Feminist Judgement or Morally Wrong?

[Woon]

Greetings,

I have recently ended a relationship with a two year long girlfriend. However, I have still been sleeping with her and we still have intimate conversations which puts us in the middle between dating and FWBs. No discussions have been made about being exclusive.

Yet, I am not sure if I should tell her that I am seeing other women. There is an unconscious guilt within me that accumulates day by day and it is very frustrating.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Dan Bautista]

She won't object you seeing other women in your life because all she wants from you is sex. She isn't planning on getting serious with you anytime soon.

Inability to express yourself to her is causing you frustration and losing your sleep over women isn't something you should continue to do. Tell her that you're seeing other women. If she does object you seeing other women then you decide whether you want to continue having sex with her or want to continue seeing other women.

 

[dude99]

Greetings,

I have recently ended a relationship with a two year long girlfriend. However, I have still been sleeping with her and we still have intimate conversations which puts us in the middle between dating and FWBs. No discussions have been made about being exclusive.

Yet, I am not sure if I should tell her that I am seeing other women. There is an unconscious guilt within me that accumulates day by day and it is very frustrating.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Sounds like you demoted her from girlfriend to plate.
You ended the relationship. What you do is your business. If she chooses to still have a fwb or plate relationship with you then carry on. Spin more plates date more women. Don't feel guilty about seeing other women because trust me, when new guys step into her life she will date them.

 

[Woon]

It makes me wonder if it is my obligation to share with her that I am seeing other people.

Almost feels as if I'm trying to hide this fact, because I do not want to lose this main "plate."

 

[dude99]

It makes me wonder if it is my obligation to share with her that I am seeing other people.

Almost feels as if I'm trying to hide this fact, because I do not want to lose this main "plate."

Ask yourself this. Is she my girlfriend. Nope. You said yourself you two broke up.
Does she deserve to be treated as such when there is no relationship ? Nope.

You are treating her as a loyal boyfriend out of habit because that is what you have done the last couple of years.

She is now a plate. Live your life. Spin more. Tell her only if you want to. But don't feel guilty for living YOUR life. Trust me she is living hers.

 

[Woon]

As I said, you aren't existing from your own frame.

You stress out that people consider what you are doing "immoral". Then you come here for support that what you are doing "isn't immoral".

You worry too much about what others think. That effects your frame.



Nothing wrong with that.

I appreciate your response.

However, being frustrated from my actions does not mean that I do not exist in my own frame.
If my relatives past away and I regretted not building a closer relationship, it would disturb me very much.
Not because I am constantly thinking about what other people think about me; it is simply self-reflection.

I wonder if ending a relationship discards the respect you had for each other. I compare this situation to getting into a quarrel with a business partner.
Reducing his/her profits to merely increase yours with a few other acquaintances. It is self-improvement but it is a selfish act.

Maybe the comparison is unjust but I am perplexed because I do pursue to better myself but I'd like to achieve this goal through interdependence.

 

[Mike32ct]

If you ended the relationship, it's ok to be with other chicks. She might have another dude on the side. It's one of those, "Let's not bring it up."

But longer term, I think continuing with your ex will only mess with your head.

 

[Woon]

If you ended the relationship, it's ok to be with other chicks. She might have another dude on the side. It's one of those, "Let's not bring it up."

But longer term, I think continuing with your ex will only mess with your head.

Why would it be justified to be with other women if I ended the relationship?

But I completely agree with the long term aspect you have pointed out. She said, "let's just see where this takes us."

This made me more aware of the imperative of, "making yourself the prize to seek." I insisted that I wouldn't be able to guarantee a relationship but she said that's fine and how I can come over whenever I wanted.

 

[Serenity]

Greetings,

I have recently ended a relationship with a two year long girlfriend. However, I have still been sleeping with her and we still have intimate conversations which puts us in the middle between dating and FWBs. No discussions have been made about being exclusive.

Yet, I am not sure if I should tell her that I am seeing other women. There is an unconscious guilt within me that accumulates day by day and it is very frustrating.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Why do you feel guilty about that? You're not in an exclusive relationship which is the only factor that matters, regardless of how intimate the conversations are.

There's no function in telling her, it doesn't achieve anything besides making an awkward situation. It's not good for anything at all.

It's a really clear line about this type of thing. If you're not exclusive with someone you can shamelessly fvck anyone you'd like and none of them have any right to know about the others. If you go into an exclusive relationship then you simply stop fvcking anyone else, you still don't have to tell about all the girls you fvcked prior to exclusivity, in fact I'd strongly advise against that.

This type of thing is perfectly ok to not mention, unless she asks. Even then it's not really any of her business so you can choose not to say. Just try to avoid straight out lying.

 

[Mike32ct]

Why would it be justified to be with other women if I ended the relationship?

But I completely agree with the long term aspect you have pointed out. She said, "let's just see where this takes us."

This made me more aware of the imperative of, "making yourself the prize to seek." I insisted that I wouldn't be able to guarantee a relationship but she said that's fine and how I can come over whenever I wanted.

Ok, well that's a little bit different. If it's CLEAR to both parties that it's a post-breakup FWB situation, then hooking up with others is technically allowed, but not usually discussed.

I may have rushed to judgement. (Sometimes I read posts too fast and miss something.) In your case, the line between relationship and FWB is blurry right now. She also might hold out hopes for getting back together because she said, "Let's just see where this takes us."

To be fair, she is still NOT technically your gf right now. So you still COULD hook up with another chick. But I think that is almost besides the point.

You don't need to answer this. It's just something to think about. "What exactly do you WANT?"

1. Do you want her back as a gf eventually?
2. Do you want to bhang her a few more times and move on?
3. Do you want to have two plates for a while?
4. Do you really want to walk away, but the sex is too good?

I'll just end by saying that you should really be honest with yourself about what you want.