Ever feel like you're falling back down to AFC-level? If so, what do you do?

[squirrels]

Just lately, I have NO idea where I'm going with women.

I look back on my escapades during the summer/early fall. I managed to get some numbers from some fine girls, some interesting girls, and I lost my virginity.

Now it seems like each night just gets worse than the last.

Sometimes it seems like my game is on...but lately, it just seems like it's mroe and more off.

And I'm starting to feel like the "choice" women are out of my reach.

I tell myself it's BS, that they're WELL within my "league", assuming such a thing as "leagues" even exists, but they don't return eye contact, and I just feel shaken.

I don't know what happened, but I feel like I'm slipping back to AFC land. I'm getting frustrated that I was improving so quickly and now I'm improving so slowly, if at all. I feel like I'm hitting this glass ceiling in my "game" and that the women I'm talking to now are the limit of my ability. It feels disheartening.

I keep going out, but for some reason, I just can't find the focus or confidence to approach really attractive women, and even the girls I've talked to until now, THEY have approached ME. Now it seems a lot like I talk to girls, and they play the "mildly interested" card, where they respond to questions, but don't show any interest, and I always end up turning away after two or three lines (not lines like pickup-lines, lines like just saying things) and walking away.

I don't know what it is...maybe it's the winter.

I don't know where to go from here...part of me wants to just start from scratch, but I feel like I'd be cheating myself out of the "progress" I've already made.

I'm getting frustrated, and I don't know what to do. I've risen to the next level and I feel like I'm hitting a ceiling just like the one I was hitting as an AFC, ignorant of "SoSuave."

Where do I go from here?

 

[chlywly]

It will happen sometimes, especially if you're in a relationship and get "comfortable".. the point is that you havnt imprinted confidence and the DJ life style yet, once that becomes YOU you will not go back Just keep working at it.

 

[Speed Demond]

The best advice I would be able to tell you is "TAKE A BREAK"
Sounds like your spending way too much time thinking about all this and playing the game or what ever you wnna call it.

Start a new hobby..have fun with life...give it a week or two..and don't think about the ladies..the'll still be there when you come back...you'll feel fresh..and relaxed..it workes Awsome.....Ever hear the expression.. Take a break or you'll break... Well thats sorta whats can happen when dealing with the dating Sceen.

Have Fun and Enjoy Life My friend!

 

[mrbreeze]

Hey guy slow down…

Sounds like a classic case of trying too hard.

Remember in little league when you made all-star? It was so natural, and the next year you were supposed to live up to that again, you tried harder and it wasn’t nearly as much fun, AND you didn’t do nearly as well.

It’s like that with any thing in life…

Algebra… Did you ever had a problem you just couldn’t solve?

You walked away from it for a while and when you came back you went…Oh yeah…Duh!

Anyway, I’m not so sure that being AFC isn’t just a natural part of the growing process.

Unless you are a complete and total natural with the ladies, you are going to find yourself AFCing once in a while.

You're only 23, think ahead to 33, where do you wanna be?

Girls ain't all there is...lol.

 

[KevM2]

Chill out, stop thinking so d@mn much, and get back to your pursuits later on. Thinking too much is just as bad as thinking too little, especially when you're using your brain cycles to beat up on yourself. Things happen in cycles. Some days things look up, and others, they look down. Just make a commitment to get back on track.

 

[AMF]

Squirrels

Check out my reply on the "confident without booze" thread.

 

[squirrels]

I understand where you're coming from...

I just feel like time is NOT on my side.

I'm 24...I'm not going to be in the age group of these hot college chicks much longer. I was thinking last night...I probably deleted all of my best numbers out of inexperience...I feel as though I've run out of chances.

I mean, I'LL still be going strong at 30-35, but I'm starting to feel like the women WON'T. It seems like all the best women in my age group right now are quickly being institutionalized (aka married) and I'm left with those who didn't make the cut.

I was improving so rapidly and I feel like I'm LOSING ground now. I don't have TIME to lose ground. I don't mind as long as I'm improving slowly...but to get WORSE...it's a grand confidence breaker. It's disheartening when like three months ago I was tangling with the hottest of women, and now I "can't do the things I used to be able to do." It's gotta be the same way old people feel when they start getting brittle and can't take physical activity any more.

