Excuses women give when they flake...

[Bible_Belt]

Some people are just bad at planning, organizing, and time management. The girl I'm seeing now has cancelled half our dates, and I honestly believe it is because she is just that disorganized. All we do is fvck when I do see her, so it's not like her interest is low.

 

[SeymourCake]

My latest one was "Sorry, I can't make it. My mother wants me to take my brother somewhere".

 

[Huffman]

Not my latest, but the lamest: "My passport expired, and I haven't gotten a new one from the embassy yet, so the bouncer won't believe I'm 18 and we can't go."

Bouncer, for christ's sake, we were heading to a Pub!

 

[old_skoolr]

She flaked and it wasn't a good excuse.

OP well played on the response, would love to hear an update on the situation.

If she did later on see you or text you first later in the week.

 

[penkitten]

why would you date a female lawyer?

single female lawyer... wearing sexy miniskirts. .. and being self reliant

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

A poster above me was surprised when a woman showed up early. WTF is this? It means he's used to getting flaked and disrespected non-stop!

I accept this as a valid point. I am holding higher standards on that front these days also. I was dating a chick for over a year who was just chronically late (sometimes by hours) and sometimes flaky as well. It's just my particular bugbear I guess.

Everyone has their thing that winds them up. For some, it's when their missus talks to other guys. This kind of thing doesn't bother me, as such.

 

[Lozboss]

Its about Time- your time is precious and finite (OR IT SHOULD BE!).

Why waste it on bets are likely to be losses?

Simple really.

 

[Yewki]

Ask yourself this; how much is your time worth?

1) Sending a message to reschedule takes seconds.
2) You would only be scheduling to a time you already had available.
3) If something more important came up, cancel with her.

a) The flake. In short, she's wasted my time and shows no remorse.
b) Half of her excuse may be 'legit', but the other half is rude - she 'forgot'. That being, she holds me an my time in such low regard already that she 'forgot'. Words my friend, listen to and read the words. A woman will tell you half the truth, in order to avoid 'hurting your feelings'. To her message, I read, 'I can't be @rsed and I don't even give a sh!t that I wasted your time'.
c) No (conclusive) counter offer; rather a cursory 'shall we, shalln't we bother?' kind of half @rsed counter.
d) She's a lawyer. This won't be the last time it happens.

To quote you,

What you are in fact doing is hypothesising

You're hypothesising all of these negative things. And yeah they could all be true, but it's a pretty one sided conclusion. Let me ask you this. What do you sacrifice by rescheduling?

She's literally, word for word, giving you a reason to reschedule. Yes, it could all be a lie... but how does that make you look bad? And more importantly, why does it even matter?

You're talking about playing the hand with the lesser outcome, in order to spare youself "wasting time" and prevent her from getting an ego boost. But what time do you save? And what does it matter if she gets an ego boost? Asking her on the initial first date gave her an ego boost. Who gives a f*ck?

And for the record I would have acknowledged her flake, "All good, it happens to the best of us," then countered a few days later if she herself already hadn't. Refusing to reschedule doesn't make sense to me.

 

[Lozboss]

Yewki acting very bluepill here.

 

[RangerMIke]

If she had sent me a message and had given me a legitimate counter-offer (time/date) when she is free, and if I was available I would have taken it. But asking for a ubiquitous 'rain check', really doesn't cut it.

The ball is in her court now, if she wants to play she'll hit it back, otherwise I'm not wasting any energy or time on her.

 

[Yewki]

The ball is in her court now, if she wants to play she'll hit it back, otherwise I'm not wasting any energy or time on her.

Not all girls hit back when they want to play, they'll wait for the guy to take lead or lose interest in the process. What compelling reason is there for a girl to have high interest in someone she's never met, all while she's getting loads of attention elsewhere? Meanwhile you''re gonna sit there playing the waiting game refusing to reschedule no matter what. If you're so concerned about your time and energy why did you even schedule the first date? You know its a numbers game. Why not play it like one?

 

[RangerMIke]

Not all girls hit back when they want to play, they'll wait for the guy to take lead or lose interest in the process. What compelling reason is there for a girl to have high interest in someone she's never met, all while she's getting loads of attention elsewhere? Meanwhile you''re gonna sit there playing the waiting game refusing to reschedule no matter what. If you're so concerned about your time and energy why did you even schedule the first date? You know its a numbers game. Why not play it like one?

Because if a woman, regardless of her reason, I'd NOT willing to put any effort towards you she will not value you.

I get what you are saying and yes shy girls or structured girls will not chase you... these kinds of women are hard to date... because they are never really authentic.

 

[Alvafe]

Not all girls hit back when they want to play, they'll wait for the guy to take lead or lose interest in the process. What compelling reason is there for a girl to have high interest in someone she's never met, all while she's getting loads of attention elsewhere? Meanwhile you''re gonna sit there playing the waiting game refusing to reschedule no matter what. If you're so concerned about your time and energy why did you even schedule the first date? You know its a numbers game. Why not play it like one?

so the real reason here is why you are pursuing so much on this? simple lack of plates, you ahve no other option, so you keep trying, get this right dude, a woman who want you will not confuse you, I did get the I forgot thing before? yes I did, she was not interested so she "forgot", aka she don't respect not even to tell me whe wouldn't go, why waste time with a woman like this is beyond me, course if you had moe paltes I guess you wouldn't remember she flaking because you would be with someone else by now

 

[nismo-4]

Alright, never let it be said I sit here and tell people what to do; only in extreme cases. Yo're all big boys and have your own adventures to enjoy.

