FB indicators

[Kawai]

Okay, this an extremely shorted version of my story. The full novel is in a thread titled "Global Reach"; probably on page two by now because no one wanted to read that much.

The short of it is this. I'm in Afghanistan, been talking to this girl via FB for 8 weeks, spoke on the phone once since I've been here (2 hours). When I noticed her availability/interest had dropped, I jumped on a dating site and noticed that she had blown me off to obviously talk to someone else. While there's really nothing wrong with that considering the situation (she's not my gf)...I still got pissed because she left my question unanswered for about 28 hours...but has time to pursue new stuff.

That said, I decided to go NC until I get ready to come home (a few months). We're still FB friends, but now I've noticed she's only posted once in 5 days...before that she would post about twice a day, hasn't logged on to FB for any length of time, and hasn't been on the dating site for quite a while. When I went NC on her, I told her first, but I worded in such a way that it was me...not her...and that I needed some cool down time so that we could pursue something when I get home if she's still single. That's pretty much the way I broke it down.

This is the same girl that got pissed when I playfully rated her as a 5 (it was obviously in jest), and when I announced going NC...in my message I mentioned that I didn't care if she thinks her stomach is flawed or her butt is too small...I like her for who she is, but that I'm starting to like her too much, so I need time to cool it.

Her response was, "I never said my butt was too small". She addressed nothing else, but then said, "I need a sec...maybe a longer...I'll write you soon". That was 4 days ago.

Is it possible that she's acting like a child right now?
I have no problem doing the NC thing...been there, done that before...question is, I'm trying to assess what my chances of being able to pick this up will be and if she's wallowing in her own self-pity right now based on her change of life patterns?

Thanks

 

[BigSmooth]

I would say just drop it, it's not really worth your time to keep on pursuing her.


Just go with the flow, if she wants to come back, she will. 8 weeks is a considerable amount of time talking on FB, so I can understand why you would want to put some more effort into trying to pick her up. However, my best guess is to just play it cool. And is she located in NC?


And why are you in Afghanistan if you don't mind me asking? If you're in the military, thank you for your service good sir.

 

[Kawai]

Hey thanks for your kind words, yes I am in the Army.

I've gone NC with her, but I was kind enough to announce it since there was no argument or anything. She had originally expressed that she wasn't pursuing anyone at this time so this thing between her and I was perfect. Instead she would leave everything to chance as far as meeting someone, so she hid her account and I hid mine (Online dating site).

Needless to say, she reopened hers and found out and decided I didn't need the odds increased while I can do absolutely nothing from here. So I went NC to not become an orbiter and maintain respect when I do get back.

The only nice thing about that site is that I know if she's on it she's either still single or not happy...or some other schmuck is orbiting while she's logged on. I really had no choice. Sticking around was certain death, this is something I don't think she's use to. Even while I was telling her she kept trying to argue that she doesn't do clingy, doesn't want to be trapped, and this is her response to me saying I think I need to stop talking to you for a while.

Sort of like she was having her own discussion. Crazy.

Thanks

 

[MisterD]

Although you didn't have an argument I don't think I would have made it known to her that I was going NC. Part of what makes NC so effective is the mystery behind it. The sudden change. One minute you're showing interest, the next you're gone, without reason. The hamster in a girl's head has no choice but to spin nonstop (if she has any interest in you at all). I would have went NC without telling her why and see if she would have contacted me.

I would back off and see what happens. Like what's already been suggested, just go with the flow. Things will work out the way they're supposed to.

And thank you for your service. God Bless.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Telling someone that you need time to "cool off" says that you are some kind of spaz that can't deal with life basically.... very beta

 

[Iceberg]

Hey thanks for your kind words, yes I am in the Army.

I've gone NC with her, but I was kind enough to announce it since there was no argument or anything.

You don't announce that you're going NC. That completely defeats the purpose of it. Going NC is about moving past a flaky prospect, with the added benefit of leaving the girl to wonder about WHY you stopped talking to her.

Once you announce that you're doing it, you eliminate all benefits of it.

She had originally expressed that she wasn't pursuing anyone at this time so this thing between her and I was perfect. Instead she would leave everything to chance as far as meeting someone, so she hid her account and I hid mine (Online dating site).

I understand that you're away from home, and maybe a bit lonely...but let's be realistic here....you can't establish committed relationships with:

A) a girl you've never met

and

B) someone 5,000 miles away

Yes, it happens sometimes. But the other 98%, it's just a fairy tale.

Even while I was telling her she kept trying to argue that she doesn't do clingy, doesn't want to be trapped, and this is her response to me saying I think I need to stop talking to you for a while.

