Fear of Success

[mix_master]

I'm getting massive IOI's and f close invitations on a nightly basis. Yet, I freeze up. I can't seem to "go with the flow."

The most recent example was last night:

Some hottie grabs me around the lower waist from behind (gently). A gentle grope.

I tell her: "ooh, I'm going to have to charge you for that."

She makes her way 'round front. She gets right in my face and smiles. Then, she caresses my chin.

It's time for a makeout and more. But I just stand there. Like a log.

I need to "unfreeze" myself. Feedback.

 

[Nobeard]

Read about this http://www.socialphobia.org/

I used to feel the exact same way you do. The stuff on sosuave made sense to me but something was holding me back. If you have this problem in my experience understanding what it is makes loads of difference. Ive had girls come on to me also, but i would freeze up. The explanation as I understand it is that your body triggers that you are in a dangerous situation when you are not. Certain social situations trigger it. I found that once I understood it, even though I can't rationalize it away, I learned how to control my breathing and my mind to fight it. I did it all without that stupid therapy stuff that website talks about. The more you do it the easier it gets.

Thats just my two-cents, if you aren't like me disregard it =D.

 

[mix_master]

Thanks for the reply, Nobeard. I've really got to work on this, as it's been bothering me for some time, not just in pickup either.

 

[salmon]

socialphobia.org is great, in as much as it lets you understand the problem a bit better (I've used it to find references for assignments!). But it doesn't really give you any tips or guidance to really make any changes.

I found a neat little free course online that gives your a series of tasks to go and try every day. After a week, you'll probably feel pretty good about it. You'll find it here: http://www.innergamechallenge.com/

It's a lot harder in practice, but the key is to get out of your head and stop thinking about things. If you want to kiss her, just go for it. The worst that happens is that she pulls away from you, and that's just an indication that you need to do a little more work.

When you learn to stop worrying about what might happen, and just start going for things, you'll be surprised at how much more you can get away with, not just with women, but life in general. Another article I found was really helpful was this: http://www.attractioninstitute.org/breaking-down-your-limiting-beliefs. I found it really helped me to get a hold of my anxiety, I've really noticed a big change in just a few months.