Emergency Advice Needed

[Kenturkey]

Okay guys, I need some advice. I'm just out of a two year relationship (well, 4-5 weeks ago). I met this very cute chick at church, and I'm kinda interested in her. We exchanged a few glances. So I introduced myself to her last week. Then several of us went to dinner after evening service, so I intentionally sat right across from her and talked to her, ribbed her, made her laugh etc.

Well, this week i decided to make my move. So I walked her to her car after church, and just dropped the ball. Didn't number-close her. Well, i kicked myself all the way home, and then remembered i had her email address on our class email sheet. So I emailed her a nice short note that said "hey, i know this is lame, and I feel like an idiot, but i'm interested and here's my number." Well, within an hour she calls and leaves a sweet message. She says "hey chris, i don't think you're lame or an idiot, but i agree you dropped the ball. So here's my number call me back."

Good eh?

So I called her back. She's absolutely beaming, i can hear it over the phone. Happy as a lark. Tells me that she LOVED my email because it sounds like something she would do. Talked to her for 40 minutes or so. We have a lot in common. At the end of the conversation i get a "well, give me a call again sometime."

Okay, so here's the hard part. She left for D.C. monday (the next day). She'll be gone for the next month. She's doing rotations for pharmacy school. So what do i do? Wait for her to get back? I don't think that's the right thing to do. A female friend of mine told me to wait a week, so that she could get settled in and then she'd know i was thinking about her... But, we know about taking advice from women. My inclination has been to call her on thursday, that'd be about 4 days since the first call. Does that seem too early?

Well, anyway, shoot me some advice guys. I need some help here.

Chris

 

[SAYNO]

A week sounds..

Okay to me. But What I wouldn't do is talk on the phone that long with her. Let her build up interst for you so high, till the next time she see's you she will want to jump your bones.

Oh, yea, one more thing never admit to Being an AFC to a women.
Cuz, even though she tried to reassure you that your not it'll stay in the back of her mind-and being a women she'll already be looking for clues of your "man-lyness" along the way, there's no need to give her ammunition.

But, strangely enough she liked you even in spite of yourself. :woo:

Sounds like she has a very high intrest level in you, don't blow it!


Sayno'

 

[Good_ol_boy]

"Okay, so here's the hard part. She left for D.C. monday (the next day). She'll be gone for the next month. She's doing rotations for pharmacy school. So what do i do? Wait for her to get back? I don't think that's the right thing to do. A female friend of mine told me to wait a week, so that she could get settled in and then she'd know i was thinking about her... But, we know about taking advice from women. My inclination has been to call her on thursday, that'd be about 4 days since the first call. Does that seem too early? "

Your female friend was right about waiting and giving her time to settle in. BUT, don't have long conversations on the phone, save those for face to face. I know that back east distances are "closer". Is she close enough to set up something on the week end?? Maybe "play tourist" where she is located—good “action date”? Just a thought!

 

[Wyldfire]

Church girls don't react well to a lot of the things advised on here.

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Church girls don't react well to a lot of the things advised on here.

I agree, but as he met her at church, I assumed he was a "church boy" and would act accordingly.

 

[Kenturkey]

Okay, so far so good.

Okay. I agree, the first conversation went a little long by most standards... But let me tell you, it flowed. It was effortless. she talked about 80% of the time, and i talked about 20%.

Thanks for the advice so far. Here's some more details. This girl is a self-proclaimed-reformed-wildchild. She said when she was in her undergrad phase she was pretty wild. Now she's not. So, i like the chances of all the DJ stuff still working whether she likes it or not. ;-)

The other twist is this friggin jerk asked her out before me. The part that REALLY makes me mad is I told him ahead of time that I was interested in her. He hadn't even paid her much attention before I mentioned i liked her. So he kinda usurped me. Made me mad. She told me he asked her out when i was on the phone with her... It went something like this : "I don't know how you want to handle this, but shawn already asked me out" She got kinda flustered at that point and sorta wound down the conversation. I wasn't sure what that was all about...

