feel like i'm getting picked on a bit too much

[Xetsu]

I don't care what people think about me really, it really doesn't matter. but lately I feel like iv'e been getting picked on a bit too much. I'm kind of nerdy I guess and sometimes i can say a bad joke here and there (cutting back on that) but 2 years ago i was never picked on. I dunno if it was givesthe way i presented myself or if i set up boundaries or whether i was good at combacks. What i do know is these days im getting picked on more than i feel i should.

so any suggestions? maybe i should completely ignore insults. I usually laugh them off, but iv'e been doing that for a couple of months now, and it doesn't stop. Actually i feel it gives them permission to continue. any input would be cool

 

[thedoc]

You know, there really isn't one simple easy solution to this.


First thing's first, don't laugh it off. You probably laugh along while they laugh at you and just turn away when everyone's done laughing.

Second, if you're serious (and I don't see why you wouldn't be) about stopping this, answer these next few questions (both to yourself and on here). You really didn't provide enough information for a serious "diagnosis" lol.


-Do people simply tease you or actually insult you.

If they tease you then all you have to do is tease back and before you know it you're good friends. That's happened to me a few times lol. For some reason, I highly doubt that's the case though.


If they actually make fun of you then you should probably answer these next two questions:

-Who exactly is picking on you? One person, a single group of people, or a larger majority. If it's one person then just directly confront him with a serious tone. If it's a group of a few people, it's the same idea. Find who their "leader" or their "alpha" or whatever, and confront him. If he stops, the whole group will stop. If it's a large amount of people then you may have to work on yourself.

-What exactly are they saying? If it's for example your clothes they're making fun of then consider their argument. By no means am I advocating to follow everyone else, you should wear what you like, but there's always some truth in every joke.


Once again there really isn't much information for me to try to really help you. If it's more than playful teasing then you more than likely have to work on yourself, not just on the bully. If anyone else with personal experience would post it would greatly help, I was never really bullied so I'm just saying what I would do if I were in that situation.

Just a side note, the cause is obviously more profound than the occasional "not funny jokes." Everyone's experienced that. A "funny" person can make a terrible joke and people would laugh while a "not-funny" person can make the world's best joke and only get a chuckle out of it. So don't worry about the jokes for now lol.

 

[YAboi]

hey man read this thread, check the sections in page 1 and 2 where i posted on the topic of assertiveness and your problem should be taken care of nicely.Let me know how it goes , cheers!

 

[Xetsu]

its a mix of both. mostly teasing tho. but, its weird.

its like one person teases me but then if its funny other people laugh, so it kind of becomes a game of who can cause the most people to laugh at there insult/tease. No one's really one sided, its all just fun and games. Sometimes i laugh it off, Which i have decided to make a conscious effortto STOP doing as it doesn't make me take action. as for what they tease me for its mostly everything. my clothes, what i do, etc. Sometimes it just gets really annoying cause it just feels like there being retarded. But yes i do agree. Last year i used to tease like crazy. Some guy would call me gay and go back and say "haha dude you're so gay you're constantly sending me lick signals" or something retarded like that. I guess i have become a bit to serious this year, will try to loosen up a bit. Sometimes tho i feel i don't show people my more serious part, so they take me as a joke, a guy with no real values etc. but thats another case.


for the guy who posted teh assertiveness post. THank you, I was looking for a post on assertiveness myself

 

[CaptainJ]

Get into powerlifting. Trust me. No one makes fun of a muscular strong guy.

 

[YAboi]

Get into powerlifting. Trust me. No one makes fun of a muscular strong guy.

..........unless the muscular strong guy is awkward and unconfident. You can still be an awkward mess with a six pack and biceps the size of a house and you can still get pushed around if you have those things but are not assertive.

The only difference is that you will be able to defend yourself (unecessarily might I add) using physical violence.

You can easily not get made fun of by using your mouth to lay down the ground rules of how you want people to treat you (this is done by being assertive when they try and rib on you).

 

[keepitirie]

I don't care what people think about me really, it really doesn't matter. I'm kind of nerdy I guess and sometimes i can say a bad joke here and there (cutting back on that) but 2 years ago i was never picked on. I dunno if it was givesthe way i presented myself or if i set up boundaries or whether i was good at combacks. What i do know is these days im getting picked on more than i feel i should.

Thats your problem right there man... you dont care what people think about you? ok.. i get how as a DJ or pua or whatever you shouldnt let what other people think of you affect you, but i think you took this the wrong way... not affect you... by this we mean you shouldnt think lower of yourself, because of what other people think. the way you said it, it seems like you're accepting your status, and you dont care that people think of you that way.

what you need to do is disassociate yourself from the people who make fun of you.

well you might say,"but they are the cool kids tho."

man, there are other "cool" kids that you can hang out with. their are different groups of cool kids at your school.. dont hang out with the one that make a laughing stock out of you. after you get your social proof from other guys, then try to be their friends, and if they talk sh1t about you, then just be like, "dude what the fvck are you doing?" freeze them out, but not for too long, because thats where it seems like they're getting to you. when someone is being an a-hole to you, dont just let it go. let them know its not cool, but dont get worked up about it at the same time.

dont let them tease you. be polite.. but dont be the nice kid.
,

 

[CaptainJ]

..........unless the muscular strong guy is awkward and unconfident. You can still be an awkward mess with a six pack and biceps the size of a house and you can still get pushed around if you have those things but are not assertive.

The only difference is that you will be able to defend yourself (unecessarily might I add) using physical violence.

You can easily not get made fun of by using your mouth to lay down the ground rules of how you want people to treat you (this is done by being assertive when they try and rib on you).

Assertiveness and confidence comes with the muscle and testosterone you will gain. Plus I'm not talking about making your biceps and 6 pack bigger, that's for pvssys. I'm talking squats, deadlifts, bench press, power cleans, which will give you a powerful posterior chain - the real sign of strength and muscle.