Extreme Oneitis

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I met this girl about last June because I was avoiding my ex-gf in a fitness class. And so we became partners. We kind of became ok friends then and bumping into each here and there and she only lived a few dorms away. She is a bartmaid.

We exchanged numbers and became better friends although I didnt actually had any interest. We talk for like over an hour each time so I thought I've firmly placed her in friendzone. But one night we both got drunk and she came over my place to just hang out after the clubs...we lied in bed together and then somehow hooked up.

SO then the cycle went on. hooking up and then nothing and so on. kind of like sleeping with each other once to 3 times a week for a few months while I was fooling around with other girls.

But then I fell for her. I fooled around with other girls and still came back to her. She didnt know. I liked her more than the other girls (2 f-close and 30 k-closes). Hooking up with her became more meaningful and more fun. I still I was startin to fall in love with her. We were best friends and lovers at the same time.

As time went on we did have our mistakes. Im the type who doesn't let go easily. We fought and argued. I think I had the same thing that MYSTERY did to KATYA on The Game. I had a semi-destructive way of dealing with her...I dunno why cos she meant more to me than anyone. We've broken up many times only to get back together and repeat the cycle. The last time I slept with her, I slept with another girl on the same day. So I am not entirely lacking minimum game.

So I have deep oneitis for her. I wanna move on but it is so hard. I have heavily invested in her emotionally. She was a friend and I had revealed myself to her. And I can't can have peace in my head until I get her out of it. I have ultimately given her the blueprint to my weakness.

We could probably become great lovers but at this time, everyone is seriously messed in the head. She's a barmaid 6 nights a week, all her friends are sl*ts, her bosses are sleazy and encourages the other barmaids to get drunk at work so they are all ditzy and easy. That gets to my head so bad even though it is a double standard. That and she is so naive about other guys trying to sneak in sleazy crap on her.

WHAT CAN I DO?

I am afraid of getting close to a girl in case I fall into this trap again. The only way I can get over her is to find another girlfriend but that is just another cover up to another problem. Another cycle of oneitis. I have no problems getting girls...Even if I have slept with other girls she is still the oneitis. I want to fix this just using my own head and willpower not by adding another addiction.

Maybe I can just tough it out but itll affect other things in my life. Maybe confront her and start feeling better but thats temporary. This has been the worst oneitis Ive had in a long while.

 

[sexxyback]

You have extreme oneitis - and you are asking what can you do? GFTOW is the standard advice for this situation. Clear your damn head, get your life together, hang out with other people, realize that there are other people out there that you can be just as happy with. This is all in the Bible.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I think I get attached to a girl after getting all intimate n f*ckin. The more i f*ck the more I feel empty. The consequence of having a deeper moral and value enriched childhood. I dont know why this happens.

I've been hangin out with a different girl everyday.

I've slept with 2 gals and made out with over 30 tryin to move on and get over her. But still....this is really crazy and doesnt make any sense.

 

[woods]

You might be clinically depressed. Seriously sit down with yourself and figure out if you are. Reading this post is making me realize that I am going through one as well. Im going through a similar sit. right now, and being laid off of work doesnt help. I am broke and bored, and live above a bar where I have bad oneitis with the taken bartender who keeps messing around with me and playing games with me, and screwing other girls isnt helping me either. I literally cant escape my demon-girl. Point being, if I wasnt broke right now, I would probably get back on med's for a few months. I've had to do it a couple times in the last few years. As skeptical as I was about anti-depressants, they really help me get over sh*t like that. They arent for everyone, and many people are very against them, but they have saved my sanity, and it may be something for you to consider. I dont know you, but it sounds like we're in the same boat (in different ways, of course), and real men aren't afraid to seek help if they need it.

 

[sexxyback]

My therapist has suggested trying meds, but I have been resisting it. I keep hearing horror stories from my friends - one guy gained 50 pounds and lost all his sex drive. That just sounds scary to me.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Yea man I've been on meds before but that was a total different trigger...they do f*ck you up majorly. No sex drive AT ALL. Major tremors in the morning as the drug wears off and need to take them again. No good hey...not over a girl. How can 8 months of interaction with a girl decide how far you can move on?

I think losing her was a trigger in this big depression. Someone was telling me that I can have all the other girls, money, achievements but in the end nothing will fill that leak, put peace in my head and let me move on. It is because I've lost that person I have revealed my true self to (true self as in shared to her everything about me) And somehow made an impact.

Maybe if I get into another LTR things will get better.

I had a bad breakdown the other day. First one in 3 years. I think this situation with her finally blew the pressure valve of other issues in my life. She was that little fill that made me escape what was troubling me before her. I broke up with her in the first place. Its good when that happened now not later. There is only so much a person can handle, he meets someone that gives him that escape and when that is gone, the pressure is much bigger inside.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

The big question is how can you have closure and peace? And you have to do it all alone.