I've been thinking about taking up new hobbies, but everything I think of, I end up thinking to myself, "I'm just doing this so I can improve my ability to get women." It seems to take the whole purpose out of it.

I dunno...we'll see.

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

I can relate

Damn....a carbon copy of me, except that I'm 25.
I have a question for you though:
Are you going out by yourself or with friends?
I go out by myself---I have no other choice. My friends (just acquaintances, really) are married, or otherwise settled into their mediocre nightlives. It's hard enough to find women attracted to the guy standing there by himself, but it's much more difficult when you can't find any guys who are in your situation--to pal around with.
Hehe...I guess I'm just a bit bitter...I went 0 for 11 last night.

 

[penkitten]

quick when you get this afc reminder feeling do the following:
1. go into the bathroom
2. drink a big old gulp of epitac
3. vomit your brains out
4. remember how afc you used to be
5. brush your teeth
6. get over that afc moment
7. never tell anyone about it

 

[squirrels]

Re: I can relate

Originally posted by Ol'BlueEyes
Damn....a carbon copy of me, except that I'm 25.
I have a question for you though:
Are you going out by yourself or with friends?
I go out by myself---I have no other choice. My friends (just acquaintances, really) are married, or otherwise settled into their mediocre nightlives. It's hard enough to find women attracted to the guy standing there by himself, but it's much more difficult when you can't find any guys who are in your situation--to pal around with.
Hehe...I guess I'm just a bit bitter...I went 0 for 11 last night.

This is a big part of it...somehow I feel more confident with friends around, cuz even if I goof up, I can always go back to my "boys" and laugh about it.

A lot of people my age are, as you said, settling down. Marrying or otherwise. Becoming a part of the system, when everything about the DJ lifestyle screams to me to rise ABOVE the system.

I don't know...maybe it's like someone said, I'm just not a club-person. My dancing is mediocre. I can grind with chicks, but I'm not much of a solo dancer...I just move my hips with the music and probably look awkward...especially when I'm unsure of myself...although I've pulled chicks off the dance floor before, but I was a lot more confident.

I think a big part of it is that I'm taking TOO much specific advice from this forum, trying to follow other people's SPECIFIC methods instead of just the general principles, and they just don't fit me.

I just find myself very easily frustrated. It wouldn't matter so much if I was still in college and had time, but I don't want to wait until all the best women are taken.

 

[iqqi]

squirrels, all of your posts are running with the same theme, of you being discouraged with women and dating, which seems to also indicate discouragement and disappointment within your life. i think that you are projecting feelings about your life and yourself onto your dating life, and women. and this is something apparent from all of your posts damn near.

and alot of the replies i have noticed are along the same theme of take a break. take a break from dating, because you need to focus on yourself!

i understand what you are saying here about time not on your side. but what is time? and look at other timelines of other peoples. you don't want the same thing, i am sure. you have to carve out your own path, your own timeline, or you will have the same result, or destination, as those who you would not nor should not envy. follow?

you are basing your timeline on women, and where they fit into it. stop doing that. what else is important to you, that should be on your timeline?

because honestly, you will never find what you are looking for, if you are looking too hard for it. it will come to you when you are happy within yourself.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by iqqi
squirrels, all of your posts are running with the same theme, of you being discouraged with women and dating, which seems to also indicate discouragement and disappointment within your life. i think that you are projecting feelings about your life and yourself onto your dating life, and women. and this is something apparent from all of your posts damn near.

and alot of the replies i have noticed are along the same theme of take a break. take a break from dating, because you need to focus on yourself!

i understand what you are saying here about time not on your side. but what is time? and look at other timelines of other peoples. you don't want the same thing, i am sure. you have to carve out your own path, your own timeline, or you will have the same result, or destination, as those who you would not nor should not envy. follow?

you are basing your timeline on women, and where they fit into it. stop doing that. what else is important to you, that should be on your timeline?

because honestly, you will never find what you are looking for, if you are looking too hard for it. it will come to you when you are happy within yourself.

I think you may be right...

You know, one thing I noticed just now, reading this, is that this all started happening about the same time as I started looking for houses. I'm in the middle of the home-buying process and my realtor had always said that it can be a stressful time...but I had never recognized any stress in my life because of it.

Maybe it's been there all along. Right now, I'm suffering a lot of the pain of homeownership (not having money, having responsibilities, etc) without the overwhelming benefit of having my own space to live in and make my own and customize and build on.

