Female perspective

[djgirl]

Hi all, first off i understand that this is pretty much a male dominated forum and im probably not welcome here but as a bi-sexual girl myself i find myself with the same issues most of you are experiencing with women!

I am a female myself and cant even understand how other females work
I have read the DJ bible myself and applied a few things from there into my "game" and my results werent really that much better.....i apply the same dj rules you boys do when i go out on dates with women and i still fail horribly and i dont know if its because the dj rules are clearly just for men trying to score woman or because they dont work for lesbians trying to score other woman lol...

I wouldnt say im the best looking of females, i do pretty alright, im 23 had some pretty crappy experiences with men but im still open to meeting them but have yet to come across a decent guy with decent values that isnt seeking just sex.....however my luck with girls hasnt been the best and for the life of me i dont know understand how we even work! its the same motto with lesbian chicks, the less hotter you are the less chance you get with them, they dont give a crap about how great your job is, how much cash you have, that fancy car you have....its all about looks, your reputation, and status...even a good personality they over look if you dont have the above features....its actually really sad, chicks think their above everything and are the most shallowest human beings on earth........

Trust me im not some bitter lesbian coming on here to rant but i actually feel for you guys and know exactly where your coming from and its no different for a girl trying to game a girl, were in the same boat as you.

 

[Mike32ct]

Welcome.

I'm not a moderator, so it's not my place to say whether women should or shouldn't post here. But speaking for myself only, I don't mind a few female posters. I actually enjoy reading their perspectives. We have a few females on here already.

If you chose to stay here, definitely have a thick skin. Some guys will be friendly to you. Otherwise, uhh not so much lol.

It's very interesting to hear that a lesbian faces some similar issues as men. Yes, women can be very, very shallow and particular about what they want. I don't hate them for it. It's just frustrating at times. But I enjoy bouncing ideas off the really bright and experienced guys on here.

 

[Chamber36]

That's very interesting.

If I was you I would study what the women in porn movies act like, for example Katsumi. That's one of the sexiest *****es I ever saw. She's bi.

I also recommend you read The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, there's lots of gay stuff in there.

Besides that I don't think women look for the same things in women that I look for in a woman, but I like my girls sophisticated.

You could read The Art of Gold Digging by Tariq Nasheed. It's basically a womans guide to better game. I haven't read it but it should be helpful, only you won't be able to download it, you'll have to buy it.

 

[djgirl]

As i said i didnt come here to mock or anything, i have been reading this board for quite a while and studying some of the articles and advice given on here and i find this site quite interesting even though its meant to be for men....however some things i can still apply to my game...

I too like my women sophisticated, with great values, has a head on her shoulders and knows what she wants, finding these types of girls seems so rare lol even in the lesbian/bi community.....I always seem to get the slu**y ones, who like lesbian players, who are real bad girls that do bad things, like sleep around, do drugs, and are amazing looking etc etc and because im quite the opposite, i have morals, i dont sleep around, i dont play girls, i dont do drugs, i know where im going in my life and where i want to be in my future girls see me as boring

Totally dont understand young chicks of today its like nice girls finish last too :/

 

[wait_out]

1) You are being respectful and took some time to lurk the forum, you're not judging every guy on here, and you're mentioning your own mutually compatible goals (understanding woman and being happier in dating). So you might take a little flak, but it wouldn't be because you're behaving badly.

2) If there's one thing that's more common in dating today's modern (frustrating) woman -- they compartmentalize their lives so different people serve different functions based on their perceived utility. If you are attractive, they will look for sex. If you can advance their career, they will look for that. If you offer predictable company, they will ask for that (that's the nice guy thing where guys misunderstand the terms of the deal). There was a NYT article recently discussing why mothers under 30 are now, in the majority, unmarried -- well, in some cases it's because those girls aren't having sex with guys they would ever marry, they are just having sex with the guys they want to fvck, and sh!t happens. Terrible overgeneralization but it holds, a little. So, if you want to get more action or create more options, you need to represent that niche -- the guy/girl everyone wants to bang. Being a good person (even amazing) doesn't have any crossover benefit whatsoever to make you more sexually attractive! I once had a stripper, sitting on my lap, curl her leg around the back of my neck while completely nude... I felt like a fuse just popped in my brain. Maybe she was a nice person, but how would I know? That section of my brain was on vacation. Sexuality really is it's own game.

