F-closed on our First Night, but I think I'm Losing Her... (Texts Enclosed)

[spinaroonie]

Here's the Coles Notes -

#-closed 22yr old HB8 on POF. Exchanged some flirty texts and had a 2-hour phone conversation. Met up at a bar that Friday night, brought her back to my place and F-closed for a good two hours (she orgasmed). We went at it again the following morning, and she left as she had an appointment at noon.

Kept in touch via text and I picked her up from her place the following Thursday. We split a cheesecake at a dessert place, split a pitcher at a pub, drove back to my place and F-closed. I tried to forge a deeper connection - basically telling her that she was a smart girl with a good heart, and hinting that I'd like us to be more than just F-friends. She says she'd like to take it slow. She left that night - she was about to take a cab, but I volunteered to drive her home. We held hands the entire drove home. I dropped her off, we kissed goodbye (on the lips) and she told me to text her goodnight when I got home. No contact over that weekend.

I think this is where I faltered - some douchebag had parked his SUV + trailer in a very narrow parking spot behind me, and I was boxed in by a wall to my left, and so I had trouble getting my car out as we left my apartment. I needed her to get out of the car to help to guide me in getting my car out of my parking spot. It took me a good 10 minutes to get us out of there. I also had trouble getting the defroster for my windows going as it was a new car. Finally, I also had my glasses on in front of her for the first time as I hadn't put on my contacts after our romp session.

I fear I may have lost a lot of value because of all this - basically my alpha male veneer was shattered and I lost my frame as a worthy, high-value male. In retrospect, I should have just let her cab it instead of being the nice good guy and driving her home, which she's probably now interpreted as clingy/neediness.

She's very sweet, a "feminine tomboy", but a little socially awkward and has only been with one other guy before me, not counting the first guy who had "raped"/forced himself on her (she still visits to the ER to get checked out).

Texted her on Wednesday:

"happy wet wednesday sunshine, staying dry?"
"Lol tryin"
"good girl.. btw how's your calendar looking later today. it's been a while"
"I'm actually kind of worse for the wear today."
(her one hour later): "How did your day go?"

Texted her on Friday:

"whatchoo up to, besides not getting cruuuunked like me"
"Just watching NCIS"
"fun times.. i'm creating some riveting drama of my own over here. well ill let you to it. I'm outta town again this wknd. keep tmrw free if you're feeling better"
"I already have plans tomorrow "
"k im pretty tied up next wk but let's see what works.. starting to forget what you look like"
"Lol"
(her next day): "So how much trouble did you get yourself in last night?"
"brb meeting with HR"

Though she still initiates conversation, it seems her more recent texts are brief and non-commital, in contrast to our earlier correspondence. I'd like to maintain our txt flirtationship, but she hasn't been giving giving me much to work with lately.

I'm trying my best to play it cool but the thought of losing her even as an F-buddy still lingers. Is there any way to salvage this or am I now at the point of no return?

Does the game change after the F-close? Aren't girls supposed to be attached and feel a chemical bond towards you, especially after a good roguering? Especially a girl whose only been with one dude before you?

 

[corrector]

Well, I guess you just didn't please her in bed. Try penis enlargement products.

 

[spinaroonie]

No, it's not that. She said I had a big ****, and she came back for seconds after all...

 

[Kirro]

OP do you remember what you did that got her riding you more than twice?

Well whatever that was start doing it again & stop being so clingy & stop trying to push things to another level! THAT IS THE FEMALE'S JOB NOT YOURS!

Save the emotions for the women dude, they're better at it.

 

[Bluntmaster]

This sounds like a classic case of a female player.

Buddy, this girl is getting rammed and banged by other guys not just you. Maybe 2 or 3 more, maybe more.

You are losing because you aren't banging other girls. She just doesn't care about you that much. I would back off. Ignore some of her texts, don't ask her out. Make her chase you and find another girl to bang.

This is classic slut behavior.

 

[Uberguy]

OP do you remember what you did that got her riding you more than twice?

Well whatever that was start doing it again & stop being so clingy & stop trying to push things to another level! THAT IS THE FEMALE'S JOB NOT YOURS!

Save the emotions for the women dude, they're better at it.

Ditto.

 

[Zarky]

Well, I guess you just didn't please her in bed. Try penis enlargement products.

This guy's clearly a troll, OP.

Yeah you were too clingy. Not by your standards, but by hers. Raped chicks are always a bit off-kilter anyhow. This one's over for you, find more chicks. You'll probably try to get her back--I know I would, and have--but you'll fail. It rarely works.

