Feelings of insecurity and eagerness when facing competition - how to deal with them?

[Firefly]

While I am still improving my game, I have at least got myself into a position where I am meeting and have an opportunity to ask out attractive women on a regular basis.

One situation where I feel I still have a weakness though is that as most 8's and 9's get asked out on a regular basis, if I know a girl I want to hook up with is being pursued by another guy, my instinct is to try to see the girl myself as quickly as possible, which in the past has blown up in my face as the eagerness has either put the girl off, or made me become all AFC-like in my behaviour ("Oh, you're not free Friday? Well, I am also free Saturday, Sunday and next week if any of those days are good for you"). At the same time, I have also lost out on chicks when I was too hard to get as well. Any suggestions on how to strike the right balance?

Also, the immediate situation that brought this to mind is that I had a 9.0 girl ask me if I was free this weekend. She stood me up once before so I just brushed her off and said that I had a couple of Halloween parties I was invited to. (This is true, but really I have plans to meet up with a girl who is really only a 7, but has a very high interest level). I did say I might have time to see her the week after. However, I saw that another guy is making a very obvious play for her and am now fighting the urge to contact the girl and say I am free this weekend. If this is the wrong move, and I assume it is, talk me out of it!

 

[Galactus]

On the surface, you don't seem to have one-itis, because you have several options, but you act as if you don't. My feeling is that you should tell a girl if you are available, but if she burns you and doesn't show up, you could try telling her you'll give her another shot (if she really matters that much to you), but definitely don't give her a third shot.

What other guys are doing shouldn't concern you at all. Period. If a chick is more impressed by his game, just move on. Women are everywhere. They're even on frickin' Antarctica, for fvck's sake.

 

[Jitterbug]

If she likes you, she likes you, and other guys don't matter at all.

Take it easy, it's just women, not a life or death situation.

You're like my mate. He acts as if he has ants up his arse when he sees a chick he likes being gamed by some other bloke. I'd get a text saying "I must make my move, so-and-so is making a play for her". And next thing you know, he gets LJBFed for being overeager.

If that was really a 9 girl that you turned down (and not just a cute girl that you blow up the value in your head cos you like her), be sure that your turning her down will make a deeper impression on her mind than some guy making a move on her.

You did the right thing turning her down. Only make weekend plans with women with high interest level, like that 7.

 

[badboyjmm]

You did the right thing turning her down. Only make weekend plans with women with high interest level, like that 7.

That's right man !!

Don't play that competition game, at any cause, because usually, the girl knows and she takes advantage. When you check out a girl, it's your business.

I want to hook up with is being pursued by another guy, my instinct is to try to see the girl myself as quickly as possible

Well you should do the opposite and tell the girl straight up: This guy wants to go out with you, so you should go, you are not really my type... This way, if the chick has a high IL, she will try to qualify herself !

Don't contact the HB9 since you are busy during the weekend. If HB9 have any interest, she will contact you during the week asking what happen during the weekend.

 

[Firefly]

Thanks for all the constructive comments guys!

I believe that one factor behind the 9 contacting me is that she is on my Facebook, and I had a very social week last week so there were lots of photos of me in social situations having a great time being tagged, which she would have seen. The 9 had apparently blown me off before to hang out with another dude, but he seems to have been a bit of a dud as she ditched him after about 2 hours (mutual female friends = knowledge! ). My theory is that she realised that she would have had a better time hanging out with me after seeing these pics, which is why she reached out to me. Accordingly, I told her that I was too busy to catch up with her this weekend because I had other fun events to go to, which I assume would bring up her interest level. Also, since I have a 90% chance of nailing the 7, I figure I should go for her then for the 9 who already flaked on me once.