A few years ago, I was involved with a BPD. I'm not interested in giving the details or validating the story because it's been out of my head. There was one thing, however, that I kept asking myself. Out of all possible interactions why was it me who got involved? (especially since every one of my friends never experienced someone like that).
A couple days ago I came to a realization and a very sad one. My mother is a perfectionist, psychologically unstable, has jealousy issues with my girlfriends, and goes to near bipolar/BPD levels to sabotage my relationships. Nothing ever holds to her standards, she constantly criticizes the bejesus out of everything (including my life choices, the food she eats, and just about everything including people and inanimate objects"). Every single friend of mine worries about me getting worried b/c of my mother. As a matter of fact, my best friend thinks my mother is the ultimate *****, far worse than anyone in the world he has seen.
That being said, that was the catalyst for me becoming attached to my former BPD. She exhibits all of these issues that I mentioned above (with the usual hot-cold behavioral switches every 30 seconds). I think my life experiences that shaped by my mother made me become a willing victim of another woman just like her.
Now this sounds obvious. For example, we know that children who were abused by parents have higher probability of seeking out spouses who exhibit abusive behavior. What boggles my mind was this. When I did a bit of investigation as to what my grandparents and great grandparents were like, my scenario was a repeat of what happened far in the past. This wasn't just a one generation thing, but it was something that comes down from generation to generation (not necessarily happening every single generation though)
Now this is the really interesting part. My current GF is a nice girl, completely down to earth, and has not experienced anything of this kind of abuse. Before she was born however, her mother had a mother in law who exhibited the SAME characteristics as my mom (a near identical clone from what I can understand). Is it by chance that she and I are together, that we feel like we "click" at all levels, and that we have family histories that match up in REMARKABLE ways that goes far beyond what I think is coincidence? Sadly, she's going through this hell b/c of my mother and I'm getting to put up an ultimatum to my mother to stop her crazy behavior.
For all those who "wonder" about their crappy situations, a bit of an investigation into your past may bring some very interesting insights as to why certain things are the way they are. I understand that my experience is from one person and it may have been chance and I won't argue with you. But I'm really beginning to wonder about those instances. In particular, scenarios like the "nice girls" going through hell and back to be with the psychotic bad guy. Sometimes, when you look at their immediate backgrounds they come from super healthy families and you can't see anything visibly wrong (even when you get to know them for years). I wonder if some of these roots trace back far into the past and whether they have some genetic predisposition to being vulnerable or whether the experiences from previous generations shaped who they are now. Some food for thought.
A couple days ago I came to a realization and a very sad one. My mother is a perfectionist, psychologically unstable, has jealousy issues with my girlfriends, and goes to near bipolar/BPD levels to sabotage my relationships. Nothing ever holds to her standards, she constantly criticizes the bejesus out of everything (including my life choices, the food she eats, and just about everything including people and inanimate objects"). Every single friend of mine worries about me getting worried b/c of my mother. As a matter of fact, my best friend thinks my mother is the ultimate *****, far worse than anyone in the world he has seen.
That being said, that was the catalyst for me becoming attached to my former BPD. She exhibits all of these issues that I mentioned above (with the usual hot-cold behavioral switches every 30 seconds). I think my life experiences that shaped by my mother made me become a willing victim of another woman just like her.
Now this sounds obvious. For example, we know that children who were abused by parents have higher probability of seeking out spouses who exhibit abusive behavior. What boggles my mind was this. When I did a bit of investigation as to what my grandparents and great grandparents were like, my scenario was a repeat of what happened far in the past. This wasn't just a one generation thing, but it was something that comes down from generation to generation (not necessarily happening every single generation though)
Now this is the really interesting part. My current GF is a nice girl, completely down to earth, and has not experienced anything of this kind of abuse. Before she was born however, her mother had a mother in law who exhibited the SAME characteristics as my mom (a near identical clone from what I can understand). Is it by chance that she and I are together, that we feel like we "click" at all levels, and that we have family histories that match up in REMARKABLE ways that goes far beyond what I think is coincidence? Sadly, she's going through this hell b/c of my mother and I'm getting to put up an ultimatum to my mother to stop her crazy behavior.
For all those who "wonder" about their crappy situations, a bit of an investigation into your past may bring some very interesting insights as to why certain things are the way they are. I understand that my experience is from one person and it may have been chance and I won't argue with you. But I'm really beginning to wonder about those instances. In particular, scenarios like the "nice girls" going through hell and back to be with the psychotic bad guy. Sometimes, when you look at their immediate backgrounds they come from super healthy families and you can't see anything visibly wrong (even when you get to know them for years). I wonder if some of these roots trace back far into the past and whether they have some genetic predisposition to being vulnerable or whether the experiences from previous generations shaped who they are now. Some food for thought.
