Feel Like Im Being Cornered

[jaymbrs]

My gf of 6 months and her daughter are moving into their new house this weekend. I agreed to help my gf move some (most) of their things. She decided to order her kid a new bed and other misc things that require assembly. I agreed to help her move heavy stuff into place however she asked if I could setup her daughter's stuff. I feel like that's asking for too much since I have little to nothing to do with her daughter and feel that's not my responsibility. The father is out of the picture so asking him is not an option. After I reasoned with her that I was only cool with moving her stuff in and that I thought she was asking for too much when asked to assemble her kid's stuff, she said politely her coworker's boyfriend offered to help out so she'll ask him. I told her if that's the route she wants to take then cool. I feel that's just a ploy to guilt me to do what she's asked. Obviously things got a little awkward but I didn't change my mind.

Do you guys think I'm being unreasonable?

 

[lamath]

My gf of 6 months and her daughter are moving into their new house this weekend. I agreed to help my gf move some (most) of their things. She decided to order her kid a new bed and other misc things that require assembly. I agreed to help her move heavy stuff into place however she asked if I could setup her daughter's stuff. I feel like that's asking for too much since I have little to nothing to do with her daughter and feel that's not my responsibility. The father is out of the picture so asking him is not an option. After I reasoned with her that I was only cool with moving her stuff in and that I thought she was asking for too much when asked to assemble her kid's stuff, she said politely her coworker's boyfriend offered to help out so she'll ask him. I told her if that's the route she wants to take then cool. I feel that's just a ploy to guilt me to do what she's asked. Obviously things got a little awkward but I didn't change my mind.

Do you guys think I'm being unreasonable?

This is a tricky spot imo, its ok to help her a little bit but the more you do the more she will expect i the future.
This could be a huge problem with a single mom.

Her trying to make you feel guilty about it is huge red flag imo

 

[jaymbrs]

This is a tricky spot imo, its ok to help her a little bit but the more you do the more she will expect i the future.
This could be a huge problem with a single mom.

Her trying to make you feel guilty about it is huge red flag imo

It's def a tricky situation. For one, I don't want some other dude (coworker's bf or not) making me look like I'm not willing to help my woman. However I'm not going to just do something just because she asked me to do it, especially with something I feel is an entrapment.

 

[lamath]

It's def a tricky situation. For one, I don't want some other dude (coworker's bf or not) making me look like I'm not willing to help my woman. However I'm not going to just do something just because she asked me to do it, especially with something I feel is an entrapment.

Big thing i see is her expectation towards you and i see her trying to groom you i to provider role.
Guilt tripping you is not acceptable, it is manipulation

 

[Young OG]

My gf of 6 months and her daughter are moving into their new house this weekend. I agreed to help my gf move some (most) of their things. She decided to order her kid a new bed and other misc things that require assembly. I agreed to help her move heavy stuff into place however she asked if I could setup her daughter's stuff. I feel like that's asking for too much since I have little to nothing to do with her daughter and feel that's not my responsibility. The father is out of the picture so asking him is not an option. After I reasoned with her that I was only cool with moving her stuff in and that I thought she was asking for too much when asked to assemble her kid's stuff, she said politely her coworker's boyfriend offered to help out so she'll ask him. I told her if that's the route she wants to take then cool. I feel that's just a ploy to guilt me to do what she's asked. Obviously things got a little awkward but I didn't change my mind.

Do you guys think I'm being unreasonable?

Shes your girlfriend, not a plate. Just assemble the kids bed. Having a co workers boyfriend do it will only make you look bad.

 

[Machine10033]

Bro what do you want and what are your expectations? You go down this path and at some point that kid becomes part of your life? If you want to keep dating this girl and progress in the relationship then being the provider and man of her house will be expected. Single moms look for providers and if you don’t want to fill that roll then bail now. I am completely against relationships with single moms but that’s just my stance. If I’m going to invest my time and energy it will only be for my offspring... life is too short.

 

[jaymbrs]

Shes your girlfriend, not a plate. Just assemble the kids bed. Having a co workers boyfriend do it will only make you look bad.