3) So, what to do? We usually give guys this exact same advice -- get fit (sleep/exercise/diet), improve every attractive thing that's reasonable (skin, hair, posture, clothing, etc), get life balance possible by taking up activities that give you pride and make you happy, and work to be social and positive so your personality is outgoing and charismatic. Complaining may be justified and true, but it can't improve your life!

4) The issue with learning "seduction techniques", is if you're wallpapering over weaknesses rather than building a foundation. You want to be the real deal (especially if you don't want to get dropped from an LTR by a dissatisfied partner!). But for mostly normal guys who need a magic bullet, it can get them outside and interacting which is good.

5) I'd suggest, write out your "ideal week" as if everything as going your way... then write out a "very bad week" but describe how you would best handle it, meaning events are bad but you still represent your ideal behavior. Once you have that, you can start working backwards through sequential steps to make it a reality. I'm pretty short and have a bashed up nose, look good in some pics and hideous in others -- my awesome ego trip this year was being told I was "the hottest guy in the place, I saw you across the room" during a super-hip after hours on NYE, so how you prepare and present yourself can make a big difference. Don't erase your good personality to be attractive -- you want the best "mask" possible, but you don't sacrifice your true self for it either. Attractive girls with no integrity or unresolved emotional issues aren't partner material, and risk getting used and discarded.

6) Some girls are shallow, or selfish, or worse. So focus on screening people better and faster, expanding your options as much as possible, and making your interactions either enjoyable or brief (NEXT). If you always get the same kind of girl, you need to look at why you're choosing them.

7) Hot chicks always act like they're above you... when you want to sleep with them or make them love you (ha!). If they are wilderness camping, coping with danger, or trying to become models around hotter girls, they verge on pitiful. It's strictly environmental. Don't fall for the act.

8) That's my "you're a guy with tits" advice... keep in mind I can't talk girl-on-girl specifics, so use your own judgement if it doesn't make sense. cheers

 

[djgirl]

1) You are being respectful and took some time to lurk the forum, you're not judging every guy on here, and you're mentioning your own mutually compatible goals (understanding woman and being happier in dating). So you might take a little flak, but it wouldn't be because you're behaving badly.

2) If there's one thing that's more common in dating today's modern (frustrating) woman -- they compartmentalize their lives so different people serve different functions based on their perceived utility. If you are attractive, they will look for sex. If you can advance their career, they will look for that. If you offer predictable company, they will ask for that (that's the nice guy thing where guys misunderstand the terms of the deal). There was a NYT article recently discussing why mothers under 30 are now, in the majority, unmarried -- well, in some cases it's because those girls aren't having sex with guys they would ever marry, they are just having sex with the guys they want to fvck, and sh!t happens. Terrible overgeneralization but it holds, a little. So, if you want to get more action or create more options, you need to represent that niche -- the guy/girl everyone wants to bang. Being a good person (even amazing) doesn't have any crossover benefit whatsoever to make you more sexually attractive! I once had a stripper, sitting on my lap, curl her leg around the back of my neck while completely nude... I felt like a fuse just popped in my brain. Maybe she was a nice person, but how would I know? That section of my brain was on vacation. Sexuality really is it's own game.

3) So, what to do? We usually give guys this exact same advice -- get fit (sleep/exercise/diet), improve every attractive thing that's reasonable (skin, hair, posture, clothing, etc), get life balance possible by taking up activities that give you pride and make you happy, and work to be social and positive so your personality is outgoing and charismatic. Complaining may be justified and true, but it can't improve your life!

4) The issue with learning "seduction techniques", is if you're wallpapering over weaknesses rather than building a foundation. You want to be the real deal (especially if you don't want to get dropped from an LTR by a dissatisfied partner!). But for mostly normal guys who need a magic bullet, it can get them outside and interacting which is good.

