Everyone around me is getting married

[taiyuu_otoko]

yet these are the first people to say "well im not worried about divorce because I dont have assets" lol

 

[BeExcellent]

yet these are the first people to say "well im not worried about divorce because I dont have assets" lol

Honestly and ironically I think these are the people least likely to really examine financial risk that exists in marriage. I was very lucky. My ex spouse could have cut me in half financially (and yes I got married expecting it to be forever too)…but he didn’t. He took a longer view. That has benefited him and our children over the years as I’ve been able to continue to build wealth. I pay for college, I pay medical bills, I shoulder the big expenses for the kids (car, education, etc.) so we did what was best long term for all involved.

Very few couples do this. Most are too busy being vindictive to one another.

 

[SW15]

Most are too busy being vindictive to one another.

My parents did not have an amicable divorce.

My point is that so called divorce rape affects the upwardly mobile middle class the worst. The poor don’t have assets to bicker over and the very wealthy can afford it and/or afford to mitigate it.

This makes sense. Yes, the 'middle' middle class and 'upper' middle class who take the biggest hit. What about the wealthy? You said very wealthy. There is a different between 'wealthy' and 'very wealthy'.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Most of the men I attend are bachelor themselves and we often jokes about being free and in a better shape than the married men we know.

Women know that Im not the stable man type and they know that I know, I'm perfectly open about it and they dont give me sh1t about it.

When you see a man in his mid30 hitting the gym seriously, walking with a zero fvck given attitude, you get his life style.

Its the nice betas who are "robbing women" by not providing that are put under trial.

 

[mattinzane]

Very few couples do this. Most are too busy being vindictive to one another.

That is why it is very important to be with someone who has good character and not just looking for you to take care of them, if you are going to get married. I am divorced and we both agreed to just take what we each had (car, bank acct, retirement acct) and split the stuff we got together, mostly furniture. We didn't have kids, so that made it much easier.

 

[zekko]

How do you cope with this fact, especially for the older Players here? I'm in my mid 20s but already relatives and aquatainces are getting married.

I don't consider myself a player, but I want to point out that if "everyone is getting married", then that demonstrates that it is not as impossible for guys to get girls as a lot of posters here seem to claim.

 

[EyeBRollin]

If you want kids, it’s best to raise them in a traditional household with your wife.

 

[zekko]

Maybe not to get girls. To not be the bjtch in the relationship or cucked/ cheated on is another story.

That can definitely happen, especially if you don't know what you're doing. But it is hardly the story of every couple.

 

[zekko]

If you want kids, it’s best to raise them in a traditional household with your wife.

That is what is best for the children, at least. And probably for the father, if he wants to be a part of their lives every day.
Of course, all the risks that come with marriage increase dramatically when you have kids.

 

[EyeBRollin]

That is what is best for the children, at least. And probably for the father, if he wants to be a part of their lives every day.
Of course, all the risks that come with marriage increase dramatically when you have kids.

What in life of value is without risk?

 

[BeExcellent]

Yeah that's why most guys on here talk about their married friends being miserable in sexless marriages... It may not be the story of EVERY couple, but certainly the majority. Sure let's gamble our financial well being on being the outlier. Do you also play russian roulette?

The vast majority of married couples that I know personally are really happy in their marriages. I do not know couples in sexless marriages. Well I knew one. They already divorced.

My married friends? They are VERY married & VERY happy. So maybe the guys who only know miserable marrieds? Maybe they are miserable single people. I am a happy single person & I know tons of happy married people.

Water seeks its own level. Be careful of the company you keep

Cheers

 

[Billtx49]

Be careful of the company you keep

That one statement says it all. Continued shared intimacy and dual commitments is the glue that binds Any relationship.
Everyone knows after the early years of a marriage when sex is at the mutuality agreed upon let’s do it All the time stage that it eventually relaxes frequency and then possibly reverses after the kids come.

The wife then often totally shifts her focus from sex partner to kids mother which only increases as the kids age, unless a conscious effort is made by Both partners to make private time for keeping each other sexually close and intimate.

If the sexual portion of the partnership does become dead, neglected, or lacking, the man in turn usually starts putting more effort into his occupation and or recreational activities to compensate for the sex loss until the inevitable eventually happens:

When a neglected sex partner situation continues long enough, the man Will find another option….

~Experience

 

[zekko]

Yeah that's why most guys on here talk about their married friends being miserable in sexless marriages... It may not be the story of EVERY couple, but certainly the majority. Sure let's gamble our financial well being on being the outlier. Do you also play russian roulette?

Mind you, I am not advocating for people to get married, not in this culture. I can understand why someone would want to do it, however (to start a family). Anecdotally, there are a lot of guys here who have unhappy married friends. But there are a lot of single guys here who complain about their relationships, or about their lack of relationships, or just about women altogether. Generally, it takes happy single people to make happy married people. Some people just don't know how to be happy. Statistically, I believe research indicates married people are happier.

 

[SW15]

If you want kids, it’s best to raise them in a traditional household with your wife.

