Fiance needs space and is moving out

[heartrippedout]

My fiance has decided that she needs to be more independent, and is breaking our relationship off. She says she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and that it isn't my fault. She said that it isn't me, it is her. Her intentions are getting her own place and now I am on the back burner. I said to her it is probably best and that I respect her decision. But obviously inside of me it is tearing me apart. I'm trying not to smother her because I would love to try and make it work. We also have a 2 year old child together, which is making this twice as complicated. I want her to have her space, but on the other hand I feel a lot of anger towards her. Is it a good idea to let her know that I love her and want us to compromise? She needs her space and I have to give that to her, but at this point I can't seem to get any good advise. This forum is my only chance right now to try and find a way to mend this terrible feeling. Is there any hope for us again? What shouldn't I do? How should I react when she is packing all her stuff and moves out? I still love her dearly and want to get that spark back. Any hopeful advise?? Is she gone for good??

 

[Bible_Belt]

"I need space" does not cut it when you have a two year old child.

She has probably cheated on you. That would explain the need for "space."

You need to see a lawyer right away concerning your rights to your child. Don't tell the woman about it when you do.

 

[Rovalier]

How old are you and her approximately? Is she in college? Has a career?

 

[Jariel]

I've never been engaged and I have never lived with a woman, but can offer you advice from my experiences and from observations of similar breakups to yours.

Basically you need to give her the space she wants and then some. What I mean, is you need to make the most of your free time and independence and let her see you are happy being alone, even if it's not true.

Stay out of reach, don't be there for her when she wants you and make her see what she has lost. People value more what they can't have or what they fear losing, so back off from her.

For examples, look at the tip in my signature on "handling rejection"...

 

[heartrippedout]

fiance leaving

I am 26 and she is 27. She went to school and got a degree in graphic design. She is currently working in a restaurant. FYI: she has a lot of clinical depression issues, and I honestly belive she is not interested in being in a relationship with anyone else right now. But again that is just by belief.

 

[wavejams007]

Originally posted by Bible_Belt
"I need space" does not cut it when you have a two year old child.

She has probably cheated on you. That would explain the need for "space."

You need to see a lawyer right away concerning your rights to your child. Don't tell the woman about it when you do.

Yes, by this time, you both have a 2-year old child, and like it or not, she needs to get her priorities straight. To leave you is one thing, but when you have a child, you sacrifice what you can in the best interest of the child.

You do need to see a lawyer. But I am not sure how much counseling will really do, see as so much counselling has been occurring in these alst decades yet family problems seem to keep increasing.

 

[heartrippedout]

I understand that letting her go is the most important thing to do. Is there anything I could explain in a letter to her, just to let her know she is dong the right thing and that I am happy for her, or would that be just a dumb thing to do?? Of course I'm not happy with her that she is doing this and it is really self-centered.

 

[tmpgstx]

Hate to break it to you dawg, but she has met someone else. You'll find this out soon enough after she is out of the apartment and in her own. Some guy will start coming over to her place every now and then (a guy she has already been with). She'll make the excuse that she gave you another chance and things didn't work out and that she has now met someone else.

I need space and time and all that BS is ******** for i am no longer in love with you and have met someone else.

I bet she's been gone staying at a friends every now and then too *shakes head*.

Do you honestly think she would move out (and with 2 yr. old) if she had any intentions of staying with you and making it work? No!

It sux i know, but you have to write her azz off and find someone more worthy. Get your rights to your child too.

 

[PurplePimp]

i am 36. i have experience with such thing.

she has other man. what she say is crap. you have kid together. she is sex some other ****.

you have get help. no way you can safe situation now. pay law man to help with money situation. she no sex you no more.

forget woman now. she gone next. but worry for kid. and for you money. you can still help that.

long time ago when i 23 i propose to lady of 7 month relationship. she say close to same. we engage and live in house together and she say she need time to make thought and be away from me.

it was some pain. i found later she met man some where.

trust i know.

good luck

 

[mroriginal]

Originally posted by PurplePimp
i am 36. i have experience with such thing.

she has other man. what she say is crap. you have kid together. she is sex some other ****.

you have get help. no way you can safe situation now. pay law man to help with money situation. she no sex you no more.

forget woman now. she gone next. but worry for kid. and for you money. you can still help that.

long time ago when i 23 i propose to lady of 7 month relationship. she say close to same. we engage and live in house together and she say she need time to make thought and be away from me.

it was some pain. i found later she met man some where.

trust i know.

good luck

FAG, your old and your gay and your a troll. since when did your english get so good?

 

[Tazman]

Stay in close contact with your child (this is probably obvious to you). Realize that there will be no effort on her part to work anything out no matter what you do. She has to "want" it to work out of her own accord. She most likely either has her eye on some other guy or she's already been with him. Moving out is going to make it that much more comfortable and convient for her to do what she desires, which includes getting you out of the picture relationship wise. The excuses she gave you for wanting to leave weren't even creative (by a long shot), she gave you the most cliched reasoning out there.

