Shanghai might have one of the largest foreign communities in all of China, but this certainly doesn't make it any easier for foreign females when it comes to dating.
Of course, this isn't the case for every Western woman in China, many whom are already married and just tagging along on their husband's expat package. But for the most part, finding a suitable mate here is not at all as easy nor fun as back home, as the odds are simply against us.
Most everyone knows by now that Western men are god-like figures in China, attracting hoards of local women who are drawn to their masculine appearances and dominant personalities in comparison to the average effeminate, small-sized Chinese men. Generally speaking, Western men are also more blunt about what they want than the average local fellows, which seems to appeal to the native women, ensuring that most Western men here are never short on sex.
Unfortunately, the same principle does not apply to Western women when it comes to dating Chinese men. If anything, we're considered too dominant, turning the majority of them off with our independent personalities and strong opinions.
Many Chinese women live at home with their parents until they're married and are quite inhibited about their sexuality, which in comparison makes white girls appear wild and promiscuous. However, that doesn't stop some Chinese men from engaging us in one night stands or brief flings, but then cutting things off abruptly when it's time for the relationship to move into serious territory.
One might suppose that the outlook would be more optimistic for Western women pursuing Western men in China, but in that dating pool we also draw the short straw. Once foreign men get a taste for the sheer amount of attention they receive from Chinese women, along with their slender, pliable figures and submissive nature in the bedroom, Caucasian gals simply can't compare.
White males seem to fall into a frenzy of dating as many local women as they possibly can with absolutely no commitment to any of them. They become spoiled by choice, knowing that there's a different option waiting for them at every bar and each English corner.
New expat women to China, whom are derisively called "fempats" by expat men, quickly understand this phenomenon upon arriving and either have to accept their singleness or grow old waiting for white guys to come to their senses.
One night stands might be fun for the first several years in China, but the constant merry-go-round of meaningless flings here gets old pretty fast. Human beings are hardwired to eventually make emotional connections, and considering the cultural clashes that many mixed couples seem to encounter - whenever you see a mixed couple in public they always look miserable - it's inevitable that most foreign males in China will ultimately prefer to marry a white woman than go native.
It would be nice to see the culture gap between Westerners and Chinese eventually narrow in order for foreign women to have a fighting chance at dating Chinese men. In turn, it would also be interesting to watch Western men finally get a reality check and discover that most of them are hardly "God's gift to women" and could never get this much action back in their home countries.
While there are exceptions, the plight of dating local men in China is still a bittersweet experience for Western women. We crave the chance to experience Chinese-style love and romance, but we don't look forward to getting ditched once marriage is brought up. We're a resilient bunch however, and won't be giving up hope anytime soon, so for all you single Chinese men in Shanghai, watch out because here I come!
The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Global Times.