Lately, work's been really bumming me out. I never took my job as a defining factor in my life...just a way to make money to do the things I DO want to do in life. BUt lately all my money's been set aside for this homebuying thing so I have no money to work on my car like I used to, I can't buy nice stuff for myself (my little brothers destroy everything I DO buy), and have just generally been pensive over this whole process...over the idea of committing to a financial obligation.

I used to define myself in terms of the things I liked doing: going to the gym, working on my car, rock-climbing...but lately working out's getting monotonous, I've been struggling to improve the level at which I climb, and I have no money for my car.

Add that to the cold, short days of winter, and yeah I guess I am dissatisfied with my life right now.

Up till now, it's funny, but I just didn't realize how many stressors I had going right now. No wonder I can't seem to free up enough attention for women and "DJ-ing." LOL

But at the same time it doesn't help seeing my success with the ladies going south at the same time all this other crap is happening. You know I've been talking to 2 or 3 really nice young ladies and there seems to be some return interest, and I don't want to lose touch with them while I try to get my own house in order, because they aren't gonna wait for me. I guess I oughta say "F*CK what they think," but at the same time I feel like I should be able to do better than that. :\

I dunno...I'm gonna go to the gym right now...I need to burn off some stress.

 

[aguynamedwill]

Its mindset over technique dude, you know that.

every day there are women turning 18. and lots will date older guys. i know this. just keep yourself in shape and keep your young guy spark (i.e. don't get old and boring and talk about your taxes - be fun!)

I love winter. throwing snowballs at chicks is fun.

I haven't been out in a long time. and today it showed. I could barely muster up a 'hi how ya doin' to a salesgirl.

but then I went to another store and managed to use the girl's name. she seemed impressed that i had taken the time to look at her breasts, I mean name-tag.

And then I had a good conversation with a neighbor. So its like I was remembering 'hey, I can do this'

self development has natural plateaus.
Apparantly a progress chart can look like the Dow Jones. up down up down.

Try approaching without caring what happens. If she digs you or disses you, so what. She was just practice no matter what. You're feeling shaken when a chick won't look at you. Maybe you're feeling shaken BEFORE she looks, and she can sense your desperation or nervousness, causing her not to look back.

Remember to treat a hot chick like your little sister, or if you rag on your buddies, just like that. Hey nice shirt, you steal that from pimps r us?

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Something I thought about suddenly today regarding mindset was DEATH. If you take every day as you might be dead the next, alot of your fears seem to be gone. Strange and maybe stupid but it's actually worth thinking about.

 

[DEKKA]

somebody said something i agreed with but i didnt feel like quoting it.

basically he said that you were on a temporary high created by some recent successes. chances are you were successfull and were riding that success but you got comfortable and when that success died down you were left feeling worse for wear.

the thing is, when success hits you, you can feel like the best DJ in the world. us guys think that when we succeed with a chick we've conqoured the entire female species. then, unless we make it what we are, when that success burns down a little bit, we burn down a little bit with it.

the key is doing it enough where you ARE and you know you ARE nomatter what the situation.

im guessing you don't have enough women on your plate. just my guess.

but either way i feel like you do all the time so i know exactly where you're at. you're great with women. you can succeed whenever you want to and have done it many times.... and yet you still get down on yourself sometimes. it happens to all of us bruh.

just keep ya head up and keep truckin'.

as david d. says, "handle it"

you'll be fine.

-J

 

[Trogdawg]

Try getting seasonal hobbies. I live in Montana so the days are really short here and that makes it difficult to do a lot of stuff I did when the days were longer. That and it's freaking freezing up here, it really puts a hamper on wanting to go do anything. So when winter hits I start reading more. I've always enjoyed reading but i filled my time up with more active things. I still hit the gym and the pool hall but that's about it. Winter months always make people depressed. Just roll with the punches bud. keep looking at the bright things and there is a whole lot more to this life then women. There's beer.

 

[Hemingway]

House hunting

You mentioned that you have been house-hunting.

When I bought my first house as a bachelor at age 25, I started having feeling of like, "home is where the heart is" and if there was no place for my heart, I felt homeless. It was self-pity.

I became very active, hung out with a new guy best friend, and focused on my career. Girls found all that, plus the house, plus being too busy to go out with them, very attractive.