However, I will conclude (my own points) here. Let's imagine we are both in the situation of the OP. At this stage (immediately after the flake):

1) Your tack is to counter-offer. Fine, I see a vague, though unreasoned logic in that there is a small chance that she 'may' in fact be interested, her excuse 'may' have been legit and she 'may' turn up second time round, you 'might' get laid, and you 'might' live happily ever after. Or any combination thereof.

However, I will back-pedal slightly here and say that you are not even rationalising, because that would imply some logical thought of reasoning. What you are in fact doing is hypothesising, or even living in blind hope. Currently, you have no evidence other than a casual 'Some other time?' to suggest she's worth wasting any more time waiting for, for whatever you want. Because that is what you are currently doing: waiting, and hoping, and that's what you will continue doing until she does it a second time, having wasted another evening of your time, waiting and hoping. Your SECOND offer tells her that as well. If all she gets out of that is an ego boost, she's still got more than you; you who is now at a detriment, because she wasted two evenings of your life that you kept aside.

2) My own tack is not to ignore and go NC, (as you see, some more cutthroat members see this as highly disrespectful; and I am inclined to agree, but am less conservative than they). I might even go as far as to send a word of condolence for her work stresses. But I will not be waiting around and I will be forcing her hand one way or another, by putting the ball in her court - 'Let me know when you're less busy'. I will be doing this for the following reasons; not hopes, not 'mights' or 'what ifs', or my own emotive projection-transference hypotheses, but for these REASONS that she has shown me:

a) The flake. In short, she's wasted my time and shows no remorse.
b) Half of her excuse may be 'legit', but the other half is rude - she 'forgot'. That being, she holds me an my time in such low regard already that she 'forgot'. Words my friend, listen to and read the words. A woman will tell you half the truth, in order to avoid 'hurting your feelings'. To her message, I read, 'I can't be @rsed and I don't even give a sh!t that I wasted your time'.
c) No (conclusive) counter offer; rather a cursory 'shall we, shalln't we bother?' kind of half @rsed counter.
d) She's a lawyer. This won't be the last time it happens.

Ask yourself this; how much is your time worth? Think like a lawyer or a business man, if a client flaked, saying they 'forgot'... meh, doesn't fill me with inspiration about the intentions of this person/company. For some people, it really is that back and white. One strike and out.

That "Some other time" might happen. Might and maybe are key words women use to keep men hooked. It's good for the woman to keep attention coming in. We, as men, win when there's sex, not just getting attention. Also, men deal in the present and with action, women deal in the future with words.

Think about this, would any of you motherf**kers "forget" you have a date with Jessica Alba or Shakira? Damn right you wouldn't, unless you had a dying relative. Even then, you'd give a concrete time to reschedule. And she wouldn't forget a date with Channing Tatum or Stephen Curry.

Sure, you can do what the OP did, but don't hold your breath. While she forgot about you, this lawyer got a call from the corrupt judge and they went to chambers. You might get sloppy seconds at best, friendzoned at worst.

There's a reason for the one strike rule. It's so you forget the girl, erase her, and try to replace her. Erasing is child's play. Replacing is not that simple as it is for a woman to replace a guy.

When a woman flakes on you, you have failed. Someone else was better than you. Second place is first loser. You need to come in first.

Just accept she wasn't interested and go for someone who is interested. When I get flaked on by a new girl, I delete her from all platforms. In her mind, she accepted that I'm neither gonna chase her, nor give her any more attention. I failed because there's no sex, she failed because she couldn't get another orbiter or attention provider.

 

[Yewki]

When a woman flakes on you, you have failed. Someone else was better than you. Second place is first loser. You need to come in first.

You cannot fail based on the outcome of a woman's decision.

Your entire post is a black and white hyperbole. At any sign of rejection you apparently delete the girls number and pretend you're "winning" for the sake of your pride.

 

[Yewki]

so the real reason here is why you are pursuing so much on this?

I'm bored at work

why waste time with a woman like this is beyond me, course if you had moe paltes I guess you wouldn't remember she flaking because you would be with someone else by now

People keep saying this, and when I ask for clarification I hear crickets.

What exactly do you sacrifice by rescheduling with someone who flaked on you with a plausible excuse?

 

[yuppaz]

I'm bored at work



People keep saying this, and when I ask for clarification I hear crickets.

What exactly do you sacrifice by rescheduling with someone who flaked on you with a plausible excuse?

Agreed - I think that op is coming off butt hurt by her cancelling. She said some other time? so what's the big deal to include her in your list of setup date texts in a few days or next week? Have you NEVER had a **** day and had to cancel on someone? I have had sh*t days and canceled on some serious hotties because I knew I wouldn't be a good time out for her or for I and life is too short to waste either of our time like that. Could be the same deal with her.

