Fear of Inexperience

knglerxt

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I don't really fear rejection so much as I do girls' reactions to my lack of experience, or I should say imagined reactions because it hasn't happened yet. I'm almost 25 years old, and I have absolutely no experience whatsoever: never held hands with a girl, never kissed a girl, etc. I just feel that a girl would be constantly critiquing me on my performance. Since I've never done any of this stuff before, I'm not going to know whether what I'm doing is right or wrong. I just think the chances are high for me to look foolish because most girls out there have at least been kissed or something before.

How do most girls view this? I mean are most girls turned off by this or what.
 

Teflon_Mcgee

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Don't worry about any of it.
Look at each girl you go out with as a rung on a ladder. Get as much experience as you can with each girl and keep moving forward. If you lose a girl due to inexperience then move to the next and continue where you left off climbing straight up the ladder.
If you have to then only go after 5's and 6's so you wont feel bad about losing them and then just experiment.
 

Serialized3

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knglerxt said:
I don't really fear rejection so much as I do girls' reactions to my lack of experience, or I should say imagined reactions because it hasn't happened yet.
It's all in your head man. You have no idea what these girls are thinking about you. I used to think the same thing about my looks, seeing as I didn't find myself attractive. But when I backed up and looked at it, I realized that what I DO find attractive are cute brunettes with nice asses, not guys. There are (and were back then) girls that find/found me attractive no matter what I thought about myself. So it's something in your mind that you have to realize is a mental illusion and work on getting past.

You just have to go out and experiment, and you'll find out that women aren't these dangerous, deadly animals. The only way to become experienced is to go out and approach.
 

mattb717

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You have more to lose by never trying at all than failing the first time. You're gonna have to learn eventually and I'd rather do it at 25 than 35.
 

BacardiGuy

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I used to be in the same boat as you. The first girl I was ever with was much more experienced but was never able to tell.

It comes naturally as it happens if you ask me.
 

wjh

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I don't subscribe to the "don't worry about it" mantra.

His inexperience will make itself apparent to any HB. He can't deny this and telling him that it doesn't matter is very arrogant. Any decent, good looking and experienced girl will be able to tell.

With that said:

Why haven't you had any experience to date? Are you Mormon? No offense, it would just explain a lot.

Regardless, your first step is to realize that you are abnormal in your lack of experience. Most guys and girls by your age have had plenty of experience. Don't play these stupid mind tricks. Don't try to temporarily psych yourself into believing something you really don't. It won't work. You'll fall back into your routine neuro-patterns after your first rejection. And trust me, you will be rejected. As a side-note, denying that you fear rejection but alluding to your fear of a woman feeling awkward about your inexperience is practically, and for all intents and purposes, the exact same thing. Don't try to fool anyone here, especially yourself.

Furthermore, confidence is built on a foundation of success, not failure. As of right now, you have neither. The catch-22 is, you can't gain confidence without risking rejection, but rejection will only cause you to feel even more uneasy about your short-commings and thus thrust you further into a cycle of self-loathing bitterness.

So what do you do? You take those risks. And in that risk-taking process you will find yourself. You will have won some, and lost some. But you must get back up and fight again. This is war gentlemen. Your feelings, your self-worth, your pride, and your life is only yours. No one outside of your close friends and family gives a s#!t about you. Knowing this, and feeling the strength in overcoming challenging situations induces powerful feelings of accomplishment. This is confidence. Embrace it!

Seduction is not a matter of trying to figure women out, but of figuring yourself out. Right now, you are in a squalor of denial, and even though you probably won't admit it; self-hate. You must remove yourself from this pit of depression and elevate your standing; both socially and psychologically.

Make the most out of your life. Don't deny your basic primal urges. Don't fool yourself, seize the day. Find your passion and dedicate your life to it.

Women can be an amazing compliment to your life, but can also be the bane of all that is precious and worthy of your effort IF you don't realize that ultimately it is YOUR happiness that matters.

Hope that helps.
 

Ace of Flames

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knglerxt said:
How do most girls view this? I mean are most girls turned off by this or what?
I think the girl would be more turned off by you letting inexperience stop you, then by just the fact that you're inexperienced. What are you gonna do? Have a naked girl on your bed and stop and say, "Wait a minute... how exactly should I do this? I don't wanna mess up. See, I'm inexperienced." I hope not. If you did something like that after using all your DJ game on her, she'll realize you're totally fake. BAD.

So really, just soldier on through. If she says anything about it, don't make it a big deal. "Hey, that was a weird kiss. Haven't you ever done this before?" "Just trying something new." That works double duty, since it shuts her up, and also, you're still telling the truth, since it IS something new for you. I just thought that up right now. I'm a genius!

Eventually, you won't even feel like you're inexperienced anymore. And that's just one less worry in your way on the path to DJ-dom.
 

realsmoothie

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As my mommy used to say when I was really young and complained about women... "just get a girlfriend... ANY girlfriend".

What this means is, get it on with anything you can and start learning. Preferrably someone you don't really care about so it won't be as nervous of an experience for you.

