Ex GF contacts me after 18 Months NC!

[HBK]

Well it happened.

I never thought i would hear from my Ex GF again. On Sunday morning, I noticed two emails in my inbox from my ex sent, that were sent very early on Sunday morning. I had been moving on with my life, and i'm very happy, however I admit, it was a shock to see them.

We dated for 2 1/2 years, and she broke up with me "I love you but...anymore", no reasons just left. So i deleted her from FB, and never contacted her again. And never heard from her either. I was very hurt for a long time after this, but i kept my cool, accepted, moved on to bigger and better things in my life, and left my country. She's 26.

I was told by a friend last year, that she had a new boyfriend who she works with, in his late 30's, who she has been going out with him for about a year.

So it's been NC since then.

She typed more or less the same email twice, and sent them an hour after each other very late in the morning, and were poorly written, so it's obvious from reading them she was drinking. We live in different countries now on the other side of the world.

Both emails were both or less the same, the story is my email account back in January was compromised, and sent a random spam mail to all my contacts, which she was still in. She just messaged to say she hadn't checked her old email account in ages, and also that she she was sorry that it took so long to reply, and didn't know if i wanted to talk to her, as it was a spam mail i sent. Then it ended with a just a hope your well etc..

So there you go. After NC 18 months of complete silence, It was finally broken. Will i reply, no.

Breadcrumbs??? I don't know. How do i feel....Indifferent.....

You always wonder how you feel if they ever contact you again?

 

[drellum]

Well it happened.

I never thought i would hear from my Ex GF again. On Sunday morning, I noticed two emails in my inbox from my ex sent, that were sent very early on Sunday morning. I had been moving on with my life, and i'm very happy, however I admit, it was a shock to see them.

We dated for 2 1/2 years, and she broke up with me "I love you but...anymore", no reasons just left. So i deleted her from FB, and never contacted her again. And never heard from her either. I was very hurt for a long time after this, but i kept my cool, accepted, moved on to bigger and better things in my life, and left my country. She's 26.

I was told by a friend last year, that she had a new boyfriend who she works with, in his late 30's, who she has been going out with him for about a year.

So it's been NC since then.

She typed more or less the same email twice, and sent them an hour after each other very late in the morning, and were poorly written, so it's obvious from reading them she was drinking. We live in different countries now on the other side of the world.

Both emails were both or less the same, the story is my email account back in January was compromised, and sent a random spam mail to all my contacts, which she was still in. She just messaged to say she hadn't checked her old email account in ages, and also that she she was sorry that it took so long to reply, and didn't know if i wanted to talk to her, as it was a spam mail i sent. Then it ended with a just a hope your well etc..

So there you go. After NC 18 months of complete silence, It was finally broken. Will i reply, no.

Breadcrumbs??? I don't know. How do i feel....Indifferent.....

You always wonder how you feel if they ever contact you again?

Congratulations - I think!

So NC did exactly what it said on the box I guess.
It must be a strange feeling and I guess you will always have some feelings - even deep down.

I must admit I am 3 months in and would like to get to a situation like you where I could accept the ex as a friend. Guess everybody is different.

Funny how they always turn up when they are least expected. Proof that NC is no short term thing

D

 

[Findog]

At first I was gonna say forget about it, it's the equivalent of a pocket dial, but unless she's a huge dolt, why is she emailing you in response to an obvious spam message?

Anyways, best to just ignore it.

 

[HBK]

Thanks Man, I really appreciate that.

I don't feel like I got the last laugh really. I'm a better, wiser, smarter man out of the whole episode. And i learnt a lot from my mistakes. I now have a happy career, and a new GF. She knows nothing about my life since i left my country last July. I travelled, saw the world, started over, and did it on my own.

I honestly spent so much energy and thought last year, both recovering emotionally and learning from that relationship, that now I'm just indifferent. I know a lot of guys would bite at the thought of their Ex's appearing out of nowhere all of a sudden. But I'm not biting. The main reason is because she broke up with me at a very low point in my life. Between Career and a few other things, I wasn't handling my sh*t. She had burnt me a few times in the relationship in the past, and I acted blindly and allowed her too. I'm not going through that again, and let sleeping dogs lie.

I always treated her and her family with respect and honesty, and did my best as a boyfriend in the circumstances of that time. She didn't appreciate what we had, and the grass was always greener for her. I have met a woman far more beautiful, smarter and social and trustworthy. It's ironic that she is now contacting another guy behind her boyfriends back, when she did the same thing to me once.

