Eph The World: She's Next

[Eph]

2 August 2014

Sitting here, reading through the old posts in this thread. This is the second time I've looked at the posts I made, and man, I really wish I would have been more aggressive with some of the plates I had and escalated a bit sooner. I really should have pursued harder with Raquel that first year I got to know her. It took me until now to truly accept it, but she was probably over me when that Summer hit. I didn't stand a chance with her that next year.

Christy, on the other hand, I should have done the opposite. I wish I would have figured it out sooner. Like this guy told me:

your flirting skills are actually good but she just wasnt the girl to use them with, in my humble opinion.

Looking back, I should have went more towards a friend relationship with her (except without the typical beta bullsh!t). She just didn't respond well (or sometimes, at all) to (my) flirting. But if we talked about the things we had in common, she was generally receptive. A few months ago, if not last year, I actually met one of her ex's at a job fair. I was talking with a classmate, and the classmate was, apparently, friends with her ex. We started talking, and she told him about this (painful) conversation we had:

Me: You still up shorty? - 9:10
Her: -___- shorty? My name's _____. And why do you want me to write you a chorus? - 9:12
Me: Maybe I don't, maybe I just wanted a reason to talk to you - 9:26 (I admit it, I was stalling here)
Her: -___- Lame ass. You don't even talk to me in class so don't try to talk to me on facebook. - 9:27
Me: You told me to facebook you lol. We could of talked after class. - 9:31
Me: Seriously though, write me a chorus. - 9:41
(No response)

What I found weird is that she told him that it was her that told me to message her. Basically, placing the blame on herself. I guess in the end I dodged a bullet with her though. He said that the longer their relationship went on, the more he got dragged into her problems. "Her problems became my problems", as he put it.

Only 18 days until I start my final year. I'm gonna do everything I can to make it a good one. I've had too many learning experiences for this year not to be a good one. I've got several more certification tests to take later this year, which I'm hoping will land me a decent ($15/hr or more) job by the end. It's not the best pay, but for an 18 year old (not 18 just yet) with no real expenses (no kids, no gf or family to support), that's more than enough.

Wish I could say High School has been the best time of my life, but it seems now that I'm just about at the end, my life is only just starting to get good. Top 0.01% here I come!

 

[No.Danny]

Bruh. What's up with you. You made so many excuses not to escalate with Raquel when she wanted the D.

 

[Eph]

Bruh. What's up with you. You made so many excuses not to escalate with Raquel when she wanted the D.

I know. I guess it all came down to my fear of rejection. I just couldn't be myself around her, which made it even harder to game her. Found out she's attending a university I was actually considering myself. So, maybe in a couple years I'll see her again. Anyway, I'm better off for now, that experience made me realize I can't be afraid of getting rejected and I need to escalate sooner. I won't be making the same excuses this year.

 

[Eph]

School in 2 weeks. I don't know why, but lately people have been starting conversations with me a lot more. The last two times I've been waiting on the bus (today was once), someone has came near me and just started talking. It's made me realize I really suck at keeping a conversation going. It's a little easier when we're talking about something I actually care about, but it's like 90% them and 10% (if even that) me talking.

The first time, some lady (much older than myself) started talking to me about God, and then today, some guy (again, much older) started talking to me about a lot of different things. Small talk, really. I really need to get better at keeping the conversation going, although, on the bright side I'm not nervous anymore. Then again, I think it's more starting conversations that causes me anxiety. I've also been commenting on Facebook statuses from people that I don't even talk to lately. Trying to break that, "I don't talk to them. They'll think I'm weird if I say something" feeling. I know that they don't really care if I butt in. And if they do care, fvck them. Their opinions don't matter in the long run.

 

[Eph]

So, I went in to drop a class from my schedule today, and while I was waiting I saw Ruby (well, she saw me) and she introduced me to her sister. Every time I see her and she's with someone, she introduces them to me. I sat down one seat away from her - probably should have sat right next to her - and started doing things on my phone.