And I have to say... experience really means very little in the long run as far as I can tell. I really don't have much experience in the sack as a 31 year old... and yet girls seem to absolutely love how I do things when it actually happens.

If you focus on technique, you're taking things the wrong way. Do what feels right for YOU, and pay attention to the girls' responses.
 

Delta

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first kissed a girl when i was 29. had sex a date later. neither of us came... which i thought was one helluva gyp (it turns out we were BOTH on antidepressants [hahahahaha]).

i don't think the inexperience hurt much.

i'm one of those guys that goes home with a few books over the weekend and end up discovering that i can do it (that's how i have my career!) so my advice is if you can't get experience, get VICARIOUS EXPERIENCE.

read and study. there are threads on this board that talk about kissing. and once you get over the initial complexities, holding hands turns out to be pretty easy too... :)

and think about it in your head with all the movies you've seen... especially with kissing, what you think it's gonna be like, yep, it's pretty much like that and you'll probably have a good handle on it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

as for what she thinks of your inexperience - DON'T VOLUNTEER THAT INFORMATION.

especially early on. there's no reason to. and if you've studied and attack it like you've done it all your life, she probably won't imagine that you are inexperienced or HOW inexperienced you are.

in this, fake it till you make it. PRETEND and she'll believe you or at least be confused enough to not really know.

(bottom line - inexperience is not a GREAT quality to have as a guy...but it becomes less important the more she knows and likes you)

delta
 

animal crackers

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Hey man,

Honestly in your situation, I would just pretend I have been with a couple girls, and make up some stories that you could tell. I mean you could tell the truth and some girls will be cool with it, but if what you're really trying to do is get your game going and start getting with chicks, you should just pretend like you already have. Don't pretend like your some player, just that you are not TOTALLY inexperienced.

Mystery (greatest PUA of our generation) once said. If you're trying to get with exotic dancers you better well let them know that you have been with them in the past, even if its not exactly true. This way they can see you as a guy who understands them, and would be comfortable with.

Some guys may say that it's wrong, and lying is bad. But if you have NO experience with chicks, then maybe you should try this. After all what you've been doing so far hasn't really done the job.


Best of luck.


animal crackers
 

Channel your excited feelings into positive thoughts and behaviors. You will attract women by being enthusiastic, radiating energy, and becoming someone who is fun to be around.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Bronxtal112

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Inexperience is something that should not matter when feelings are on the line with someone you like. The only thing this could do is cloud your mind with superficial thoughts and actions. You just have to roll with it.
 

jonwon

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animal crackers said:
Hey man,

Honestly in your situation, I would just pretend I have been with a couple girls, and make up some stories that you could tell. I mean you could tell the truth and some girls will be cool with it, but if what you're really trying to do is get your game going and start getting with chicks, you should just pretend like you already have. Don't pretend like your some player, just that you are not TOTALLY inexperienced.

Mystery (greatest PUA of our generation) once said. If you're trying to get with exotic dancers you better well let them know that you have been with them in the past, even if its not exactly true. This way they can see you as a guy who understands them, and would be comfortable with.

Some guys may say that it's wrong, and lying is bad. But if you have NO experience with chicks, then maybe you should try this. After all what you've been doing so far hasn't really done the job.


Best of luck.


animal crackers
I dont beleive he should have this ideal tbh.

The best post here is the limited post about mind illusion's.

This is all in his head, there is nothing wrong with not having a girl at 25 and most girls actually all girls unless they are very rough would be flattered to be the first.

It is actually a bonus then a hinderhance.

Stop worrying about it and focus on meeting girls so it happens if it does not happen work harder try harder and have fun, no one really cares tbh.
If some one has a negative outlook about you being a 25 year old virgin so what there problem really.

Now is the time to shake the cobwebs off and talk to girls and put yourself out into the dating world.

Sex is good dont get me wrong but it is far from the best thing in the world tbh about it, actually sex can get boring very fast!

Girls would be flattered to lead you and show you what to do, i remember my first, she made all the moves.
 

d9930380

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A lesbian taught me how to kiss properly as well as few other things. It was the MOST fun I had in my life. She was REALLY experienced and quite frankly loved taking the role of teacher. If a girl is experienced, she will probably find it a turn on for her.

However if she's a normal girl then yea, she will probably find it a bit weird so I wouldn't tell those ones.

Basically what she told me was to concentrate on her, her lips, soft pressure, when she moved - you move. Take things very slowly and make it sensual. Make her tingle ;-)
 

Hitman10000

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Try not to worry, but the first couple of girlfriends you have will kinda suck because of your shyness.

I recommend dating a Ugly/Fat/Psycho girl for training. Don't laugh, You're gonna need a crash course in dealing with the opposite sex and this is probably the better way to do it.
 

Delta

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reason why the truth matters:

INDICATES VALUE.

there are lots of valid reasons why a guy has no experience. BUT, the girl and women in general will be thinking, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?" "what's so bad about him that he's had no takers".

same thing with not having any friends and the notion of social proof.

it's not just the facts themselves, it's what is revealed when people read between the lines.

and when you're just getting started with someone, stuff like this can make or break you. so might as well make it a non issue either by lying or not talking about it.

delta
 
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