Ex-Girlfriend Rejection/ Advice on a new girl (Friendzone)

[Vespoli]

Ex-Girlfriend Rejection/ Advice on a new girl (Friendzone??)

Just quickly I'd like to post about my ex-girlfriend, who I orginally posted about.

More or less she recently tried to get with me again WHILE she was still with her new boyfriend...



Text Excerpt (I havent spoken to her in almost 3 months, I deleted her FB when I found out she cheated on me with her new BF)

Her: Hey, Vespoli! How are you?
(I almost replied, but one of my friends gave me a nice reality check)

(2 hours later)

Her: Hey Vespoli! I'm not sure if you got my last text, but I was hoping we could hangout tomorrow night. Do you still row? I was thinking about getting into crew and I was wondering if we could talk about it. If you could give me some advice that'd be great! I know you may not want to talk to me right now, but I still love you and I'll always be there for you. My parents will be gone as well, so we will have alot of time to talk. I miss you.

Me: Check out row2k.com. There is some good information.

Her: Think you can come over tomorrow?

Me: No

Her: Aww, you sure?


I stopped replying after that. It felt nice to leave her hanging. I realized that no contact made me realize that I need higher standards for women. Once a cheater always a cheater.

I didnt go over because I honestly think I'm too weak and AFC to just get with her and leave it at that.



Okay so now for my current situation, I'm heading off to college next year and I had been chatting with this girl on facebook for about a week. (I think this is where I ****ed up) So I set up a "hang session", and we met, had coffee and walked around abit. I THOUGHT everything went well, i got a fair amount of kino in...just a few hugs, arm on her shoulder, funny handshakes.


Then the day after, (she made time to see me before she left), she went on vacation for 2 weeks. Since then we've been texting back and forth...

She's used the phrase "my friend" 3 times, and finnaly I think she grouped me in the friend category.

I don't see where I went wrong...I tried to keep the texts as light and funny as possible..

Here's an example of how she replied to some of my texts

Her: How's the thug life going? (inside joke)
Me: Chillin. Trying to free Weezy. The usual.
Herammit...you won. But dont you worry the battle is not yet over, my friend. And hows weezy doing?

Then later on...

Me: He's a little high right now. I'll let you know in a few. Are you going to be down in Potomac later?
Her: No, I'll actually be in (our university) with my roommate lol. Dammit I dont think I get to see any of my friends until after i move in D:. When is your move in day?


So as you can see, it looks like I'm knee-deep in the friend zone. I just can't figure out how this happened. I've been trying to be as sexual as possible, but I really just cant find the words to do it. Do you guys have any tips for being sexual through text message and such?

(i got outright friend zoned by another chick last week, but I thought things were going well with her)

 

[ARrocket]

I didnt go over because I honestly think I'm too weak and AFC to just get with her and leave it at that.

I'm glad you realize this...if this is the case, you definitely made the right move by not going over there

As for your question:

"Staying sexual" becomes increasingly difficult the more you interact with a woman...this is a fact. You can't ALWAYS be sexual.

If you are talking to a girl a lot IN PERSON, you don't HAVE to always be sexual. As long as your body language and general attitude is sexual, your conversation topics can be completely mundane (I am talking LONG TERM, not a first date lol).

Now the problem with you here is that you are interacting a lot with this girl....THROUGH TEXT! That is your mistake.

Judging from your text messages, you are just having a playful conversation about some inside joke. Sounds good right? WRONG. And do you know why? It is because THIS IS A CONVERSATION SHE COULD HAVE HAD WITH ONE OF HER GIRLFRIENDS.

You are not standing out as a man who wants to fvck her...you are just another one of her friends. That, sir, is a quick way to LJBF.

IF you had k-closed this girl on your date, things would have been different. But you didn't. So despite you having some good kino on your date, you were not in the clear.

Don't text so much. You don't want to have CONVERSATIONS via text, you want to set up dates via text. IF, as you say, she is far away from you, the OCCASIONAL text is fine. Something I picked up from another poster here:

"Hey it's hot, come fan me with a giant leaf."

