Encouraging GF to Dress More Sexy/Slutty?

[PowerAbuse]

I’ve been in a LTR for about a year now. My girlfriend is madly in love, and I’m starting to catch some feelings too. She’s about 12 years younger than me (I’m 34 and she’s 22). We met at work, initially becoming friends. We eventually hooked up about a month after we first met, after a night of drinks at my place.

I’m the 2nd guy she’s ever slept with. I have a lot more experience than her, and I think she has wife potential. The problem is, I wonder if I’m settling in terms of her physical attractiveness or whether I’m just getting tired of her due to her unwillingness to be sexy.

The first time I saw her dress in something other than her boring work clothes, I was totally surprised by how hot she looked, and that’s the night we hooked up. I still think she’s cute, no doubt, and with a pair of heels and some trendy clothes, she turns heads. I can even get hard just looking at her face when she’s fully clothed sometimes. But I’m starting to wonder if I’ll be able to maintain my interest because she rarely takes the initiative to dress sexy any more, and it’s continually getting worse.

In the beginning, she dressed too sexy, more like an attention-seeking slut, which bothered me enough to post about it: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/gf-sexy-clothes-complaining.228318/

To be honest, despite the sometimes annoying, unwanted attention in public, I miss her slutty style. Nowadays, the way she dresses, most of my friends that have seen her can’t tell if we have much age difference despite the 12-year gap, because she dresses more like a 40-year old. Something sligthly revealing or sexy = slutty.

She didn’t wear heels much before, so I’ve tried to at least encourage her, because it accenuates her legs and butt. Still, she rarely wears heels unless it’s a holiday or a special occasion. She doesn't even dress that nice when going out any more because she doesn’t want guys distracting her or hitting on her, which is true, but she's done a complete 180!

Even in the bedroom, she used to occasionally put on sexy lingerie or just show up randomly with a kinky outfit, and now she just takes a shower and gets in bed naked, or dresses in a jacket with nothing underneath... boring. With enough encouragement I can get her to put on some kinky outfits or nice lingerie, but again it’s rare and only after I constantly persuade her about how pretty and desirable it makes her look, etc.

On a positive note, she hasn’t lost her sexual appetite at all. She’s still fit, maybe even more and still craves sex all the time, literally everywhere, including in seemingly public places, which turns her on more. Sometimes I feel like her sexual behaviors are more manly, because she just wants to get off several times a day, and I’m the one who wants more foreplay! And even though she makes sure I get off whenever she gets off, it's still a turnoff to constantly want to bust nuts or squirt without much foreplay or visual excitement.

Questions:

- Would you prefer a nymphomaniac girlfriend who doesn't dress sexy or one who dresses sexy with a normal sexual appetite?

- How can I get her to dress more sexy? I have tried to buy her clothes and shoes she may have expressed interest in, regardless of price, but she says she doesn't want gifts or thanks me and only wears them once. Ideally I want her to take the initiative

- Should I go on a sex strike until she gets so sexually frustrated that she can't stand but to want to please me, and eventually condition her behavior by only awarding her sex when she dresses sexy or surprises me? Do I have to be this convoluted with my approach?


What gives, any advice?

 

[Yewki]

Sounds like a case of grass is greener. If she dressed sexier would you really be much happier, or just focus on something else instead? Perhaps you're taking for granted the positives.

 

[PowerAbuse]

Sounds like a case of grass is greener. If she dressed sexier would you really be much happier, or just focus on something else instead? Perhaps you're taking for granted the positives.

Yeah my only fear with that is that if I keep accepting it, what happens another year down the road, she's going to be turning into one of those muslims who covers their entire body when they go out, for all I know (not trying to be political here just as an example). Though yeah I can tolerate it, just not sure for how long.

I personally believe that the best way to get somebody to do something that you want them to do...is to get them to WANT to do it.

Compliment her body enough and eventually you won't even be able to keep her from dressing like a slvt. They love attention.

I guess to be honest I don't compliment her enough, and I just recently started doing it. For the most part I used to think actions speak louder than words, but I guess I'll give words a shot.

 

[kronreiff]

You mentioned she craves sex. Use that to your advantage. Start off slow and have her wear 4 to 5 inch heels while you fvck her, telling her how great her legs and azz look and how sexy she is. Then step it up to a mini skirt and heels, and onto some serious cleavage. Compliment her on all this in the heat of the moment as well as before and after. If the sex is awesome, she should be dying to wear that sh!t all the time when you go out or bed her down. Good luck.

 

[PowerAbuse]

You mentioned she craves sex. Use that to your advantage. Start off slow and have her wear 4 to 5 inch heels while you fvck her, telling her how great her legs and azz look and how sexy she is. The step it up to a mini skirt and heels, and onto some serious cleavage. Compliment her on all this in the heat of the moment as well as before and after. If the sex is awesome, she should be dying to wear that sh!t all the time when you go out or bed her down. Good luck.