I wonder is this the last I will hear from her.

 

[drellum]

It's ironic that she is now contacting another guy behind her boyfriends back, when she did the same thing to me once.

That's the deal. If they can do it once - be sure they will do it again! I've learnt that the hard way.

 

[In2theGame]

Thanks Man, I really appreciate that.

I don't feel like I got the last laugh really. I'm a better, wiser, smarter man out of the whole episode. And i learnt a lot from my mistakes. I now have a happy career, and a new GF. She knows nothing about my life since i left my country last July. I travelled, saw the world, started over, and did it on my own.

I honestly spent so much energy and thought last year, both recovering emotionally and learning from that relationship, that now I'm just indifferent. I know a lot of guys would bite at the thought of their Ex's appearing out of nowhere all of a sudden. But I'm not biting. The main reason is because she broke up with me at a very low point in my life. Between Career and a few other things, I wasn't handling my sh*t. She had burnt me a few times in the relationship in the past, and I acted blindly and allowed her too. I'm not going through that again, and let sleeping dogs lie.

I always treated her and her family with respect and honesty, and did my best as a boyfriend in the circumstances of that time. She didn't appreciate what we had, and the grass was always greener for her. I have met a woman far more beautiful, smarter and social and trustworthy. It's ironic that she is now contacting another guy behind her boyfriends back, when she did the same thing to me once.

I wonder is this the last I will hear from her.

I applaud you for your toughness on not responding. It can be hard (depending how deep one is in a relationship) Not to respond. Similar happened to me, Left at a very low point in my life.

 

[betheman]

Im not devoutly religious although I did have my moments with christianity, however I always found this quote to be really useful when dealing with people who mess you around or pi$$ you off, and especially for women...

"... When you go into a house, stay there until it is time to leave. If the people in the town will not welcome you, go outside the town and shake their dust off of your feet. This will be a warning to them." Luke 9:1-9 (there are different versions of this quote)

how dismissive is that? its perfect, its jesus's way of saying...f uck you, you had your chance, NO CONTACT! Think of James Bond, ok, its james Bond but what would he do? he would do what Jesus did also, just go ghost, the message is also one of, if you want to get back to me, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO EARN IT AND PROVE IT WORTHY AND WORK FOR IT!

 

[AAAgent]

Props man. I know the feeling. The best you can do is to leave the nightmare behind otherwise the nightmare will turn into a reality all over again.

Funny how they leave us at our lowest and then we rise to our highest. I guess women can smell failure and success. Must be instinctive.

 

[HBK]

Thanks for all the feedback guys, I really appreciated it. I guess it's like the old saying, "you don't miss the water, until the well runs dry"

What hurt me the most last year, was the coldness, and selfishness of the whole episode. After 2 1/2 years she dumped me so coldly, with no explanation whatsoever.

So I sought my own acceptance and closure of the breakup, because I got nothing from her in the end.

Life goes on.

 

[TonyBaloney]

This is a very inspirational post to read HBK.

I feel very drawn to it as a shining example bringing me towards that ultimate goal of recovery.

I'm in a sort of late middle stage of recovery; 8 months from the day she walked away without explanation...this after 2.5 years of her on/off bulls hit.

I still have cofidence and self loathing episodes, but know that its HER fault. Basically i am an average joe with charm and grace, shes a lords daughter destined to inheret millions.... we had madness in bed, and thats i think all i was to her, a `poor, unusual, sex mad guy`, but nothing more.....oh how used i feel/felt.

Would like to know HBK, how your process evolved. I have some days where i see the light, other days and nights missing her/the sex, and obsessive thinking...

Do you relate to any of this, and any other guys advice would be welcome too....

 

[In2theGame]

This is a very inspirational post to read HBK.

I feel very drawn to it as a shining example bringing me towards that ultimate goal of recovery.

I'm in a sort of late middle stage of recovery; 8 months from the day she walked away without explanation...this after 2.5 years of her on/off bulls hit.

I still have cofidence and self loathing episodes, but know that its HER fault. Basically i am an average joe with charm and grace, shes a lords daughter destined to inheret millions.... we had madness in bed, and thats i think all i was to her, a `poor, unusual, sex mad guy`, but nothing more.....oh how used i feel/felt.

