Ex-oneitis just broke up with fiance

[BuddhaSMASH]

My ex-oneitis just broke up with her fiance today. Over the years I have become extremely good friends with this girl. All sexual feelings for her have completely vanished. But here's my question. How do I console her (due to her recent breakup) without making her feel like I'm just trying to hit on her again. About 4 years ago I asked her out and she used the whole, "I wanna be friends," number on me. I really don't want to date her but I don't want her to think that I'm just being compassionate in an effort to get with her in her time of weakness. How do I go about this one fellas?

 

[Adr3nalin]

just have fun with her dude. Don't chase her chase the fun. Make fun of her. U know the whole deal...

read the bible dude

 

[BuddhaSMASH]

Dude your completely missing the point. This girl really is one of my best friends! I don't want to make fun of her. Some people completely miss the point of the DJ ideals....

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by BuddhaSMASH
Dude your completely missing the point. This girl really is one of my best friends! I don't want to make fun of her. Some people completely miss the point of the DJ ideals....

Then just be a good friend to her. How complicated is that?

 

[DankNuggs]

Dude, your still whipped. This wouldn't be an issue if you had lost all romantic interest in her. You just banished yourself to eunich-dom once she found another pole to straddle. Now that she is free, your back to exactly where you were before.

"But she's my best friend" Been there and heard that before. Why are you the one who has to console her? Your dying to tell her a better guy will come around for her. You'll pause, holding your breath, in an awkward moment where you'll hope to Shaq a rebound and slam it home, rekindling your relationship.

You already know this, but your shallow attempt at hiding it "all sexual feelings have completely vanished." She shouldn't construe your consoling as anything else but a gay guy helping out his fag hag. Otherwise, lets cut to the chase and see another thread under the heading..

"Want one-i-tus back, will do anything."

She agreed to marry this guy, go find another couple chicks to be "friends" with, the kind where you get laid and are considered a man. You've admitted to being her b1tch for 4 years!!!

read the bible

 

[BuddhaSMASH]

How hard is it to believe that were ONLY FRIENDS?! I'm very happy in my current relationship with a different girl. I have absolutely NO sexual feelings for this girl. In fact, the mere thought of kissing her makes me cringe! But due to her personality I love hanging out with her cause we have FUN. Good, clean fun. I have read the bible Danknuggs. I am not this girl's b1tch. There's a huge difference between being a friend and being a b1tch. BTW, Dank, yer a jerk, not a DJ. Big difference. How about you give the bible a glance?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

First of all, why are you so worried what she thinks? She turned you down, so who cares? Is it possible that you have always worried about what she thinks of you and tried to be nice? Were you always "too nice"?

You gotta treat her like she's your bratty little sister. You tease her about it, not be mean or rude. You might make fun of her, but not in a bad way. A little sister would understand and not take it personal, because she knows you love her and care for her. Being hot, or your "ex one-itis" does not give her special priviliges.

 

[Quick]

If you're in a happy relationship and you're not trying to get back with her, then this is a non-issue. She's not going to think you're trying to hit on her unless you actually do hit on her. If you're compassionate and don't make any moves, she's going to know that's all it is. Even if she thinks that may be a reason, when you stop at being a friend and never attempt to take it anywhere else, she'll realize that reason was false. I can't figure out what your worry is.

 

[reformedafc]

Hmmm

Buddah, the point here is, if you were truly "just friends" and did not harbor some secret little flame for her, this would be a non issue. You would not stop to think "Yeah, but what if she thinks I am hitting on her?". I have plenty of TRUE female friends, and the last thing on my mind if they needed help would be "Does she think I am trying to get in her pants?". If you want her to be your friend, then don't worry about what she thinks, just talk to her and be a friend.

However, I don't think you could do that. I think you know that you do still feel something for her, and and you are afraid she is going to call you on it. She is going to see it, and you are then going to have to deal with this secret desire that you have convinced youself doesn't exist.

That is the worst way to live. After I finished with my oneitis a long time ago, I stuck a quote from Shakespeare on my monitor (it is still there, after 2 years and through 3 different monitors), "This, above all; to thine own self be true". Simple, to the point. Be honest with yourself, and then you may actually get to where you want to be.

 

[becker]

I certainly agree with the posts above that there probably is a little bit of a flame that has not been extinguished yet between you two. I know it's not something that anyone ever readily admits, but deep inside, it's probably the case, since if it wasn't, as everyone said above, it would not be an issue as to whether she thinks you're hitting on her. I also know this is not what you want to hear, because I've been in your shoes before.

I mean, essentially, if you talk to her normally and just don't do anything that suggests flirting, then there shouldn't be a problem. The problem arises when you become all mushy and overly compassionate toward her. Just listen to her, but don't try too hard to comfort her. I'm sure she doesn't need it as much as it may seem.

 

[icehot]

If you have no feelings for her and she knows this, then I don't get what the problem is.

In any case, i say handle it as if she was one of your guy buddies...and don't become an emotional tampon!

-iceH