Hey thanks good idea, never thought of really specifically complimenting her that way and building it up. To be honest I think rarely compliment her at all, or maybe I've said I like how she wears that stuff before we start having sex, but never say much in the moment at all. One thing I have started though is I've gotten her into the habit of dirty talking pretty raunchy and stuff and now that I think of it I could build this up the same way as that. Good points, appreciate the ideas.

 

[Armourhead]

It sounds like she firmly belives she has you caught hook line and sinker. That's why she stopped dressing up and putting on heels etc.

The best way to solve this problem isn't to tell her about it and bug her to dress up. Rather you should up your game, hit the gym harder than usual, instill some dread in her, take up a new hobby etc. Once she thinks you're upping your SMV she will do the same in order to keep you.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I think she has wife potential. The problem is, I wonder if I’m settling in terms of her physical attractiveness or whether I’m just getting tired of her due to her unwillingness to be sexy.

I am not advocating marriage in any way. I am simply responding to what you wrote about wife potential.

Be 100% honest to your core. If the woman you are with, never ever changed in any way, would you be truly happy to be with her, just as she is right now, for the rest of your life? If the answer is 'no', then she is NOT wife material (for you.)

Do not feed a fantasy.

NEVER marry anyone, while even subtly, hoping, wishing, or expecting them to become ANY different, than they already are. To do so, is a sure-fire recipe for resentment, disappointment and divorce.

 

[LiveYourDream]

A woman who feels sexy, from the inside-out, will radiate that sexy-feeling-glow outwards, no matter what she is wearing. Sexy clothes will just amplify her sexiness.

A woman who doesn't feel sexy at all, won't necessarily suddenly become sexy, just by dressing her up in sexy clothes.

True sexiness starts with that sexy-feeling-glow a woman radiates from the inside-out.

 

[PowerAbuse]

It sounds like she firmly belives she has you caught hook line and sinker. That's why she stopped dressing up and putting on heels etc.

The best way to solve this problem isn't to tell her about it and bug her to dress up. Rather you should up your game, hit the gym harder than usual, instill some dread in her, take up a new hobby etc. Once she thinks you're upping your SMV she will do the same in order to keep you.

Damn, I'm really glad I posted here, I was hesitating to before, but you're 100% right. To be honest, that's my fear, that at some point she would just stop trying because she got me already. Funny thing is, something she's said a lot lately over the past few months as she gradually started to dress down is, "you don't chase me any more"

I was confused by this because I don't think I ever really chased her per se, but I never put these two together. The fact is we used to spend less time together but we would do more fun stuff outside of work like go on small weekend trips and stuff, but now she's just practically moved in, and even though I see her practically 24/7, the time we spend together is not exactly 'special' or valued like it used to be... it's like she takes me for granted now, I can definitely sense that.

You're right I need to up my game, and possible may try a bit of the complimenting like kronreiff and Espi suggested too, but I have a different perspective now, appreciate the insight.

I am not advocating marriage in any way. I am simply responding to what you wrote about wife potential.

Be 100% honest to your core. If the woman you are with, never ever changed in any way, would you be truly happy to be with her, just as she is right now, for the rest of your life? If the answer is 'no', then she is NOT wife material (for you.)

Do not feed a fantasy.

NEVER marry anyone, while even subtly, hoping, wishing, or expecting them to become ANY different, than they already are. To do so, is a sure-fire recipe for resentment, disappointment and divorce.

Good point, if I had to be completely honest, my gut would say she's not the one, at least not yet, but she's the closest I've ever felt to it. For the first time I can see the benefits of monogamy and trusting someone I'm with, but I'm also obviously starting to see the flaws or dangers of being complacent in a relationship. But, that said, the fact that she is much younger may also feed that fantasy as you call it, because I assume I can mold her into that wife I may want someday. I mentioned she has potential because when we first met, she claimed she couldn't cook, but now cooking gourmet meals for me and making sure I'm well-fed is pretty much her only hobby outside of shopping and sex.

I don't think I've ever met a woman that I could trust other than her up to this point, but even then, the ones that had seemingly perfect looks or behavior have had other problems or baggage that I found less tolerable or changeable. For some reason I feel like I can change behavior but I can't see past a woman without ambitions or one that has a negative attitude on life.

 

[LiveYourDream]

People will change. They can change for the better or the worse. Never marry expecting anything better than you have right now. Be prepared that what you have right now is likely a honeymoon period and the frequency of sex, as well as her looks and dress will continue to diminish. If it gets better, bonus. Never, ever, expect it.

 

[PowerAbuse]

Even dressed in the sexiest of clothes, a woman who does not inherently feel sexy, will unknowingly broadcast an absence of sexiness.