Part of me agrees with this. I actually haven't seen what all she needs assembled but if it's simple enough, I'll just tell her she can do it herself. If it's complicated I might do it.

Bro what do you want and what are your expectations? You go down this path and at some point that kid becomes part of your life? If you want to keep dating this girl and progress in the relationship then being the provider and man of her house will be expected. Single moms look for providers and if you don’t want to fill that roll then bail now. I am completely against relationships with single moms but that’s just my stance. If I’m going to invest my time and energy it will only be for my offspring... life is too short.

I guess in the grand scheme of things this is what it's coming down to. If I assemble her daughter's stuff, she may view that as my willingness to integrate with them. I'l have to talk to her about it.

 

[Xenom0rph]

You did the right thing. The best route is to break off all ties to her. If you keep letting her rope you in with "can you do this for my kid?" and "can you do that for my kid?" she might end up taking you to court and force you to pay child support for a kid that's not even yours.

There's been cases where the judge ruled that boyfriends are financially responsible if they've lived with a woman and her kid and he's provided support for her kid in the past, regardless of whether the biological father is or is not in the picture.

Basically, if the biological father isnt able to pay up, the boyfriend (or next svcker in line) has to pay up...bottom line, some unlucky chump is gonna have to pay for that kid...

Real talk, and no disrespect intended but you have to hear this harsh truth: You made a mistake getting involved with a single mother...single moms are an automatic NO....

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

My gf of 6 months and her daughter are moving into their new house this weekend. I agreed to help my gf move some (most) of their things. She decided to order her kid a new bed and other misc things that require assembly. I agreed to help her move heavy stuff into place however she asked if I could setup her daughter's stuff. I feel like that's asking for too much since I have little to nothing to do with her daughter and feel that's not my responsibility. The father is out of the picture so asking him is not an option. After I reasoned with her that I was only cool with moving her stuff in and that I thought she was asking for too much when asked to assemble her kid's stuff, she said politely her coworker's boyfriend offered to help out so she'll ask him. I told her if that's the route she wants to take then cool. I feel that's just a ploy to guilt me to do what she's asked. Obviously things got a little awkward but I didn't change my mind.

Do you guys think I'm being unreasonable?

This is one of the reasons why you don’t get involved with a single mother. If you want to have her as a plate, to come over to your place to bang, or meet her in a hotel, then fine.

However, it sounds like you’ve already crossed into the territory of boyfriend and surrogate father ( even if she’s not saying that she wants that ), Eventually she will expect that.

You may not realize it but you are probably already at a crossroads. Either you start to get more involved in the child’s life, or you make sure that the woman understands that you have no interest in supporting or raising a child. And once she realizes that, things will probably fizzle out.

-Augustus-

 

[jaymbrs]

You did the right thing. The best route is to break off all ties to her. If you keep letting her rope you in with "can you do this for my kid?" and "can you do that for my kid?" she might end up taking you to court and force you to pay child support for a kid that's not even yours.

There's been cases where the judge ruled that boyfriends are financially responsible if they've lived with a woman and her kid and he's provided support for her kid in the past, regardless of whether the biological father is or is not in the picture.

Basically, if the biological father isnt able to pay up, the boyfriend (or next svcker in line) has to pay up...bottom line, some unlucky chump is gonna have to pay for that kid...

Real talk, and no disrespect intended but you have to hear this harsh truth: You made a mistake getting involved with a single mother...single moms are an automatic NO....

Bro I'm 32. Every chick I'm compatible with is a single freakin mom. Most of my guy friends have settled down with a single mom. It's an epidemic. I'm not trying to sound defensive here. Just saying it's easier said than done. But I hear you. I guess I'll have to see what happens.

 

[Billtx49]

Do you guys think I'm being unreasonable?

Yes.
How often do people move?
You offered to help her move, then refused some minor furniture assembly she wanted to include. Are you telling her you’re only a halfway man? If so, expect turbulence ahead…

 

[Machine10033]

Bro I'm 32. Every chick I'm compatible with is a single freakin mom. Most of my guy friends have settled down with a single mom. It's an epidemic. I'm not trying to sound defensive here. Just saying it's easier said than done. But I hear you. I guess I'll have to see what happens.