She continued to talk to her sister and pulled me into the conversation whenever she got the chance. I continued to do things on my phone while I talked with her and her sister. We got into the topic of schools, and I asked her, if our school is so bad, why did she transfer from her old school. She told me, "I have my reasons, and you don't need to know them", while smiling.

I have an idea on why she did, but she couldn't be that interested in me. Could she? Anyway, right before I left someone we both know walked by, and I talked with him for a minute. I also negged her where she could hear me while I was talking with the guy that walked by.

 

[Eph]

13 August 2014

So, after like a month of debating it and trying to plan sh!t out, I took the plunge and asked out a friend/plate/whatever you wanna call it. I realize it's probably not the best conversation, but let me know what you think. I tried to keep a lot of what I've learned here in mind while I was doing this.

Also, the original conversation was in Spanish, so I'll provide the translation (as best as I can; she's a native speaker and I'm still learning). Oh, and yes, she can speak English fluently.

Me @ 8:44: Summer school's over, right?

Her @ 8:46: Yeah, for like a week or two now

Me @ 8:55: Oh, wow. What are you doing Friday?

Her @ 8:56: Going to flag practice

Me @ 9:00: *I ask what "vanderas" (flags) means since she spelled it wrong*

Her @ 9:01: *She tells me flags*

Me @ 9:14: I thought so. You spelled it wrong. When are you free?

Her @ 9:21: For what? And why did you say I spelled it wrong?

Me @ 9:43: *I explain why her spelling confused me*
Because, I figured we should hang out before the end of Summer

Her @ 9:45: That would be a good idea and oh, thank you

Me @ 10:08: *I mentioned another word she spelled wrong*
So, what about Saturday?

Her @ 10:21: My Spanish is terrible but I only taught myself (*?*), so that's not good. But, about Saturday, this weekend we have to fix my bedroom window. *Also, something about starting that day, and something about her dad. Google Translate wasn't much help in figuring out what she meant*

What about Friday afternoon?

Me @ 10:40: Any time after one o'clock is fine.

Her @ 10:41: I have to see. But, what would we do?

Me @ 10:46: PT (workouts) lol. *meant to put just kidding* Sports. I was planning on heading to McDonald's that day actually.

When she asked what would we do, I was trying not to say, "I don't know", or ask her what she wants to do. I've got a pretty bad habit of saying that since with my guy friends, it doesn't really matter what we do. But, my experience with girls is that they get frustrated when I don't make a decision.

I decided not to invite her to go see a movie, since it wouldn't really be something fun to do. I really wish I had other things that we could do, but there isn't anything to do where I live. I told her sports because I know she likes soccer, and in addition, I could teach her how to shoot a basketball (kino).

Anyway, let me know what you guys think, and where I can improve. There are some things I didn't do on purpose, so if you guys mention something, I'll let you know why I did or didn't do it.

 

[Eph]

Been kind of weird lately. I asked out the plate I talked about in the last post, a few weeks ago. The last time I did (in the previous post), I got a call about a job interview the same day we were supposed to hang out, so when she asked if we were still on for that day, I told I'd have to see since something came up. We didn't end up meeting up that day.

This time, she had something going on. It was something about having to go with her parents to take puppies to their owners or something. I didn't care to know more. The first time I asked her out, I thought maybe I shouldn't since us seeing each other is kinda a hassle right now because neither of us drive so we have to rely on others to take us places.

But, then I thought that maybe I was just making excuses so I wouldn't have to (possibly) face rejection, so I decided to ask her out. Now, I'm thinking I was right the first time. I think I'll wait until I've got my license and a car before I ask her out again. I've already asked twice, which I know is more than what is recommended, but she's already counter-offered once, and I believe her when she says she's busy. Plus, there's the whole transportation thing.

On the bright side, I've started to realize when she's validation/approval seeking. She's like the perfect practice for me. She'll usually tell me something she did unwarranted, and I always feel like telling her "good job" or something like that. I've come to realize when she does this, she wants my validation and approval.

