Marlimus
Senior Don Juan
At last, I return to my home country. America is great, but home is home.
A friend of mine (unaware of the community) suggested we go out for drinks, it wasn’t supposed to be a sarging night because he’s not a wingman and I never tried to initiate him. We hit a few lame night spots and had a few beers, just shooting the ****, until we ran into some other friends of our and we became a posse. We hop into my car and go to Edge, a nightclub.
None of us has enough money to go in, except me, but I wasn’t going to leave them outside. We all spy this cute girl, black, an HB8, walk past us and sit down on a nearby bench outside by herself. No obstacles, no ****blockers, this was just too good to pass up.
I’m wearing imperial blue dress slacks, polished wing-tip shoes and an embroidered, French-cuff shirt with an oversized collar, and I had brought out my fav cologne, Versace Dreamer, for the night. I hadn’t been out in a while, and badly wanted an excuse to dress up. Anyway.
Marlimus: Where’s your boyfriend?
Michelle*: Home.
Marlimus: Now normally I don’t talk to strangers, but you don’t look dangerous, so I’ll make an exception in your case.
Michelle: (smiles, rolls her eyes) okay.
Marlimus: I’m serious. In this day an age, a guy has to protect himself. I have to make sure that you don’t try to take advantage of me in my vulnerable emotional state.
Michelle: (scoffs, but laughs again.)
Marlimus: What’s your name?
Michelle: Michelle
At this point I fluff talk with her and shoot the **** for about 10 minutes, occasionally slipping in ****y and funny comments along the lines that I had to be able to trust her and that she might try to seduce me. I tell her that I refuse to become just another notch on her belt.
Marlimus; You know, Michelle, its been a real pleasure, but I have to go. What number do I reach you at?
Michelle: Why don’t you give me your number, and I’ll call you.
Marlimus: (Gasp) How do I know you won’t stalk me, or call me at ungodly hours of the night? Trust is very important to me, and you haven’t earned that yet. But here’s what I’ll do.
I tear out a piece of paper from my leather-bound Barnes and Noble autograph book that I use for taking numbers, inadvertently showing many of the numbers and email addresses in there. I write down my phone number, and hand it to her, but there’s a catch…
Michelle: Hey!!!! The last number is missing!!!
Marlimus: If you want it, you have to work for it. (I took this bit from the Sopranos. There’s this girl who was trying to seduce A.J, Tony’s son, and he asked for her number. When she told him that line, I knew it was golden, so I made a mental note of it. The implication is that she would have to dial all the digits between 0 and 9 until she got the right combination. Brilliant. )
I place the pen in the book, and hand it to her, and she writes down her phone number. Then I screen her.
Marlimus: You know, dishonesty really turns me off. You’re not a liar, aren’t you? (I proceed to dial her cell phone number right it front of her face.
I dialed the number, and saw that is was good.
We decided to move to another venue that would have a lower cover charge, if any. The only catch was, was that this venue caters to mostly people of East Indian descent, and we were not East Indian. This club was notorious for being clannish- nobody would stop you from going in, or stare at you, but it was near impossible to pick up a girl who was Indian if you weren’t Indian, and most of the girls were Indian. Secondly, even if I were Indian, and a fair skinned ‘brahmin’ at that, this club was the kind of place where people came in tightly close-knit groups.
We walked in expecting to get rejected, and not really giving a fvck.
We started a competition to see who could get rejected the most, and I was in the lead, because they were not PUA although one of the boys was a skilled natural.
At long last, I spy a girl of my own ethnic group. She was hot, and everything about her screamed “DO NOT APPROACH ME.” I walk up to her, beckoning her to lean closer so she could hear me over the loud music. She leaned in.
Marlimus: I have bad news and good news. Which would you like to hear first?
HB9: The bad news.
Marlimus: You have an uninviting facial expression, your legs are closed together, and your arms are crossed in front of you. Your body language is negative, and its obvious that you don’t want any man to come and talk to you.
HB9: So whats the good news?
Marlimus: I forgive you.
I hold on to her waist, move her towards me, and start dancing on her from behind. She offers no resistance, and starts grind her ass against me to the music.
I use some of the same sound bites from the previous sarge, especially the bit about not usually talking to strangers.
