Emotional Control

[CLOONEY]

Very important, all read.

http://www.sosuave.com/halloffame/hall252.htm

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Yes, this is very good. Reading it, I thought, hey, that's me a little while ago.

 

[Enigma2517]

Haha yes same here. Exactly that. But its a lot easier said then done . Sometimes those emotions are just too overbearing. I've found that the only way to keep my mind off of them is to have an active life and be busy with as much as possible. Of course I'm not some super busy ant so I'll always have free time on my mind...and thats when I'll start thinking about her...and thats when I lose control. I dunno...any suggestions?

I can't believe how incredibly right this article is tho. Its really true...whatever tricks you might throw up on the outside are irrelevant...nothing will like that will ever be smooth or convincing if inside you're still feeling like an AFC. Its just a matter of time before it seeps into everything you do...

 

[Dr Don Juan]

No one can make you feel anything unless you give them the power and as DJ's we most certainly do not give them to women! Easier said than done, but if you don't start, you'll never get there!

Just remember, every feeling is just a release of chemicals into your system, it's always pretty much the same chemical whatever emotion you experience, your mind then looks for the reason for this chemical release and what context it is in and says, oh, i'm happy, or sad or whatever. But who controls your mind? YOU!

AFC do that all the time, the emotions become determined by the girl every time.

I wouldn't have waited for her to call, go practice your DJ'ing or do your hobbies, you are a busy guy too!!

As soon as you sit by the phone, you become the pursuer instead of the persued.

"But I like her?", If I could offer you right now 10 HB that were hotter and treated you better in every way, would you even pick up the phone and call her?
Of course not, so there are thousands of them, you have the skills, now get to it Ü

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I have this problem nearly beaten. If I'm in this scenario, I go down to the pub and talk with other women. Also, I pretty much walk around everywhere I go now and make eye contact, chat, anything with women in my area. It works.

The world is my bearded clam, erm.....oyster, I mean.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

Great article. I would say that it should really be the other way around in most cases. She should be the one waiting on you to call her. This is why I never give out my phone number.

If they wanna start playing games and give you the runaround -- don't be a chump, administer the dump!

 

[xblitz44x]

I agree, great article.

 

[Dirtheart]

When is it safe to let down your guard and board the proverbial emotional rollercoaster? If the answer is never, then I think I'd rather risk being hurt every time than settle for an emotionless relationship and a woman I'm too busy to care about.

Being in love is all about losing control and giving your all. It does occupy your mind every day and that's what makes it so profoundly amazing.

I think this is where the DJing loses appeal to me. It encourages a certain degree of coldness and there are guys on here and involved in the seduction field who take their personal resentment and disrespect towards womankind and promote it as model attitude for wounded AFCs to follow.

It has taken me a long time to realise and I am contradicting previous posts I have made, but this attitude is complete bullsh1t! Avoiding emotional risks is the cowards way out.

Yes there are some cold and cruel b1tches who will use your emotions against you and leave you a wreck, but these are the risks. Life is full of them and the answer is not to repress our emotions and all that makes us human.

Personally I would rather take the lows with the highs than live my life as an apathetic robot.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

True love is freedom, freedom is true love.

Being in love doesn't mean losing control, it simply means to go with the flow.

See what I wrote in the above post here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=518585#post518585

 

[Dirtheart]

Yes, I admit "losing control" was a bad term to use, but if you try to control emotions rather than going with the flow it removes all unpredictability, passion and excitement.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

Yes, I believe that is true of anything in life. Like you, I no longer avoid my emotions, I fully accept them... And in that way, I am also detached. Formless. Free. Hiding from your emotions is the same as hiding from your own instincts... either way is to deny yourself.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

Sh1t is over-ratred. Don't you know your not supposed to act like a puxxy?It comes with the testosterone.

 

[Sart]

WAIT A SEC

Now you are confusing the hell out of me. A MASTER DJ seems to be saying he thinks it is all bull**** and we need to allow our emotions to flow. etc etc.

Come on guys, which is it? Seriously?

When I read some of this stuff it can be empowering but when two Master Dons Juans are discussing emotionality it is a little disheartening to be frank.

You can call me a whipping boy, and AFC a total pathetic loser or whatever you want, BUT, I am new here and need some kind of format that is at least relatively stable.

So, whats the drum?

 

[Dirtheart]

I am new here and need some kind of format that is at least relatively stable.

Others may disagree, but the best tip I can give you is to avoid looking for any stable format! A lot of the DJs on this board disagree and want different things, so it is very difficult to take any kind of advice as gospel.

My qualms with a lot of DJing/seduction styles is that they are so formulaic and result in loss of character, emotion and personality. Whereas I believe that DJing is primarily about genuine confidence.

