Feeling increasingly aggressive and short-tempered

[Merry Maker]

In my mid-twenties, never went further with a female than talking. In that state because I had a messed up life that I only gained control of very recently.

Recently I actually consulted a psychologist, but I was amazed to see that telling her my darkest secrets didn't move me one bit, and confiding myself to someone else didn't make me feel any different. I've completely forgotten all that we've said, but what I recall is that she had nothing but useless common sense to tell me. I tried pills years ago but didn't really want them in the first place and it only made me feel ****ty.

I did sports, but barely got any occasion to talk to girls, and could only go so far as small talk.

I don't feel insecure, I don't feel ashamed of myself, I don't ever feel like grieving about the past, I'm just pissed off because I don't have any outlets to get closer to a girl.

I exercize one hour every day, and while it did make me feel good in the beginning, nowadays all that it feels like is that I'm building up a lot of character that's useless since I've no one to show it to.

At work everyone is seemingly older and in a relationship, and sometimes I get pissed off in situations when I feel I've nothing of worth to lose. At some point I really got angry at my boss when he got a little nagging with me, which shocked him. This was at a point where I didn't care if I lost my job or not. Since then he seems to treat me with a bit more of respect.

The only good side is that I've made one good friend that I contacted back from college and we went out a bit, and had fun at my place too. But it's not someone I can go to bars with.

When I'm with others people I always take the initiative and have lots of fun, most seem to be somewhat admirative of me, but now when I'm alone I get impatient at everything and increasingly violent. I just can't stand going into a mall and seeing couples everywhere while I'm perpetually alone. I feel so ignored that I fantasize about hitting and scaring random other people and don't know what to make of this. But I wouldn't ever do this since I'd end up in jail. I think of people that I hate and wish they were dead and suffered horribly. When I see in the news bad things happening to people who annoy me I can't help but to gloat viciously.

I'm thinking of attending to some random course that I don't give a **** about to move things forward but I'm wary that it could be a waste of time where I'd once again get nothing but small talk.

 

[Bible_Belt]

never went further with a female than talking

That's because you never took it farther than talking. As the guy, you are the one responsible for taking the initiative. It doesn't just happen, you have to make it happen. During the small talk, or more preferably flirting, you ask the girl to spend time with you. If she says yes, then you go on a date, which works a lot better if she has to guess a little about it being a date. Then afterward you get her alone and make out a little. Sometimes after that you have sex. Women like it just as much as men. Getting girls and getting laid is no big deal, especially once you figure it out. It is certainly not what defines you as a person. It is a skill like any other. Part of that skill is pressing the issue and making things happen, which is what you need to learn how to do.

 

[thedeparted]

The actual problem here is psychological. I'm guessing if a naked girl showed up in your house you still wouldn't have sex. So you should look for a better psychologist to resolve this problem.

 

[Merry Maker]

Not psychological in the least. Until very recently in life I had some other pressing issues to deal with, which kept me from worrying about relationships and forming friendships. It happens to some and it's out of their control.

Now that I'm ready and willing my only outlet is strangers and I can do nothing with the good things I've built up so far about my self. That's the only reason why all the exasperation and the spite builds up.

 

[Wodan]

I really suggest you read 'Sleight of mouth, the magic of conversational belief change by Robert Dilts' It is a book about NLP.

I dont find this to be an easy subject to talk about. but briefly one important aspect that it explains is that we all process experiences differently and make a model from it by which we view the world.

The model in which we make and use to view and respond to the world around us often isnt the best.

heres an example.

A friend of mine has a girl that hounds him and talks with him alot (she blatently likes him and he could blatently fvck her) He wont though even though he really wants to.

He misinterprets things she says, takes himself very seriously. And if she says something that can be taken two ways (good or bad) he will take it the bad way even though to most people it would be obvious she meant it in the good way.

she recently said to him 'your my closest friend' he responded with 'oh' (shocked look on his face) in other words pushed her away again and relegated himself.

he could have said anything from 'yeah really close' with a smirk on his face to imply a sexual context or anything, instead he responded with something that will make sexual advances harder.

He did not do this because he wanted to, he did this because he has a model of the world that serves him very poorly. He had a very tough ubringing and the pain and lack of experiences from it gave him a messed up outlook on life.

Another thing to get across, You can build your model of the world from things you physically see,smell,feel,hear etc AND you can build it from hallucinations and fantasies. Dont fantasise about random crap! It will only distory your view of reality. Live in the real world instead and experience more congruence with other people, It will make you happy! and peaceful.

I did sports, but barely got any occasion to talk to girls, and could only go so far as small talk

NO! can you see how if you spent some time and effort and became able to cold approach fluently you would have even more occaisions than you actually need? or even if you got good with indirect approaches you could get plenty of girls you want.

Anyway something im trying to make clear is that YOUR model of the world serves you badly and that you have alot more opportunities than you allow yourself to take or even allow yourself to acknowledge exist! If you want your life to improve you can read the book, grasp the principles and change. Its entirely up to you.


- Learn to be more open minded and dont be closed minded
- Dont take yourself too seriously
- Get alot more 'experiences' theyre what you build your model of the world with, at the moment i can tell you have less diverse experiences than most people your age.
- If you cant meet single people your own age any other way change your job to one where you can.
- Dont sit around being pissed off that you dont have the outlets to meet women, get up and change your situation by making new friends or opening your options through learning and applying game.

 

[Wodan]

Change your responses to positve ones, Instead of being pissed off about things you wont change, change them and be happy.