5) I'd suggest, write out your "ideal week" as if everything as going your way... then write out a "very bad week" but describe how you would best handle it, meaning events are bad but you still represent your ideal behavior. Once you have that, you can start working backwards through sequential steps to make it a reality. I'm pretty short and have a bashed up nose, look good in some pics and hideous in others -- my awesome ego trip this year was being told I was "the hottest guy in the place, I saw you across the room" during a super-hip after hours on NYE, so how you prepare and present yourself can make a big difference. Don't erase your good personality to be attractive -- you want the best "mask" possible, but you don't sacrifice your true self for it either. Attractive girls with no integrity or unresolved emotional issues aren't partner material, and risk getting used and discarded.

6) Some girls are shallow, or selfish, or worse. So focus on screening people better and faster, expanding your options as much as possible, and making your interactions either enjoyable or brief (NEXT). If you always get the same kind of girl, you need to look at why you're choosing them.

7) Hot chicks always act like they're above you... when you want to sleep with them or make them love you (ha!). If they are wilderness camping, coping with danger, or trying to become models around hotter girls, they verge on pitiful. It's strictly environmental. Don't fall for the act.

8) That's my "you're a guy with tits" advice... keep in mind I can't talk girl-on-girl specifics, so use your own judgement if it doesn't make sense. cheers

Wow! very interesting! yes dont worry i am doing everything that is required like getting fit/fixing flaws/dieting/positive mindset.....i guess it just gets discouraging when even though you feel and look your best you still get rejected because your "not good enough" i'm always abit shy to make the first moves and usually prefer it if they made it first so i guess i want to ask how you guys get the courage to make the first move and fear not being rejected? and if she does reject you, how do you handle it?

 

[Mike32ct]

Wow! very interesting! yes dont worry i am doing everything that is required like getting fit/fixing flaws/dieting/positive mindset.....i guess it just gets discouraging when even though you feel and look your best you still get rejected because your "not good enough" i'm always abit shy to make the first moves and usually prefer it if they made it first so i guess i want to ask how you guys get the courage to make the first move and fear not being rejected? and if she does reject you, how do you handle it?

Do you mean approaching random women or making a move on a date or someone you just met, like trying to get more physical?

 

[HoneyHitter]

I too like my women sophisticated, with great values, has a head on her shoulders and knows what she wants, finding these types of girls seems so rare lol even in the lesbian/bi community.....I always seem to get the slu**y ones, who like lesbian players, who are real bad girls that do bad things, like sleep around, do drugs, and are amazing looking etc etc and because im quite the opposite, i have morals, i dont sleep around, i dont play girls, i dont do drugs, i know where im going in my life and where i want to be in my future girls see me as boring

Let's be real. The women you want to attract are the kind of women who are usually NOT bisexual. I understand that can be very frustrating. Just like the fat guys on here who are constantly whining about why they have such a hard time attracting HOT women.

That leaves you with two options:

1) Become what they are generally looking for (an attractive male )

, or

2) find your niche (where are those bisexual women who are looking for someone like you?)


By the way, I'm totally convinced that most women are little bisexual. They just need to be introduced to it by a "leading" male.

 

[sstype]

I remember this smoking hot stripper telling me how she was attracted to other women but it was next to impossible to find a decent looking girl to participate with her and her boyfriend.

Talked to this one girl at the pool last summer who told me how she was propositioned by a couple at a bar the night before. She found it gross yet I was surprised as she wasn't really all that attractive.

I'm not surprised that you face the same difficulty that us guys do. Attractive women are in such high demand by EVERYONE....single guys, married guys, swinging couples, bi-curious females, lesbians, heck even lots of so-called "gay" men would f*ck a hot woman if the opportunity arose.

Wait-out's advice is solid. I would also add maybe dressing a little more edgy (i.e. show some more skin) to up your sex appeal a bit. It won't guarantee a relationship (if that's what you're looking for) but it will open more doors for you. Best of luck.

 

[zekko]

I have read the DJ bible myself and applied a few things from there into my "game" and my results werent really that much better

I think a lot of DJ advice is actually not all that important, it's just designed to make the guy think he's in on some secret so he has the confidence to get out there and approach and talk to girls, which is what he should be doing anyway.