On the other hand, a woman who feels sexy, from the inside-out, will radiate that sexy-feeling-glow outwards, no matter what she is wearing (and I do believe there's an internal glow to it).

Yeah true, I agree, I mean I feel like she can exude sex appeal regardless of what she wears. Before I posted my question here, I questioned my own thoughts/desires quite a bit.

The oddest thing is... when I catch myself looking at a woman that appears to be 'sexy' in public. What I've realized is that most of the time, I only see these women for a brief moment either while I'm walking or they are walking. If we're both standing still, it may still be a brief moment and only at a certain angle - how can I truly judge what they look like compared to my girlfriend who I've seen from literally every angle imaginable? Or worse, I see them at a club or bar where I'm not completely sober. Taking this a step further, when I try to separate the woman from the fitting clothes, sexy shoes, etc. and dress her down in my mind, I often don't find her face or body nearly as attractive as I initially thought at first glance.

I've also noticed that when I don't watch porn for a few days, or don't go out to places where I see other women dressed nicely, it really doesn't matter what my girlfriend is wearing, none of these thoughts even cross my mind. But, it adds an extra kick which can make things more pleasurable, albeit mentally, not really physically. And maybe as a guy I'm just conditioned to have more pleasure sensitivity to visual stimuli. I can totally recognize how this idea of wanting her to dress more sexy could have more to do with my own past relationships and porn/media fueled perceptions of sexual desire.

People will change. They can change for the better or the worse. Never marry expecting anything better than you have right now. Be prepared that what you have right now is likely a honeymoon period and the frequency of sex, as well as her looks and dress will continue to diminish. If it gets better, bonus. Never, ever, expect it.

Hey thanks man, you seem like you speak few words but it's clear you speak from a lot of experience. I really appreciate the morsels of knowledge, I'm sure you didn't arrive at those the easy way. Yeah, I'm taking my time, I think she's down to rush into marriage, being in a really idealistic stage of life now, but I'm trying to take things slow and not be fooled into lying to myself. Definitely not even considering marriage for at least a few years.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I am not advocating marriage in any way. I am simply responding to what you wrote about wife potential.

Be 100% honest to your core. If the woman you are with, never ever changed in any way, would you be truly happy to be with her, just as she is right now, for the rest of your life? If the answer is 'no', then she is NOT wife material (for you.)

Do not feed a fantasy.

NEVER marry anyone, while even subtly, hoping, wishing, or expecting them to become ANY different, than they already are. To do so, is a sure-fire recipe for resentment, disappointment and divorce.

Personally I don't think marriage should be mostly about attractiveness or physical beauty, it's about teamwork, and someone who will be dependable. Of course you should be attracted, but do they need to be upper-echelon and all the problems that come with that?

 

[Mental_Chirality]

It sounds like she firmly belives she has you caught hook line and sinker. That's why she stopped dressing up and putting on heels etc.

The best way to solve this problem isn't to tell her about it and bug her to dress up. Rather you should up your game, hit the gym harder than usual, instill some dread in her, take up a new hobby etc. Once she thinks you're upping your SMV she will do the same in order to keep you.

This is the correct answer.

I understand that it's really easy to arm chair quarterback another man's girl problems, but don't forget what got you to this position in the first place. Her "not trying" is the first step in her process of making you the beta. First, she stops dressing up for you. Then she stops going down on you, all the while you're "talking her up" and telling her how sexy she is in the hopes that she gets over her insecurities...when that's not the problem in the first place. You're a couple steps away from driving to the store at 2am to buy her tampons while she sits in bed eating chocolate chip cookie dough.

Eventually an "alpha" will come along and she'll start trying again...except that this time it won't be for you.

Make sure she knows what you want her to do and only compliment her when she does it. And don't stop improving yourself.

 

[grayclif]

This...

The best way to solve this problem isn't to tell her about it and bug her to dress up. Rather you should up your game, hit the gym harder than usual, instill some dread in her, take up a new hobby etc. Once she thinks you're upping your SMV she will do the same in order to keep you.

Up your overall game. Hit the gym and develop an awesome figure. Update your wardrobe (and body) so yoi can wear clothes this fit. New hairstyle or maybe a well groomed beard.

Also, if you want to see her in something go out and buy it and have her wear it for you.

Use this blog as a fashion guide -
http://gentlemansessentials.tumblr.com/post/139821078543/wwwgentlemans-essentialscom

 

[Colossus]

Be 100% honest to your core. If the woman you are with, never ever changed in any way, would you be truly happy to be with her, just as she is right now, for the rest of your life? If the answer is 'no', then she is NOT wife material (for you.)

Do not feed a fantasy.

NEVER marry anyone, while even subtly, hoping, wishing, or expecting them to become ANY different, than they already are. To do so, is a sure-fire recipe for resentment, disappointment and divorce.

I agree wholeheartedly here.