We grind on the dance floor for about ten minutes, then I lead her to a nearby seated area to run game. I ask her name, and she tells me ‘Ariel.’
Marlimus: That’s a guy’s name.
Ariel: Really?
Marlimus: Yeah. Ariel was the name of an archangel in the Old Testament. Do you know what I like about you, Ariel? (I could sense her stiffen with discomofor.)
Marlimus; You have remarkable self-control. We had been dancing for ten minutes, and you didn’t ask me my name, or where I worked, or tried to use any lame pickup lines on me, and that must have been very hard for you.
(she laughs. The tension is broken)
I fluff about mundane stuff, where she lives, etc, and ask her what she does.
Lo and behold, this chick has not graduated high school yet. I instantly disqualify. I remove my arm from around her shoulder, move away from her in mock revulsion, and demand to see identification. I tease her about having her mother’s permission to be out so late. She actually produces ID.
Its all legal, baby.
Marlimus: You know, I look around, and I see a lot of beautiful women here tonight. What makes you different from any of them? Beauty is common. Name three things that would make me want to get to know you better.
Ariel: Well for one I’m actually old enough to be in here.
Marlimus: ( I laugh, and applaud her for her wit.)
Ariel: Secondly, I’m very mature for my age. (I simply nod)
Ariel: And third, I’m very adventurous. ( Bingo. I didn’t realize what this comment implied at the time. It was only afterwards it hit me.)
I continue the playful banter, and DHV about learning to play the piano because I was inspired by a passionate rendition of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom, of the Opera. I go for the number close, and she tells me her phone is down. I tell her that I understand her token resistance, and that I know for a fact that she’s attracted to me, but she simply wants to put up an obstacle so I do not take her for granted. She laughs, but insists that she is telling the truth. I believe her, and take her email instead, then eject.
Final thoughts: How the fvck could I have been so blind! Aaargh! Listen fellas, if you ever, ever qualify a girl, and she tells you that she is ‘adventurous’, go for the kiss close. I’m not going to beat myself up too much about it, though.
Summer has only begun.
PRO: I have perfected an opener for uninviting single sets that turns negative body language into an advantage. I will test it again next week.
A friend of mine (unaware of the community) suggested we go out for drinks, it wasn’t supposed to be a sarging night because he’s not a wingman and I never tried to initiate him. We hit a few lame night spots and had a few beers, just shooting the ****, until we ran into some other friends of our and we became a posse. We hop into my car and go to Edge, a nightclub.
None of us has enough money to go in, except me, but I wasn’t going to leave them outside. We all spy this cute girl, black, an HB8, walk past us and sit down on a nearby bench outside by herself. No obstacles, no ****blockers, this was just too good to pass up.
I’m wearing imperial blue dress slacks, polished wing-tip shoes and an embroidered, French-cuff shirt with an oversized collar, and I had brought out my fav cologne, Versace Dreamer, for the night. I hadn’t been out in a while, and badly wanted an excuse to dress up. Anyway.
Marlimus: Where’s your boyfriend?
Michelle*: Home.
Marlimus: Now normally I don’t talk to strangers, but you don’t look dangerous, so I’ll make an exception in your case.
Michelle: (smiles, rolls her eyes) okay.
Marlimus: I’m serious. In this day an age, a guy has to protect himself. I have to make sure that you don’t try to take advantage of me in my vulnerable emotional state.
Michelle: (scoffs, but laughs again.)
Marlimus: What’s your name?
Michelle: Michelle
At this point I fluff talk with her and shoot the **** for about 10 minutes, occasionally slipping in ****y and funny comments along the lines that I had to be able to trust her and that she might try to seduce me. I tell her that I refuse to become just another notch on her belt.
Marlimus; You know, Michelle, its been a real pleasure, but I have to go. What number do I reach you at?
Michelle: Why don’t you give me your number, and I’ll call you.
Marlimus: (Gasp) How do I know you won’t stalk me, or call me at ungodly hours of the night? Trust is very important to me, and you haven’t earned that yet. But here’s what I’ll do.
I tear out a piece of paper from my leather-bound Barnes and Noble autograph book that I use for taking numbers, inadvertently showing many of the numbers and email addresses in there. I write down my phone number, and hand it to her, but there’s a catch…
Michelle: Hey!!!! The last number is missing!!!