Acting like a wuss, acting desperate, weak, supplicating to women, fearing women and most other offputting personality traits stem from low confidence. Once you build this true confidence you find that all these other traits automatically disappear and you stop worrying about saying or doing the "right" thing at the "right" time.

There is also a huge difference between a lovesick puppy and a confident man in love. The lovesick puppy doesn't feel he is worthy and sabotages his chances of happiness, whereas the confident man knows that he is making his partner equally happy.

Or you can control or repress your emotions and just seek out physical pleasure by having meaningless sex with random women. This is where the DJing styles differ.

 

[CLOONEY]

The Drum is controlling your emotions is essential. It does not mean you cannot have fun and be free flowing.

HOWEVER, THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM. Do u know how many of my friends end up in LTRs (long term relationships), with girls, and these guys are Don Juans with woman. However once their emotions are involved they say what Dirtheart said, they say "oh I will just go with the flow and see what happens". What happens? THEY END UP BURNT!

Controlling your emotions doesnt mean you are cold as ice and cant feel the spark and the chemistry. It simply means taking a step back and really thinking logically about your actions, instead of just acting on a clouded judgement, which can get u in huge trouble when it comes to keeping a woman around.

Sart, man two "Master DJs" disagreeing doesnt mean anything. Once u stick around long enough, (plus practice in the field) u will understand the general theme of the game. Other than that, it is very much upto the individual. Life is not black and white (as you tried to make it in your thread on the prostitute). Everything has grey areas that differ with opinion. You sound like a typical business man, one whose thought parttern is too structured and systematical. Read the material here, practice, and derive your own conclusions. It is ultimately your thoughts and perceptions on the world that will make u who you are, not what one person in particular on this site feeds to you.

Other than that, I will say this article I posted above is extemelly important and does not in any way say you cant feel the passion of love. It simply means when things dont go right, or the girl gives you sh*t tests to step back and try and put aside your emotions when making a decision on how to act.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
Or you can control or repress your emotions and just seek out physical pleasure by having meaningless sex with random women. This is where the DJing styles differ.

I dont agree. You can still have passionate sex with your woman. The time to surpress the emotion is not when things are going right, but when they are going WRONG!! Of which, it is better to feel no emotion anyways, as it will be a bad emotion. Not to mention it will make you do things you would not do in a rational state of mind.

 

[Alex_L]

My advice is....

Let yourself have fun and enjoy everthing a new woman brings too your life ... and at the same time don't allow yourself to become "attached" too this woman, you are the one giving her a good time / experince... and you have too realise it's not going too last forever and that there are hundreds of females out there as good and better than she is and that and soon as things are over you being the Alpha male don't need too plead for her too come back too you, you should be the one with another 10 dates by the end of the week .. lol and probably she'll be the one pleading for you too get back with her, but once a woman messes you about u should get out and find someone else , theres no reason too be needy cause you are the catch NOT her.

 

[xblitz44x]

"When is it safe to let down your guard and board the proverbial emotional rollercoaster? If the answer is never, then I think I'd rather risk being hurt every time than settle for an emotionless relationship and a woman I'm too busy to care about."

I don't know if this is what the article is saying or not, but MY point is, allow yourself to be IN the relationship. Allow yourself to feel emotions, and to feel the connection. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The problem arises when we attribute the happiness TO that person as if THEY are the source of your gratification; when in reality NOBODY outside of yourself can truely "make" you happy. And when you can distinguish the difference, you can really love somebody, *real* love, and not a dependancy and addiction to them to provide you with the validation and "happiness" that you mistakingly thought was being provided by THEM.

"Burnt" is nothing more than a person having an addiction or dependancy on another person to make them feel a certain way, and when that person (the "source" of the gratification) leaves, the crutch snaps and the person falls into withdrawl. And most of the guys on this board have that fear of rejection, and invalidation if a girl rejects us (contrary to any "I'm the prize" belief)....so if the dynamic goes in any way that is different from the way we THINK it should go (she doesn't call back right away when she say she would, she cancels a date) , we panic and assume that she's 'losing Interest Level' and we either do something drastic and screw it up, or "NEXT her" and sabotage the relationship before it got off of the ground.


Anyway, I have a meeting. Be back later.

-Blitz

 

[CapiCrimini]

Yes, I believe that is true of anything in life. Like you, I no longer avoid my emotions, I fully accept them... And in that way, I am also detached. Formless. Free. Hiding from your emotions is the same as hiding from your own instincts... either way is to deny yourself.

I've said it before.

When your thirsty and you don't drink what happens?

Same with your emotions, bad **** happens when you avoid them.

Rather learn to understand them and how to use them and express them properly.