Eye Contact

[becker]

Hey guys,

I forgot, do you normally interpret good eye contact as a sign of attraction or just a sign that she's not attracted? The reason I say this, is that sometimes if I'm not attracted to a girl that much, I can look her in the eye more readily than if I was (it's not that much of an issue any more either way now), so it seems like the more attracted you are to someone, the general rule is that you are less able to hold eye contact as well (of course, this is just a general rule, not applicable every time).

I talk to this girl whose pupils dilate pretty large when she looks at me, and she has great eye contact most of the time (except for some reason when we are walking together side by side; she tends to look straight ahead more when she talks). She's generally relatively shy in nature too.

 

[Eternal]

Attraction.

 

[Ronin I]

Eye contact = attraction.

Although lack of eye contact doesn't necessarily mean she's disiniterested. You have to read other cues from her.

If she seems nervous, fidgety - she could just be shy/insecure.

 

[becker]

Thanks guys, that's what I thought, but I wasn't sure. Problem here is that this girl has great eye contact, but never wants to do anything, like I'll ask her to lunch, or something and she'll always have something to do. Perhaps this hesitation trumps the whole eye contact bit?

Don't girls generally have good eye contact all the time when you talk to them? At least that's my experience, and that's why I can't figure out whether it's attraction or not. I thought that was just how girls communicate or talk to someone. I have not seen a girl I've talked to just look the other way when she's talking to me. Have you guys? Seems like eye contact is in a woman's nature, so perhaps it doesn't say as much as we thought?

 

[violator]

I have learned that not all women react the same when they are attracted to you. Some can't keep their eyes off of you. Others can barely look you in the eye. There is no hard and fast rule with eye contact. You just can't go by it alone in judging attraction.

In the end it is her actions and body language that speak volumes as to whether she is attracted to you. Touching (kino) from her part is one of the best indicators; and a woman who is truly attracted to you will want you to kiss her which is why the kiss test is so important in weeding out women with low IL.

 

[becker]

Is kino from a woman really that much of an indicator either? It seems to me like women can also be touchy feely too, while some aren't. This one girl I know has good eye contact and she does little things like hits me (softly) or pats me in the arm when I neg hit her. She never really did that before, but she started to do it more lately. Still, to me it seems sort of normal, since I tend to judge it more on whether she accepts my invitations to do stuff. If she refuses, can she really be that interested despite all that other stuff?

 

[TesuqueRed]

Generally it means "attraction."

At first I thought your question was troll set-up, but it has more to it on second thought.

PEOPLE use eye-contact as a means of just that---contact. Find someone who avoids eye-contact and you'll notice your immediate reaction is that they are untrustworthy or hiding something. Sometimes you know that they are just prohibitively shy and otherwise trustworthy, just socially inept. And other times you know they're untrustworthy.

Women additionally use eye contact as a major connection and a major test.

I've heard women say and I've seen it work (to my advantage ) that eye-contact is mandatory before considering a guy as a potential partner. For them, their so-called 5-second judgement of you as a potential partner (a woman knows w/i 5 seconds if she wants to ride you...) has a lot to do with the initial eye-contact, or eye-contact w/i the first significant exchange.

If you break contact first, she knows she's stronger than you and you don't have balls enough for her (uh, generally speaking....)

If she breaks first, good. How she breaks is key---she looks sideways = bad, she looks down and away = very good.

Men might use eye-contact differently than women, but I haven't thought about it or noticed enough of a difference to point out anything. I know that we use it with other men as a means of showing "I belong here too".

 

[jlujan]

I never look at a womans eyes unless i am atracted to her, so in my opinion, shes atracted to you.

 

[Hot Ice]

Originally posted by jlujan
I never look at a womans eyes unless i am atracted to her, so in my opinion, shes atracted to you.

Eye-contact is a powerful thing.
I also don't really want to stare girls I'm not attracted because I don't want them to think too high of themselves.
What's the point really? It doesn't show balls to hold eye contact with ugly ones..

 

[Microphone Fiend]

Originally posted by Hot Ice
Eye-contact is a powerful thing.
I also don't really want to stare girls I'm not attracted because I don't want them to think too high of themselves.
What's the point really? It doesn't show balls to hold eye contact with ugly ones..

Yea, I don't won't to lead them on or make them get the wrong idea, but then gain I don't wanna look like a loser who cannot hold eye contact with the ladies. To mkae it seem more acceptable to me, I look differenetly to the people I really like, kind of let my mind drift and forget everthing around you and give them my total attention

 

[becker]

How about a girl with a BF who gives you eye contact? There's another exception it seems. Why would she give you eye contact if she has a BF, especially if it seems she's happy with them? I've had this happen too, and I've felt they were interested despite the BF, but I guess this is the situation where the girl might be confused as to her feelings. At the same time, I also feel that she may just be doing it because she's confident in herself?