I think the OP has a case of the Grass is Greener. Or it may be she just isn't the one for him long-term.

I dated a girl for about a year and a half before I got married who had almost zero modern fashion sense. Bland jeans, sweatshirts, lame shoes....every single day. At first I was like "oh, this is nice. She's relaxed and casual so it takes some of the pressure off me to have my clothes constantly up-to-date."

But it got old. I even started to resent it after awhile. She wouldn't wear makeup, never did much with her hair, etc. She was pretty enough, but not a head-turner, so it just ate away at me that she wouldn't take more feminine pride in her appearance. I tried every permutation of getting her to change that I could think of. Complimenting her nicer clothes, complimenting her makeup, making suggestions, rewarding any effort with sex, etc. None of it worked. It just wasn't who she was.

We broke up for other reasons. But I learned a lesson from her. Never seriously date a girl whom you couldn't live with the way she is.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Certain jobs requires more masculine energetics (i.e., managing, authoritarian, decision-making, directing) than others to be successful. When women spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, acting from the more masculine traits within her, it is easy for a woman to lose touch with her femininity. Women can become disconnected from their feminine nature and traits. (OP--What kind of work does your woman do?)

The sexy feeling radiance in a woman begins with her connection to her femininity.

If she is working at a more masculine energetic job, helping her to transition back into her feminine after a long day at work can look like, running her a bath and giving her the space to reconnect to herself. Putting on her favorite tunes so she dances and moves her body and remembers the joy of it. Engaging her in her senses rather than her mind. If she has a creative outlet, leading her to re-connect to that. On the weekend, getting her nails done or a pedicure or going shopping with other women (even just to look) can quickly help her back into her feminine nature and being receptive, soft, warm, yielding, nurturing, sensual, tender and yes sexy.

Understand it feels like absolute crap to be a woman stuck in running masculine energy. It's not a conscious choosing entirely. Women aren't realizing they are sacrificing their femininity in the moment, for it to be lost. They are just focused on trying to get a job done as efficiently and effectively as possible. Doing so repetitively, makes it easier to become numb to. Often women just don't consciously realize they are stuck in their masculine essence or know how to reconnect with their feminine essence. Lead her. When she reconnects with her feminine essence, she'll breathe the biggest sigh of relief you ever did hear.

Tl;DR The sexy-feeling-radiance in a woman begins with her connection to her femininity.

 

[PowerAbuse]

So much awesome advice, I really appreciate all your responses. I've got to make some changes. Hopefully I haven't already messed up the relationship beyond saving, but it's clear that her not wanting to impress me as much was just a symptom of a larger underlying issue.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Would you prefer a nymphomaniac girlfriend who doesn't dress sexy or one who dresses sexy with a normal sexual appetite?

I tend to pretend the plain jane looking girls that turn into freaks in bed. But that's because myself I rarely dress well unless I have a specific reason (business, funeral, weddings, etc). Otherwise I could give a rip what people think about me.

Do I have to be this convoluted with my approach?

If you try to be overt about it will backfire, and what you have now will vanish. If she even suspects you want her to dress sexy to "show her off" she'll turn cold.

BUT you can slowly change her behavior, but it has to be some serious long game thinking. AND it has to be very subtle. Just be a LITTLE withdrawn when she's normal. Kiss her and sex her the SAME frequency, but not with AS MUCH intensity. And when she does dress sexy, ON HER OWN, be sure to let her know THROUGH YOUR BEHAVIOR not your words, that you are flabbergastedtly blown away by her irresistible sex magnetism voodoo.

You have to let her make the discovery on her own. AND you have to give it a good six months for her to "get it."

If she SUSPECTS AT ALL you are gaming her, be prepared to 'splain yourself. If that happens, say this:

Baby, I totally love you, and I love being with you. And when you wear those clothes you drive me fvcking CRAZY! I was just trying to figure out a way to let you know that without thinking I want to change you because you are PERFECT, but you are super sexy PERFECT when you wear those sexy clothes for me once in a while...

 

[visions]

OP, i would be happy if i were you. By not dressing slutty it means her hypergamy is toned down (she isn't advertising for a badder dude).

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

The women I see dont dress slutty. They dont need to because they know how sexy I find them. I will tease them if they are wearing beige knickers, and ravage them if they go to the effort of putting on something sexy.
Are you making her feel sexy or taking her for granted? Just cos you are fvcking dont mean shyt. Do you ever call her at wirk just to tell her how horny thinkung of her sexy [insert body part of choice here] foreplay is nice but you gotta give her pure lust once in a while.
How much covert dread are you creating... Do you ever go out by yourself anymore, get nice haircuts for no reason or buy a nice shirt and wear it to go out? Have you started going back to the gym? Do you ever look in nagazines and talk about how sexy the way a woman is dressed? Do you ever flirt a little with women when your girlfriend is around?

22 vs 34....she is not the one.