If you as a man have kids with a woman, you are more likely not to be in a romantic relationship with her by the time the first child turns 18.

The vast majority of married couples that I know personally are really happy in their marriages. I do not know couples in sexless marriages. Well I knew one. They already divorced.

My married friends? They are VERY married & VERY happy. So maybe the guys who only know miserable marrieds? Maybe they are miserable single people. I am a happy single person & I know tons of happy married people.

The friends I've made since moving to my current city that have gotten married are still married. They have mostly been married less than 5 years. It is possible I see some divorces down the line.

I do know some people close to my own age who have gotten divorced.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Agreed 100% except for the revocable part. Since you are the beneficiary and you can revoke the trust, should you get married or live with someone again (common law if your state accepts it), those properties are vulnerable for distribution. All I have is my clothes in my name. Anything of value was deeded and listed in my trust documents. People can be vicious. My ex-wife challenged my trust and the pre-nup; she lost on both accounts. However, we both had spent around 30k in legal fees; so this is why I would add the legal fees and medical fees/premiums to the next pre-nup. I I had that prior, it would had been a cleaner and faster, less expensive, divorce.

+1. Putting assets in revocable trusts is pretty pointless, as most if not all common law jurisdictions have passed laws that treat future/contingent interests as "property" in the matrimonial context.

 

[zekko]

If you as a man have kids with a woman, you are more likely not to be in a romantic relationship with her by the time the first child turns 18.

One of the failings of our current culture, value system, and people in general.

 

[RickTheToad]

C'mon, haven't you seen Wedding Crashers? These two were soulmates -

View attachment 7640

Sorry, never saw the movie.

 

[Zimbabwe]

+1. Putting assets in revocable trusts is pretty pointless, as most if not all common law jurisdictions have passed laws that treat future/contingent interests as "property" in the matrimonial context.

If you put it into a trust before the marriage or signed away all your assets to someone's elses name, wouldn't that legally protect you?

She can't take the house if it's not even in your name right?

 

[Bokanovsky]

If you put it into a trust before the marriage or signed away all your assets to someone's elses name, wouldn't that legally protect you?

She can't take the house if it's not even in your name right?

Putting assets in a revocable trust is not going to protect you, even if you do it before marriage. As long as you maintain control over/interest in the trust, the courts will treat it as your property. At least that’s how it works here and I would imagine that Australian laws are pretty similar.

Transferring to someone else will likely work but such a strategy would carry its own risk. Even if you can 100% trust that person, you are not necessarily going to get your property back if that person gets divorced or dies.

 

[SW15]

The vast majority of married couples that I know personally are really happy in their marriages. I do not know couples in sexless marriages. Well I knew one. They already divorced.

My married friends? They are VERY married & VERY happy. So maybe the guys who only know miserable marrieds? Maybe they are miserable single people. I am a happy single person & I know tons of happy married people.

I have no idea how happy or how unhappy my married friends are. A lot of married people are good at being quiet if things are bad in their marriages. There were 3 marriages in my main local area social circle in 2017 and one in 2020. The 2017 marriages are coming up on 5 years with no divorce filings. One of the 3 is having is their first child in 2022. The guy is the 2020 marriage is very withdrawn lately.

There seem to be a few tangential couples I know who have either had a kid recently (since Jan. 1, 2020) or are currently expecting.

When both of my cousins got married, I thought both of their marriages were bad ideas.

With the older of the two, every family member was unimpressed with his bride selection. Prior to the marriage, I had only met her at one social event. I didn't have much of an impression of her. At one time before he proposed, my grandmother told him to never marry this woman. This woman overheard this private converstion and was livid. It created a wedge between that cousin and the grandmother for the remainder of her life. The divorce happened after my grandmother had died. This was only a 5 year long marriage with no children. When it was announced they divorced, I was surprised more by the timing of the divorce than the actual event of the divorce. Marriages often take longer to fail than anyone expects that they will take to fail.

With the younger of two, the marriage was precipitated by an unintended pregnancy. The marriage lasted 9 years as they put forth a real effort to make it work for the sake of the children. They compounded their first unintended pregnancy with a second child that was more planned. When it was announced they divorced, I was surprised more by the timing of the divorce than the actual event of the divorce. Unlike the situation above, I disliked this woman. She posted some nasty comments on my Facebook Wall one time over something that wasn't a big deal.

One of my friends from college had a lousy, unstable marriage that lasted about 10 years. That one also lasted far longer than it needed to last. It was also precipitated by an unintended pregnancy.

When marriages fail, they often fail after years of subpar quality times. When non-marital relationships fail, they fail faster. Marriages have a way of trapping people in subpar relationships for longer periods of time.

@BeExcellent -- The friends you personally know may be outliers in terms of marital quality. Neither your social circle nor my social circle would constitute a representative sample of all married couples. As illustrated above, I know a mixed bag of people's marital outcomes. So far, there are fewer divorces in my social circle than I would expected. If you ask me again on January 1, 2030, my answer to that might be different.