She's out of his league, so i'm not worried about her choosing him over me... It's just that i don't want him screwing around... you know? Maybe I'm just old fashioned. But you don't jump a guy who's interested in a girl... You know? Maybe I'm wrong. I just didn't like it.

Thanks again for the advice so far tho.

Chris

 

[Kenturkey]

Oh, and wyldefire...

Yeah, you're right. Most church girls don't respond EXACTLY the same as non-church girls do, but they do react similarly.

This girl Becki that i dated even called me out on it.. She's the cliche pastors-daughter, and she told me something along the lines of this once.... "Chris, you know exactly how far to keep me from you that makes me want to come back for more." It was then that i realized that this stuff works pretty well. With becki, i'll talk to her on the phone for as long as i want, but as soon as i realize i'm being used as an emotional tampon, i cut it off. I won't talk to her for weeks. Next thing you know shes coming around, calling me, wanting to get together. It's amazing to me. But why it works is i have no real interest in her. Unfortunately in this thread the girl i'm talking about i have a DEEP interest in so i'm trying to play it cool.

Damn i hate this. Why can't women like honest guys. I want nothing more than to be honest with the new girl and have to play these dumb games. Argh. ;-)

Thanks for responding tho.

Chris

 

[Wyldfire]

Pastors daughters usually rebel hard...so they don't really count as "church girls". If this is an adult woman going to church and being active in the church community then she isn't being made to go by her parents. She's going because she wants to. Since I got the impression that she's in her 20's, I don't think a lot of the general advice you'll get on this site is going to work as you want it to with her. I'd advise that anything you try from here you try it in it's mildest possible form the first time to make sure it doesn't turn her off. Instead of jumping in head first with the stuff here you should dip the tip of your toe in first and test the waters.

 

[iqqi]

i dunno 'bout those "cut it short" conversation pointers. the guys that always hook me are the ones i can conversate with all night, then the sun comes up, still don't want to get off the phone...

awww, those were the days...

(BTW- I'm a girl, chris.)

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by iqqi
i dunno 'bout those "cut it short" conversation pointers. the guys that always hook me are the ones i can conversate with all night, then the sun comes up, still don't want to get off the phone...

awww, those were the days...

(BTW- I'm a girl, chris.)

Same here about the phone calls. My best friend is a man and I love the hell right out of him. We talk on the phone for hours and hours and I never get bored talking with him. Normally I don't like to talk on the phone very long...but when you care deeply for the one you're talking to and hour seems like 5 minutes as long as you are able to talk with each other easily.

 

[Kenturkey]

Point taken, Wyld...

Okay, point taken Wyld. So this best friend you can talk to for hours... He's probably just that isn't he? A friend.

That's not what I'm looking for out of this girl. I subscribe to the old rules of you have to be best friends in a relationship, but I DO want the rest of the relationship stuff...

Okay, so I'll compromise. I'll talk to her LESS on the phone than I did the first time. Maybe not 40 minutes. I'll also try to find a good way to end the conversation when it's going good.

My next question is how do I proceed over the next month? Should I call her once a week? Or just play it by ear based on how other conversations go? See, I'm used to being able to call and make the date. I usually work better face-to-face than over the phone. Of course, I think most guys do, that's why the importance is placed on short phone calls.

Sorry for my nervous demeanor, like I said, I'm two years out of practice. I've forgotten a lot.

Chris

 

[SAYNO]

Kenturkey You Have A:

PM!


Sayno'

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Point taken, Wyld...

Originally posted by Kenturkey
Okay, point taken Wyld. So this best friend you can talk to for hours... He's probably just that isn't he? A friend.

He's not "just a friend"...he is my best friend. I love him very much and he loves me. I'd be with him in a heartbeat if he were to drastically slow down on the partying and move to the area I live. I can't relocate and won't have my children around excessive partying.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Kenturkey You Have A:

Originally posted by SAYNO
PM!


Sayno'

Let me guess...you're PMing him advising him not to listen to me.