It's kinda obscure, but girls seem to like it, and it's mildly sexual. Can lead to some interesting conversations.

But that's just an example. Keep your texts SHORT, keep them FUN and FLIRTATIOUS. Don't get caught up in conversations.

 

[Vespoli]

Thank you so much for the advice, and for reading my post (it was extremely long).

But after reading your advice, it seems like I've made way too many mistakes with this girl. It's been awhile since I've been single, and counting her I've gotten friend-zoned twice in the past few weeks. It's pretty dis-heartening.

At least for this girl, I figure I should man-up and just ask her out again but this time on a date. I want to make my intentions clear, but I'm not very good with wording. Any suggestions? Or do you think this is just a a lost cause, and I should ask her if she has any friends that are available?

 

[goblin123]

I would agree that you made few mistakes, but I do think that you are overreacting a bit, from those two conversations you posted, first one seems more like an attempt of a quote from some movie, more than statement to a friend, and second one ... hm... tricky one, doesn't really relate directly to you as a friend, more like she wont be able to see all her friends before she goes, imo. you should have asked if she will have time to see you or something in those lines, it could have easily been an invitation. As for the rest, I would pretty much agree with ARrocket.

 

[Vespoli]

I would agree that you made few mistakes, but I do think that you are overreacting a bit, from those two conversations you posted, first one seems more like an attempt of a quote from some movie, more than statement to a friend, and second one ... hm... tricky one, doesn't really relate directly to you as a friend, more like she wont be able to see all her friends before she goes, imo. you should have asked if she will have time to see you or something in those lines, it could have easily been an invitation. As for the rest, I would pretty much agree with ARrocket.

Damn, I did not think of it like that at all. Once I saw the word "friend", I immediately backed off. That could have been a perfect opportunity to let her know that I'm not after friendship.

 

[ARrocket]

I want to make my intentions clear, but I'm not very good with wording. Any suggestions?

You need to make your intentions clear, but you do not do that through your wording...you do that through your ACTIONS. Just as you judge a woman by her words and not by her actions, YOU are to make HER judge you by your actions and NOT by your words.

Saying "hey I want to take you out on a date" is lame.

Saying "hey I'm free Thursday, let's get together" is so much better.

I am only 20 so I can't vouch for what happens later in life, but you seem pretty young too, so I'm assuming the girl is. Do NOT put that kind of pressure on her (using the date word). Just get her to meet up with you. THEN you show her you are interested THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS.

Keep a sexual frame. KINO KINO KINO!!!!! Keep it fun and exciting, C&F, all that good stuff.

IF she is receptive, KEEP ON ESCALATING!!!!! If not, you'll know that you are already in the friendzone. Less thinking and more action will lead you to your answer.

 

[Vespoli]

You need to make your intentions clear, but you do not do that through your wording...you do that through your ACTIONS. Just as you judge a woman by her words and not by her actions, YOU are to make HER judge you by your actions and NOT by your words.

Saying "hey I want to take you out on a date" is lame.

Saying "hey I'm free Thursday, let's get together" is so much better.

I am only 20 so I can't vouch for what happens later in life, but you seem pretty young too, so I'm assuming the girl is. Do NOT put that kind of pressure on her (using the date word). Just get her to meet up with you. THEN you show her you are interested THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS.

Keep a sexual frame. KINO KINO KINO!!!!! Keep it fun and exciting, C&F, all that good stuff.

IF she is receptive, KEEP ON ESCALATING!!!!! If not, you'll know that you are already in the friendzone. Less thinking and more action will lead you to your answer.

Actions not words. Got it. I really need to keep this in mind. But as I've seen previously, the advice i receive on this board is top notch and has not failed me yet.

The thing is it's easier said then done, as I've reflected on my past dates I realized that my kino is very clumsy and seems forced. I really think the only way to fix this is practice though. It's a shame I've been failing so miserably.

I'm actually 18 and heading to college in about 4 days. So I'm on the younger side. Getting with girls in highschool didn't really require much effort for me, since i had a girlfriend pretty much every year.


So my game plan now, is to invite this girl out after I move in. I think ill go bowling with her and bring her back to my dorm?