Would like to know HBK, how your process evolved. I have some days where i see the light, other days and nights missing her/the sex, and obsessive thinking...

Do you relate to any of this, and any other guys advice would be welcome too....

It all depends how deeply involved one was with that girl. I was with the perfect girl or so i thought for 5 years, she never gave me a reason to doubt things and when i did she would grab me and tell me to trust her because she wanted to become my wife and i wanted to be her husband so i let all past hurdles of trust and being hurt let go. I was in love with her and wanted her to be in my future. Parents met my parents.. we all sat and talked and marriage was discussed, ... wow.. im thinking... im going to be a married man soon. Few months after.... I discovered her having sexual conversations with multiple men online and told me just like this "Sorry but i went out hunting for D*ck" ..just like that. I discovered also that she sent money to a random guy she met online but never in person. she started doing drugs and drinking having sex with multiple men at random and jumped into a relationship with another man and now married to him. Do i still feel the betrayal after a year and a half? you bet. The level of hurt and betrayal could only come from hell.

 

[HBK]

This is a very inspirational post to read HBK.

I feel very drawn to it as a shining example bringing me towards that ultimate goal of recovery.

I'm in a sort of late middle stage of recovery; 8 months from the day she walked away without explanation...this after 2.5 years of her on/off bulls hit.

I still have cofidence and self loathing episodes, but know that its HER fault. Basically i am an average joe with charm and grace, shes a lords daughter destined to inheret millions.... we had madness in bed, and thats i think all i was to her, a `poor, unusual, sex mad guy`, but nothing more.....oh how used i feel/felt.

Would like to know HBK, how your process evolved. I have some days where i see the light, other days and nights missing her/the sex, and obsessive thinking...

Do you relate to any of this, and any other guys advice would be welcome too....

Thank you TonyBaloney,

From reading your post, she sounds like a very high maintenance woman. I would stay away from her, and keep NC. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.

Man, my process.......I really crashed last year. She broke up with me the 1st week of January 2011. When the breakup happened like most people i was in complete shock. I couldn't figure out how somebody that i loved so much, and cared deeply about had decided to walk out. I saw so much potential in our future, travelling, career etc For the first few months i kept a very low profile. I found myself going on the internet looking for answers, and didn't want to talk only to a few close friends and my family. I deleted her from facebook the day after she broke up with me and her friends a few months later. I had to do this, as i didn't want to see her with other guys, and it would have tormented me.

I kept thinking to myself for the first part of the year she is only confused, she'll come around. My family and friends were shocked she left, but said its for the best. It took me a long time to realize it was final. She broke up with me before in the past for 3 weeks, and came back. But as the months went by, the reality kicked in. When she declined to meet me for the coffee about 1 months post breakup, i really began to realized she really was gone. Best advice was to move on, go NC and work on yourself.

After a few months i started to get out more and socialize with friends. I dreaded heading out on Fri/Sat nights, so i wouldn't bump into her, or see her with a new guy etc. I found talking to my best friends really helped, and listen to their advice. There was times i completely broke down crying, even in front of my best mate! which im not embarrassed to admit. I felt there was something seriously was wrong with me, and I was really upset about what happened. Times during the year, i would be thinking over things in my head and tears would roll down my cheek. But once i made my mind up to leave my job/country/old life things started to change for the better, and i began to relax and start having fun. During my adventures in SE Asia, i kept a little journal with me. From my first lonely night in Bangkok to 4 months later. I poured my emotions, how i felt, funny stories, desires, everything. It was very therapeutic, and would recommend people keep a little diary. I don't care if it sounds Gay, I'm human and being honest and true to myself.

I started to read some amazing books like The Way Of The Superior man, Although the title is corny, it showed my a completely new perspective on relationships, and made me question myself honestly. I would highly recommend these for any guys. Also i started reading the DJ Bible again

All i can say is protect your heart, that's what i did. If my Ex had reached out this past year, depending on what she would say then i would have replied. However she hasn't until last saturday. Plus shes in a new relationship. I never got closure from the breakup, the only closure i got was within myself. I just shrugged and said "Whats the point?" She told me to my face she didn't love me anymore. So i had no other option but to go NC.

Never rely on other people for your happiness. Stay focused on what you want, and be true to yourself. Once your honest with yourself, you will never go wrong.

