeking. I also have zero interest in having my girlfriend be able to sleep with other men. Its always sounds like a great concept....but the "open relationship" is a rarity and near impossible to implement.

JoeMarron nailed it.

We have kind of been discussing this in 'The Hunger' in the Mature Man forum. But I guess this question is something that comes up again and again.

My personal feeling is it's impossible to be happy with either monogamy or endless plate spinning. A stable relationship with the odd random encounter on the side is ideal. How to achieve this is problematic. Very few women will agree to put up with sleeping with other women, if you are explicit about it (no pun intended). So, most people end up cheating, which isn't ideal and involves dishonesty. For me, the dishonesty, rather than the act of sleeping with other women, is the wrongdoing.

Blackdragon has an interesting blog, which is pretty much dedicated to the topic of non-monogamy.

I am trying to work this out in my own mind at the moment. I have never been happy in long term relationships, even where the girl was hot (I can't say I've ever been with a true 9, but I don't think it would make a difference). Then again plate spinning is lonely and can be empty sometimes (although a lot of the time it's great).

Men require sexual contentment and I simply don't understand how you can still lust after a 45 year old woman that you have been with for 15 or 20 years. Good for the guys that do, but for me it's absolutely impossible to even imagine. I get bored with 25 year old women after a while!

We have one life, I don't believe (unless you're religious and believe in heaven) that it should be all about sacrifice. And this site constantly drones on about bettering yourself, acquiring money, etc. But let's face it, women are a hugely important part of our lives. My job pays good cash and it's ok but I can't say I love it. I like staying fit and pursuing hobbies. But without women there's a void. I wish there weren't.

Great points.

1. Ive come across a few of BlackDragon's works and have found them very insightful. I like his stuff.
2. Open relationships are problematic to implement like you said. Its great on paper, but pretty unrealistic in "real life".
3. Cheating goes against the boundaries set out in the beginning of the "exclusive relationship". I cant give it a pass just because a guy wants to be "honest" about it and inform his girlfriend. That being said....the going against the boundaries and expectations is the wrong doing, not necessarily the idea of desiring other women. So I think we are probably just splitting hairs here and actually agree.
4. Ive been with my girlfriend for 7 months. I have yet to become bored. I have dated plenty of women and have suffered the same problem you have. This one has been able to keep up and make our relationship worthwhile to this point. Never say never.

 

[Yo'Mama]

A very fair point of view....one I share.

Absolutely right about open relationships. They would be the absolute best case scenario. Its 100% possible for a man to have sex with other women...BUT still love his girlfriend. Obviously the best open relationship would be one where your girlfriend would remain faithful. Women cant have sex with other men but still be in love with their boyfriend like men can. They work on a different system and are primarily emotional and provision seeking. I also have zero interest in having my girlfriend be able to sleep with other men. Its always sounds like a great concept....but the "open relationship" is a rarity and near impossible to implement.

Unfortunately which is why, while far from ideal and morally questionable, discreet cheating becomes the next best solution.

It's great you are happy with your girlfriend and long may it continue. But do you think you will still lust after her as much in ten or fifteen years time? I hope so but for me it's hard to fathom. And, fortunately or unfortunately, men don't really lose interest in sex until..... well, death I guess.

 

[In2theGame]

I agree with getting tired of the random girls and dating a bunch of hot women at the same time however at the core i do want that one special Woman to share my life with. What scares the sh*t out of me is being betrayed. Ive been deeply in love and its an amazing thing to share with someone as i did with my ex gf. I trusted her 100% and wanted to marry her. She always told me she loved me so very much and constantly showed it. She never gave me a reason to question her. She pushed for our families to meet and i agreed because i had plans to Marry her anyway when suddenly she leaves me to get engaged to someone else almost immediately. I will NEVER forget what that felt like. It left me with a case of anxiety that i still fight to this day and left me emotionally f*cked up. I have not gone to see a counselor or take any anti anxiety/depression meds but i fight sudden bouts of sadness and anxiety that hits me at random times anytime anywhere. It may sound like a sissy but its almost like i feel like crying and im far from being a fvcking sissy. I rather spin plates than ever let a woman make me feel like that again. I know what it feels like to love and trust 110% and to have that spit back in your face in the most ruthless hurtful way, Its something that can really destroy someone.