 

[Effington]

Perhaps you should listen to this "common sense" your psychologist spouts at you.

 

[escaleraroyal]

do you think you feel worse than losing 20K..just mention about it i ****ing wanna kill someone.

 

[Merry Maker]

NO! can you see how if you spent some time and effort and became able to cold approach fluently you would have even more occaisions than you actually need? or even if you got good with indirect approaches you could get plenty of girls you want.

Anyway something im trying to make clear is that YOUR model of the world serves you badly and that you have alot more opportunities than you allow yourself to take or even allow yourself to acknowledge exist! If you want your life to improve you can read the book, grasp the principles and change. Its entirely up to you.

(...)

Dont sit around being pissed off that you dont have the outlets to meet women, get up and change your situation by making new friends or opening your options through learning and applying game.

My model serves me badly? I'm eager and I can't put this eagerness to use. It's not like I believe that it's never going to work, that everyone who talks to me implicitly means to belittle me, or that I think lowly of myself.

You're saying that my only avenue is basically to develop a keen method to cold approach people on the street and in public places, stuff like that?

 

[Wodan]

In my mid-twenties, never went further with a female than talking. In that state because I had a messed up life that I only gained control of very recently.

I know you are eager, your human. What you can controll is how you respond to the situations, you chose to not work out ways of using the eagerness to get women untill success came.

You're saying that my only avenue is basically to develop a keen method to cold approach people on the street and in public places, stuff like that?

Didnt say 'only', your making things seem more bleak once again.

My model serves me badly? I'm eager and I can't put this eagerness to use. It's not like I believe that it's never going to work, that everyone who talks to me implicitly means to belittle me, or that I think lowly of myself.

Well i believe that its never going to work with your current mind set and ive clearly explained a way of changing it. once again, THINK of the different responses you can make to these statements, theres negative ones and positive ones, choose negativity and singledom or positivity and happiness.

 

[schttrj]

Cheer up!..... I was once a part-time psychologist by profession and I should be of help to you! I am not giving you any lectures or any pills. They don't work for normal persons. So, what is your name? Merry maker? Do you make merry with girls only? Come on, you should cheer up everyone's life and you have the power to do that. You know that, you know why you feel so depressed at the moment because you know that you have a lot of potential in you but you cannot use them. Isn't it? Yes. So, when you know you have got potential in you, don't shut it up for the right person. Just shine your light for every person that comes your way. You are a sportsman, kool you love sports, right? Go play it out, bud. Do what makes you happy. I REPEAT do what makes you happy. Write down in a piece of paper what are the things you would like to do. Only get a girlfriend or fvcking girls? Ok, no problem. Ask yourself twice if it is what it wants. If it says yes, now is the time to take action. Now, action doesn't mean that you have to go approach every woman you feel is fvckable. But, just be ready for them. If you want to meet them, go meet them. If you don't feel like it, don't go. You are the KING and you are in control!

Here is a plan for you:

From tomorrow onwards, you would start to meditate and visualise yourself as a person soaking in energy shining and covering him like a cocoon. You would feel like it is getting inside your body and the light is purifying and shining and you are getting charged up in the process. Do it 2 times daily, morning and night.

After that, force yourself to be laughing, smiling and having a good time. Action lead thought. So, do and you think likewise.

Now, if you want girls, start going to places where you would find lots of women and start meeting them immediately. You need to show your potential to them, so just do it.

 

[Merry Maker]

So that means smiling and starting tons of small conversations with random strangers in public places and escalating progressively until I get lucky? Because I've nowhere to go to.

Society doesn't really offer any options worth a damn for young men who wish to interact with more people.

I don't have an unlimited supply of cash to subscribe to BS courses for the sole purpose of hopefully meeting a woman, and even in these the interaction is very very limited.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Other than fantasies of violence, what do you like? What makes you happy? Go and do that to make yourself less miserable, and try to work meeting women into that. If you can develop just a few hobbies and interests, there will be women out there who are into the same thing.

 

[Merry Maker]

I suppose I like sports, films and home theater equipment, the latter which doesn't help, the first one which I guess could work out of attrition but is very hard, and the last... I haven't found any place when you could go and discuss films with the same people on a regular basis.

If I had found even one place in the whole city where people of my age who aren't nerds gather regularly for some activity and discuss, I'd already have subscribed to it. I search very regularly but I don't find anything.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I bet your nearest college would have a course that would interest you. There might also be other film clubs that you are overlooking, or ones on campus. Check a bulletin board at your local Barnes and Nobles or trendy coffee shop. What do you mean 'who aren't nerds?' I bet there are a lot of hot nerdy girls that you would not kick out of bed.

There's probably also message boards that cater to an interest in fill the same way that sosuave caters to the dj interest. Although there might be few local women, you can still practice chatting with girl who share a common interest.

Are you on myspace? People knock it, but I have met girls and gotten laid off of myspace. There are probably myspace groups that relate to film interests. You can also check out local girls profiles. Many women like movies. It is not hard to find a girl who likes the same movies you do, then you instantly have something to talk about. Eventually you get her number, then call her and do something about movies, see one out or at your place. Make it about you wanting to see the movie, and she can tag along. Make her wonder if you like her, and she will be in your bed soon enough. This is not hard to do - you just have to do it. It can seem more difficult than it is, but getting laid or getting a gf is no big deal.

 

[BeyondCharm]

Go see a psychologist, you'll thank us later. Lots of people do it, and itll only be temporary. You need professional help IMO.