 

[TonyBaloney]

We seem like very similar people. I consider myself manly enough to be sensitive, but at the same time walk away when i'm being taken for a fool.

I take commitments seriously, and I guess this is why I got burned on this one. I'll never understand why these chicks behave like this. Only dog men play women like this, i guess these are there female counterparts.

I've never felt so fooked up as I was by all of this - it affected my health (mental and physical), wealth (not so inspired to try in my business) and social life (a philosophical look at the selfishness of man/womankind)

But you live and learn. I guess from now, red flags are immediate deal breakers for me, rather than trying to roll with the punches as I did before.

How does the old relationship impact the new, if at all?

 

[drellum]

But you live and learn. I guess from now, red flags are immediate deal breakers for me, rather than trying to roll with the punches as I did before.

I think it's fine to be wary and look out for the tell tale signs in the future but make sure you don't put up the emotional barriers that stop you from being hurt.

I was F***** up after a past relationship and did exactly that to protect myself. Over the past couple of years I have worked on dismantling those walls so that I could become abetter person. Low and behold I split up with the ex and i'm in bits.....But my psychologist friend reckons this is a VERY positive thing!

 

[HBK]

We seem like very similar people. I consider myself manly enough to be sensitive, but at the same time walk away when i'm being taken for a fool.

I take commitments seriously, and I guess this is why I got burned on this one. I'll never understand why these chicks behave like this. Only dog men play women like this, i guess these are there female counterparts.

I've never felt so fooked up as I was by all of this - it affected my health (mental and physical), wealth (not so inspired to try in my business) and social life (a philosophical look at the selfishness of man/womankind)

But you live and learn. I guess from now, red flags are immediate deal breakers for me, rather than trying to roll with the punches as I did before.

How does the old relationship impact the new, if at all?

I take commitments seriously too, we are men.. We want loyalty and respect. Women want passion etc. You are well on your way to recovery man, i wrote a post in the tips section about breakups, check it out if you wish man. My new relationship is going really well, and i have learnt to trust her, and give her a chance. She has very attractive qualities that i respect in women.

 

[TonyBaloney]

"Sorry but i went out hunting for D*ck" ..just like that. I discovered also that she sent money to a random guy she met online but never in person. she started doing drugs and drinking having sex with multiple men at random and jumped into a relationship with another man and now married to him. Do i still feel the betrayal after a year and a half? you bet. The level of hurt and betrayal could only come from hell.

I could tell you similar, but worse...............

This is coming from a woman who continually tried to make me feel inferior, because of her family and background.

I'll give you one example....

Just before I met her, she had gone on holiday to egypt, and had basically got banged by a goat herder........ yes a goat herder.......


Exactly one year later, i find out that she had booked another holiday to the same resort. When i confronted her, she started an argument (which i believe she wanted so she could feel better and go out there fookin him)

I called her while she was there, and she didnt pick up...i blew up in fury, and she flat out denied that she had seen fooked him BUT had seen him (****IN C UNT)

Split up over this, but got back together later, and she claimed that she had go preggers with me just before and had an abortion.... Pack of lies....reckon the lords daughter was impregnated by the animal herder.....

God how humiliating..........

What on earth did i do to deserve this hell.................

 

[BMX]

LOL...I've just hit the 18 months single mark. The ex left after 21 months with no reason given just like in your case. She was banging other guys, I got it, I'm not retarded. I went no contact, deleted her and her friends and moved on with my life. It got better. FAR better than before.

I went with my brother to her city a few hours away just 2 days ago. She wasn't on my mind at all. We trained at a hardcore powerlifting/strongman gym a half hour away from her house. I hit 405 on squats, 340 on frame carries, did some keg tosses and sledge hammer/tire stuff. We saw a kid attempting to squat 300 and fell straight forward on his face. His partner then attempted box jumps and tipped the box over and racked his nuts. I couldn't help but laugh hard at them.

We then went to the beach where she lived and walked the boardwalk, etc. It was packed and I couldn't help thinking to myself how the majority of the women at the beach were lame. The beach and the women where I grew up in FL are way better.

 

[bushman]

"... When you go into a house, stay there until it is time to leave. If the people in the town will not welcome you, go outside the town and shake their dust off of your feet. This will be a warning to them." Luke 9:1-9 (there are different versions of this quote)

this is perfect man, i wonder how many more passages are like these?