Fear of failure: The greatest fear of all?

[KingDoughnut]

I have seen references to studies that state that people fear public speaking more than death itself.

I was wondering about FAILURE. In my life experience and observing others, I have come to the conclusion that people might possibly fear faliure more than death as well.

Most beginning Juaners fear rejection like it's the end of the world, at least on the same level as death. They see rejection as failure, and that would further cripple their self-esteem. If you don't try, you don't fail, therefore protecting the fragile self-esteem. I'm guilty of this as well. I thought Why keep trying with women, when I can just act tough, not asking any girls out, and hopefully giving the impression that i "just don't give a damn". Ego remains strong. But of course what it really is, is a cop-out, to mask the real reason for not trying.

I see this in other aspects of life as well, such as the poor cuss who "settles" for a comfortable job, livin a life of montony, because he/she is too afraid to pursue his/her life dream, because of the possiblity of FAILURE.

So, what you do think about this great fear called FAILURE?

Do we fear it more than death itself?

 

[KiInCollege]

No, we fear death more. Thing is, we don't confront death every day of our lives. Failure, however, is a daily possibility.

Don't fear failure. You will inevitably fail a few times before you become an expert at a skill.

 

[Reto]

I've heard that statistic too.

I've never had a fear of failure, but had performance anxiety. Like I would do as well as others, so I'd avoid what ever activity.

today I'm like WTF? What does it matter...

 

[Jay26]

I think sometimes it's a fear of sucess as well funnily enough.

Ego is a killer, it should really be eliminated, it's just being self important and arrogrant really.

As to fear, well i think that's actually a good way to beat fear of failure, replace it with a bigger fear, like death! Suddenly the first one doesn't seem so bad

 

[KingDoughnut]

"do or do not, there is no try"

It also depends on how you would define "failure".

Several of the more enlightned Juans on here would probably say that not approaching women is the real failure, not the rejection.

Just like Yoda said, there really is no such thing as try. You don't try something new or approach women, you do it.

 

[DraGon_luv]

Fear of aprocing women np, public speaking np, fighting an Alligator and a moneky Pricless...oops i mean no problem


but how do you conquer the fear of succes?? i dont know if i have that proplems but somtimes i think i do,

 

[JoeMonkey]

Can't remember where I found it, (probably on here). It's not about fear of failure, but related to it. It's from Nelson Mandela's Inaugural speech.



"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light,not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of the God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that's within us. It is not just in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear,our presence automatically liberates others."

 

[KingDoughnut]

Sucess

Coming from a less philosophical angle, with sucess brings more reponsibilities and more stress. This keeps many people from "climbing the ladder".

 

[Ian1983]

I'm more afraid or letting myself down then anything else. I'm not much of a people person, so my social skills are, shull we say, crap at best (although I'm getting better, some people actually laugh at my odd..BAD joke, maybe a pitty laugh though ). Problem from this is that I personally feel awkward letting women in, so not used to it, having someone actually want to spend time with me is new to me (I'm a boring buggar ). So with me, I think its fear of rejection, or even worse and twisted...being accepted.
Failure comes and goes, if you do as hard as you could, I couldn't give a flying monkey whether or not you succeed, because its in the effort of trying so hard that you can't give any more that means more to me...and I've only met about 1 person who has that kind of respect from me

 

[DraGon_luv]

Re: Sucess

Originally posted by KingDoughnut
Coming from a less philosophical angle, with sucess brings more reponsibilities and more stress. This keeps many people from "climbing the ladder".

thanks bro that makes sense , now i understand , i do hate responsibility , and usally dont like stress

mabey if i can learn to be more responsible i can conquoer that fear,


thanx bro

 

[Deep Dish]

Many of us come here burned, in the fallout of getting that one "special" woman. We say to ourselves "NEVER AGAIN." We want to eliminate the possibility of ever getting burned in such a way again.

So we arm ourselves up, incorporating into ourselves about hiding parts of ourselves, about never emotionally investing in a woman more than she invests in us, about Next!'ing women, or multiple dating, and the list goes on and on. We learn about the game and how to detect genuine interest and disinterest, as to be positively sure with no doubt whether our effort is justified, all the meanwhile being emotionally unattached from the outcome.

But yet that leaves us cold. It dehumanizes.

Ultimately you must throw all that out and put your heart on the line. I'm not talking about macking the clubbing scene, rather genuinely getting to know a woman and going for something signifcant. So what if in the process you get burned, but to go without it would to let life pass you by. We all put up barriers, facades, walls, to protect us, but ultimately you must make yourself vulnerable.

 

[KingDoughnut]

Good post!

Deep dish, that was one of the better posts I have seen in my nearly two years of mostly lurking here.

I was involved in a serious relationship 5 years ago. I invested a lot into it emotionally and after it ended I was a wreck. I vowed NEVER to let a women play my emotional strings. So, I decided I wanted to be the "mac" and play the women instead. So I subscribed to the Don Juan newsletter and came to this forum. It has lots of good information, but over time I am now realizing that I don't really want to be a Don Juan, at least in the sense of picking up chicks left and right. So, yes there is a fear of success of actually having too many women to deal with!

After some years of maturity I realize that my previous heartbreak was a valuable learning experience, and all the fun I had in that relationship was worth the fallout from the breakup,and I was miserable I tell you!

I will not let the fear of heartbreak keep me "cold" if and when another potential LTR develops.

So now I just live my life, constantly trying to improve myself. Pursue my goals, engage in my hobbies, and know that an LTR will happen soon enough.

 

[KingDoughnut]

Bump

bump

 

[killerasp]

Fear of acceptance, fear of death, fear of failure...the list goes on and on.

But if you keep living live fearing, you dont get any where. This doesnt meant go dliff jumping without a parachute.

 

[ApocalypseCow]

My biggest fear isn't the woman I want to approach. The fear is usually the other people around here. Other shoppers, other people in line, etc...I'm always think I'd be so much better if they weren't around. Something to keep working on I guess.

 

[KingDoughnut]

yo!

Just trying to keep this discussion at the top of the list!

 

[Deep Dish]

Yes, one of the most fascinating fears is fear of success. "What if the girl says YES? WHAT THEN?" This is most prevalent when you're in a transitional stage whereby you now receive the 'successes' of girls wanting you, but you're still stuck in the old mindset. Eventually the problem vanishes itself as one becomes adjusted to the new reality and enters the socializing mindset.