I've also come to realize that no matter how "mean" I am to my plates, they continue to talk to me, and stick around. It's pretty interesting. Also, interesting is that 2 of them (the one I talked about above, and her identical twin sister) are completely enamored by my smile. According to them, I "never smile", and am "always so serious". I really hate fake smiling (like you would do for a picture), but maybe it's time to fake it more often. Actually, fake smiling and showing my teeth all the time might look weird. So, maybe it's time to start smirking.

The last thing I want to talk about is my new resolve. It's been my goal to become a better conversationalist for about a year or so now, and while that's still a goal I want to achieve, I really want to be more extroverted. I'm going to try my damn hardest to speak up more. I've learned when you're as quiet as I am - and I'm really only quiet around strangers - people tend to fill in the blanks themselves. And it's never a good thing. People are getting the wrong impression, and it's starting to annoy me. Usually who they think I am, is not who I am.

Don't get me wrong, just them getting the wrong idea, isn't what bugs me. It's when they can't shake that perception off. There's plenty of people who have thought whatever about me at first, and then come to realize they were completely wrong. People seem to think I'm serious all the time, when half the sh!t I say, I mean as a joke. Well, it's just another thing I've got to work on. Can't wait to read this post in a few years to see how far I'll have come along.

 

[Eph]

13 December 2014

So, this past Saturday, I had a competition for JROTC. On the way there, I sat next to a plate's sister (identical twin). The entire time I thought she was her sister, since I hadn't looked over at her. While I'm listening to music and messing around on my phone, I get a next from her sister asking, "are you going to tell me those reasons?" The week prior to this, I ignored both of them in order to get my head on straight. I had felt like I was being way too nice. Before we left out to go to the competition that morning, I said something to them, and she asked why I had been ignoring her. I told her I had my reasons. So, that's what the text she sent was referring to.

So, I reply to the text saying, "I needed to clear my head of some things". She asks, "are you going to tell me what those things are?" I simply told her, "I'm not comfortable talking about them". After, she says, "alright, I respect that". I thought that was a weird response, but didn't text back.

So, we're still on the road, and a bit later, I get a text from the one I'm sitting next to. It was a meaningless text, so I just said, "k thanks bye Pillsbury". I call that one Pillbury because she reminds me of the Pillsbury dough boy whenever someone pokes her stomach. I didn't realize she wasn't her sister until I heard her calling her sister's name.

Later on, I notice her taking her seatbelt off, and after that she moves into the empty middle seat right next to me. I didn't think much of it, until she lays her head on my shoulder. Which got me thinking (probably too much): is this something girls do to guys in the friendzone? Or is she doing this because she likes me?

So, she uses me as a pillow, and I continue to mess around on my phone. We get to the city where the competition is, and Pillsbury's sister calls my name. She asks me if I can move over, so she can come sit up there. I wonder if it was a coincidence that she asks this right after her sister starts using me as a pillow. For whatever reason that was going through my head at the time, I tell her not to be moving around in a moving vehicle. She eventually gets up and comes up anyway, but doesn't sit down, and moves back to her seat a few seconds later. We're in a van too, so it isn't like there's really a ton of room to be moving around.

After we were on our way back, Pillsbury's sister comes sit where Pillsbury was like she wanted to do earlier. Since someone else wanted to sit where we were, I decided to move right next to her. For a few minutes, I squeeze her thighs and mess with her, but then went back to messing around on my phone. I found it odd that I ignore them for a week and then when I start giving them attention again, one of them gets affectionate.

