Sonic1
Don Juan
Background:
Me—45 year old single dad, one 18 year daughter(on her way to college), just retired from the military, divorced 5 years, had numerous one night stands, one short term relationship, put off dating for a while to focus on graduate degree.
Her—42 year old single mom, two kids at home (8 &11), just retired from the military, divorced 1 ½ years, had one 1 year relationship.
Situation: A good friend of mine knew I had been interested in her and is a long-term friend with her. She’d been single for a month or so and one day at work, he told me I should ask her out and have me her number. So I called her. She was busy at the moment so I asked if I should call another time, she said yes. I waited a couple days and called her back—voicemail—“hey it’s me, wanted to see if you would like to get together for a drink tonight”? She responded back via text, “great, what time and where?”
First date—met her at a bar with a live 80s band…we talked, got to know each other and had a good time. My first execution error was letting the date go on too long. We closed the bar down and spent another hour talking outside. Started some light kino, hugged her at the end of the night.
Second date—met for a drink again, different venue, good conversation, more aggressive with touching, again, I let the date go on too long but kissed her at the end of the night. She texted me later that night to let me know how she had a great time, etc. Lots of texting back and forth(she doesn’t like talking on the phone—she informed me that it’s easier if she texts)
After that we had 6-7 more dates, dinner, I took her to the driving range, drinks, etc. Everything was progressing well as far as I could tell. Lots of making out but no sex due to logistics (my daughter in my house and her kids in hers).
At one point she invited me to a wedding she was going to attend and informed me that she had a room reserved at the event and asked if I wanted to stay with her that night. Of course I said yes.
Fast forward to the next week. I texted her to see if she wanted to go out Tuesday night. Her response was this: I have to check my schedule, my kids have practice every night this week, maybe we can meet up later one night for a quick drink.
My response: ok, let me know…
Next day I got a text from her: Hey there, checked my schedule, between my kids and my own crap, I am literally swamped and honestly have very little spare time. Maybe we can grab lunch sometime, this is obviously not the best time for me to have a social life.
I responded an hour later: I understand. Disappointed, but I get it. If you find yourself with some spare time you have my number. Take care.
She responded almost right away: I’m disappointed too. I’m really sorry, I’ve really had a good time but I’m so overwhelmed to the point of extreme anxiety. I need to get quite a bit of my life sorted out. Thanks for your understanding….
I didn’t respond…
Fast forward 5 days. Got a text from her saying I would like to meet for lunch, I have a couple of your movies and would like to talk with you. I responded sure. So we met, and she made small talk at first and then transitions into apologizing to me? She says she should have never gone out with me because it wasn’t fair to me and that she has too much going on in her life. I told her I appreciated her saying that. So we parted ways and I haven’t heard from her since….At least she didn’t suggest we could be friends. And, no I have not contacted her since then ( it has been 5 days).
So, should I just take this at its face value? Is this just a timing issue? It really pisses me off because we clicked so well and had a lot in common. I tend to over analyze things. Maybe she wasn’t ready for a relationship and found herself developing feelings and got spooked? Maybe her ex bf contacted her and she didn’t know now how she feels. Maybe a slight case of oneitus on my part?
I know my post is long…Any thoughts/feedback would be appreciated.
Thanks!!!
Me—45 year old single dad, one 18 year daughter(on her way to college), just retired from the military, divorced 5 years, had numerous one night stands, one short term relationship, put off dating for a while to focus on graduate degree.
Her—42 year old single mom, two kids at home (8 &11), just retired from the military, divorced 1 ½ years, had one 1 year relationship.
Situation: A good friend of mine knew I had been interested in her and is a long-term friend with her. She’d been single for a month or so and one day at work, he told me I should ask her out and have me her number. So I called her. She was busy at the moment so I asked if I should call another time, she said yes. I waited a couple days and called her back—voicemail—“hey it’s me, wanted to see if you would like to get together for a drink tonight”? She responded back via text, “great, what time and where?”
First date—met her at a bar with a live 80s band…we talked, got to know each other and had a good time. My first execution error was letting the date go on too long. We closed the bar down and spent another hour talking outside. Started some light kino, hugged her at the end of the night.
Second date—met for a drink again, different venue, good conversation, more aggressive with touching, again, I let the date go on too long but kissed her at the end of the night. She texted me later that night to let me know how she had a great time, etc. Lots of texting back and forth(she doesn’t like talking on the phone—she informed me that it’s easier if she texts)
After that we had 6-7 more dates, dinner, I took her to the driving range, drinks, etc. Everything was progressing well as far as I could tell. Lots of making out but no sex due to logistics (my daughter in my house and her kids in hers).
At one point she invited me to a wedding she was going to attend and informed me that she had a room reserved at the event and asked if I wanted to stay with her that night. Of course I said yes.
Fast forward to the next week. I texted her to see if she wanted to go out Tuesday night. Her response was this: I have to check my schedule, my kids have practice every night this week, maybe we can meet up later one night for a quick drink.
My response: ok, let me know…
Next day I got a text from her: Hey there, checked my schedule, between my kids and my own crap, I am literally swamped and honestly have very little spare time. Maybe we can grab lunch sometime, this is obviously not the best time for me to have a social life.
I responded an hour later: I understand. Disappointed, but I get it. If you find yourself with some spare time you have my number. Take care.
She responded almost right away: I’m disappointed too. I’m really sorry, I’ve really had a good time but I’m so overwhelmed to the point of extreme anxiety. I need to get quite a bit of my life sorted out. Thanks for your understanding….
I didn’t respond…
Fast forward 5 days. Got a text from her saying I would like to meet for lunch, I have a couple of your movies and would like to talk with you. I responded sure. So we met, and she made small talk at first and then transitions into apologizing to me? She says she should have never gone out with me because it wasn’t fair to me and that she has too much going on in her life. I told her I appreciated her saying that. So we parted ways and I haven’t heard from her since….At least she didn’t suggest we could be friends. And, no I have not contacted her since then ( it has been 5 days).
So, should I just take this at its face value? Is this just a timing issue? It really pisses me off because we clicked so well and had a lot in common. I tend to over analyze things. Maybe she wasn’t ready for a relationship and found herself developing feelings and got spooked? Maybe her ex bf contacted her and she didn’t know now how she feels. Maybe a slight case of oneitus on my part?
I know my post is long…Any thoughts/feedback would be appreciated.
Thanks!!!