emotional distancing

[jhonny9546]

You've been in a LTR for three years, and everything has generally been fine. However, recently, you've noticed some changes in her behavior: things she didn’t do before.

She seems less interested, less feminine, more irritable, and anxious. She might blame you for minor issues, exaggerate her reactions to your assertive statements, or post quotes about relationships on social media.

It’s becoming clear: while she hasn’t physically cheated, emotionally she seems to be taking an interest in someone else.

In this situation, it’s important to stay calm, detached, and focused on yourself.
The relationship remains a priority and You don't eat her sh1t.

Interestingly, after behaving this way for three or four months, she might eventually "come back to herself", returning to the person she was during the first three years of your relationship when she met your standards and seemed "adequate" for you.

Reflecting on this pattern, has this happened repeatedly in your past relationships?
How much of this behavior do you consider normal, and how much of it do you view as a red flag?

 

[Barrister]

At 3 years you are firmly out of the honey moon phase. A lot of this is going to be simply a natural progression of an LTR. It is certainly a sort of watershed moment in most LTRs as to whether the two people are ready to move on OR whether they learn to adapt to a new kind of relationship. The rare ones can do that -- built on trust and mutual respect. Most don't.

In your scenario, the woman is clearly bored and looking for some excitement. If I am in the man in that relationship, my warning bells are going off. The problem is there is very little you can do except use dread game to temporarily relieve the issue -- but that is just it, it is temporary. She will keep gravitating back to wondering what else is out there. As hard as it is, it likely signals it is just time to eject altogether if you are getting this from her at 3 years.

 

[jhonny9546]

The rare ones can do that -- built on trust and mutual respect. Most don't.

Hmm I agree!
We can also say that they will adapt in other cases too.
Now, let's say that the woman has had a bad experience with her "monkeybranching try"
Obviously she will go back to her old man, "adapting", to "grow" together in the relationship.
This is what you see from the outside and say "Oh look they're going strong togheter"... but in truth the relationship has been over for a long time.
It's also equivalent when those couples get the first or second child to "bind" the relationship again. This doesn't work.

But I do understand what you mean by rare, but that rare, is very very rare.