Marlimus: If you want it, you have to work for it. (I took this bit from the Sopranos. There’s this girl who was trying to seduce A.J, Tony’s son, and he asked for her number. When she told him that line, I knew it was golden, so I made a mental note of it. The implication is that she would have to dial all the digits between 0 and 9 until she got the right combination. Brilliant. )
I place the pen in the book, and hand it to her, and she writes down her phone number. Then I screen her.
Marlimus: You know, dishonesty really turns me off. You’re not a liar, aren’t you? (I proceed to dial her cell phone number right it front of her face.
I dialed the number, and saw that is was good.
We decided to move to another venue that would have a lower cover charge, if any. The only catch was, was that this venue caters to mostly people of East Indian descent, and we were not East Indian. This club was notorious for being clannish- nobody would stop you from going in, or stare at you, but it was near impossible to pick up a girl who was Indian if you weren’t Indian, and most of the girls were Indian. Secondly, even if I were Indian, and a fair skinned ‘brahmin’ at that, this club was the kind of place where people came in tightly close-knit groups.
We walked in expecting to get rejected, and not really giving a fvck.
We started a competition to see who could get rejected the most, and I was in the lead, because they were not PUA although one of the boys was a skilled natural.
At long last, I spy a girl of my own ethnic group. She was hot, and everything about her screamed “DO NOT APPROACH ME.” I walk up to her, beckoning her to lean closer so she could hear me over the loud music. She leaned in.
Marlimus: I have bad news and good news. Which would you like to hear first?
HB9: The bad news.
Marlimus: You have an uninviting facial expression, your legs are closed together, and your arms are crossed in front of you. Your body language is negative, and its obvious that you don’t want any man to come and talk to you.
HB9: So whats the good news?
Marlimus: I forgive you.
I hold on to her waist, move her towards me, and start dancing on her from behind. She offers no resistance, and starts grind her ass against me to the music.
I use some of the same sound bites from the previous sarge, especially the bit about not usually talking to strangers.
We grind on the dance floor for about ten minutes, then I lead her to a nearby seated area to run game. I ask her name, and she tells me ‘Ariel.’
Marlimus: That’s a guy’s name.
Ariel: Really?
Marlimus: Yeah. Ariel was the name of an archangel in the Old Testament. Do you know what I like about you, Ariel? (I could sense her stiffen with discomofor.)
Marlimus; You have remarkable self-control. We had been dancing for ten minutes, and you didn’t ask me my name, or where I worked, or tried to use any lame pickup lines on me, and that must have been very hard for you.
(she laughs. The tension is broken)
I fluff about mundane stuff, where she lives, etc, and ask her what she does.
Lo and behold, this chick has not graduated high school yet. I instantly disqualify. I remove my arm from around her shoulder, move away from her in mock revulsion, and demand to see identification. I tease her about having her mother’s permission to be out so late. She actually produces ID.
Its all legal, baby.
Marlimus: You know, I look around, and I see a lot of beautiful women here tonight. What makes you different from any of them? Beauty is common. Name three things that would make me want to get to know you better.
Ariel: Well for one I’m actually old enough to be in here.
Marlimus: ( I laugh, and applaud her for her wit.)
Ariel: Secondly, I’m very mature for my age. (I simply nod)
Ariel: And third, I’m very adventurous. ( Bingo. I didn’t realize what this comment implied at the time. It was only afterwards it hit me.)
I continue the playful banter, and DHV about learning to play the piano because I was inspired by a passionate rendition of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom, of the Opera. I go for the number close, and she tells me her phone is down. I tell her that I understand her token resistance, and that I know for a fact that she’s attracted to me, but she simply wants to put up an obstacle so I do not take her for granted. She laughs, but insists that she is telling the truth. I believe her, and take her email instead, then eject.
Final thoughts: How the fvck could I have been so blind! Aaargh! Listen fellas, if you ever, ever qualify a girl, and she tells you that she is ‘adventurous’, go for the kiss close. I’m not going to beat myself up too much about it, though.
Summer has only begun.
PRO: I have perfected an opener for uninviting single sets that turns negative body language into an advantage. I will test it again next week.