I just want to add, for those who think "Its just one b*tch, Move on to a better woman". I want you to understand that when you love someone very much and they tell you the same to only do a 180 on you and tell you things like "Dont kiss me because guys recently came on my face" or "Im experimenting letting other guy fvck me in the azz" while i stand there listening to this when few weeks ago telling me that she cant wait for us to get married. Or how about getting a drunk call with her being upset bc a ONS came in her eye and she panicked that she could catch a STD. then seeing her engaged and telling everyone on facebook that the new guy is the love of her life and dogging me out for everyone to see including family. Im tellin you.. the pain was massive. After i slowly began getting over it, i experienced so many women cheating on their husbands and boyfriends in the most discreet way that it kind of made me feel sick. With the things ive experienced along with seeing what Women do on the low... It's just not worth getting hurt again. My heart wants one special Woman but my life experience tells me to back off.

 

[Mr Wright]

Personally at the age of 21, I've realised that I love women. I love everything about them, even the crappy parts are appealing in small doses. But the one thing I could not ever imagine giving a girl is exclusivity. To cut my penis out of the sexual food chain seems like a hellish idea.

I think until I find a woman who I have the same goals as, in other words, starting a family and building a new chapter in my life, I will not stop sleeping with multiple women. It's too fun and keeps a smile on my face. But even after the dust has settled on that, I would end up getting tempted, I'm just one of those guys, I get that lust in me and cannot really ignore it. The rush of new sex is unique. I do like having sex with a girl for a long period of time, even years, it's different but it has to be mixed up with something new every so often. Double-edged sword. Basically society says I'm a pig but f*ck it.

 

[Stringer_Bell]

Personally at the age of 21, I've realised that I love women. I love everything about them, even the crappy parts are appealing in small doses. But the one thing I could not ever imagine giving a girl is exclusivity. To cut my penis out of the sexual food chain seems like a hellish idea.

I think until I find a woman who I have the same goals as, in other words, starting a family and building a new chapter in my life, I will not stop sleeping with multiple women. It's too fun and keeps a smile on my face. But even after the dust has settled on that, I would end up getting tempted, I'm just one of those guys, I get that lust in me and cannot really ignore it. The rush of new sex is unique. I do like having sex with a girl for a long period of time, even years, it's different but it has to be mixed up with something new every so often. Double-edged sword. Basically society says I'm a pig but f*ck it.

I liked this post a lot. Exactly how I feel, except I'm a lot older than you, so society thinks I'm even more a pig.

It's just too FUN! And it's a type of fun that can't be replaced by beers with buddies, drag car racing or even seeing the smile on your one year old child's face (it may be profound but I'm not sure it's 'fun').

 

[skinnyguy]

I'm still confused as to why it is gay to have a girlfriend.

 

[JoeMarron]

Absolutely right about open relationships. They would be the absolute best case scenario. Its 100% possible for a man to have sex with other women...BUT still love his girlfriend. Obviously the best open relationship would be one where your girlfriend would remain faithful. Women cant have sex with other men but still be in love with their boyfriend like men can. They work on a different system and are primarily emotional and provision seeking. I also have zero interest in having my girlfriend be able to sleep with other men. Its always sounds like a great concept....but the "open relationship" is a rarity and near impossible to implement.

Right. The men who do this are always having to rotate new chicks into the harem because the lifestyle is simply unsustainable. Any chick with a decent amount of self esteem is going to want a man all to herself eventually. Happily ever after with one woman can't work with this lifestyle.

Unfortunately which is why, while far from ideal and morally questionable, discreet cheating becomes the next best solution.

It's great you are happy with your girlfriend and long may it continue. But do you think you will still lust after her as much in ten or fifteen years time? I hope so but for me it's hard to fathom. And, fortunately or unfortunately, men don't really lose interest in sex until..... well, death I guess.

That hunger thread was awesome, I wish I could jump in on it. Blackdragon's stuff is cool but as it has already been said, it's not a perfect solution. I don't think discreet cheating would work out long term, it sounds like spinning plates with the drama of worrying and trying not to get caught. Plus I don't think I'd be able to be happy while consistently lying to the woman I love. I'm assuming you enjoy the thrill of the hunt, the rush that comes with successfully seducing a new woman. Other men such as myself just want regular sex and companionship so staying with one woman for decades doesn't bother me. Of course I'll still wanna fvck other women but it won't be an overwhelming desire like it would for men who enjoy the thrill of the hunt. This is just one of those things in life where we have to choose one or the other and be content with the pros and cons of our decision. It seems to me like you'll be more happy spinning plates so if I were you I'd go ahead and do that while taking a break and getting into LTRs/MLTRs/OLTRs every now and then.