exs as friends - guide me master Don Juans

[nonstop]

okay,

I was with a girl for 4 years then she dumped me, got bored, found someone else whatever. I'm at peace with that, good luck to her she's the one missing out

anyway, we are still friends, this is my first friend who is an ex normally I just write them off, delete the memories and never see them again, but 4 years of hanging out seems a bit of a waste so I'm going to try the friends thing first.

What I want to know is how do I play it? should I play it at all?

should I call her?, should I keep conversations short?, should I be the one to end the convo? should I talk to her if I see her in the pub? should I arrange to do stuff like I do with my other friends?

So far she has called me twice to see how I'm doing without her.
I haven't called her or anything.

She has moved back to her home town and I'll be back there too in 2 months. (job opportunity)

I'm 26, she's 22.

I don't want her back but it would be nice to have a fan.

Master Don Juans what do suggest?

 

[Phrase]

Did she actually call and ask you, "how are you doing without me?".. Your response hopefully was I am doing great, better than I was.

 

[Paradox]

Don't play with her, be her friend or lead her on. Move on with your life.

She used you then dumped you.

Get your emotions in check. Pick up your balls and move on.

Cut her off no e-mails and calls. No contact.

Read the above at least 3 times.

Get a grip dude!

 

[NewMan]

Same situation.

Ex of 5 yrs.

I tried being friends - and it is just a waste of my time - because ultimately your not friends. Your ex's. your c@ck was inside her. As soon as that happens friends go out the window.

Of course - that is just my opinion.

I'd cut it off completely.

She wants her space - give it to her.

Don't be the guy who listens to her sh#t.

 

[cave dweller]

forget her

Hey,

A lot of ex's enjoy 'staying in touch' (just so you won't find someone better).

It is a waste of time.

Break off all contact with her and move on.....

cave dweller

 

[Dominant]

Well she's dating someone new and it doesn't bother you. That's a good thing. Props for the maturity.

I know what you mean about "having a fan". It feels nice.

But, the real reason you "want a fan" is probably because you aren't secure in yourself.

If you had really good skills and could pull women you found sexy, you and I both know you wouldn't give a **** about being friends with this girl.

And I'm not saying this to diss you, this is something I found out recently about myself. I wanted to keep in touch with an ex because it felt good to "have a fan", espcially when I have no one else.

But **** it, do a Boot Camp and/or go out and meet other women.

From your post I can tell you are giving a lot of your personal power to this situation, and to this girl. That is pointless.

Good luck,
Dominant

 

[flexion_]

Yes the suggestion is a painful one - but just move on. Cut all contact.

Yes it does seem like a waste of 4 years... but only if *you* look at it that way. You can waffle around with her being a friend and make it 6 years of wasted time by keeping her around.

 

[penkitten]

ex 's are also ex best friends that already did you wrong!

 

[CraigMack]

You must be able to be free in your attitude towards women enough to be convincing in the fact that you don't give a F*ck what they do, and that means believing at least somewhat inwardly that down deep you really don’t give a damn if the girl you are f*cking with or used to f*uck with is ****ing someone else.


So what you need to do to play this game is you have to be able to control the natural feelings of jealousy which arise in a man over his possessions - ie..your woman or your ex woman.

As one author wrote don’t end up like O.J. looking through the window while his freaky ex-wife was giving a blow*j*ob to a man on the living room couch while the kids were upstairs.


In other words what I'm saying is keep your emotions on a tight rein. Let it go. Accept the fact that yes she will be f*ucking other men pretty soon and probably sucking his d*ck too.

You don’t want you mentally f*cked up and unable to concentrate at the next day just cause your ex didn’t call you last night or when you freaked out and tried to call her in the middle of the night, you couldn't get through cause all of her phones were turned off.

Don't be like many of the guys on this site and wonderin what she’s doing? and why are her phones shut off!” Stupid, she’s getting f*cked that's what she is doing, just hope that that other ass*hole isn't better at it than you are!


The sooner you get used to this idea the easier it will be for you. She used to be your possession but like a old car that you have sold it's no longer yours.


And as far as being friends...hell no. As they say there is a reason why she is an ex.

The reason why she is calling is to see if you still are f*cked up and still care. It feeds her ego so that she feels good about herself.

She wants to see you crying and depressed so that she will feel like a real catch of a woman.

When she calls pretend not to know who she is next time. Make her pay!

 

[nonstop]

thanks guys I've already wrote her off and it does feel better!!

that's a good one about not knowing who she is on the phone, I had thought of using it but never put it into practice, I will next time.

I don't care if she's with some other guy, that doesn't bother me right now, I know I'll still be in her mind....I'm the bloody catch!!

I've started not caring and focusing on my life, I've read a lot of posts on this forum and this place is a bloody gold mine! why didn't I find it years ago!!!!! anyway, I'm glad I have now. I feel more confident already its really helped straighten my mind out.

I've got a few relationships under my belt so now I'm ready to take on the world!

started reading the boot camp might give it a blast.

 

[sustainable007]

A simple way of thinking

Just look at things this way:

Being friends with an X is like pumping gas in a car that is totaled...

 

[mcqueen207]

Chicks are not your peers

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Re: A simple way of thinking

Originally posted by sustainable007
Just look at things this way:

Being friends with an X is like pumping gas in a car that is totaled...

Very insightful!!!

PR_L says thumbs down to being "friends" with girls - especiallly x g/f!!!

 

[San]

Depends completely and the answer cannot be said 100% correct!

It's a balance mixture of the 2 types who where in the relationship and how they can inter-connect with eachother on another freqeuncy, while trying to supress any left feelings/desires that may still be there or can arouse.. thus falling into the trap of a kinda "relationship/connection" that doesn't have any potential!

or you can also go wild as 2 wild animals showing eachother what pleasures can be acquired through touch.

So there's no YES or NO for this question

 

[blaze69]

I really needed this post and i just want to say ther rite!!! you should drop that ***** like you never new her. ok maybe thats extreme, just cut her out of your life, justbe on speeking terms. in other words if you see her say hi, see how she is, the end. thats what im'a do. gota say thanks to everyone whos posted on this thread

 

[San]

great post! i agree

Most of the time when it's over it's really over.

But there are always exceptions to the rule.


:kick:

 

[MrHarris]

anyway, we are still friends, this is my first friend who is an ex normally I just write them off, delete the memories and never see them again, but 4 years of hanging out seems a bit of a waste so I'm going to try the friends thing first.


WTF!!! ARE YOU INSANE???? LET HER GO MAN...THERE IS A REASON WHY SHE IS AN EX AND YOUR OK WITH IT

Why let her keep you around while she is having sex with another man. You can mess her up by rejecting her friendship and not returning any of her calls and staying way to busy to even pick up the phone when she calls.

Why torture yourself. And you said 4 years and why waste them???? WTF again are you thinking. That is such a cop out excuse. Let her stupid ass go!

 

[Chrispy]

An ex is like your favorite TV show on DVD. Every time you put it in to watch, you feel good, you remember the funny, and memorable stuff.

In the end, though, you'll have to put it away. There are other tv shows - some good, some bad, but hey that's tv!