Pook's improved success with women apparently came mostly from gaining 40 lbs. of muscle, which is something I don't think you want to do.

 

[floydb25]

OP: But if you're a nice, classy girl - why are you chasing after bad, slutty girls? Hmmmm? That's the problem with the nice people finish last theory - they finish last with jerks and players. No ****... Everyone does. This is likely in direct relation to how someone looks, and presents themselves (excitement, status, etc). I don't believe that genuine nice girls aren't being passed over in favor of these hoes. Everyone CLAIMS to want the nice folk, but few seek after them - only to claim there are none around. It's nothing new. Pretty much everyone does it.

Maybe it should be changed to shallow people finish last. Or, nice people finish last with jerks. But that would prevent people from playing the victim, and blaming someone else. :trouble:

 

[floydb25]

Well, a decent guy with decent values is almost by definition not just seeking sex. But what is unstated here is very telling...you're have yet to come across a guy that you are ATTRACTED to that is not just looking for sex. This means that you are attracted to the bad boys and/or are shooting way out of your league. That's a problem you should address.

Agreed. There's almost always a contradictory statement in these claims, and is relative to what you're seeking after and being attracted to. If you date bad guys or girls - it makes no sense to complain about their lack of niceness, or only wanting you for sex. That's what these people are about, and you knew this going in. People seem more interested in changing jerks - only to complain that they're jerks, and not nice people. What did you really expect? Or, they just like to complain.

Almost everyone who complains does so about the same type of person they're attracted to, and seek after. "Why is a jerk such a jerk? How come they only want sex? Why don't they have feelings?" Because they're a jerk. Who would've thought? Maybe if you keep complaining about it - things will get better. Or, you can jump to another jerk, and continue complaining about the same things you seek after.

There's no such thing as a victim, I'm afraid.

 

[Aaron B]

of course it's different for a girl trying to game girls than it is for men doing the same

 

[wait_out]

i'm always abit shy to make the first moves and usually prefer it if they made it first so i guess i want to ask how you guys get the courage to make the first move and fear not being rejected? and if she does reject you, how do you handle it?

If you find it intimidating, do it in stages. Practice eye contact, then greet people who respond well to NVCs (non-verbal cues), then begin conversations with strangers... you can even join the DJ bootcamp thread, it's only the second week today. That's basically the entire premise. Also, don't invest emotionally in others too quickly, that usually ends up in misery.

Second, mindset wise, here is a big one:
http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/training/goal-versus-process-oriented-training-part-1.html
http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/training/goal-versus-process-oriented-training-part-2.html

If you take crashing and burning as a learning opportunity, it will make you happy. If you take it as a judgement of your value as a person, you're doomed. This applies to MANY things in life. It's easy to backslide, which is one reason I type here, to remind myself of that. Life achievements don't eliminate insecurities or bad habits you had growing up, you must deliberately retrain your way of thinking. Being rejected isn't easy for me, I've always been almost pathologically sensitive to it... but I looked at my own ideal life, and I saw a guy who wouldn't fear approaching and could handle rejection with grace.

Goals will motivate you, appreciating the process prevents discouragement, and the critical mass of accumulated experience you finally get, finally lets you succeed. One thing that isn't seen, a lot of people HAVE succeeded on this forum and others -- you just don't see them around because they're living the life they want, and have outgrown posting here. That's the level *after* being a "DJ" -- fully actuated, confident, successful human being who has become happiest with their own definition of self.

Just don't get sucked into the drama or politics here, this forum is at its best strictly a tool to learn how to date effectively. Given how deep that goes into our core beliefs about life, it's not really surprising that SS ends up more like a DIY mental health workshop sometimes.

 

[djgirl]

Maybe i am just going for the wrong type of girls....where i live though the majority of bi/lesbian girls are all big headed, shallow girls who are mostly into bad girl types that like to sleep around and be known in the "lesbian scene" and then the decent ones with morals are all taken ha...doomed either way....

As for my question i was refering to when im on dates with girls and say i want to kiss close or make a move on them when things seem to be going well, how do i do it an not come across as creepy or get flat out rejected??