I have posts in the DJ Bible....whereas you are of the belief that if a woman prays or discusses spirituality in your presence she needs to cover her head.

Biotch please...

 

[SAYNO]

Re: Re: Kenturkey You Have A:

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Biotch please...

:crackup: :woo:

 

[Kenturkey]

Alright you kids. Play nice with each other.

Let's keep our minds focused on the problem at hand--Me.

So girls, put yourselves in her situation. You're 500 miles away from home, in DC. There's a guy interested in you that you didn't know was interested in you until the day before you left.

What's the best case scenario for him to make a good impression as a date-able guy and not just a good friend kind of guy? Remember you're gone for a month.

Chris

 

[Wyldfire]

Make it clear to her that you're interested instead of acting asexual like a lot of guys do.

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Kenturkey
So girls, put yourselves in her situation. You're 500 miles away from home, in DC. There's a guy interested in you that you didn't know was interested in you until the day before you left.

I had this happen. I daydreamed about the guy the whole time he was gone (a month). We had very long phone conversations, until the sun came up. Not every night or anything, but when we did talk, we didn't want to stop! Ahhh, the possibility of new love. As long as you are keeping that connection, and being charming, not smothering, she will think about you when she also ISN'T on the phone with you.

 

[iqqi]

look, any guy can call a girl. that isn't the trick. and if a guy is attractive at all, an "available" girl will even be initially excited, period. the trick isn't calling, or even when to call or how much to call, although those can be important. the real X factor here is connection. chemistry. rapport. you get it.

unless the chick is a sleeze or desperate, you need more than just the ability to dial up her number after the "preresiquite" 5-7 days.

i am just saying, once you get the girl on the line, don't end the call just because your timer goes off, if the 2 of you are having a great time on the phone.

for the truly clueless, i will say this:
Do not be readily available constantly, 24-7. even if you really are. hour long convos are cool at the very late night hour, but no-no at midday. you better act like you got a life! and of course, not every night either, for the same reason. you need to atleast seem like you have a life without the girl and her great convo. these convos should seem (if they aren't really!) like unusual behavior for you.

 

[Kenturkey]

Update!

September 12th, 2005

Okay, so I called her last night. Guys and girls, I think I'm in the zone. I don't want to get too wound up over it yet, but I think things are going well.

I had a few friends over last night, a married couple and one of the guys from work. Well, Brandon (the husband in the married couple) and I built a corn-toss game set this weekend, so we had been working on that all day. Sree, the guy from work stopped by to wash his car since he lives in an apartment. Well, we were all kinda hungry, and it was about 9:30pm, so I just decided to throw together some spaghetti and meatballs. Meanwhile Brandon and Sree got on my arcade machine (MAME) and were playing Galaga and Frogger. I decided that since it sounded like a crazy party was going on I'd call her. Well, when she answers I get this nice "HEllllooooOOOooo" You know how it is when girls are silly in love and they raise and lower the tone of their voice? I loved it.

We got to talking she asked what was going on and what all the noise was, so i told her "Oh i've got some people over here at the house, and a couple of the guys are in here in the kitchen playing arcade games." Well, to skip ahead in the conversation, turns out her all time favorite game is Burger-Time. I told her that my machine DEFINITELY has Burger-Time on it. She acted like Ed McMahon just showed up with a check from the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes. So then she says "well I'll have to come over sometime and play burger time." Sure, I'm reading a LOT into that, but I *LIKED* that. :-D

So, we talked a little while longer, exchanged some funny stories, she told me she was keeping a blog while she's in DC this month, and that she'd send me a link.

Now the next problem I have is this. She's got several posts in her blog, and there are NO comments. One of her posts was a quiz on what reality show you'd like to be on... I want *SO* bad to comment... I feel bad because nobody else is commenting on it.

What's the general consensus? Comment? Don't Comment? I REALLY want to, not *JUST* because I feel bad, but because I want her to feel like SOMEBODY cares enough to read her blog.

Anyway, that's it for now.

Advise away boys and girls.

Chris