Engaged to long distance. 1 year apart. Tempted by other women locally. Going crazy. Help!

[RomanticWolf]

Okay it's been a long time since I came here. Even the forum looks different. I'll try to be short. I met a girl while she was on work visa in my country early last year. We go on very well quickly and the relationship happened very fast. We have been back and forth a couple of times to each other's country. Last I saw her was Feb. Great woman. She's everything I would ask for in a woman. So on her last visit before she went back I proposed. I couldn't do the every six months visit each other for a week or two so I wanted us to just be together for good. So now we are waiting for the visa to be granted.

We're already on the 6th month waiting. There's possibly another 3-6 to go.
We've been talking and video calling online almost everyday. But lately I find myself looking at women and flirting, especially at work in the office theres women everywhere and look very sexy. I also talk to some online and chat to them. I've been talking to one for about a month quite a bit. We get along very well and we find each other attractive. I've even spoken to her on the phone once. We almost met but I chickened out from guilt. I kept thinking what if my fiancé did this to me behind my back. I would feel bad. So I stopped talking to her but then I couldn't help myself and started talking to her again. Just last night we were talking about meeting again this week and we were flirting. She told me how she misses sex and she knows we shouldn't be talking to each other or meet but she's confessed that she's very intrigued by me. We both want to meet and don't at the same time. She knows I'm engaged too. I keep telling myself just stop it and keep waiting. But then I also tell myself what's a harmless meet up gonna do in public? What could happen? We're just gonna talk. Though I am also worried that one day she might text or call me while I'm with my fiancé or even see us in public (unlikely but still).

I'm a very sexual person so knowing me I'll probably be attracted to her so much that I might do something stupid. Anyway I'm going crazy. Someone help me out here. We are supposed to meet today after work and I'm supposed to text her. Not having sex for a year almost is driving me nuts. But I don't want to cheat. I'm just finding it very hard to not meet women. Is it still considered cheating even if I meet her for a friendly talk? I dunno. Probably. Maybe I should just wait and keep going crazy.

 

[RomanticWolf]

How old are you?

Sorry about that. I fixed it to show. I'm 31.

 

[Reykhel]

It's really been a long time.....too long.

You have a "girlfriend" and you haven't had sex in nearly a year.....can you see something wrong with that picture? So realy you could say she's a penpal at this moment...a skype buddy......and now you're on sosuave asking what you should do about this temptation you feel for other women. Because you don't want to cheat on your skype buddy...

Who's life is this anyway? Who's in control of your life?

How much time did you spend with this chick in "real" before she became your skype buddy?

Another 3-6 months before she gets the visa? where she from?

 

[Young OG]

I'm really sorry to tell you this, but a long distance relationship isn't a real relationship. It's just a buffer that your using so you don't have to go out and look for a real girlfriend and possibly get rejected. Buy a copy of The Rational Male and read it.

 

[RomanticWolf]

It's really been a long time.....too long.

You have a "girlfriend" and you haven't had sex in nearly a year.....can you see something wrong with that picture? So realy you could say she's a penpal at this moment...a skype buddy......and now you're on sosuave asking what you should do about this temptation you feel for other women. Because you don't want to cheat on your skype buddy...

Who's life is this anyway? Who's in control of your life?

How much time did you spend with this chick in "real" before she became your skype buddy?

Another 3-6 months before she gets the visa? where she from?

She's from Japan. I would say we have spent maybe 6 months together. Since we met we pretty much spoke to each other everyday. Then she would stay over almost every weekend. Then she lived with me for almost two months before going back. I went back with her for a week and met her friends and family. That was in August when I left Japan. She came to visit me for a few days this February. That was the last time. She's planning to come back in January for good. By then the visa should be ready. We still speak to each other everyday and video call.

 

[RomanticWolf]

I'm really sorry to tell you this, but a long distance relationship isn't a real relationship. It's just a buffer that your using so you don't have to go out and look for a real girlfriend and possibly get rejected. Buy a copy of The Rational Male and read it.