I’m 38 man... get away from your age group of possible. You can still pull/ date girls in their 20’s! I posted in another post that my friends were similar to yours. We would go out and immediately older chicks with baggage would jump on us. I would look around and see groups of younger girls completely avoiding us because these older chicks pretty much claimed us as soon as we walked in and my buddies ate it up. A few years ago I stopped playing wingman with them and would pretty much go solo while they hung out with the older chicks. At 32 your in prime position for the best days of your life if you don’t get trapped !!!! Don’t sell yourself short. My best friend from grade school fell in love with a single mom... I remember him telling me how her daughter was the sweetest thing and she called him dad. They got married... he played house, cut the grass, paid the bills, paid for the braces, read the girl bedtime stories while her mommy was having girls night. Next thing you know moms true colors showed... branch swing, ugly divorce, my bro is now paying child support... and half his 80k salary goes towards the girl he loved and that girl. He lives with his mom again and this chick is now living with another dude on my buddies dime .

 

[Spaz]

We keep posting to not even fvck single mom's because it exposes a man to massive manipulation and I guess some men will never listen nor learn.

 

[Xenom0rph]

My bro is now paying child support... and half his 80k salary goes towards the girl he loved and that girl. He lives with his mom again and this chick is now living with another dude on my buddies dime .

Terrifying how divorce courts can wreck a man's life over a kid that's not even his. In his case, since they married that means he implicitly "adopted" the kid and so he's now on the hook.

Some states are even worse, marriage isnt even a requirement, simply co-habitating with a single mom automatically binds a guy to pay child support if they separate.

On the issue of single moms: avoid or bang them and move on. Never get involved and never co-habitate...

 

[Spaz]

On the issue of single moms: avoid or bang them and move on. Never get involved and never co-habitate...

You got it 1/2 right.

It's don't even fvck single mom's.

They will use ur ethics, code, integrity etc against you because they don't have it themselves.

 

[Epic Days]

Do you guys think I'm being unreasonable?

Nope. Or you could negotiate anal.
Yes that is a shaming tactic. A pretty good one that has happened to me. You are initially impulsing male competition or worse, prompted to proving yourself.
It is highly devious because men are programmed with the feminine imperative version of chivalry. It will jam you up with competition anxiety.
A wife will say, “I can get Bill from work to do it. “ etc.
it’s an automated response even from a woman.
The idea that she can do it herself NEVER even occurs to her. That’s what men are for. Lol

 

[Epic Days]

Shes your girlfriend, not a plate. Just assemble the kids bed. Having a co workers boyfriend do it will only make you look bad.

That was her intent. Shrug and say “cool”, i’ll Take off then.
I understand what you are saying. That’s some pretty deep programming in men.

Woman’s reality: men exist for the benefit of women. They believe it and live it, feel nothing about it.

 

[Epic Days]

Women are not helpless. It’s called lazy.

There’s a whole chapter on this in Esther Vilars book. “The Manipulated Man”

 

[spinich]

This is not the hill to die upon. Just assemble the bed or whatever. It is what guys do. You are way overthinking this. Do it, move on in the relationship or bail but this is not an issue to even discuss.

 

[Epic Days]

This is not the hill to die upon. Just assemble the bed or whatever. It is what guys do. You are way overthinking this. Do it, move on in the relationship or bail but this is not an issue to even discuss.

Is that what we do or what we are socially conditioned to do? Those things come with instructions. A philips screwdriver and a pair of pliers in most cases.

Does not the woman optimize her home environment? Repairing structural things? Of course. That’s what we do.
He is not her husband and even she says she will get someone else (man) to do it.

Would she have bought new bed and furniture if she couldn’t get a man to put it together?
Stop helping single moms through life. Let the sexless, clueless, unsalvageable men help single moms.
Without consequences, woman can do most anything. Never, ever support their mistakes or divorcing their husbands.

There is no such thing as social equality until women face their unintended consequences or their actions.