I have dated a very attractive woman for the past 7 months. She is 32 and I am 37. She is separated a year and legally divorced for 4 months. After the third date she said she wasnt ready yet, but we became friends and still hung out together and had a lot of fun. I was a challenge by only calling once a week, etc. I had plenty of self control and was confident. I only started the touching, kissing thing when she started. I think she likes me, but we are not girlfriend and boyfriend and I dont sleep with her. She said lately that she is still not ready to give me more than friendship. What gives???? I am confused. Is this just a good excuse she gives or is it the truth???
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emotionally unavailable woman
- Thread starter jester123
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sometimes they speak ********, sometimes they speak english. looks like this one is speaking english. sorry to say but 7 months of that shyt and you got your answer.... i would just look for a more deserving woman.. the writing is on the wall.. good luck!
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
I won't say that you need to meet someone more deserving but I will say that you need to meet someone who is actually emotionally available. Being separated doesn't mean a thing, she was still married!!! Only being divorced for 4 months from a LTR is hardly enough to come to an understanding about her life situation.
Face it, you walked directly into the Rebound Zone. This can easily be done when a woman is in a highly emotional state such as a divorce. She is looking for a means of escape from her situation and you are it.
However, you are the lucky guy that will be in the front seat of her emotional roller coaster. You will get the brunt of her unresolved marital issues. Face it, being a white knight means more than rescuing a damsel from a high tower, you will need to help her carry a bunch of luggage too. But you need to be able to do that without knowing where she wants to go. Even worse, she doesn't know where she wants to go either! You're such a lucky guy
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The thing you need to learn from this is that White Knights are just nice guys who can handle physical battles better than emotional ones. You can not successfully rush a woman that needs to go through a healing period after a LTR.
Actually, you will be the one prolonging this period by rushing. She will go forward with you in some type of physical intimacy but then second guess herself because she is unsure of sharing her emotional intimacy. You will wait and be a "nice guy," this means that you are giving her attention even if it's just one call a month.
As long as you are supplying her emotional 'fix,' she will keep going around on the roller coaster until she decides to get off.
Face it, you walked directly into the Rebound Zone. This can easily be done when a woman is in a highly emotional state such as a divorce. She is looking for a means of escape from her situation and you are it.
However, you are the lucky guy that will be in the front seat of her emotional roller coaster. You will get the brunt of her unresolved marital issues. Face it, being a white knight means more than rescuing a damsel from a high tower, you will need to help her carry a bunch of luggage too. But you need to be able to do that without knowing where she wants to go. Even worse, she doesn't know where she wants to go either! You're such a lucky guy
.The thing you need to learn from this is that White Knights are just nice guys who can handle physical battles better than emotional ones. You can not successfully rush a woman that needs to go through a healing period after a LTR.
Actually, you will be the one prolonging this period by rushing. She will go forward with you in some type of physical intimacy but then second guess herself because she is unsure of sharing her emotional intimacy. You will wait and be a "nice guy," this means that you are giving her attention even if it's just one call a month.
As long as you are supplying her emotional 'fix,' she will keep going around on the roller coaster until she decides to get off.
right on the money
Thanks francisco-that makes a lot of sense
I dont want to be the nice guy-believe me-I read all of doc loves books and they havent helped this situation. I played the waiting game and actually did receive calls from her. I am not hopelessly in love with this girl because I am not sur yet if she is Miss Right. I think she could be though. That is why it might be good to remain friends with her while dating other women.
Thanks francisco-that makes a lot of sense
I dont want to be the nice guy-believe me-I read all of doc loves books and they havent helped this situation. I played the waiting game and actually did receive calls from her. I am not hopelessly in love with this girl because I am not sur yet if she is Miss Right. I think she could be though. That is why it might be good to remain friends with her while dating other women.
therefore you need to find someone who deserves what you have to offer a woman, not someone who is going to unintentionally take you for a ride and trample your heart! a guy who is a woman's "rebound" rarely walks away from the relationship smiling... U missed one of Doc Loves most important tools, THE BOTTOM LINE FACTOR.... bottom line is she isn't emotionally available, bottom line is you need to find someone else who is.. you deserve better, go find it.. good luck!
Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
NewMan
Master Don Juan
I agree.
You waited 7 months for her to come around - There's know way she's coming around if she has not already.
What sucks is you were her guy to rebound on, without getting any poon.
After 3 dates you should have told her that when she is available to call you - but until then YOUR not interested.
Thats a lot of wasted time my friend.
You've probably been the nice guy and helped her get over it - and the next guy she meets is going to get the poon.
If she was attracted to you, she would have been interested.
You waited 7 months for her to come around - There's know way she's coming around if she has not already.
What sucks is you were her guy to rebound on, without getting any poon.
After 3 dates you should have told her that when she is available to call you - but until then YOUR not interested.
Thats a lot of wasted time my friend.
You've probably been the nice guy and helped her get over it - and the next guy she meets is going to get the poon.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Re: right on the money
Staying at arms length will make you more of a challenge and more mysterious. PLUS seeing several women at once adds to your confidence which adds to your attractiveness. Trust me, she'll notice this in you while watching from the outside. It could possibly spur on her efforts to make herself into a person that YOU would be attracted to.
You hit the nail right on the head. You need to date other women. Keeping her in the back of your mind is not a bad thing however don't put forth the effort where she could use you as her emotional tampon.
Staying at arms length will make you more of a challenge and more mysterious. PLUS seeing several women at once adds to your confidence which adds to your attractiveness. Trust me, she'll notice this in you while watching from the outside. It could possibly spur on her efforts to make herself into a person that YOU would be attracted to.
and after 7 months you're still hanging on? what for? you're trying to rationalize the situation and thats where you get into trouble.. you want to think rationally, then think like this.. i have been there for 7 months and she hasn't dished out the pelt.. chances are you ain't getting any pelt bro.. sometimes you just have to be blunt.. it isn't gonna happen.. and if you do get some pelt from her i guarantee ya it will be temporary.. take it from someone who has been there..
im not trying to burst your bubble but this chick is waiting for romeo to come along when she IS emotionally available and you aren't romeo to her.. so go and be romeo to another woman who is worthy.. this one isn't worthy, not of you anyway.. sometimes it hurts.. but don't waste anymore time on her cuz you will be crushed..
BTW: 7 months of being there and even allowing yourself to continue to date a woman who won't allow the relationship to advance because she isn't ready IS the same as being there for her? you have oneitis.. just move on..
im not trying to burst your bubble but this chick is waiting for romeo to come along when she IS emotionally available and you aren't romeo to her.. so go and be romeo to another woman who is worthy.. this one isn't worthy, not of you anyway.. sometimes it hurts.. but don't waste anymore time on her cuz you will be crushed..
BTW: 7 months of being there and even allowing yourself to continue to date a woman who won't allow the relationship to advance because she isn't ready IS the same as being there for her? you have oneitis.. just move on..
Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.