 

[Eph]

13 February 2015

Well, it's been interesting lately. Some time ago, I came to grips with the fact that I had feelings for a particular girl I've known now for about a year. And now, I've deleted that same girl's number from my phone. A few weeks ago (a month perhaps), something happened, and I had to give her a "talking to". I didn't yell or raise my voice, curse, etc, just let her know what needed to happen from then on. After I got home that day, I got a text from her saying something along the lines of, "I don't even know why, but every time you give me a lecture on something, it always manages to affect me. Maybe it's because you rarely yell at me". Later on in that conversation, she told me I had made her cry. Up until just before that point, I was considering what to do with her. I considered dropping her then and there because of various things, but, ultimately, didn't do it because I thought that maybe I was just coming up with excuses not to risk rejection. I decided that there was only one way to know what to do next. One pivotal point that would tell me everything I needed to know. Make a move, and go from there. It wasn't worth it to drive myself crazy thinking she likes me one minute, and that there's no way she does the next.

Getting that text from her, though, made me think: there's no way anyone could "affect her" like that without her having some kind of feelings for them. She had to of liked me, right?

Today, I found out a few things from her though. She doesn't feel that she really knows me. When I learned that, I immediately thought that next time (on the next challenge) I should be a little more revealing and less mysterious. I'm mysterious without trying to be. I try to be more mysterious, and they know next to nothing about me. Now, I'm thinking this is probably a debatable point. I likely had bigger problems than this one.

I also learned who she likes, and big surprise, it ain't me. When I got my answer, I immediately deleted her number from my phone. I still don't get the whole "affecting her" thing, but now I don't need to. It stings a bit, but I can finally move on, and stop wasting time. So, what did I learn?

I learned I have got to stop moving so damn slow. If the light's green, go! Playing it safe gets you nowhere. I learned I've got to accept that having feelings makes me vulnerable, but everything worthwhile is a risk I have to take. I learned I need to put a little more effort into balancing mysterious with comfort/rapport.

 

[Eph]

23 September 2015

Damn, it's been a while. Where do I even begin? Guess I'll start with an update on the situation in the last post. Story time!
Old plate:
After going ghost on her for a while, every once in a while I'd text her and eventually we got to a point where I asked her if she still wanted me to teach her to play guitar, and she did something I really didn't expect. Her parents approval means the world to her, so at first when I asked her to hang out she said she would need to ask. She didn't because, according to her, their answer would depend on their mood and they had just gone to bed and she'd see them again early in the morning the next day. She told me how she really didn't want to not be able to, and since I had told her we could do it outside on her front porch, she told me to come over while they were at work.

I asked her if she was sure that would be ok (or something like that), and she told me that they wouldn't know and since we'd be outside on the porch she didn't see a reason her parents wouldn't be ok with that. I thought it was surprising that she'd go behind her parents ' backs knowing we wouldn't just be outside. Still, I agreed and went over the next day...and nothing happened...other than the tightest hug she'd ever given me up to that point when I left.

Since then, I've been over to her house once more... but not for her. I went over to hang out with her identical twin sister. I sat around on the couch for a bit while her twin cleaned the house, went up to their (shared) bedroom and got in the bed with her since she was still laying in it (nothing happened ) after taking a few pictures of her. A bit later I made them go on a run (and do a few other exercises here and there) around town as "punishment" for making them sit around bored while her twin cleaned. Actually got thanked for that before I left.

So, to wrap up that story...I'm back at square one. I keep telling myself the only real way to know whether or not she really does just want to be friends (like she says she wants) is to get her alone and kiss her but at the same time I feel like I'm at the end of the line with her. And to top it all off, I'm into her twin sister as well (albeit for different reasons).

Middle School classmate:

Well, that wraps up what's been going on with her. Onto more positive news. The other day while at work, I was getting ready to clock out when this cute Mexican (yes, I have a thing for Mexican women) girl walks in. As she's walking in, I'm thinking "fvck, you picked a great time to walk in lady". I thought she looked kind of familiar, and after glancing down for a second I notice she has a name tag. I know the name on it. I get the feeling I know exactly who she is, but don't say anything.

After she pays, she asks me if I'm Eph from middle school. I realize that she's someone I knew from middle school and damn did she just get cuter with age. Red lipstick, small beauty mark, she couldn't have looked better. Anyway, we talk a little, a joke or two here and there, yada yada.

