Feeling guilty when I don't GIVE attention.

[Starriol]

Whenever I ignore someone who obviously wants to have a conversation with me, I feel guilty.
It happens with my mom, peers at work and college, even my cat!
I think to my self "what an you are, you are so egoist, you only think what YOU want", something along those lines.
Does it happen to anyone else (maybe all the chicks that say "I don't have a phone" or "why don't you give me yours instead ).?
How can I be more natural and true to myself and stop feeling like this??

 

[Sapiens]

Dude, I felt this way when I was in my late teens, but you got to practice until you become desensitized <sp>. Meaning until that guilty feeling stops. Believe me it will go away, you just gotta practice consistently.

 

[Egoist]

and being an egoist is bad because...

 

[Visceral]

Originally posted by Egoist
and being an egoist is bad because...

Because it can backfire if you're not careful. Doing what you want to is a good thing, but screwing other people to get there isn't. Exploiting a person only invites them to do the same right back.

Besides, humans are social creatures; we want attention, and unless you're Brad Pitt, the only way to get attention is to give it. Are you or the original poster Brad Pitt? I didn't think so.

To the original poster: do whatever makes you happy. Life's too short to let anyone - even Nietzsche's groupies on this site - tell you who to be and what to do. If you want to pay attention and interact with people (also known as being social, BTW), then go right ahead.

 

[Jariel]

A very good point and it's only after reading this post I see a big mistake I often make. I do get the same feeling of guilt that you do and sometimes I act too keen and lay on the attention just to save some girl's self esteem, even if I'm not into her that much.

I know how to be a challenge and it works, but then when they give me their sad expressions and start sympathy-seeking, I feel like a cold bastard and cave in. Boy to I regret it. I've had some of the most shy and insecure girls I know turn from infatuated stalkers into indifferent b1tches all because I was too generous with the attention.

Thanks for bringing this up. I hadn't thought about it before, but this is still one of my nice guy faults.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by Visceral
Because it can backfire if you're not careful. Doing what you want to is a good thing, but screwing other people to get there isn't. Exploiting a person only invites them to do the same right back.

Nietzsche

a true egoist does not screw others to get something.

Originally posted by Visceral

Nietzsche's groupies

:woo: :woo: :woo:

 

[bbestar]

what you need to do is treat everyone with friendly attitude and talk to them, especially your family, friends and strangers... Life is too short...

But the exception is HB's 7-9

treat them like there lower then everyone... Ignore them a bit.. then run your game...

When a HB enters the room... everyone looks... Except YOU...
You are better then everyone... and when she gives you EC and a smile... GO Ahead Son..

Play hard to get too, cause sometimes if you ignore her... It might be an ego boost for her to chase you..

If she gets you.. she will lose interest in you..

 

[EquityPrivate]

Originally posted by Starriol
Whenever I ignore someone who obviously wants to have a conversation with me, I feel guilty.
It happens with my mom, peers at work and college, even my cat!
I think to my self "what an you are, you are so egoist, you only think what YOU want", something along those lines.
Does it happen to anyone else (maybe all the chicks that say "I don't have a phone" or "why don't you give me yours instead ).?
How can I be more natural and true to myself and stop feeling like this??

Guilt is the most useless emotion humankind has. It has NO redeeming qualities in our society. Really.

You need to recognize, without being an overly selfish ass, that while it's good to be kind, courteous and sensitive, doing so to a fault is problematic.

Unless you are a total ass you probably have some room to do the things you want to do. You were NOT put on this planet to make others happy. If it makes you happy to do something nice for someone, that's great, do it. But never apologize for being in life for yourself.

Even when married, take care of yourself first and improve your self ever day so you can give the wonderful surplus of you to the people you care about.

If you really want to feel bad about yourself, it's pretty easy. That computer you just typed this post on could save a hundred children starving in Africa if you sold it and gave it to charity. Instead of feeling guilty for depriving people around you of attention start feeling guilty about the children you are KILLING by not giving your luxury goods to charity for.

You don't NEED that car. You don't NEED that watch.

(Getting the picture yet?)

 

[Starriol]

^^^^^
Yeah, I'm getting you. If I feel bad for every little thing that I do or DON'T do (like ignoring someone), I'll get nowhere.

I need to chill out a bit...

 

[skeeloo]

What equity private said was true thanks for that post.

anyway i too im the kinda guy that feels bad when i dont please ppl i have changed now though i realised i wasnt put on earth to make everyone happy..i remember i used to give this homless dude money everytime and when i dont have any id feel bad like i gotta help this guy, he plays guitars ,i kept giving him money until it got to a point he never said thank you anymore, then i got broke infact im broke at the moment i realised that giving dosnt do me anygood,im not responsible for anyone..i think its part of my nice guy self still trying to make a last effort to come forth but i wont allow it.same goes with girls i ignore a girl that likes me then i used to feel sad but when i show her attention she acts like she's too good for me..so i stopped showering thier esteem.
im not saying one should act like an ass to ppl but making ppl happy isnt my business.