 

[Zerotwoonenine]

if u cant have a relationship with her and yet u just want her as a fk buddy, then you are screwed bcos u love her, but if u love her and are already best friends, y dont u just talk to her without arguments, c wat she wants, ask her whether she wants u as a long relationship type and go from there, if not then move on, i know it will take time but u just have to live with it.
Good luck

 

[woods]

This is a time, when you need your true friends to come out of the woodwork. I just had this conversation tonight with this chick I was roomates with years ago that kind of fvcked me over. She apologized, I forgave, and for some reason I feel like I have found a true friend, and I feel much better after talking to her for a couple hours. I dont understand. two days ago, I never wanted to hear from this girl ever again, now she has lifted my spirits in a big way. I know this sounds sappy, but you need to fill your void with love, even if its a different kind, from a different source. Thats something you just cant get from ONS.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Nice touch fellas

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Its easier just to say "move on" but its not as easy as it seems....especially for us looking for practical answers. You get to a level that you've made a strong connection with another person but it has f)cked up and ONS or GFTOW just doesnt cut it anymore.

 

[Bible_Belt]

fwiw, I am in a similar situation and feel your pain. My oneitis has turned into a party girl, and I still have to run into her occasionally. The best thing I have been able to do is try to treat every time I see her as a fresh start, and not think of anything that has happened before. I smile and flirt with her just like I would any other girl, as though we had never met before. This does not make it hurt any less, but it would only get worse if I showed weakness and wussed out.

 

[MacAvoy]

You need to take a timeout from ALL women and mourn. It sounds cheesy but its a requirement. You can't fvck your way out of oneitis. It will just build up and come back to haunt you.

Take some time away to evaluate your life / what you want. The one thing I've done in the past is think about all the negative things about her / bad things she's done to you. Focus on that only, ingrain it in your mind.

After getting burnt from jumping from one relationship to another when I was younger, I've implemented a 30 day rule. Now I did it for other reason but I think its a good thing to do for one self. After a LTR, I spend 30 days myself without fvcking other women. It gives me a chance to regroup and be completely fresh when I take on the world.

 

[blueguy]

I think I get attached to a girl after getting all intimate n f*ckin. The more i f*ck the more I feel empty. The consequence of having a deeper moral and value enriched childhood. I dont know why this happens.

When you don't have many good things to fall back on after that huge release of dopamine, you get depressed. It is like taking drugs. Huge high, huge low.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The one thing I've done in the past is think about all the negative things about her / bad things she's done to you. Focus on that only, ingrain it in your mind.

That's good advice. I keep thinking 'no boobs, fat mother' over and over again.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Yea I am constantly thinking about all the bad **** shes done. She is a good person just in a bad environment. But I can't drag myself through the mud any longer. I gotta do something

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

This is getting worse....shes now seeing a f*cking soldier whos a regular at this f*cked up nightclub. Where does it stop.

She defending the army guys...or maybe taking revenge on me by going out with an army guy...No matter how low she goes I can't help it but feel anger yet also a feeling of heavy loss.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

I'm actually in a similar situation regarding oneitis, but I'm getting over it. If you read my post in the mature forum about Interpretation of my AFC Moves, you will see what I was going through. A person that I genuinely cared about (e.g. oneitis) but in this case she's a nut job and treated me like sh1t.

There are a lot of good pointers on here.

You need to take a timeout from ALL women and mourn.

I think this is necessary. It isn't "wussy" to go through a mourning period. I was "mourning" in a sense with this girl and I got sick of thinking about her. I felt refreshed meeting some new girls and seeing that there are other girls out there that are as good if not better than the "one".

Take some time away to evaluate your life / what you want. The one thing I've done in the past is think about all the negative things about her / bad things she's done to you. Focus on that only, ingrain it in your mind.

This is great advice. I personally don't like focusing on negative things about a person because I believe that negative thoughts can corrupt the thinker. I try to think positively about everyone unless the person is a genuine a$$hole.

That's good advice. I keep thinking 'no boobs, fat mother' over and over again.

LMAO.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I think I am having an "Alfie" moment when sh*t started crashing around the main character.

 

[rrrrr]

You need to take a timeout from ALL women and mourn. It sounds cheesy but its a requirement. You can't fvck your way out of oneitis. It will just build up and come back to haunt you.

Take some time away to evaluate your life / what you want. The one thing I've done in the past is think about all the negative things about her / bad things she's done to you. Focus on that only, ingrain it in your mind.

After getting burnt from jumping from one relationship to another when I was younger, I've implemented a 30 day rule. Now I did it for other reason but I think its a good thing to do for one self. After a LTR, I spend 30 days myself without fvcking other women. It gives me a chance to regroup and be completely fresh when I take on the world.

I agree with you 100%, if you have hardcore oneitis, it's hard to find another girl that "measures up" to your oneitis just because you built her up so much in your head. If you take your mind off girls completely, you can get over her. I find that's what works. Do an activity that takes your attention. I'm rebuilding a Volkswagen drivetrain for an old beetle, and it has taken my mind completely off an old oneitis. I don't even talk to the oneitis anymore and I doubt I ever will again. I haven't spoken to her since last Wednesday, and that was just her contacting me because she was too busy to talk, but she wanted to see how I was doing....? So I doubt I will be hearing from her again, because I have stopped contacting her.


I also found investing and researching the stock market works. They both require alot of attention. Anything you can do in a similar manner will help. It helps if you have a sort of passion for it.