Immediately start concentrating on your own happiness, which means spending quality time with your child, going out and meeting other women/people and keeping your conversations with your SO to discussions about your child and simple courtesies. Don't even hint to her that this is hurting you (sure it'll be tough), you want her to see you happy and focused on yourself as if you're completely over her.

Atleast start here for now, you'll feel less pain and either you'll find out that she really doesn't care, or she may change her tune, but realize that if she comes back, things will never be the same and you might not want to live that way.

 

[NewMan]

Here is some advice - I suggest you take it. It's not going to be easy for you - but you have to batter down the hatches and stay on course.

She says she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and that it isn't my fault. She said that it isn't me, it is her.

Don't believe a word she says. Just nod. her words will be empty and her attempts at playing on your emotions should be ignored (and believe me, she will play your strings).

Is it a good idea to let her know that I love her and want us to compromise?

This is not the time to show weakness - or to let her know that you will always be there for her. Act like a man. She wants out - fvck her.

she has a lot of clinical depression issues,

You picked her. your mistake - hopefully you will be a little more choosy next time.

Is there anything I could explain in a letter to her, just to let her know she is dong the right thing and that I am happy for her, or would that be just a dumb thing to do??

Again it's dumb. Do not show weakness. dpn't be emotional -

 

[ElChoclo]

I would suggest that you do the following;

1 Obtain legal advice. However, first write out a full story of your relationship but in financial terms mainly. Eg I met x and started cohabiting with her in blank month of blank year. We bought a car together I put in blank dollars etc.

2 Maintain contact with your kid. I assume she took the kid. Who is currently looking after the kid. Include this in story referred to in 1. As a general rule it is better to establish favourable contact patterns from the start so that a Court will want to confirm them rather than create them from scratch. Maybe you could try and get the custody of the kid, she is unfit due to mental illness. This will save you child support dollars and prevent her locking you out from your kid.

3 If you have an assets get the maximum amount through tough negotiation since you will probably be paying child support.

4 When you see your lawyer give them your comprehensive story at the first interview and tell them it sets out the facts. It will save time if you are paying by the hour.

 

[everywomanshero]

She's getting boned by someone else.

"it isn't you" is true... it's him who's doing the boning from now.

Sorry, she's getting banged, no other explanation in my book.

 

[Blatant truth]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
Hate to break it to you dawg, but she has met someone else. You'll find this out soon enough after she is out of the apartment and in her own. Some guy will start coming over to her place every now and then (a guy she has already been with). She'll make the excuse that she gave you another chance and things didn't work out and that she has now met someone else.

I need space and time and all that BS is ******** for i am no longer in love with you and have met someone else.

I bet she's been gone staying at a friends every now and then too *shakes head*.

Do you honestly think she would move out (and with 2 yr. old) if she had any intentions of staying with you and making it work? No!

It sux i know, but you have to write her azz off and find someone more worthy. Get your rights to your child too.

That my friend, is the Blatant Truth...

I've been there before.

 

[Vincent Freeman]

Visit the "mature forum." There are a lot of guys there that have been through the same as yourself. Thus, they could probably give you some direction as well as legal advice. Luck to you and stay strong. Remember "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

 

[Johnnie5]

as per others she is already seeing someone else

Follow the advice and get your legal side of things sorted out , dont leave anything to chance and think it will be ok as it wont be

start chasing new girls and get over it , keep yourself busy as possible

 

[JackPrescott]

Originally posted by heartrippedout
My fiance has decided that she needs to be more independent, and is breaking our relationship off. She says she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and that it isn't my fault. She said that it isn't me, it is her. Her intentions are getting her own place and now I am on the back burner. I said to her it is probably best and that I respect her decision. But obviously inside of me it is tearing me apart. I'm trying not to smother her because I would love to try and make it work. We also have a 2 year old child together, which is making this twice as complicated. I want her to have her space, but on the other hand I feel a lot of anger towards her. Is it a good idea to let her know that I love her and want us to compromise? She needs her space and I have to give that to her, but at this point I can't seem to get any good advise. This forum is my only chance right now to try and find a way to mend this terrible feeling. Is there any hope for us again? What shouldn't I do? How should I react when she is packing all her stuff and moves out? I still love her dearly and want to get that spark back. Any hopeful advise?? Is she gone for good??

Translation for the ******** of "space" Meaning an empty spot on her bed, for a differnt male with a big di*k that she wants inside her. This is the "space" she is REALLY seeking.

 

[penkitten]

i agree with bible belt
you need a lawyer asap and file for custody or visitation or something

 

[frivolousz21]

geezus that sucks...


this will be a long long road for you. I hate that situation....

the only thing that can be blamed on you..is the Clinical depression part.

never ever get involved with anyone with depression let alone low self esteem..u cant change them, they can only change themselves.

now is time for you to PROTECT your child.

if this women got over you on like this...she isnt a fit mother by no means....she would have never got this deep.

good luck...I wish u the best..do what is best for your child, then you.

also good thing you werent married?
why werent you married with a child in the first place? i Know u love her