All you are showing this girl by giving the "since you bailed now it's blow me or beat it" text is that you are too sensitive and too dismissive to waste any time on. You kissed your own ass goodbye on that by appearing to have too delicate of an ego while trying to appear strong / and be proud.

She doesn't owe you sh*t at this point and she doesn't know you from Adam, so until she is hooked on the C@ck I make it a point to let some **** slide, but don't go out of my way / put myself on the line in any substantial way early on either.

Women will very, very often test to see if you are a potential stalker / controlling type by responding to texts VERY late to start, or being flakey in the beginning to see if you lose your cool or not.

 

[FCB]

When a girl flakes don't give her priority, a girl flaked on me tonite saying her coworker got sick and she had to cover for her and offered to reschedule for next week. The goal is not to protect your fragile ego and sense of self worth at any small sign of rejection but to be disconnected from the rejection, merely insta deleting and hahaah I showed you isn't the ideal. You don't give them attention, you don't beg for another date, you put the ball in their court and if they offer to reschedule then you do it on your terms but you shouldn't be having so much invested on dates with girls you aren't sleeping with. A girl flaked on me on Sunday, said she got caught out of town but offered to reschedule for the next 3 days, I had plans so said I couldn't at first then when plans opened up scheduled for one of the days and she cooked me dinner and was on her knees blowing me within 30 minutes of me walking in the door (we had been on one other date and had sex that night). I teased her about flaking but made it clear that it wasn't a big deal to me and I didn't break frame and you come out looking better because of that and they want you more. I've had some amazing rescheduled dates with girls that flaked, play it right and stay ****y/cool/fun will put them in a position where they feel guilty and want to make it up to you. Basically it can be a **** test, if you show you have other things going on and you aren't desperate for that date (which leads to you getting butt hurt and deleting or begging for a date) you are showing your value and showing that you can handle audibles and be the guy that still has fun yet holds his ground and maintains his frame.

Basically yes its true that girls with high interest levels won't flake as much, but sometimes its the truth, sometimes they just don't feel like going on a date that night (women are emotional hot and cold creatures as we all know) and sometimes they do like you and don't want to be off their game that day (or would rather reschedule for a day they can be out late, drink and get freaky). Its a chance to show what you're made of and if you maintain frame and stick to the rules of rescheduling girls will often times take it on themselves to make sure you have a good time. In this day and age you have to be somewhat flexible, and you have to be spontaneous as well. Think about it like this, how many guys do you think get a date cancelled and get butt hurt or instantly placate to them and beg and offer to reschedule or try to convince them to come out? You show your character under pressure, this is an inflection point of sorts that will give girls a good idea of what you truly are.

 

[nismo-4]

People keep saying this, and when I ask for clarification I hear crickets.

I'll give you some clarification, cuz I hate crickets too. The fact is, would you remember a lawyer flaking on you if you were actually on a date with a Victoria's Secret Angel? Exactly, you'd be focused on the current date, not someone who flaked. But if you don't get laid or a second date, you'll focus on the leak in your game or value that causes you to fail.

What exactly do you sacrifice by rescheduling with someone who flaked on you with a plausible excuse?

She flaked already, low interest and you didn't attract her enough. Both parties have to agree to reschedule and actually show up.

How do you know if an excuse is plausible? This is where clarification is needed. Some women will even use death in the family as a subtle rejection.

In most guys' experience with flaking, a woman wouldn't flake if she was truly interested. She'd rearrange the stars in the sky to make the date happen. Conversely, if she flakes out, the guy will often feel that he f**ked up in the attraction phase or her ex/ guy she's had her eyes on became available. No good either way.

Why the hell do you think the saying exists that a woman is either interested or uninterested? I delete flakes from all platforms not because of pride, it's so I forget them quicker and move on to someone else. Also, I don't give them any more attention. What the f**k is good being a woman's beta orbiter/ servant/ tampon / etc.? And if they don't call back, they weren't interested anyway.

What I need clarification on is how is flaking a s**t test of character if it's actually a sign that she has low interest? Deleting her is a form of indifference, but indifference only works if the woman has a high enough IL in you.

Hell, everything seems to work when a woman has high IL in you!

 

[FCB]

You need to take the whole situation into consideration. If there is no IOI and no urgency to reschedule then yeah next them, but someone flaking is not by itself enough of a reason to completely delete and move on. You need to consider other factors and if your are spinning plates, not giving her attention/having long text convos then there is no risk to you. If you are getting invested, giving them attention or rescheduling/cancelling other plans then you are allowing the girl to much control/you care too much. If you don't care, you focus on spinning plates and living life and make it clear you aren't a pushover and will schedule on your terms if you don't have anything else to do then not breaking contact, being assertive and withdrawing your attention costs you nothing. I don't really spend time thinking about the excuse, that would mean I'm invested and overthinking, I just take a look a the overall picture I'm getting and if they are pushing to reschedule I'll give them a shot a night when I've got nothing else going on. If you invest nothing you lose nothing, if they really annoy you then next them but I try to not let them annoy me and instantly turn to my other plates and put that one on the back burner.