Even though we are engaged and she's going to quit her job in December and move to my country to marry me in a few months? Still not a relationship .? I know if she did this to me I would probably break it off with her. I still consider us in a relationship. I would be devestated if I knew she was meeting other guys. So that's what stops me from meeting other women. Guilt.

 

[Young OG]

Even though we are engaged and she's going to quit her job in December and move to my country to marry me in a few months? Still not a relationship .?

When she moves to your country, that's when the relationship really starts. They say you truely don't know a person till you have been with them for a year.

 

[Reykhel]

She's from Japan. I would say we have spent maybe 6 months together. Since we met we pretty much spoke to each other everyday. Then she would stay over almost every weekend. Then she lived with me for almost two months before going back. I went back with her for a week and met her friends and family. That was in August when I left Japan. She came to visit me for a few days this February. That was the last time. She's planning to come back in January for good. By then the visa should be ready. We still speak to each other everyday and video call.

It's quite the predicament you've put yourself in. It's a lot of risk without any immediate payback, but you're waiting for your pot of gold at the end of it. I can only tell you what I would do if I were in this situation....based on past experience with a LDR....I was with her for two years before LDR. (It didn't work out...go figure.......never again)

I would treat her as a skype buddy while she is living in Japan and I would continue spinning other plates while here. LDR are high risk/low payback and so often end in the cheating....females will cheat rather than finishing the relationship. Imagine if you wasted all that time living like a monk and she 1)cheated on you 2) broke it off at the last minute

Wasted time

I'm not actually condoning "cheating" per se in an exclusive relationship.....as I don't consider this real when you're not spending time together ie getting sweaty together.....without sex it's just talk..

Guilt? Guilt is like a bag of rocks. Who are you carrying it for! Learn to put it down....

 

[sodbuster]

Visit her, get your knob polished 20 different ways, THAT should buy you a month or 2 of peace from "little buddy"

 

[RomanticWolf]

Haha. I dunno why but I just feel like I'm already cheating just by chatting to another girl behind her back.

 

[YawataNoKami]

31? You should know better. There is no such thing as a LDR. That's awomen invention. Reality is you are just her best GF/emotional tampon. No 31 year old man is that stupid..........no offense. Or maybe you are a woman.

 

[exhausted]

Haha. I dunno why but I just feel like I'm already cheating just by chatting to another girl behind her back.

Then stop doing it. If you truly want this marriage to work you can not go into it being a cheater or breaking loyalty. Carry yourself better than this and be respectful as you have been.

 

[VladPatton]

I've been in these LDR's for extended periods of time. Too long, actually. They were all a waste of time, sorry to say. Nothing beats local.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Let me get this straight.....your absolute best choice in women over a year ago was someone who was kind of permanently leaving the country?

But it gets even better......Currently your best alternatives are: 1) a woman from work and 2) online women??????????

You have a much bigger problem than your realize here.

Regarding work.....Work is where your earn resources. Resources get you women. Never hook up with someone at work as it jeopardizes too much.

As for online women, you can do better.

Why don't you think you can do better? Why are you way too comfortable not getting close to women as demonstrated by your current LDR and your online escapades? Closeness to women means lot's of sex. Don't you want lot's of sex?

Right now you have your head in the sand. Get out there, meet people of all sexes and all ages. You need to work on yourself. Focus on career. Improve your social skills. Do all this and the local attractive women will come to you.

I know you are young, but based on what you have told us your current strategy to get women is kind of half-assed, bottom-feeder stuff. Don't do LDR, work, or online. Meet in person where there is real chemistry.

Opposites attract. Extreme opposites have extreme attraction. Get out there and your extreme opposite with find you. Online guarantees ZERO chemistry and guarantees failure. LDRs can work only if you two can move close to each other within 3 to 6 months. Anything past that make it impossible.

Break up with all of them and start over. Join a gym, take a community college cooking class. Get out of your shell.