You did good though, in banging her a couple of times. Once she sensed that you were becoming "soft," she bailed.

 

[Reyaj]

I love how girls bang you right away and then say they want to "take it slow"

lol

Don't sweat this one bro

Btw this plenty of fish site sounds potential...

 

[Kailex]

I think this is where I faltered - some douchebag had parked his SUV + trailer in a very narrow parking spot behind me, and I was boxed in by a wall to my left, and so I had trouble getting my car out as we left my apartment. I needed her to get out of the car to help to guide me in getting my car out of my parking spot. It took me a good 10 minutes to get us out of there. I also had trouble getting the defroster for my windows going as it was a new car. Finally, I also had my glasses on in front of her for the first time as I hadn't put on my contacts after our romp session.

I fear I may have lost a lot of value because of all this - basically my alpha male veneer was shattered and I lost my frame as a worthy, high-value male. In retrospect, I should have just let her cab it instead of being the nice good guy and driving her home, which she's probably now interpreted as clingy/neediness.

She's very sweet, a "feminine tomboy", but a little socially awkward and has only been with one other guy before me, not counting the first guy who had "raped"/forced himself on her (she still visits to the ER to get checked out).

Oh boy.

I'm just speechless. Damn those value-lowering glasses and the wretched defroster!

By the way, is it even possible to be a feminine tomboy?

 

[terran2k]

lay off the texts, for now please. she has tons of guys emailing her off POF I can bet. she definitely seeing a few other guys. nothing wrong with that, you two arent committed yet. You're doing the mistake I made before, you're pushing for the relationship, and not seeing other women. I hate to see you do the same thing because it'll end in failure.

 

[Serg897]

I tried to forge a deeper connection - basically telling her that she was a smart girl with a good heart, and hinting that I'd like us to be more than just F-friends. She says she'd like to take it slow.

This is one thing I can point to that may have been a mistake. Generally, conventional wisdom dictates that women like men who are a challenge, who don't want to immediately jump into relationships. I've had bad experiences doing this in the past, and I can tell you its better to take it easy and wait for her to mention exclusivity (then you know she really wants it).

So, like terran2k already said - back off a bit, do NOT mention a relationship, and please see other women. Remember this is one girl out of millions. No need for preferential treatment or premature attachment. If she is really interested she will make a little bit of effort to get back in touch with you, and to see you again.

At this point you will either learn this the easy way or the hard way (I learned it the hard way).

 

[Ease]

You came on too fast. The idea is to play hard to get with her.

Playing the aloof, hard to get game is the way to sucker girls in, not the other way around.

She will be more interested in being more than f-buddies, if you hint that you dont want to be more than f-buddies. Opposite of what you did!

 

[scorpio1138]

agree with what others said, too much of wanting to advance the relationship early.

but it shouldn't be a problem, just back off on the texts. make yourself a bit scarce to enhance your value to her.
Make her contact you. She probably will.

I don't think giving her a ride home was a bad idea actually and I don't see how that would make her less into you. You're just over analyzing her texts that's all. I thought you were going to say you got all angry and pissed in front of her about the douche who parked odd.

If she looks good you can bet she's getting bombarded with emails every day from POF.

 

[Warrior74]

She gave away the P, you gave away the R.

Men get in a relationship to secure a steady flow of sex, women give a steady flow of sex to secure a relationship. Both feel duped when the deal is struck eh?

Go silent. For ever if need be. Play on and charge this one to the game.

 

[SandHawk]

Really, you pushed for more than f-buddies after a 2nd date? That's really stupid.

As said before, that's HER job. Even if you want to push for that, make sure she's in love with you first. Go read the God of Sex ebook(Go find the sex tips thread in the DJ Tips forum) and use that next time. Latch her onto you, so she's yours before you push for this kind of stuff.

 

[spinaroonie]

Appreciate the feedback boys.
 
Yes, the reality of online dating is that absent the barrier to entry that is approach anxiety, women will get bombarded with messages, making them all-too cognizant of their inflated sexual market value... I think the effect is that instead of appreciating the men in their lives, they regard men become disposable - if this guy doesn't work out I'll just find another one.

I mean I think I played everything right here - made her feel valued, got her into bed twice, gave her a good root, and tried to forge an emotional connection to not make her feel like a slut. Given that she's only been with one other guy before me (minus the "rape"), I figured this would be important. And no, she's not the type to sleep around... given her past and what I know of her personality and the connection we had, I didn't think any hint of commitment would scare her off.