As I'm leaving I'm kicking myself for not asking her out or getting her number (although, I try not to flirt with customers while I'm working anyway) so I decide to add her on facebook and try to get her out sometime soon. So, right before I message her I notice a post by her that was asking if anyone wanted to hang out after she got off of work. I planned to ask her what her schedule looked like for the rest of the week, but since she already was looking for something to do, I decided to try to get her out that night.

Except, I couldn't think of a good opener. Nothing witty to say, so I go direct and ask her if she's busy later. She replies a bit later with "I'm at work right now until 5". I had just woken up from a nap by the time I got that and immediately thought it would be funny to say something about going to her work and keeping her on the clock past her shift so that we'd be equal for her doing it to me the other night. By the time I opened the messenger app, I forgot what I wanted to say. So instead I told her I was going out later and that she should come with. Not the smoothest way to ask her out, but in my defense I was drowsy as fvck.

Of course, she asks me what I'm going to do. I realized she would only come with me if my plans happened to be better than any other options she had, but without a car and little to do in my city, I went with the simplest of things: eat and (probably) go play basketball. Boring, yeah I know. I would have said bowling but just the two of us would have made it obvious I hadn't already planned to do it beforehand and there wasn't anyone else available to come with me (or at least no one with a car). No response after that, but I noticed her earlier status now included "preferably girls". No big deal, with 4,000 "friends" I figured I definitely wasn't the only guy that had took that status as a chance to ask her out. The next day, she had posted something about being hungover, so at least now I have an idea of what kind of girl she is. I can probably still work with her. I do need to figure out if she really is a party-er or just someone who chills with a few close friends and drinks though.

Cute, young Teacher:

And one more update: today at work was Teacher's Night. Basically, teachers come in and work with us to raise money for their school. Because of that, we were insanely busy. A few hours into my shift I get this really cute, young and short teacher working with me. I wasn't too happy about this whole teacher's night thing earlier when I found out about it, but now it was fine

Upon being introduced, she holds her hand out for a handshake. It kinda caught me off guard because the one I worked with before didn't offer a handshake. So, I grab her hand with the intent of giving her a firm, solid handshake when I notice how soft her hand is and how lightly she's gripping my hand. I stopped moving my hand after two or three shakes but she kept going a bit longer. It felt like the longest handshake. Okay, I guess.

We get to working and one of the managers has her take something to drive-thru after a bit. Of course, she doesn't know where to go so a couple of us pointed her in the right direction. After 5 minutes or so, she reappears to look over at me with the bag still in her hand, so I walk over to show her where to go. As we're walking back inside the store, she says something about her being dumb and after a second or two I tell her that she's not. I fell right for that bait...

We're back working again, and she starts a conversation with me with "have you been here a long time". That lead to "I don't know if you work days but we come here after work every week and it's never this busy". After telling her that I did, she asks if I'll be there this Friday, which normally I would be, but not this time. She's like, "oh, well we'll be here".

Her friend has been next to us working with one of my coworkers the entire time, but the closer Teacher Night gets to being over the more they start talking to each other. After a bit, she asks me how old I think she is and I guess a year younger than her actual age (my first guess would have been right) and she tells me how my coworker didn't believe her when she told him.Then her friend asks the same. This time I guess the right age. After guessing their ages, they ask mine and I make them guess. I stood there just shaking my head even after they guessed the right age, and when her friend left she straight up asked. Their first guesses were closer to their own age but never at or above it.

I stood silent for a second then said its above 15 and below 20. She eventually guesses correctly again and her friend comes back over as I explain that she's right for a couple more months. Eventually, they order food and eat before leaving and I finish the rest of my shift. Maybe she was just over-friendly, but it almost seemed like she was flirting with me. So, I'll head to my work place this Friday to see if I can "run into her" and maybe get a cute new "friend". I kinda regret not remembering her name and what time she said she usually comes in. I'll feel more at ease flirting with her when I'm not working to.