Sort of like she was having her own discussion. Crazy.

Thanks

I don't think she was having her own discussion. It sounds like you were, in fact, being clingy.

You're way too attached to a girl you don't even know. And what's worse is, the girl knows that you're too attached.

When you get home, go out with your buddies and find some new prospects. You shouldn't be this invested in a girl you haven't met.

Telling someone that you need time to "cool off" says that you are some kind of spaz that can't deal with life basically.... very beta

What he said.

 

[loveshogun]

You're in Afghanistan, dude. You have bigger problems than this girl.

Keep your priorities straight. Come home alive.

 

[Kawai]

You're in Afghanistan, dude. You have bigger problems than this girl.

Keep your priorities straight. Come home alive.

Thanks brother, it's not really that bad where I'm at.

 

[Kawai]

Hey guys, I get it. From a "player" perspective, this might have been a weak move...and maybe so regardless. However, I'm glad I said something rather than just disappear. When her and I first started talking, somethign came up and I couldn't talk for about 5 days and she thought something happened to me, so if I simply pulled the disappearing act from here and tried to reapproach when I got home, she'd probably tell me to go to hell.

I don't have a clue who she REALLY is or what she's really about, but based on our limited conact the picture painted looks reasonable. That said, that's all I have to judge her on, and so at least letting her know what I was doing and why was something I felt she deserved based on the fact that she wasn't a b1tch to me and really didn't do anything wrong. I believe that's reasonable.

Now I could be 100% wrong...and if that's the case, well then "My princess is in another castle".

I appreciate every perspective presented. Understand I didn't go on the site looking for my future bride, just thought it would be fun, and didn't expect to meet someone who had the package I was looking for...so I sorta got side-swipped. Once I realized my predicament I opted to do a temporary exit rather than continue piling sh1t on top of sh1t and putting myself in a ridiculous situation 4 months from now when she announces that we can't talk anymore because she's met someone (not virtual)...and there's goes my shot.

At least this way, I get back, if she's still single, cool, if not, I move on, but without the added personal investment.

For 8 weeks, whenever I would layoff for a few days she'd be right there hitting me up. Her being in the states with options, the tide can always turn, and it's always in her favor. Me over here, there are no options (dudes), so her turning tide equals me orbiting (no thanks). It's not like you ask someone you don't know, "Hey will you please just wait for me"...what a joke, so it seemed more reasonalble to pull back, she does her thing, I don't idealize the situation any more, and I come back in a better postion to actually talk to her (where we can actually see if there's anything there).

The NC part is easy, I've done it before with relationships. My only curiousity is what my chances of talking to her (and it being recieved positively) will be.

 

[Kawai]

Telling someone that you need time to "cool off" says that you are some kind of spaz that can't deal with life basically.... very beta

I understand where you're coming from...I've done very well in life as a whole, financially and socially...this is that 2% I wasn't expecting. If you would have asked me before I deployed if something like this could happen, I would have laughed and not even answered.

I've had ALOT of girlfriends, so I can't even make sense of any of this myself. This is my second time in Afghanistan and I ended up dating a girl for well over a year I met online...and it didn't start off this way.

I could've lied to her and made something up. These days for better or worse I like just being honest. If it makes me look weak, at least I'm honestly weak. Normally I'm honest and I'm a jackass. Just before I deployed, I broke up with my longterm gf, messed around with my neighber who then offered to have my children when I get back...I was a jackass...and pretty much said what everyone else above has said, but I said it to her.

Now the shoe's on the other foot.

So I guess that makes me a spaz bro, label accepted.

 

[Iceberg]

Hey guys, I get it. From a "player" perspective, this might have been a weak move...and maybe so regardless. However, I'm glad I said something rather than just disappear. When her and I first started talking, somethign came up and I couldn't talk for about 5 days and she thought something happened to me, so if I simply pulled the disappearing act from here and tried to reapproach when I got home, she'd probably tell me to go to hell.

It's not so much a "player" thing. It's just that, in addition to what I said earlier, it gives the appearance that you take her more seriously than you should.

Right now it just has the vibe that you're breaking up with a girl you've never even met. Like, I'm envisioning some serious talk, and you're like "You know what. Maybe we just need some time apart." It probably wasn't like that, but I think you get my drift. You guys don't know each other, so it's best to keep the vibe light and carefree. Definitely don't want arguments and drama with someone you dont know.

Don't worry...I'm not trying to be a player and I'm not trying to turn you into one either. But the "player" tactic of being a little guarded with your emotions will get you better results.