Yes I'm gaming other girls, but this is one I actually like. So now keeping in touch regularly is clingy? Now I've suddenly gotta play Mr. Cool and Aloof and Distant? But not too aloof to the point where I lose our initial connection altogether? Sounds like a hella precarious balancing act.

I think what online dating does is unleash the primal hypergamous instinct in women, with girls always looking out for the bigger and better deal. So is online game for a committed relationship ultimately a futile venture - despite how tight your game is, will girls always have an eye out for the bigger and better deal, a higher-value man whom they'll delude themselves into thinking will commit to them?

Ultimately you're just a strange guy she met off the internet, and there's always plenty more for the picking...

 

[Sandow]

You came on way too strong in the beginning. She was interested, but like she said, she would like to take things slow, and you were rushing things. Also, you are the one initiating conversation all the time when it should be the other way around.

Another thing to think about is "buyers remorse" on her part. Often when people f close without enough rapport, she will get a buyers remorse and regret those actions for the lack of rapport. Rapport is important, it justifies her actions, and makes it ok.

Lastly, I don't think she's relationship material, for now. She sounds like damaged goods (the rape issue that you mentioned) to me. These types are very inconsistent in their behavior, they maybe rational one day and completely illogical the next. These types are never good for a relationship, but awesome for f buddy/booty call.

So I think it's a combo of all of these things. If I were in your shoes, I would definitely not date, however would consider her a great f buddy. Also, these types react strongly to a$$holes and jerks. I be more a jerk, go no contact for awhile and make her contact you for now on.

 

[spinaroonie]

This is our txt exchange today - my first text intiated since last Thursday:

"just saw new zealand tie in the world cup and you popped into my head.. how you going mate"
"Very very tired lol. I had one of those Allnighter essays. How about you?"
"developing an excel spotchecker that replicates AXIS reserve runs.. redonkulously complicated"
"Erm I c"
"btw fatigue is your body nonverbally communicating to you to get some rest.. dont need ekman to tell you that "
"I know, I jsut slept from 3 till 11 lol"

Yes, very mundane in contrast to our earlier sexually-charged texts, but that's deliberate. And I suppose it's a good sign that she's at least responding in a timely fashion, qualified herself to me, and inquiring about me.

I'll keep "pinging" her sporadically every few days with random DHVs. Maybe next week I'll call her up and ask her to join me for lunch - hoping by this point we'll have "reset" our flirtationship. If I get turned down again with no counter-offer... no-contact and next.

In the meantime, I'll work on other girls in my bullpen to rid myself of any potential clinginess... just can't stop thinking about this girl damnit!! - I feel like an idiot for "rushing it" and potentially screwing up a good thing (a steady stream of awesome commitmentless sex). Is there such a thing as LJBFB (let's just be **** buddies)?

But that's what SoSuave is for - Live and Learn!

 

[cordoncordon]

This is our txt exchange today - my first text intiated since last Thursday:

"just saw new zealand tie in the world cup and you popped into my head.. how you going mate"
"Very very tired lol. I had one of those Allnighter essays. How about you?"
"developing an excel spotchecker that replicates AXIS reserve runs.. redonkulously complicated"
"Erm I c"
"btw fatigue is your body nonverbally communicating to you to get some rest.. dont need ekman to tell you that "
"I know, I jsut slept from 3 till 11 lol"

Yes, very mundane in contrast to our earlier sexually-charged texts, but that's deliberate. And I suppose it's a good sign that she's at least responding in a timely fashion, qualified herself to me, and inquiring about me.

I'll keep "pinging" her sporadically every few days with random DHVs. Maybe next week I'll call her up and ask her to join me for lunch - hoping by this point we'll have "reset" our flirtationship. If I get turned down again with no counter-offer... no-contact and next.

In the meantime, I'll work on other girls in my bullpen to rid myself of any potential clinginess... just can't stop thinking about this girl damnit!! - I feel like an idiot for "rushing it" and potentially screwing up a good thing (a steady stream of awesome commitmentless sex). Is there such a thing as LJBFB (let's just be **** buddies)?

But that's what SoSuave is for - Live and Learn!

Honestly? In reading all your texts with her, I think you are trying to be too "cutesy" in what you say. Too witty. Too funny. To the point where it sounds forced. Today being a prime example. You almost sound like one of her gf's. I think its driving her away. Stop with the gay banter and start talking like a man.

 

[spinaroonie]

I'm 24. She's 22. You're 36.