I think that may be sort of what I was eluding to before, when I say that I tend to give eye contact to everyone, even girls that I'm not interested in, since I feel like I don't have a problem looking anyone in the eye, rather than having some underlying message that I'm trying to convey. If anything, I do it because I can, not because I feel I need to. I feel that not being able to hold eye contact is definitely not only a sign of insecurity, but probably more an indicator that you actually are insecure.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

Originally posted by becker
How about a girl with a BF who gives you eye contact? There's another exception it seems.

Yea that suxs when they do this... I guess next time this happens I'll just approach and if I get shut down (because of bf) then it isn't my fault because she was giving tons of IOI.

I think it has to be interpreted based on how often you see the chick with the bf, and how she acts around him. Also if she got a bf after you constantly catch her looking at you, she probably likes you but settled for him because you haven't done anything

 

[Mazman]

I'm not sure about eye contact either.

I was talking to this one girl for a good 30min and the whole time we were in direct eye contact. Never broke it once. We were just standing infront of each other and there was less then 2 feet distance between us. When she first came up to me, I though she was going to plant one of me. LOL

I'm not sure if she's usually like this.

Whe you guys mention eye contact, Is there a difference when you're seeing a person for the first time (across the room, passing on the street, etc...) or when having a one on one conversation?

 

[tx_xp]

Originally posted by Mazman
Whe you guys mention eye contact, Is there a difference when you're seeing a person for the first time (across the room, passing on the street, etc...) or when having a one on one conversation? [/B]

Big difference between the two, many people always maintain good eye contact during a conversation, it is just the right thing to do.

 

[davelmn2003]

how do you guys tell that girls' pupils dilate?? You must be looking at her eyes very intently to know that! Am I right?

 

[b_elusive_eyes]

Regarding eye contact...maybe she is just looking at you because she looks at everybody..as maybe everybody does...people watch people more than you think...I look at people just for the sake of it...I think you guys are overestimating eye contact...you guys should know by now the difference between a gander at you and a serious look at you as a sign of interest from a girl....girls love playing that stare game also with no serious intentions.

 

[Eternal]

Originally posted by b_elusive_eyes
Regarding eye contact...maybe she is just looking at you because she looks at everybody..as maybe everybody does...people watch people more than you think...I look at people just for the sake of it...I think you guys are overestimating eye contact...you guys should know by now the difference between a gander at you and a serious look at you as a sign of interest from a girl....girls love playing that stare game also with no serious intentions.

Hence the reason you approach them to find out if they were just toying with you. Better then going home and going "oh my god, that girl was looking at me!"

 

[becker]

Yeah, this one girl I was talking about before has very good eye contact with me, and she always has large dilated pupils, and if she breaks contact at all, it's looking down. All this stuff would normally lead someone to think that she's interested, but she has a BF, who she's been with for 4 years, and doesn't really show any signs that their relationship is on the rocks. She also never agrees to do anything with me and has very mixed messages.

I guess this shows you how crazy women's behavior can be, and how nice it would be just to find a girl who can be direct. Before this girl, I had never had any experience with the whole "girls are difficult to figure out" thing firsthand, since they've been surprisingly predictable most of the time for me. I never even knew this girl had a BF, and I actually assumed she didn't by the way she acted.

 

[Brasco]

Attraction is hard to judge by eye contact, I get eye contact all the time (strong eye contact). They can't all find me attractive. Can they? I am not ugly but I'm no 9 or 10.

Just recently I changed my look a little. Changed my hair style, shaved off my facial hair, different eye glasses. I didn't do it all at once, first I changed my hairstyle(now its really short)then a few weeks later I Shaved off the mustache. Just last week I got some new glasses ( my other ones were going on 3 years old), I can't stand contacts so I have to go with glasses. Plus I lost a few pounds (15 to 20 lbs). WOW, don't I get the look from the chicks now. I am not sure if the eye contact I get is attraction or if they are just checking out my new look.

I never had to much trouble with the ladies before, from the eye contact I get now I think things are even going to get easier. Hopefully!!!! LOL

 

[becker]

Boy, is this one girl just totally playing mind games. She goes from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. She has a BF, so it's not a surprise, but at the same time, I'm not even hitting on her. I think she must get hit on so often that she just sort of has this shield up all the time where anytime a guy says something to her, she just interprets it as a come-on. I was totally neg-hitting her, saying she has a cold shoulder (in a sarcastic way) and she just became even colder. Don't know what the heck that's all about.

Anyways, I think that this girl went from pretty good interest in me to less interest since I've been sort of just treating her normal rather than trying to hit on her.

Eye contact seems to me like a somewhat poor gauge of interest for some reason, since it just seems to me like all girls tend to look you in the eye when they talk to you. At least most of the time.